February 14, 1957

Richard Cameron waited by the bus stop with several daisies he had picked out from his mother garden. It was the first time he'd ever had a Valentine and he was excited to take her out on a picnic, as planned. The daisies, gripped on too tightly, soon deteriorated in his hands as he sat down waiting for for the bus to arrive. He no longer had flowers for this girl but the picnic basket was still tidy and begging to be opened at the smell of apple pie.

He got on the bus a couple minutes later, nervously. He looked out of the windows to watch the older kids picking up their significant others in their cool cars or walking together to the park. He noticed Eivind Hall coming out of his house, a taller and much more handsome boy. He had seen him several times in the hallways, always sticking his nose up and looking like he'd rather be anywhere else than school. He remembered Neil mentioning how he looked up to Eivind once...something about his pretty blue eyes that made Richard raise an eyebrow but now as Eivind got on his bike he understood what he meant. Eivind was almost, literally, untouchable. He shook off the thought once Eivind was far enough to make him squint.

When Richard turned around Sigrid leaned against the doorway to watch her brother disappear into the distance, her chocolate chip cookies in his basket. Mr. Blythe came up behind her which made her tense up before looking up and smiling nervously. Richard sighed and opened his picnic basket.

"Come on in now, there's no one to pick you up," Mr. Blythe didn't smile at the girl, just stared her down with his naturally cold eyes. His cheeks stayed hollow at what seemed to be him clenching his jawline to make his cheekbones prominent.

"Ok, Mr. Blythe."

Richard got a strawberry as Mr. Blythe leaned down to give Sigrid a kiss on the cheek. "Darcio, office. We need to review this one last time before sending it out. I am done waiting around for you, you can kiss this job goodbye."

Sigrid closed the door, giggling as Mr. Blythe playfully mimicked Mr. Hall's words. He went to his buttery tone he used to get what he wanted, he never dared speak to Mr. Hall the way he spoke to Sigrid and Peter Benjamin, "I'll be there, Mr. Hall."

Sigrid walked past him to get a cookie from the tray, Mr. Blythe's eyes stayed on her as she strides. He gulped deeply, palms slightly sweaty before shaking off the thought and heading toward the office.

Darcio Blythe is the scum of the Earth.

Richard ate the strawberry excitedly, mostly because he was starving but he also needed to fill the hole of nervousness in his stomach. A woman opposite of him grinned at the boy before speaking up, "It's rude to eat before the date."

"Oh," Richard wiped his mouth before explaining himself, "I couldn't help it. I haven't had anything since breakfast, fast-moving vehicles make me feel sick."

The lady hummed, "It's alright. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?"

They both laughed, "Do you want one?" he opened the Tupperware of strawberries. She shook her head with a kind smile, "I'm okay, thank you."

He closed the Tupperware slowly before looking up at pulling the yellow string that told the driver he needed to stop. He said goodbye to the woman he'd never see again in his life, he couldn't stop smiling as he looked at the small paper with the address on it. He admired her handwriting and her confident cursive, he always struggled to have extravagant penmanship.

The dishes lightly clinked as he walked down the pavement, he came to view with the peach-colored house. He sighed uneasily before fixing his tie and convincing himself he was confident through his stride. The door opened before he made it to her front yard, she came out with another boy on her arm. Richard realized he was being stood up, he dropped his picnic basket crumbling the apple pie and breaking all the dishes inside in the process. They both turned in the direction of the ruckus, Shaila Overstreet went pale once she had realized she had forgotten about the date with Richard and said yes to Charlie.

Charlie and Richard looked at each other, one in pure anger and the other in confusion. Charlie looked at Shaila, who avoided eye contact with both of them. Richard turned back around while reaching into his pockets to see if he had enough change to get back on the bus. Charlie awkwardly laughed before asking Shaila if she'd still be comfortable getting in the car.

Charlie opened the car door for Shaila before sliding inside and closing. Theresa looked at them through the front-view mirror with a smile before asking Shaila how her day was going. The car passed Richard, he looked at the windows with a scowl to which he was met with Charlie instead of Shaila. Charlie raised his eyebrows playfully before waving goodbye to Richard.

Richard never got over that moment.

missed the dead poets meeting and it set an unsettling bowling ball of guilt in Peter Benjamin's stomach. Peter sat next to Gerard, who was currently rambling about how Peter got him back into painting and how proud he was for finally being able to draw hands. Most time his hands looked like strings but after half an hour they actually looked like they belonged on a human body.

Peter looked at the empty piece of cave where Richard would have normally been, cracking jokes only he heard or smoking a pipe like someone's dad that had the roughest day reviewing papers. Peter clapped along with the rest of the boys when he snapped out of his daydream. It was Peter's turn, he could tell by the way that they all quieted down and looked in his direction. He rubbed his elbows before standing up and thinking of what to say, "Has anyone else noticed how strangely Richard has been acting?"

Todd looked in Charlie's direction to see if any reaction would surface to his face, he shook his head when Charlie did. Richard sighed, "Look, I know I haven't really made a good enough reputation for myself here but I really think we should check up on him," his eyes trailed to Neil for approval, "That or I could do it by yourself if no one wants to miss the meeting. With the short amount of time I've been Richard's friend I want to let everyone know that I'm concerned and you all should be too."

"You ran after him when he went back inside, did you get ant idea of what's going on?" Neil was, too, concerned for his friend. "He's been acting weird ever since he dated that Lori girl."

"Neil, he's not dating her, she has a boyfriend. He probably just feels like a home wrecker," Charlie corrected, "It serves him right to feel bad. Getting in between them to possibly break up a relationship. He's pathetic."

"If someone could get in the way of a relationship then it was destined to be doomed anyway," Gerard shrugged, "Take me for example. I was perfectly fine with Maisie a couple months ago and then she left me for Lewis. Which was totally unexpected because he doesn't seem like her type at all. But if it's meant to be it's meant to be, and there's nothing I could've done at the time. Or now. I guess all you could do is pretend to be happy for them and work on yourself. Self-love...it sounds girly but its really all we need."

"Maisie broke up with you?" Peter whispered in disbelief, Gerard glared at him, "Besides the point."

"I don't even know how Richard got a girl to begin with, look at him he's so...not attractive," Charlie laughed, "I have a list of who's the hottest in this entire friend group, and being completely honest Richard is all the way at the bottom and Neil's like God!"

Neil went bright red as Charlie continued to ramble, "But why should I care. I just want him to stop being so melodramatic. I strangely miss being annoyed by that twerp. And his poems weren't bad either."

Peter looked down at his watch, "Guys, not to end my time here early but I really need to get going. I promised Stick I'd get something for him so I need to be back to the dorm before all the lights turn off in the hallway. I could try to check on Richard," he grabbed his things as he spoke. "You know, get out through my window and get in through his. It'll make for a laugh if I fall in. He laughs at anyone falling."

was dim inside the chilly room, the only thing showing a sign of heat being the cinnamon candle on the nightstand and the girl rubbing her hands together for warmth. He'd normally give her his sweater but he was too burdened with his introspection to put one of his cashmere sweaters over her shaking body. He looked down at the shiny gemstones on her thin finger before sighing deeply, she hid her hands in his blanket. He hadn't made his bed, he took his regular nap Charlie missed after the disaster he witnessed. There was still a small curvature where his body once laid, it made her assume he hadn't gotten out of bed all day.

Richard sensed the words that were bound to leave her lips as she unclasped her bottom lip from in between her bunny teeth. "Don't say sorry," he murmured. A small, unconvincing laugh left his red lips. She blinked rapidly as the words got stolen from her lips, she soon looked down and sighed the way he had.

"What should I say then?"

"I don't know," he played with the blanket in between his fingers, trailing up and down and then twirling to get stuck to the point of pain. "I really don't, Lori. I guess I got what you wanted, right? You just needed a device to make him jealous and I was fit for it one way or another. I just wish I would've listened to you."

"You didn't. That's the thing. I asked you to date me and you said no," she looked at him in disbelief. "Richie, we said so many things that day that we didn't follow. We moved in ways we shouldn't have, we cried tears of bliss, we felt our hands roam our bodies like we were missing puzzles. We...I felt something that I never have before. I think you should know that before we do something irrational," she moved her hand to come on top of his, restricting him from twirling his finger in the blanket. He pulled his hand away, setting it on his lap with a straight expression on his facial features.

"Then why did you go running back to him? If you feel the way you do toward me, why did you run without hesitation back into his arms and drop my ring into the dirt like it was worthless? I wish I would've listened to you when you told me not to fall, but I didn't and it's seriously making me downward spiral. Lori, I spent my entire allowance on that ring! I usually save up for food, f-for new clothes, for anything but you! But I went out of my way to go to town to pick something out for you because I wanted to show you that I care. Sure it's not dresses for dinner or a matching cashmere sweater but it was all I could afford! Can't you see how fucked up it was for you to just slide it off? It made me feel like I was nothing! You know," he sniffled, "I've felt like a nothing my entire life and having your attention made me feel like I finally had worth."

"It wasn't planned."

"What?"

"It wasn't planned!" she hissed, trying not to scream because it'd get the both of them in a considerate amount of trouble. She already had detention for as long as she could remember. "Do you think I could've planned this, Richie? Do you think I could pull that off in some type of way? To get him to look like he'd leave me just so I could fall into something foolishly and then actually feel like I love you? Things are as hard as it is, I love you, I love Charlie, and if this is about choosing Richa-

"You can't love both of us."

She quieted, looking at him with teary eyes. Her nose was beginning to go red like a reindeer. He knew he had caught her, she looked down at her lap and accepted her defeat. "I've never been good at this. This whole loving thing. When it comes to romantic relationships," she sniffled. "I've been even worse at choosing. Sometimes I feel like I make the wrong decisions when the obvious right one in right in front of my face. It's one of those inexplicable fears. I could explain the fear of loving with ease, but choosing, I cannot."

"Tell me why you love the way you do," he whispered, fixing himself on the bed as he looked into her eyes. She felt like magnets, she looked down at his lips. She froze for a millisecond, every inch of that ice coursing through her chest and palms.

"Richard, you're not my therapist to try to fix me. I tell you this because I want you to trust me. Trust my words, please," her last word sounded more like a beg.

"I want to know," he hesitated to inch closer but he eventually did. She suddenly became shy, fixing her skirt and looking out of the window, "Sigrid, look at me please. I need you to look at me," his hand went to her shoulder. He felt impeccably warm compared to her. He was a naturally warmer person, almost like he was running a fever. Her eyes slowly shifted back to him, her blue eyes showed deep conflict. If she were an ocean she'd be on alert for a tsunami. The sirens blurred her vision, the seaweed becoming tears on her cheeks. He looked down at one of the tears hitting her pink cropped shirt. The fabric had a nice cotton feel to it, it had a dog ear collar and it fit a little loose for her usual liking but it complimented her nonetheless.

His hand trailed upward from her slim shoulder to her cheek, her eyes continued their captivating glance as she melted into his hold. "Sometimes I feel like I was at the wrong place at the wrong time," her voice so low it was almost inaudible. "If I had stayed by my father's side I'd probably be home painting like he makes me when he doesn't know what to do with me anymore," his thumb caressed her chilled skin. "Instead of here with you, with Charlie. I think I set something off that I shouldn't have. Ever since I got in her car it's been a disaster," it was a hard pill to swallow. "I'm terrified of what comes next."

"Why?" he fixed her hair away from her face, she hummed.

"I used to know the way my life was going to unravel. I knew that the rest of my education was going to come to an end, I knew that I'd eventually get married, be unhappy with my husband. I knew I was going to prefer pets over children but I'd still have children to show my worth as a wife. I knew all of that, I hated it all but I knew. Love," she became uncomfortable, he felt the bed slightly shaking as her leg started hopping. She sighed uneasily, "Love has always been this thing in my head that unattainable. Which is why I fear it. I fear that I let myself be persuaded by the idea of love instead of feeling it course through my veins when I'm around someone. I fear that in a few years the puppy love will go away and I'll be some discarded person at the bottom of the trashcan with kids and no more motivation to do the things that keep me alive. People live for love, and my fear is keeping me from wanting to live."

"Lori, don't sell yourself short," he inched closer to try to comfort her, hug her if she'd allow it but she back up even more until she hit the wall. "You're amazing. You're...astonishing, you're everything I could ever ask for. That anyone could ask for, in fact. I know you can't see that, there's always that pessimistic voice in your head but I want to tell you that all those voices lie. I'd never let you become a brick in the wall. I won't let you be another face on the Earth. Let's unpack this, alright? All you need to do is talk and I'll try my best to listen."

She twiddled her thumbs, lips clasped between her teeth in thought. She let out an unsure noise, "My fear to choose is much different, Richard. It's much worse. Like a monster guarding my heart I can't get through no matter how hard I try."

Her bottom lip quivered, the window was slightly ajar and the breeze was starting to hit her side, Richard stood up to close it. He was conflicted, his walking almost impaired as he listened to the inner monologue. "What if I made the process easier for you?" he sat back down slowly, looking over at her before asking permission to put her legs on top of his lap. She gave a small nod, he raised them then took off his sweater to put it on top of her legs.

"It's not a process. It's not like I could weigh out the pros and cons and tell myself who I should love more. If it were that easy I wouldn't fear so much."

"When I kiss you, do you feel it?"

She looked toward the window, "Feel what?"

"That warm feeling in your chest. The butterflies rumbling. Your palms sweating...th-the way I feel it?"

"Richard..."

"Sigrid, look at me."

She took a deep breath, "What if I feel it with Charlie too?"

"Then that's fine. You were with him first. I was just a pit stop...I'm proud of you for trying new things," he voice cracked slightly. "I knew it was going to happen, you know? You said it from the start that you just needed me for this little thing and now that it's done I suppose you could keep my present, I could come back to reality, and you could get the thing you always wanted. Everyone wins."

He began to cry. He was trying to ignore the pain in his chest but he let everything out, putting his hand over his face to hide how red he was getting and how rapidly the tears were rolling down his cheeks. He let out a small whimper as his stomach immediately started to hurt, he toppled over as he continued to swallow back his whimpers. Her facial expression dropped to pure concern before she pulled him into a hug. He hugged back tightly, deathly terrified of letting go. He managed to get her on top of him but he hid his face on the nape of her neck, "Sigrid," his voice cracked, "Kiss me please."

successfully threw himself out of his dorm room and made his way to Richard's window, Sticks happily munched away his chocolate chip cookies so he was too engrossed in protecting his snacks to care about how rudely Peter's back thudded outside. Peter ran like a fox, almost inaudible to everyone else sleeping at that time of the night. He finally got to Richard's window and blew into his hands to warm up before prying the window open.

But he stopped in horror when he heard something loudly thump on the other side, he looked inside the poorly lit room.

She held his face tenderly as she made sure not to hurt him, he breathed steadily as he tried to ignore the unsure feeling surfacing. All they knew was that they were hurting and they needed a distraction. "Richard," she mumbled between kisses, "I want to choose you."

Peter looked away in disgust once he realized who's voice it was. His second reaction was a shock so intense it made his eye bulge and his jaw fall to the floor. Richard sniffled as he trailed away from her mouth to kiss her cheek, then her jawline and finally making it to her neck again. "Sigrid Taylor, I love you so much."

She contemplated saying it back but Peter didn't get to hear what she was going to say. Instead he ran back in the direction of the cave. Stephen was performing a song he had prepared in Latin class. Everyone turned to him as he pulled out his inhaler, he pumped it two times before wheezing, "Lori isn't real!"

"What? Nonsense," Knox furrowed his eyebrows as his head jerked back. "We saw his back like two weeks ago, you can't tell me he made those himself and there's no way he can give himself hickies on his own neck."