《Clace one-shots》The Fears of Alec Lightwood {2}

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ALEC

I was currently standing outside my bedroom by the balcony that overlooked the city. There were tears streaming down my face and spilling onto the concrete floor. The lights from the cars and street lights were blurred in my vision. I tried taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, but the buzzing from my phone kept distracting me. It had to have been the fifteenth time it had rang. I never checked who it was, but I figured it was one of my siblings. Nothing important right now.

I continued to look out at Brooklyn with more tears coming to my eyes. "Alec?" I heard a whisper behind me. I was startled by the sudden voice, but I didnt move. I felt hands on my shoulders. I heard a small gasp from my sister and I knew she had seen my face. "Alec what happened?" She asked me. I stood up straighter and wiped my tears away. "Nothing." I told her. I started to walk away but she grabbed my hand and pulled me back. "Don't shut me out Alec. What happened?" She asked me gently.

"Izzy..." I started. "Alec." She said while matching my tone. "Please?" She asked with sympathetic eyes. At that moment I cracked. The tears that had built up in my eyes slowly poured down my face. I let out small sobs and she pulled me into her. I cried against her chest and she let me. There were no words said. Just tears that were shed. I could even feel some of her own tears fall onto me.

"I cant lose you guys." I whispered into her chest. She ran her hand through my hair. "You wont Alec." She said soothingly. "You– you dont understand." I said with a shaky breath. She stayed silent while waiting for me to continue. I took in another shaky breath. "The Yin Fen." I said with a pause. She didnt show any sudden emotion so I continued. "Max almost dying. Jace dying then coming back, dad cheating on mom, I–I don't know what I can do. I cant lose you all. I know because I'm the oldest I have to stay strong for all of you, but I... I cant do it for mu–much long–lo–ger." I said while stuttering. She pulled me closer to her chest.

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"You can't stay strong for all of us Alec. You have to feel too." She whispered to me. More of my tears fell. I was so tired. I was so tired of being afraid of my family leaving me behind. I was so tired of staying strong. I was so tired of hiding my emotions.

I melted into her hug and let everything go. I poured every emotion I had ever felt and exposed it. Izzy held me until I was to tired to continue.

I was still laying with Izzy on the couch when I closed my eyes. "I'm right here Alec. I'm not going anywhere." She whispered to me. I was then released into the darkness hoping that when I woke up, they would all be there. Right by my side.

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