《All I ever wanted》25. Adore you
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I stand at the front porch of my house, my left hand resting on the doorknob, contemplating whether or not to walk in. Gray gives my right hand a small squeeze. "Wanna run away to Alaska?"
I chuckle at his joke. I could barely condone the cold in New York, so I'd probably die if I go to Alaska. "Don't want pennywise coming after me, " I shake my head, referring to his earlier joke.
Opening the door, I see Dad pacing the room, his hand in his mouth, biting his nails. Nail-biting was a thing dad did a lot when I was younger, and that was how I started. I used to copy almost every single thing he did.
Growing up, I was the perfect tomboy, always playing soccer and basketball. But somehow, in middle school, I changed. I started caring about my appearance and wanted to be like Taylor Swift. Boys went from Gross to Yum just like that.
My eyes shift to the dining table and see the woman who claimed to be my mother. She had slumped shoulders, her head buried in her hands. Her head darts up when she hears the door unlock. Her eyes land on me, a soft dejected expression etched on her face.
Dad reaches out to grab my hands, squeezing it gently before embracing me. "I'm sorry, Dove, " He whispers in my ear, making my eyes watery again.
Gray walks up the stairs towards his room to give us some privacy. The lady at the table gets up and walks towards us. "I'm sorry for the way I acted. My statements were insensitive, " She mumbles, fiddling with her hands.
Dad pulls away from me and directs me towards the dining table. "Can we talk?" he asks softly. I nod my head numbly and sit on the chair next to him.
The woman begins talking, but I raise my hands, signaling her to stop. The sound of her voice irritated me, and every time I hear it, I think of the same sentence. He's not your dad.
"I'd like it better if my Dad spoke to me, " I say, my voice void of emotions.
Her eyebrow furrow in a frown at my words, but she keeps quiet. We both look to my dad, waiting for him to speak.
"I think you'll understand better if Wendy explains it to you, " Dad points at her with his index finger.
Her name is Wendy. It's official. I hate the name, Wendy.
Wendy tries to reach for my hands, but I quickly tuck them under the table, playing with my chipped of nail polish. I hadn't been to the nail salon yet because of Shelia.
I run a hand through my hair and stare at Wendy. "You can start your story with Once upon a time, " I fake smile at her, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
Her lips curl in annoyance at my words, and Dad gives me a stern look but doesn't say anything.
"Well, once upon a time, there was a woman named Wendy, " She began, matching my humor. If I wasn't so disturbed by her, I might have found it funny.
"She cheated on her boyfriend with a married man. It was a one-time drunken mistake which got her pregnant, " She continues, cringing at her own words. See, even she finds herself disgusting.
"When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't bear to tell Garry because I didn't want to ruin his marriage, besides his wife was also pregnant at that time, " She says in a more serious tone.
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"I thought no harm would come out of lying to my boyfriend that I was pregnant with his child. I thought we could be one happy family," Her eyes are starting to get teary, her voice melancholic, and she uses the pad of her index finger to wipe her tears before they drop.
"But, I felt disgusted with myself whenever I saw how much Dave adored you. He was super happy with you, but everything was taking a toll on me, so I decided to leave. I left when you were nine months old, " She chokes on her last sentence, keeping her eyes trained on the marble table and refusing to look at me.
A wave of emotion comes crashing down on me, and I tuck my lower lips in my mouth. So, I did have a mother. She just didn't want me. I couldn't make her stay.
"Till this day, Dove. I still regret what I did, I honestly do, " She looks at me, her brown mud-colored eyes soft. I stare down at my nails, not trusting myself not to cry.
"I just couldn't come back because I felt so guilty, and I knew you wouldn't want me, " she adds in a pleading tone, her head bent as she tries to catch my eye.
"Then why did you come back now. We were doing fine without you, " I felt spite and anger, but my tone said otherwise. It came out soft and sad.
I had a bunch of other things to ask her like where she's living, if she has kids, married or not. But I didn't know where to start.
She wipes off the tears with both hands, stretching her skin in the process. "Garry, you're birth father needs your help."
I chuckle bitterly and look at dad. He nods assertively and gives me a small half-hearted smile. The sight of him arouses a scary question that I never want to know the answer. What if he doesn't want me now that I'm not his blood?
"How could I possibly help him?" I turn to face Wendy.
"He has kidney failure, and none of his kids or siblings are a match. But you might be, " She whispers gently, her voice a caress.
Typical humans. Always remembering the people they cast off only when they need help.
"He doesn't even know I exist, so why should I help, " I raise my brow at her.
"He does. He called me a few months back to ask if I ever got pregnant for him. He said he had the hunch but wasn't sure. It took a lot for me to come out to Dave, but please understand that Garry needs you, " She pleads, begging me with both her hands and eyes.
"I don't care. I can't give a chuck of my kidney to a stranger. I won't do it, " I widen my eyes, angrily.
Dad gets up slowly and comes behind my chair to massage my back. "You're not necessarily giving him your kidney. We just need you to get tested. For all, we know you might not be a match, " He says reassuringly.
Wendy's eyes seemingly turn angry at my dad's words, and she frowns deeply at him. "Are you praying for her not to be a match."
Dad raises his hands in surrender. "Don't put words in my mouth, Wendy. Can you please leave our house now that this discussion is done, " my dad points at the door.
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Sheila comes down the stairs, trying her hair up in a bun. "What would you like for dinner, Dove, " She asks me, walking into the kitchen.
Wendy's eyes widen at Shelia, almost as if she couldn't believe her sight. "Did you get married?"
"I don't owe you an explanation, can you kindly get out?" Dad massages his temple, his voice tired and angry.
I'm guessing they didn't part on good terms, seeing as Dad had lied to me that she was dead.
Wendy smiles smugly. "Does she know you kissed me?" She seethes in a loud voice. Loud enough for Shelia to hear.
Sheila comes out of the kitchen, her calm composure immaculately perfect. "It was the other way around, and yes, he told me about your emotional manipulation."
Widening my eyes, I raise my head to stare at dad. "You told her, " I mouth, and he nods.
Sheila struts towards dad and me and places her hand on my dad's shoulder. "Emotional manipulation is such a thing of the past. Yes, you were his first love, but he's over you. I'd appreciate it if you stop pushing your past narrative and kissing him without permission next time, " She gives Wendy a deadly glare.
Wendy scoffs and looks between dad, Shelia, and I before her eyes settle on me. "Please remember what I asked of you. Because at the end of the day, all you have is family, " she comments, her eyes trained on dad as she said the last word with spite.
She walks out of the house, and Dad shuts the door on her. He didn't seem to understand Wendy's last words, but I did.
And those words were on replay in my head.
~~~~~~~~~~
A small knock is heard on my room door as I lay on my back, throwing my glittery purple Pom Poms in the air before catching it.
"She's asleep, " I call back loudly, playing with the strands on the Pom Poms.
Gray chuckles before walking into my room. He grabs the second Pom Poms from the floor and sits at the edge of my bed.
Sitting up, I fold my arms across my chest and glare at him. "You can't just waltz in like that. What if I was naked?"
"Lucky me, " He replies, a smug look on his face.
I scoff and throw the Pom Poms at him. He catches it with ease and places it on the bed next to me. Darn his reflexes. He moves closer to me and carries my legs on his thighs.
He starts to massage my toes gently, starting with the big toes. I close my hands and enjoy the feel of his hands on me. I found this cute, but I wanted him to touch me somewhere else.
"You barely touched your dinner, " He says in a questioning manner.
"Huh?" I say, opening my eyes. I'm met with his sea-blue eyes, gazing into my soul. The way he looks at me mesmerizes me all the time. I could never get used to his touch and- ouch.
He had twisted my pinky toe in a less than gently way. "You were staring too much, " he says, trying hard not to smile.
I blink and shake my head. "No, I wasn't."
"Yes, you were, " He winks with a smirk.
I mentally curse myself for further fueling his ego. "But it's all good, though. Because I was too, " he replies.
"How was your conversation with your mum, " He asks on a serious note.
I shrug, remembering the shitty reality that is my life. I explain the entire conversation to Gray without leaving a single detail out. He listens with apt attention, playing with my toes as I spoke.
I sigh and fold my legs when I was done with my story, leaning on my thighs with my elbows so I could be closer to him. I wait for him to ask my questions about my mum, Garry, or my dad.
"So, what are you feeling now?" He asks, placing his palm on my bed and resting his chin on his shoulder.
I frown at his question and sit straighter. What was there to feel? " I don't know."
"Okay, what's going through your mind, " He asks slowly in a therapeutic way.
I sigh and rest my elbow on my thighs while resting my face on my palm.
"She doesn't want me, " I say with a small laugh.
Gray sees through my laugh and rubs his hand over my arms gently. "What are you feeling towards your dad?" He asks softly. There was something about his tone and the look in his eyes that compelled me to talk. I wanted to open up to him.
"That someday he'll probably not want me either, " I bite the inside of my cheeks, my voice breaking at the edge.
"You know Dave loves you, right? You're his entire world. When I first met him, he couldn't stop speaking about his daughter. He made my mum fall in love with you without even knowing you, " Gray says, raising his brow reassuringly.
Yeah, but that was before he knew I wasn't his daughter. "But now, he knows I'm not his daughter, " my lower lips quiver at the thought of dad not loving me the same way.
Gray grabs up my hands and rubs his thumb over them gently. "Kelch, don't let society bullshit you into the Blood is thicker than water nonsense. Family is not about genetics, but emotional connection. The people who always put you first are your family, and no one has ever put you first the way Dave has. He values you more than life itself, and I know this from just the past few weeks I've spent in your house."
I sniff and wipe the tear that fell from my left eye with the back of my hand. I knew my dad loved me, but I still couldn't help but feel the way I did.
"God, Kelch. Please don't cry, " He wraps me in the warmth of his arms. His body is so familiar to me - the way his muscles move, the smell of Lavender, even the sound of his heartbeat. His chin rested on top of my head, and his arms clenched me tighter.
In his embrace, I realize I was getting used to this. I was getting used to him. And as much as I liked it, I couldn't help but dread it. I couldn't help but think that someday he'll leave me again. And I'll be left with nothing but memories.
••••••••••
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