Faye Calinao

"Ximen..." I spoke into the phone hoping he would listen to this voicemail. "I know you left for school early again and I was hoping we could have lunch together today?" I bit my lip looking around the restaurant before I looked down at the menu. I had arrived here not too long ago and sent a quick text after my theory class telling Ximen I would be making my way here to eat. "I can order your favorite here at Luneta's. I... really miss talking to you and I'm sorry for causing any trouble with your friends." I let out a sigh now. "Maybe we can hang out later today if you're not too busy? I hope you have a good day!" I ended the call.

My smile slowly disappeared and my heavy heart had this sinking feeling. I placed my phone down on the table and looked down at the menu feeling... sad and lonely. I found it difficult to pretend I'm alright at school and in front of Ximen. Yesterday was embarrassing. It seemed Ximen wanted to avoid me and he did not want me to sit by him, because he seemed to be annoyed of my presence. He wanted me to distance myself. Ximen gave me the look indicating to me to stay away from his friends and that was what I had done the entire day.

After what seemed like the thousandth call from Meizuo between the time I left and yesterday, they eventually stopped. His text messages as well have stopped and I had a feeling he was either annoyed now that I was avoiding him or Ximen told them to stay away from me.

I hope Ximen will forgive me.

Looking at the menu I tried to focus on what I should eat, but I suddenly felt like I wasn't hungry anymore. The isolation of keeping to myself, and eating alone all of a sudden made me think of sadness. Is it supposed to be difficult functioning properly after feeling like you've lost your best friend and a group of people you've just met?

My sleep schedule is just as bad as my eating schedule. I can't get a good night's sleep without having to dream of Doaming Si bullying me from the past, Lei's words with Jing, and an angry Ximen continued to fill my thoughts. Sleeping in peace doesn't seem to be an option since I returned.

My now nonexistent appetite made me sigh frustrated with myself and I stood from the table. The worker at the desk looked confused as I took my backpack and I messaged for Mr. Min, Ximen's personal driver, I was making my way out of the restaurant. He waited just outside the restaurant for when I was ready to leave. I apologized to the server before making my way out of the restaurant.

Mr.Min stood with the door held open for me and closed the door once I was inside. I leaned my head against the headrest. I felt my phone vibrating in my hand. I looked down to see a notification from Lei on Weibo.

: Yesterday you seemed... like you were avoiding Meizuo and I? I know this weekend did not go as you would have thought, but we really need to start rehearsing together. If you skipped my request yesterday morning for a rehearsal and skipping our classes yesterday was a sign you're mad with me, I'm sorry for upsetting you. One of the professors would like to see us rehearse tomorrow and I hope you will at least show. We can practice before then if you would like.

My heart beated and a small feeling of comfort appeared for a split moment at the sight of Lei's message. A mixture of comfort and worry raced through my body. I closed out of his message and closed my eyes confused with Lei's actions.

"Back to the house Miss.Calinao?" Mr.Min asked once he was back in the driver's seat. I opened my eyes to see he was looking through the rearview mirror waiting for a response.

"Can you take me to the nearest pet shop?" I asked and Mr.Min nodded as he began making his way onto the road. I turned my head towards the window and hoped to focus my attention. My phone vibrates once more and I looked down towards my lap to see what the notification was for.

: I am busy today. Please don't bother me right now. I have things to get done and I don't need any distractions. I'm still angry with you from this weekend

My heart sank with disappointment and sadness. I clicked out of the message and turned my attention back to the window. It felt like I was to blame for everything and the guilty feeling of causing drama to Ximen's life bothered me. This was his excuse to avoid me. He doesn't want to see me. Just like this weekend, he never checked to make sure I made it back to Shanghai alright or ever asked if I needed anything.

Staying in his home suddenly made me feel I feel unwelcome and my negative thoughts worsened my nonexistent calm thoughts. I felt guilty for eating the food the staff made for me all three meals, because I felt I did not belong at the house. I felt unwelcome in all parts of the house so I stayed in my current room the entire weekend.

Going to school I knew there were girls talking about me from a distance and I felt intimidated. Ximen wasn't there to accompany me to class and it wasn't an option for me to walk with Meizuo. The laughing and whispering earlier today was enough for me to skip my writing class with Lei to hide in the bathroom. My hands were a bit shaky and I knew at the time it wasn't wise to not fully eat breakfast after not getting enough sleep. I hid in a stall trying to block out my negative consciousness and from there I left school early to eat lunch.

Ximen never knew what happened behind the scenes. Being at school today suddenly made me feel so... small. The difference between my first day and today it seems like more people talked about me, because I was alone. Outside the music department, I was the outcast.

"Miss Calinao?" I turned my head to Mr.Min to see him glancing towards the rearview Mirror. "Ximen messaged me asking if you're going back to school to do an evening practice with Mr.Hauze?"

"I am not," I spoke quietly and turned back to the window. "I'm not feeling well."

"Would you like to return to the house now?"

"I'd like to go to the shop for a little while."

"Perfectly fine Miss.Calinao," he said before returning his full focus to driving.

...

"You're so cute," I smiled faintly at the new puppy laying on my lap. I sat on the ground in a room surrounded by three puppies. One was a cairn terrier, the second was a husky and the third was a golden retriever who sat in my lap allowing me to pet her.

It has been twenty minutes since the three of them entered the room and surrounded me with love. The weight of everything disappeared the moment they arrived and attacked me with their excitement.

"I wish I could adopt all three of you," I told them and rubbed the golden retriever's head. She looked up at me and I was in awe for her innocent look. "Ximen, would throw me out of the house if I adopted any of you," I spoke quietly. "But you're all so adorable and are great company. I have a Yorkshire terrier named Ian at home in Canada." The golden retriever barked at me.

"I want to hopefully adopt a puppy someday of my own. I'm not sure when." The other two puppies ran around me in circles chasing each other.

After taking pictures, videos and talking with them, I knew it was getting late and it would be best to be heading home. As much as it was nice to stay here and play with them more, I had school work to do and needed to practice. I played with them until the person who came to check on me was ready to take the puppies and I made my way out of the room. I waved to the puppies as they were put back into their cages and I gave them a pouting look promising I would visit soon.

🙈😊