"So you hit him because he said something offensive to your brother, and then you just didn't stop because...?"

On some accounts, having the dean of your school as your father was something some kids would take advantage of.

Not me.

I took it as a challenge to prove to others that my accomplishments were my own, and I intended to make sure that I earned that Valedictorian award all by myself with no kickbacks or preferential treatment.

"Because I was still pissed."

"I see. And why was he having a confrontation with Grey in front of the entire class in the first place?"

My dad paced from one side of his spacious office to the other, and I was grateful that this was the first time I'd ever been sent here.

It was fucking intimidating.

"I don't know, I guess he was making some girl...Cami...he was making her uncomfortable in front of everyone. He wouldn't leave her alone, so Grey tried to make him stop, but it only pissed Colton off even more. Look, if anyone's in the wrong here, it's that asshole—"

"Language, son. And it's my job to hear every side of the story—including you instructor's side—to make sure that everyone's telling the truth and figure out what really happened. You said he was bothering Cami—is that the same Camille that's staying with us? Camille Astor? She wasn't mentioned in any of the other reports made by the students or even by Colton. She seems to have disappeared along with your brother. Know anything about that?"

"No."

And the bitter resentment in my voice was the indicator that I wasn't emotionless about the topic, either.

It was like the universe thought this was some big cosmic joke.

I wanted her, my ex-friend had her, and now my brother got to keep her. Just like with what happened in the past, Grey always gets handed things the easy way because of what happened to him. Because he's 'damaged'.

I wish they all knew what damaged really looked like.

Maybe then they wouldn't think that I was the good kid anymore, the golden child like my friends used to joke.

I wasn't the fuck up or the suicidal kid. I was just normal, hard-working and kept my head down and did what I was supposed to do—until now.

Until I saw red after what Colton had said.

I had started to rise from my seat the moment Grey had when I noticed Colton making Cami uncomfortable. Anyone with two brain cells to rub together could tell how much she didn't like that guy, although the history there was still confusing as he'd made it seem like he had been the one to dump her when she wanted to stay together, but it didn't make him practically harassing her any better.

When I noticed my brother stand up to scare the guy off, I thought, good. Now I don't have to deal with the drama in my friend group for pissing him off. Grey will set him straight.

Until I watched in horrified silence as the amused maliciousness bloomed across Colton's face—something akin to violence hiding behind his eyes, and it was the first time that I'd seen beneath the mask that he wore for all of our friends and actually believed that he could be somewhat dangerous.

And then those words he'd said to my brother...

Sure, I held resentment for Grey. Who wouldn't?

What he put my family through...it was unspeakable how distraught and ruined my mom had been for months and months after Grey's attempt in front of me.

For him, though?

She was a solid, strong and steady rock, keeping a cool and calm facade of warmth and radiance that he could latch onto in order to get himself healthy enough to come home instead of the mental wellness retreat program he'd entered for six months.

He was coddled and soothed, while everyone else had to suck it up and pick up the pieces.

Still I wondered. Still I asked him, but never received an actual answer.

Why.

Why would he have done that to us?

Was his life really that bad? What could possibly have happened to make him think that death was the only escape?

To me, death was a prison, some kind of feared afterlife that would judge you on the things you did and didn't do, the person you were in this hellish landscape of the living.

Maybe this earth was the actual hell, and we were all just going through the motions, striving for greatness until an inevitable end and searching for an eternity of peace, only to wake up in another human body and do it all over again.

Maybe we were just living in hell on earth, and this was the eternity they were talking about.

I couldn't imagine it ending, though.

Death was terrifying, and I planned to ignore its existence until mine became inevitable.

"Parker?"

"Huh? Yeah, sorry."

"I asked you what Mr. Wright said to your brother."

"Oh...um. He said something about him trying to kill himself. Mentioned a noose. I don't know, it's all a little bit of a blur, but once I heard that I guess I just snapped. I'm sorry."

"You should be. Your brother can take care of himself. You don't deserve to have a negative spot on your permanent record just to defend your brother for something that he did."

"Wait—what? You're mad that I defended my brother from that asshole?"

"You didn't just defend him—you damn near beat that boy within an inch of his life. He's in the hospital right now having reconstructive surgery done on his nose. How do you think that makes us look, huh? Your brother made his choice about where he stands with this family a long time ago."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Grey decided he'd rather be dead than be a part of this family. Maybe it's time to let him live with that decision."

"So you're saying if someone is coming after MY family, that I shouldn't defend them because their mental health was suffering and no one was around or paid enough attention to the warning signs? He was crying out for help and either no one cared or they just didn't give enough of a shit to see it. You're the one who failed here, dad. Not me."

He sighed out in exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb, whipping his glasses off and throwing an accusatory stare in my direction.

His glare was so sharp it almost cut me with its intensity.

But I wasn't backing down. Not this time.

I was so sick and tired of my father refusing to help Grey all because of the decision he made years ago. It wasn't like any of us knew he was suffering as much as he really was, but I was trying to change things.

I was trying, actively working to see the signs for my friend Alec. I didn't want the same thing to happen to him like it almost happened to Grey.

I couldn't survive that failure again.

Grey was my brother—my other half, the person that was supposed to always be there for me, and because of my resentment after everything, I hadn't been there for him lately.

It was time to open my eyes, to step up and do better, for him, for Alec, and even for Cami.

Anyone with eyes could tell that that girl was suffering almost as much as Grey had been back then, suffering out in the open where anyone with two eyes could see what was happening.

"Just—just go home, Parker. You're suspended for the rest of the week and you're on behavioral probation. One more screw up and you're out. Just because I'm your father doesn't mean I can protect you from these kinds of things. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now, go. I have a meeting with Colton's parents to explain why my son almost put him in the morgue."

I didn't waste time escaping my father's office.

Funny how in that entire meeting, he'd been more concerned with the kid who'd bullied his own child.

It had been like that for a few years; my dad not giving a shit about Grey.

It all started after his attempt, though.

Something was nagging at me in the back of my mind, though, that it was something different than that. Something deeper, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Instead, I made my way back to my car and hoped that Grey had taken Cami on his motorcycle because I didn't hesitate before driving to Grey's favorite place that he used to escape from his problems.

The roar of the engine and loud music drowned out everything in the world around me as I stumbled upon Grey and Cami already there, staring up at the base of the mountain as a small smile pulled upon her face.

They hadn't seen me yet. I waited, but it never happened.

Instead, they walked into the cave systems together hand in hand, and a little piece of me broke once more.

He had Cami, she had him. I had Alec, my mom had my father...

Who had me?

Was I even worth having someone there for me in the first place?

I didn't look back as I drove away.

Soft rays of warm sunlight penetrated the harsh blast of pain that threatened to suffocate me before we ever even left the parking lot.

I could still sense his handprint on my back, the weight of it shoving me down into a deep corner of my mind that I was scared I'd never crawl out of.

He was still there, hovering beside me, lingering in my mind and in the back of my head like a malignant tumor that would never ever leave, would never let me escape....

Would I ever escape? Could I?

I would. I would never escape.

I could.

It would happen.

It will happen.

Wild spring water gurgled by on a stuttered current, small fish bounding up and down as Grey pulled the motorcycle to an abrupt stop on the side of a clearing that led to a walking path.

Redding, California held hidden wonders that most wouldn't expect—I surely didn't expect to be blindsided by such beauty.

Helmet off and sunlight brandishing my sight, Grey tapped my shoulder to get my attention.

"Follow me," he signed, and I did as he instructed, allowing him to lead the way and let my mind turn into background noise while the songs of nature around us filled every aching piece of me with a sense of calm and peace that I hadn't had in so long.

It was beautiful here, painfully so.

The kind of beauty that you wanted to be able to gaze upon every day; but it was the knowing that you had to return to the real world soon was what gave it that fleeting sweet taste of temporary euphoria.

"Where are we going?"

The mountain loomed up well above us, imposing in its stature as I stared and stared and tried to imagine what could've carved something of such significance.

My history brain knew—the scientific aspect, at least.

If you believed in a god or a higher power, you'd say it was carved and cut from his or her hand, crafted from cosmic radiance.

If you believed in a more scientific approach, however, it was the forming of lands, the slamming together of plates underneath the earth's surface, the erosion of land from water and exposure to the elements.

Whatever you believed, however, it was still a magnificent sight to behold.

Grey's hand was suddenly on the small of my back, and I was drowning.

I was suffocating underneath this mountain of grief and shame and guilt that I knew I shouldn't have felt, but still did.

It was my fault.

I could've done something more to stop it.

I could've stopped him.

It wasn't my fault.

I couldn't have done anything more to stop it.

I couldn't have stopped him.

It wasn't my fault.

Grey's touch grew gentle as the soft breeze floating by us.

His impassive face morphed into something serious, and once more I found my fingers itching to draw this portrait in front of me.

In the bright and shining afternoon sun with pale tufts of clouds gliding overhead as the songbirds and butterflies fluttered nearby, he was absolutely and irrevocably ethereal, irreverent, Grey was a translucent color that was constantly seen but never studied, never appreciated.

"Follow me, Cami."

So I followed him.

I was starting to realize that there was nowhere this boy would go that I wouldn't follow.