Chapter Seven

Mrs Thornton was surprised to see Carrie climbing into a cab as she and Dr Donaldson arrived at the mill but she had more important things to worry about right now.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she entered the house to see John sitting on the sofa, awake though he held his head in his hands.

"John?" she called from the doorway.

He looked over at her and smiled slightly. Though he didn't think he needed a doctor, he let himself be examined since it would put his mothers mind at rest. Unlike Carrie's extensive and strange questions, the doctor just looked at him, took his pulse and said that it looked worse than it was.

He wondered at the strange things Carrie had been doing and saying. She was such an enigma, speaking riddles and nonsense but whatever she was talking about, she seemed certain. What did she mean by sterilising her cut with whisky? Making it barren? Barren from what? Bacteria? What was a bacteria?

She had spoken of this time, as if it wasn't her time. Didn't everyone share time thought? It seemed pretty universal to him.

He was vaguely aware of his sister relating the shocking series of events to his mother, but he paid her no heed.

He thought he remembered Carrie saying that she loved him and yet she kept saying that she was not the one for him. What did that even mean?

He tried not to think about it but the idea that she might be insane kept plaguing him. He didn't want to believe it, for she was so efficient and logical and yet she was also highly emotional, more so than most women he knew, and she kept talking rubbish as though he should understand what she meant.

His head was beginning to throb and he sighed deeply.

"How are you?" His mother asked him.

"I'm fine, Mother, just..." he didn't know what he was.

Well, that wasn't strictly true, he did know that he was in love, or at least he was as certain as a man can be who had never been in love before. What he didn't know was if the woman he loved was a lunatic or a prophet.

He stood up.

"Where are you going?" Mrs Thornton asked.

"To see if Miss Preston is well."

"She looked well enough when I saw her leave."

"She was injured. I heard Fanny tell you that she cut her arm."

"She is such a reckless young woman." Mrs Thornton rolled her eyes.

John headed towards the door.

"I am sure she is well," His mother called. "It's you I am more concerned about."

"I'm fine, mother."

"John!"

He stopped and turned back to her.

"I'm asking you not to go."

John looked at her for a long while. She was his mother after all, he owed her a lot.

"You have my word," he said, but he still needed to get out of the house for a while. He turned and left.

III

When Carrie arrived back at the Hales she went straight to her bedroom and removed her dress. She examined her arm and was pleased to note that while some blood had seeped through the lint and bandage, it wasn't much, the bleeding was stopping. Her sleeve was badly damaged but she might be able to do something to hide the repair. She got a similar dress out of her wardrobe but she wasn't ready to get dressed again yet. She hung the dress on the wardrobe door and went over to her bed.

She curled up on top of the covers and began to cry.

Everything was wrong! Trying to fix things had only made everything worse and now after her hysterical display earlier, John would surely feel compelled to ask for her hand.

She had to get away, she had to go home before she destroyed everything, but how?

She sobbed for a long while until eventually Margaret found her. She asked what was wrong but Carrie didn't answer so Margaret simply lay down behind her, put her arm around her waist and comforted her as best she could.

III

John was out for most of the evening as he walked, trying to understand the enigma that he was so desperately in love with. At one point he found himself on the hillside where they had talked about the kind of people they wanted to be.

He couldn't believe her mad. Mistaken, misguided perhaps but not mad. He believed that he had seen her heart and it was pure and untouched by insanity.

That left him where he was before, in love with a woman he didn't understand.

Finally he headed back towards the mill.

"Are you still up?" he asked his mother as he came in, surprised to find that she hadn't retired to bed.

"Where have you been?" His mother asked as he came into the parlour.

"Just walking."

"Where have you been walking?"

"I promised you I would not go there and I did not."

"But?"

"But I intend to go there tomorrow. I think you know what I intend to say."

"You could hardly do otherwise."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you are bound in honour, and after the show she made of herself today you could hardly do anything else. She servants all saw, you know, I'm sure her outrageous behaviour is already the tittle tattle of Milton."

"Mother, I will ask for her hand because I love her, not because I have any desire to save her reputation."

"And Jane herd her say how she felt about you." She reached out and cupped his cheek. "I'm sure she will take you from me, that is why I didn't not want you to go. I wanted one last evening of being the first in your affections."

"You won't try and talk me out of it?" he asked.

"Even if I could, I wouldn't. You are your own man, John, and I am proud of the man you have become. For all her faults, if she is the one you want I will support you. I will always support you."

"Thank you, mother."

III

Fearing a visit from Mr Thornton, the next day Carrie took her self out early. She walked hills and streets that she did not normally visit, though she was careful to keep away from the less salubrious areas of town.

Yesterdays violence had brought the strike to an end and Milton was back at work, the streets once again bustled with the industry that had been sadly lacking in the past few weeks.

She managed to keep herself busy until five o'clock, when she felt that she had no choice but to return home. She told the Hales that she had a headache and, taking a book for company, she headed to bed for the rest of the evening. She knew they would never disturb her, even for Mr Thornton but each time the doorbell rang, she held her breath.

She intended to follow a similar plan the next day but as she left the house the Following morning, Mr Thornton was crossing the street to meet her.

She took a deep breath to prepare herself for what was about to come.

"Miss Preston, I see you are off for another all day walk," he said, falling into step beside her.

"Yes, I lost track of time yesterday."

"And evidently made yourself unwell."

"It was nothing."

"As I suspected." He said with a wry smile.

They walked in silence until they entered the park, Carrie trying to think of a way to stop him from asking what she thought he wanted to, and Mr Thornton waiting until they were alone before broaching the subject of his feelings.

"Do you still wish to hide from me?" he asked as the climbed the hill.

"No. That was cowardly. However I think I know what you are about to say and I think you know that I must refuse."

"I know no such thing," he assured her.

"Mr Thornton... You are not destined to spend your life with me."

"So you have said before, and yet you never explain what you mean or how you could possibly know such a thing."

"Because you would not believe it if I did tell you and I would rather you think me foolish than insane."

"If I am not meant for you, as you put it, what do you even care what my opinion of you is?"

"Vanity, I suppose. You... You are something of a hero to me, Mr Thornton, and though I cannot have you, I should still hate for you to think badly of me."

"I could never think ill of you, Carrie,"

"Mr Thornton, I don't think it is proper for you to use my first name."

"As you used mine yesterday?" he countered.

"I was... distressed."

"Because you love me and you were worried about me."

"Yes," she admitted in a small voice.

"You admit that and yet continue to refuse me?"

"Because-"

"Because you are not meant for me!" he snapped. "And what of what I want? Does that count for nothing?"

"No! I mean... Oh, don't confuse me."

"Confuse you!" he snorted. "I rather think it is you who spouts absurdities that you refuse to explain."

"Then why would you even want someone as reckless, wild and baffling as me?"

"Why?" he grabbed her arm and spun her to face him. "Why? Because I love you, you foolish woman! Can you not understand that?"

He looked genuinely pained and Carrie felt tears prick her eyes.

"Will you not even try and explain your reasoning to me?" he asked and Carrie was surprised to see tears shining in his eyes.

They stood there, seemingly frozen in time for a moment, until suddenly he released her and turned and walked away.

Carrie watched him go, knowing how deeply she had hurt him but unable to see any way to change it.

III

That night a letter arrived for Carrie from Mr Thornton. She dreaded opening it, fearing what he had to say, but he simply reprimanded her for not returning to work and stated that he expected her there at nine the following morning.

Carrie pondered her choice for the rest of the evening but in the end she knew that she would return to work. She told herself that it was because the Hales needed the money but the truth was that she couldn't live without seeing him. He had become like oxygen to her, vital to her survival and she could no more turn him down that she could have cut off her own arm.