And there I was. Me lying on Taehyung's bed, him being on top of me. That did not look right.

His face came closer to mine, our lips almost meeting while he was staring at me for a long time. I didn't know what to do, my body felt numb and my mind was a pure mess. However, I still managed to slightly push him away and Taehyung slowly distanced himself from me. His sad expression was obvious and he quietly sighed.

"I don't want to do this to you." He paused. We both sat on his bed, Taehyung looking away.

"I'm sorry. I must be crazy." His slight laugh was filled with sorrow and helplessness.

At that moment realisation hit me and I thought about the times I've spent with Taehyung. Without thinking much, I pushed him to me and not even a second later our lips touched.

I could guess that Taehyung was surprised at that and to be honest, I was too. It didn't take long until he kissed me back, enjoying every moment of it.

"I must be crazy too." I said, faking a smile as we looked at each other. It was so hard to be genuinely happy when I had to think about Jungkook.

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know." I looked down, about to have a mental breakdown.

"I guess I can't do anything," he looked deeply into my eyes and continued, "Do what your heart tells you to."

My puzzled face was so obvious, Taehyung hugging me as he tried to console me.

Taehyung insisted I should sleep in his bed, while he slept on the floor. Of course, I was against that idea but I knew I couldn't convince him.

I couldn't close my eyes for a second as I struggled to fall asleep. There were so many things to think about. I didn't know how I feel. What does my heart say?

It rained the whole night and all I could hear were raindrops crashing against the window.

***

There wasn't much time until the school year was over. Time flew by so fast and I started to ask myself whether all of this was eventually good for me. It didn't matter where I go, there was always trouble.

I was looking out of the window, ignoring my surroundings while the teacher was talking.

"Choi Yeon Seul." The teacher's voice brought me back to reality as I looked at him with a little surprised expression.

"What's the answer?" He asked and all I could do was staring at him, litterally being dumbfounded.

"What was the question?" He asked again with a grim face.

I had no clue and didn't say anything.

"You better focus in class." By that, everyone giggled and I looked down in embarrassment, cursing.

Honestly, I felt horrible the past few days since somebody started spreading things about me. That I'm being a bitch, dating 2 guys at the same time. Was it even all worth it? I asked myself this question.

During break I headed to my locker as Jungkook suddenly walked towards me, grabbing my wrist as we headed to the rooftop.

Minutes passed as both of us didn't say anything.

"Why?" Jungkook suddenly spoke.

"What do you mean?" I looked at him with a confused look.

"I thought it was clear that you're mine now?"

It took me seconds to process what he said and I started to laugh.

"I am yours? Seriously?" My face turned serious again and I heaved a bigh sigh.

"When did you actually start liking me, huh?"

"You started liking me first." Jungkook defended. "Wasn't that something you wanted?"

"How do you know what I want," I paused and tightened my grip, "Yes I like you-"

"See? So what's the problem?" Jungkook's voice raised.

"You're the problem!" I shouted. "You don't know how much I tried to tell myself that this is imagination, that it is just a weird phase." I closed my eyes for a bit, trying to keep myself calm.

"I'm just tired of everything. I like you, a lot, but, "Jungkook looked at me with a serious expression, "being with you is just so tiring." A tear started to roll down my cheeks.

I felt lost, confused and didn't know what to do anymore. I just stood there, looking at the ground while trying to keep my chill which was harder than I thought.

Jungkook's look saddened and he came closer to me, slowly wrapping his arms around me.

"I'm sorry." He said and I could tell by his voice that he really meant it this time.

I started to sob, feeling exhausted and as Jungkook hugged me tightly, I couldn't help myself but cry.

Releasing the hug, I could now clearly see how sad and disappointed Jungkook looked.

"You're right," he sighed. "I cause you too much trouble."

"I guess it's better to keep things as they were before." He suddenly said.

"I just don't know what to do anymore." I told him, trying to wipe away the tears.

"Just follow your heart. It's your decision." Jungkook said in a calming tone.

Never in my life would I know that I'd have to choose between two guys. I was afraid, to be honest. I also never expected to be an outsider at school, but things never seem to go the way you wanted to. I didn't care much about the other students, they shouldn't deserve my attention anyway. But at times like that, it can be tiring.

***

Dad and I were facing each other while we ate dinner. None of us said anything, both of us focused on eating when I suddenly spoke up.

"Dad?"

"Hm?" He responded as he took a piece of kimchi.

It took me a while to continue. I was figuring out how to tell him this since my brain didn't seem to function properly and tried to form a proper sentence in my head.

"What is it?" Dad asked again. I suddenly felt rushed and just spit out the words I wanted to say.

"I want to change school." I said, probably a bit too quietly. Dad, however, seemed to have heard that. He looked up at me, wearing a surprised expression.

"Why all of a sudden?"

"I-I just don't think this is the right school." I sighed and added. "I know I'm being selfish, but I have a reason for that."

"Is it because you are being bullied again?" Dad asked but since I didn't answer, his question turned to a statement.

Being bullied was sure one of the reasons why I wanted to change school, but I also felt like it is not going to get better anytime soon. The fact that Jungkook is so popular at school made pretty much everything at least ten times worse. Also, I didn't want to pull Taehyung into this whole chaos, what I unfortunately already did.

"Shall I talk to the director?"

"No." I shook my head immediately. Although I appreciate his effort, I didn't think it would work. I was already in too deep, I felt like it was too late.

"We can't YeonSeul. Your grandpa is all alone now and it's going to be really difficult for me to find another job again."

I expected that answer. I knew it would be too tiresome to move out, move in, find a new school, basically pretty much everything all over again.

"But we don't have to move again. I just want to go to another school." I suddenly suggested. I didn't know why I was so determined though.

"I'm sorry. I can talk to your teacher about the students teasing you. Don't worry, we'll figure something out. But I don't think changing school is the solution."

I didn't say anything since I didn't know what to say anymore. I didn't want dad to find out how bad it actually is. The fact that he had to raise me all by himself was tiring enough and I couldn't bear to see him suffer even more because of me.

To be honest, I did think I was a little selfish, but I thought I could still give it a try.

After finishing our dinner, dad told me to do the dishes and left the room as he said he had some paperworks to do.

While doing the dishes, I noticed how much of a mess my mind was. I was supposed to choose between Jungkook and Taehyung. I was utterly confused and the only thing I'd like to do is run away to a place nobody could find me.

I considered Taehyung as my best friend at first, but didn't know how I felt anymore. Furthermore, I did not want to ruin our friendship as well.

Whereas Jungkook - honestly, up to this day I have no idea why I feel so attracted to him - is the typical guy, being in the spotlight 24/7 who can be incredibly rude too. But he's still someone every girl fancies even though, in most cases, he doesn't treat them well. And I, unfortunately, am one of those girls. But out of all those girls, he chose me and I still don't whether I should feel happy about that.

There is literally one week left until the school year ends and I know I have to decide within the week.

Thinking about the pros and cons as well as how I actually feel towards them, made me lose so much sleep that my eyebags got darker and darker everyday until I reached a limit.

I looked like a freaking panda. Not even like a cute one.

I decided to visit granny, asking for advice. I was so tired of it, I knew it was time to decide.

If you're still reading this, (i love u) and please watch out for any updates. ;) ;) ;) ;)