throughout the venue and lights flashed from every direction. I stood over to the side of the stairs, out of the way, awaiting my cue to step out and strut my fourth outfit. I was fueled with adrenaline which caused my leg to shake back and forth in anticipation.

One of coordinators gently pushed me to go. I walked up the steps and smoothly rounded the corner into the light. On either side of the runway were hundreds of faces ready to see what was next. Majority of those in the front row held their phones up to capture all of the looks while another portion of the crowd held DSLRs.

My eyes were fixated on the main camera at the back of the venue that was recording. With each step I took, I felt a sense of power with everyone's eyes solely on me. Halfway down the runway, I chose to interact with the crowd by giving them a little eye contact. That's when I noticed Noelle and Brittney in the second row recording while wearing large smiles.

At the end of the catwalk, I casually placed my hands in the pockets of the trench coat striking a pose. I spun on my heels and strutted back toward the other end of the catwalk. The next person stepped out once I was halfway there and allowed me to disappear into the back.

"Korin, Korin!" another one of the show coordinators yelled my name, fanning for me to rush in her direction.

I quickly removed my heels and held them as I jogged over to her. She took the heels from my hands while I shrugged out of the trench coat in which I wore panties and a bra underneath. It was time for me to put on my last outfit — I was one of the select few that had to wear two looks for the fourth run. Therefore, I had to move quick so that I could be out there before it was over.

"Who's phone keeps ringing!? This is like the fifth time I've heard it in the last five minutes." Algernon, the designer looked around in panic.

"It's Korin's." a girl a few feet away from me said.

"Mine?" I frowned in the midst of pulling on a pair of stockings. She nodded and pointed to it on the vanity. From where I stood, I could see Khloe's name prompted on the screen.

"Whoever it belongs to, pick it up and make it snappy or turn it off." Algernon threw his hands up.

"Here, I'll answer it and hold it. You just put on the clothes as fast as you can." the coordinator reached over and grabbed it.

"Khloe I'm in the middle of a sho—"

"Mama had a heart attack." she spewed out and I froze in place.

"What? Khloe this is not the time to play games. I have to walk in like thirty seconds."

"I'm not joking, Korin. I'm on the way to the hospital now from campus so I don't know how bad it is but I wanted you to be in the loop."

"Okay, okay. After I finish I'll call you back so you can update me okay?" I began to pull on the clothing faster.

"Okay."

The coordinator pressed end with a sympathetic expression spread across her face. I ignored it, internally rooting for the best. Hopefully it was a mild heart attack and she can walk out of the hospital simply more aware of her self-care.

"Korin, ten seconds!" someone shouted.

I pushed my feet into the pumps that were assigned to the outfit and walked over to the line of women. They were waiting on the final walk so I had to jump in front of all of them and walk directly out onto the catwalk. As best as I could, I pushed my concern to the back of my mind to keep it off of my face. However, my heart was still thumping in fear. The sound of it filled my ears, overpowering the sound of the music.

We did the final walk with the designer following behind us to receive his congratulations. I clapped my hands for him along with the crowd, smiling for the cameras. Afterward, we were sent to the back to take a few more photos and talk to the videographers who were documenting the show.

"How do you feel? Still full of adrenaline?" one of the videographers approached me as I packed my bag.

"I'm coming down from it, but this show was extremely fun. Algernon, you can call me whenever. I'll always walk for you."

Once he left me to myself, everything else seemed like a blur as I moved around. I was hardly attentive and was on autopilot. I changed back into the clothes I arrived in and walked out to the main area in search for Noelle, Brittney and Jeffrey. They were smiling and speaking amongst each other while I was attempting to call Khloe but she wasn't answering me.

Tears welled in my eyes when I called again and she didn't answer once again. That meant something was wrong. If my mom was doing alright, she would be quick to answer and assure me of that. But that wasn't what was happening.

"Korin — babe what's wrong?" Noelle frowned, cupping my face with a pout.

"My mom had a heart attack and my sister isn't answering to tell me that she's okay. I can't lose my mom, Noey."

"Oh my God. Have you tried your brother?"

"I'm not trying to hear his mouth and he just might ignore my call on purpose. I just need to get to Orlando now."

"I'm looking for flights now, Korin." Jeffrey spoke while nose deep into his phone. "Do you have everything? You're ready to leave?"

"Yes. We just need to get to the hotel and get our things so we can go." I grabbed my forehead about to internally fall apart. "Lord please let my mom be okay."

"You always say that your mom's resilience and strength is what you admire most about her right?"Noelle asked me. I nodded. "So you know that she is a strong woman. She's got this. Believe in her strength because that's all you have right now. Don't focus on the negative."

"Yes." Brittney agreed. "Until you've been told otherwise, she's okay."

"Okay, I found the quickest one and it leaves in three hours." Jeff announced as we made our way out of the building.

"How long is it?" I asked.

"Twelve hours. Every flight has a layover."

I started to cry. Brittney handed me her shades knowing that we were stepping out in front of paparazzi. I placed them over my eyes and walked thru all of them with no regards to what they were saying or their photos. My focus was getting to the airport and somehow magically increasing the speed of the flight.

As planned, we all headed to the hotel, collected all of our belongings then hopped back into the car to go to the airport. The entire wait for the plane to board or any opportunity I had to be still, my legs shook and my fingers tapped on the nearest object. I needed some sort of anxiety release to calm myself down. I chose music. I put my headphones on and blasted them as loud as I could but only songs that made me sad seemed to play.

They reminded me of the fact my mom and I hadn't spoken in over a month. I'd been all over — New York, Paris, London, Milan — and not once did I pick up the phone and call her. I was so focused on the fact that she always took up for Justice that I neglected the responsibility of checking on her. Rather I was mad or not, she still deserved a just because phone call because I loved her. I cared about her so I should have shown her that.

Not to mention, she was the only living parent I had. I knew what it felt like to no longer have my father, therefore, I should have cherished her more than I had been. All mothers and daughter disagree but that shouldn't cause us to not speak for months at a time. Life's too short for it and all of that was now hitting me.

"Have you told Giovanni or Eliana?" Noelle questioned, taking me from my thoughts.

"No. I don't want to worry them if she's fine. I'm pretty sure they don't want to feel how I feel right now."

She squeezed my hand. "It's all going to be okay."

"I hope so."

We stepped off the plane at 1pm the following day and I was much calmer after twelve hours of sitting in my thoughts. I wasn't too sure how long that feeling would last, but for now it felt good.

Everyone released a sigh while stretching their bodies out after sitting for so long. I, on the other hand, took my phone from my pocket and took it off of airplane mode to check whether I'd received any updates. Messages and emails began to flow thru faster than I expected. However, I only cared to see whether Khloe texted me or at least called. Indeed she had so I went to her message thread. She's gone, Kori. Those three words were enough to take me to the ground.

There in the middle of the airport, I sat squatted down violently wailing. My body vibrated from the strength of my cry and the pain coursing thru my veins exposed itself. My mother was no longer alive and I felt pure guilt. Guilt for never admitting my admiration for her. Guilt for allowing her feel as if she was the number one onlooker that didn't matter the most, when in reality her opinion meant everything to me.

"My nigga are you fucking serious right now!?" Brittany fussed at someone right before something hit the ground.

"Are you crazy? Why would you do that?" a woman's voice screeched.

"Brittany not now." Jeff gritted.

"Korin, sweetheart you have to get up. I know you are in pain right now but people are disrespecting your privacy." Noelle squatted down beside me and rubbed my back in comfort.

"My mama's gone, Noelle." I cried.

"And I'm so sorry. Let's just get you home, alright?"

The ride to my mom's house felt like the longest ride of my life. It was filled with silence and that was the opposite of what I needed. I needed for everyone to act normal and have regular conversations with me to keep me from crying. I wanted to get out of my head. The more I was able to sit and pick my brain, the more tears I produced. The silence allowed me to guilt myself more and more.

Our driver pulled up in front of the navy blue with white trim, two story home. There was four cars parked in the driver way — two of them I recognized as Khloe's and my aunt's. I released a huff, afraid of going inside and being presented with a stronger wave of realization that my mother would no longer be around.

"I'm going to head to the hotel to get checked in and make some phone calls to give you time to be with your family." Jeffery turned toward me from the passenger seat. "Would you like me to cancel any gigs you have?"

"Please." I croaked. "The only thing I don't want you to cancel is the Red Table Talk interview but y'all can go and get some rest. I'll be fine here."

"You sure because if your brother is on that bullshit I can whoop his ass for you. He obviously needs a good one." commented Noelle.

"No, it's okay." I gave her a weak smile. "Y'all go and get some sleep. I'll call and let y'all know what's going on when I'm fully updated."

They all gave me a head nod as I climbed out and pushed the door shut. I removed my luggage from the trunk then made my way for the front door with heavy feet. I had no idea who all awaited inside and I was also unaware of the reactions I'd receive. I wasn't the most liked on my mother's side of the family — she liked to keep everyone updated on what happens in the home. Therefore, everyone in her family knew about my depression and anger.

The alarm system announced my entrance as I pulled my luggage in behind me. All of the voices in the living room ceased and I hoped it wasn't more than who needed to be here. I pushed my bags up against the wall before walking toward the living room. As soon as I entered, Khloe ran to me and gave me a tight embrace. I rubbed her back in comfort as she cried on my shoulder.

"Glad to see you actually show up. Kind of a surprise since you didn't get here yesterday." Justice spoke while writing on a piece of paper. His girlfriend touched his leg and gave him a look.

"Justice do not start with me. It doesn't take two hours to get from Milan. Especially when I was in the middle of a show that I couldn't just walk out of."

"I bet you couldn't."

"Hey honeybun." Aunt Paula, my father's sister, stretched her arms out to me for a hug. I gave her one and the warmth of her hug brought the tears back to the surface. "Shh, shh I know baby. It's gonna be okay."

"I don't know why she's making this scene when Vivian said she never came around. Her mama hardly saw her." Uncle Harper, mom's brother, commented.

"Well maybe that's why she's crying, Harper. And whether she came around or not that's still her mama:" Aunt Paula responded.

"Nah that's the guilt. The last time she talked to mama she was criticizing her parenting skills and that was how long ago, Korin? a month ago?" Justice added in.

"I thought you wanted to cut communication with me. Why do you keep speaking on me or speaking to me?" I wiped my face now fuming.

"Aye, I didn't call you here." he held his hands up. "But tell me I'm lying? I honestly didn't think you cared that much so I was simply going to send you an invitation to the funeral and move along."

A switch went off inside of me and in an instant, I was flying across the table to attack him. I'd reached my point with him. He's said and done one too many things to hurt my feelings and belittle me as a person. But this time was different because he caught me in my most vulnerable state. To even think that he wouldn't have the decency to tell me about my mother's passing yet send a funeral invitation was pure disrespect.

Three punches sent to his face was all I was able to accomplish thanks to Uncle Harper and Justice's girlfriend snatching me away. Justice huffed and looked at me as if I had two heads but he deserved more than what I was able to give him. I yanked away from Uncle Harper, filled with rage. I did not want his hands on me. He was also apart of the problem because he and his comments were insensitive. However, I wasn't the slightest surprise being that he and Justice were two peas in a pod. There was no telling what was said about me that could have been misinterpreted or false in general.

"The both of y'all can go to hell! I loved my mama with everything in me. Just because I chose to leave this city and do what makes me happy I've all of a sudden abandoned her and this family? If anything I was already excluded but since this is the game y'all two grown ass men want to play, email me my portion of the arrangements. I'm not doing this with y'all."

"Korin—"

"No, Auntie Paula. This is a reoccurring thing with them. I'm not about to keep allowing them to treat me like this when I've done nothing but apologize and right my wrongs. This is childish! How can they sit here and be spiteful after the death of my mother! OUR mother. That's pure hatred."

"Apologize for what?" she frowned.

"Tell her Justice. Tell her why you refuse to have a relationship with me and act as if I'm not your sister."

He only smacked his teeth. Khloe then took it upon herself to speak for him. "When Korin was in high school she was depressed and would say hurtful things to everyone and one night she said a few things that upset Courtland and he left to walk it off but he never came back. Every since then Justice has hated her."

"All of y'all have. Not just him, you and mama included." I added.

"A mother could never hate her child." Aunt Paula shook her head.

"If you were in this house, you would think otherwise. She was always picking sides and it was Justice's. That's why he's a spoiled brat now. It was also why me and her hadn't spoken in over a month, because she refused to end his childish ways. She never put him in his place."

"Maybe you needed to be put in yo place. Walking around here talking about depression and trying to commit suicide. You needed yo ass whooped." Uncle Harper scoffed. "All that is a bunch of bullshit and she let you walk around here acting like that."

I laughed in disbelief. "You and your nephew are the epitome of ignorance. I'm out of here."

"Korin no." Khloe followed behind me.

"No, I'm leaving Khloe. Obviously I don't belong here and I won't force it. I'll mourn mama on my own." hearing those words come from my mouth made me bitterly laugh.

She gave me a face filled with sympathy. When she opened her mouth to respond to what I said, a little girl spoke from beside us. I turned my head to see a little girl rubbing over her eyes at the bottom of the staircase.

"Hey Sorine." Khloe smiled, going over and picking the little girl up. By hearing her name, I knew that she was Justice's daughter. I'd just never seen or met her before. "Say hi to your TiTi Kori."

She moved her hands from her eyes and I could have sworn that I was looking at myself. She nearly wore my entire face when I was her age and it was a bit scary. However, she was my niece so it made sense.

"How old is she?" I asked.

"Four. She's very shy so she might not say anything to you. It takes her a while to warm up to people."

Justice came into the foyer and grabbed Sorine from Khloe's arms. I rolled my eyes and reached for my luggage again.

"Korin." Khloe called after me. "I do love you and I don't hate you. I swear I don't."

"I love you too, Khlo. I'll talk to you later."

Once I was outside, I sat on the porch stairs waiting for the lyft I'd ordered to arrive. The streets were filled with silence and no one seemed to occupy their homes. All that could be heard was the sound of a few bees flying by. But because it was school hours, it made perfect sense. Everyone was either in school or at work.

With little to no patience in my body, I raised my phone to check on the driver's location. He was taking way too long to only be four minutes out. In that same second, my phone pinged that the driver was outside and I received an incoming FaceTime call from Giovanni. Instead of answering the call, I stuffed my bags in the back of the lyft. I then got situated in the backseat and he called me again.

I huffed, yet, accepted the call. I was greeted by his ceiling and the sound of him shuffling around in the background. "Hellooo."

"Hey." he snatched the phone up, putting his face on full display. "Where you at?"

"In a Lyft."

"How you holding up?"

Noelle must've delivered the news, I thought to myself.

"I'm cool. Not much I can do to change it." I shrugged.

"Though that may be the truth, I don't want you to talk like that because I know you're feeling something. She's your mama."

"Well that's all I got for you, Gio. She's gone." my eyes adverted out of the window.

"I'll be there around six." he announced and I nodded. "How's everyone else doing?"