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MAGNUS

Little by little I gained consciousness. I didn't remember much from when I was out. The only thing that I remembered was Alec carrying me to the bedroom after I fell unconscious.

I struggled with getting my eyes open and staying open, but eventually I did. I groggily looked around the room trying to search for Alexander. There were so many things I needed to say to him. There were so many things that were unresolved.

"You're awake." I heard a voice say. I looked towards the door where the voice was coming from. I saw Alec rushing towards me. "Are you ok?" He asked me. I nodded my head at him. "Yeah. I'm uh.... I'm sorry. I didnt mean to scare you at all." I said quickly.

I shook my head slightly in disbelief. "How?" Is all I asked. He gave a small smile. "It's a long story. One that can be saved for later." He paused for a moment before speaking again. "Are you sure you're ok?" He asked again. "Yeah." I replied shortly. I watched as he awkwardly sat on the bed next to me. It was hard to be face to face with each other with all the tension in the air. It had been a rough few weeks.

"You were drinking?" He asked me softly. I looked away from his gaze mostly out of shame. The reason why I was drinking was because of him, and he knew that. He waited for me to reply. "Yes." I said quietly. "I thought I had lost you Alec." I paused before going on. Remembering the moment he died right in front of me was heartbreaking. "You were laying right in front of me. I used all the magic I had and I tried to save you, but I....I couldnt. I failed you and made you suffer." I took in a shaky breath.

"Magnus. That wasn't your fault. It was all of mine. If I wouldn't have purposefully–" he stopped speaking and I immediately looked up at him. "What?" I managed to get out in a whisper. It was his turn to lower his head in shame. "What did you purposefully do Alec?" I asked him not wanting to know the answer. I had a feeling I already knew.

"I...I um...." He couldn't speak. I put my hand on his arm encouraging him to continue. I could tell he was holding his breath. "Breathe Alexander." I coaxed him. He shut his eyes and spoke. "I stopped fighting for a split second and the next moment it was on top me. It was ripping at my skin. I wasn't thinking straight. I...it....it felt... good at first. I felt like I was letting go of everything."

Without my permission, a tear fell from my eye. I had made him want to die. I made him experience pain that he had never experienced before.

"I'm sorry." I said to him when he stopped talking. He looked at me in surprise. "I thought I had to choose between you and the Downworld.... but I dont." I told him with more tears falling. He shook his head at me. "It wasn't your fault. You were doing what was best for your people. I lied to you and you had to take that into account. It was my fault." He paused. "I'm sorry."

I sighed. "It's all in the past now." I replied. There were a few moments of silence before Alec spoke again. "Ever since what happened, I haven't been able to think straight." He stopped and I wondered if he would go on. I decided to speak. "So have I." I admitted. He looked relieved and a little surprised.

"Magnus... I dont think I can live without you." He confessed. I wasn't expecting him to be so open. He was normally so reserved with his feelings.

"You know a wise man once told me," I started and changed my voice to sound like Alec's. "Relationships take effort.' He smiled and chuckled and I did the same.

"Yeah, well that was an understatement." He said with another small laugh. "Yeah." I replied.

We sat in silence for a few moments. Eventually I let out a sigh and spoke. "I feel the same as you Alec. I'm sorry that I made things so complicated. I know we wont be able to get back to where we were immediately." He gave me a small smile.

"How about we start with dinner? We might not be able to get back right away, but we can get back." He said to me. I smiled. "I'd like that. I know a great place that's only a few minutes away." I said. He smiled at me in return. "Perfect."

While there were still things that had to be dealt with, for now we would enjoy the time we had together.