going through the journal entry

of my first day of college three years ago

i feel like a father watching his child babble

trying to learn to walk with his mouth.

to trace the cloud of distances that formed

would be to draw a river with water

ask a knife to cut itself, or to project

my inabilities and unwillingness on the screen

of the world and then pretend

the blamable light emanates only from the world.

but a thoughtless spurt of words

less like conversation more like

a boil bursting, makes me wonder if

their shallow care deserves the depth of my guilt.

~ ajay

23/6/2022