how can i trust you

when i can't trust myself?

i don't find any difference

they are the same in what they do to me—

when i looked for life and meaning

in what i don't want i hated the world

when i looked for life and meaning

in what i can't have i hated myself.

why do you need volunteers?

can't you try to do it yourself?

the small whys i've gathered

either blow up into giants

that become the claws of the big why

or dissipate into nothingness

in the sizzle and dazzle of living.

what should i (yours) do now?

~ ajay

6/6/2022