as we watched our mother's casket descend down into the ground. Today was the last time that I would have laid eyes on her body and oddly enough I was calm. I wasn't sure whether it was because I'd cried enough tears when the news was first struck, the nights leading up to today and the wake. Either way, I hadn't cried any tears. I was rather happy that her body was being laid to rest. It felt as if she was finally getting the chance to be free in her after form.

Khloe wasn't as distraught as she had been all week long, but Justice was another story. Throughout all of the planning, he'd kept a leveled head and seemed to be copping well. But the moment he walked up to the casket to say his goodbye, he lost it all. He wasn't able to stand nor was he able to give his planned speech. His girlfriend stepped in for him and read his words while also giving her opinion of my mother. By the time we reached the burial site, he was done for. He'd cried himself weary.

"Do you think her spirit has passed over yet? Because I feel like she's somewhere close by." Khloe glanced around.

"I don't know but I do feel like I'm closer to her for some reason so she may still be around."

I glanced over my shoulder to see Eliana, Noelle and Brit waiting near the car for us. We'd been up since early this morning so I knew everyone was ready to get back to my mom's house to finally eat. They may have even wanted to take a nap.

"Let's get back to the house and get some food in you." I said to Khloe, knowing that she would stand here all day if I let her.

"I'm hungry but I don't think I'm up for chewing." she chuckled whilst we walked across the grass. "Maybe I'll just eat a little potato salad and call it a day."

"You have to eat a little meat too. Put something with a little weight in your system."

"Okay, señora." she joked. "I'm going to ride with my boyfriend so I'll meet you there okay?"

"Alright. Be safe."

She continued to cross the grass but I remembered the two roses in my hand and turned around. I by passed my mother's area over to my father and Courtland's. Their passings were seven years apart from one another and eight years later, my mom joined them. It was sad to know that our family was dying off so quickly but it was teaching us to love harder and unconditionally. Time waited on no one and trauma didn't have a specific agenda. It was all unknown.

I squatted down in front of my dad's tombstone first and instantly smiled. "How are you, Daddy? Even after all of these years I'm still proud of the way you went out. A man of compassion and selflessness. A hero. I miss you and love you so much. Make sure you take care of Mom."

"Hey Court." I moved over to Courtland's tombstone. "I know I haven't been here since you were buried and I'm sorry for the neglect. I was afraid to feel your spirit unsure if you still hated me or not so I avoided this place like the plague. However, I've come to the realization that you may have not hated me after all. Angry and upset may be more appropriate. But I came to tell you that I am extremely sorry for everything that I've said to hurt your feelings back then. I was upset that you and Justice didn't see my pain but inflicting it on y'all wasn't the answer.

I love you like no other and wish you could still be here to see me flourishing in this world of heathens as you would like to say. But because you're not I live for you and in memory of you. I'll be seeing you one day and I can't wait to give you the warmest hug I can muster up. See you later, big bro." I sat the rose down.

I stood upright, only to feel a warm breeze swipe across my face. It stilled me as I swore Courtland's voice flowed thru it telling me that he loved me. With closed eyes and my hand on my chest, I nodded while repeating the words back to him. Today had been a better day than I thought it would be. So much peace was given to me and I couldn't have been more thankful.

After a few seconds, I walked over to the waiting girls and climbed inside of the car. I sat up front in the passenger seat while they all sat in the back. There was a bit of tension coming from them and I knew it was because Noelle and Eliana weren't on speaking terms. Whatever happened between them, neither were willing to speak on it with me so I left it alone. They would eventually solve it amongst themselves but for now there was heavy friction.

"That was a beautiful service y'all put together, Korin." Brittney broke the silence. "Your mother was really loved around here."

"Yeah, she was a professor at Valencia so alot of people were her former students. I was surprised that quite a few of the officers from my dad's old precinct showed up."

"Your family obviously was well respected. So many people had great things to say about your parents and their dynamic. It was really beautiful to see."

"It truly was and I really appreciated it all."

Once we reached the house, only a few cars was parked in the yard and I was thankful. I'd been surrounded by gangs of people all morning and wanted a little more alone time than they offered. I climbed out, pulling my dress down to its correct length before trailing the pathway up to the front door. I pushed it open to see Justice cleaning up.

I frowned, "The food's gone already?"

"Almost but I made y'all plates for now and later just in case."

"How is it almost gone? There's hardly anybody here." I leaned against the wall to unstrap my heels.

"I was fixing plates and sending people on their way. There was no need for them to just linger around the house."

I nodded in understanding. I knew he just wanted it to be us because that was how our family operated anyway. The other members were never really around and now made it no different.

In desire of my own solitude, I jogged up the stairs with my shoes in hand. I had every intention to come out of my dress and fall face first into my bed. Yet, I was met by Giovanni standing before my dresser analyzing the photos of us I'd taken out last night.

At the sound of the door lowly creaking as I pushed it open, he looked over in my direction. "You really kept these for all these years?"

"I wanted to throw them away." I sat my shoes down. "But I could never bring myself to do it so they were hidden until last night."

"What made you bring them out?" he picked up one we'd taken after one of his basketball games.

"I was going thru all of the boxes in the closet and they were in one. Along with this." I reached onto the night stand for the piece of notebook paper and handed it to him.

"What is this?" he grabbed it and began to read it.

Under the moonlight is where we lay

My head in your lap while you make it all okay

In my head, I'm wishing we can stay like this forever

Your spirit caressing mine in such comforting weather

But we can't and that's what brings me pain,

You are the reason why I'm fain

You're the light in the dark

That ignites the warmth in my heart

And I pray we never grow apart

Because if we did

I'm sure one of us would fall apart

That one being me

Seeing as you're the reason I breathe

Why I'm light on my feet

You're everything to me

And that's how it will always be

It was a poem that he'd written for an English assignment but he told me that it was about me. I loved it so much that I asked him could I keep and it and obviously he did. At one point, I'd read it so much that I could read it without laying my eyes on the paper. Back then I used to think that he never had an interest in me but was very charismatic. But now, I realized that he told me a thousand times in a million different ways. I just missed it.

"Damn...I gave this to you?" he looked up at me. I nodded. "I mean I wasn't lying but damn I was laying it on kinda thick with this one."

"I never minded it. I loved hearing you talk about me. Which led me to go thru my mom's box of VHSes to find the tape we recorded for future us. I didn't watch it because I'm kind of nervous to hear what was said on both parts."

"That's why you got this big ass VCR player in here?" he chuckled looking over at it connected to the tv. "Is the tape already in? Play it."

"No, because I don't remember what I said."

"Neither do I, but that makes it even better. Where the tape at?" he walked over and turned both devices on.

"It's already in there."

The same summer that Giovanni moved away, we'd found my dad's VHS camera stored away in the garage. It gave me the idea to make a video but one dedicated to us in the future. Almost like manifestation. We chose to shoot them separately to give the other the comfort to say whatever they wanted which was what frightened me today. There was no telling what was said back then on my part. Especially because I was so obsessed with the idea of us getting married according to my journal. At that moment, I probably didn't even think about whom we may be around or with when we finally watched them or anything.

I took a few steps back from the camera revealing my attire of a white halter top that stopped above my belly button and a baby blue skirt. KSA, my initials, were bedazzled on the right bottom corner in silver. My curly mane was in a side part and looked as if it was slightly wet. Not to mention I wore a dark lip stain.

"Oh my goodness. Who did I think I was?" I laughed.

"Don't act like you didn't like to dress like the stars of your favorite movies. You were probably trying to be Paris from Love Don't Cost a Thing right here." said Giovanni.

"Hi Gio. I'm going to assume you're like twenty five or something like that right now. And I hope this is your first time watching this because we made a promise to hold off until we're older. But anyway, I know for a fact that we're still friends because you could never live a happy life without me. That's a fact. Don't worry though, it's mutual on my end too. You've been a backbone for me just as much as I have been for you and I really don't want that to ever change. Sometimes I sit and think about the what if of that happening and it's a slippery slope. No one can bring me as much solace as you can and I mean it.

Um...I know you play basketball. You may have gotten hurt but you bounced back with ease because we're G's like that and we don't lie down like a limp dog. I pretty sure you're in a relationship because you love the idea of love. A hopeless romantic at best. She could be me because let's be honest, our souls are intertwined. But if she's not, I know I'm happy for you. I just hope that she loves you more than I do. That she understands that your love language is physical whether thru touch or your pen. By now, I hope you've learned how to verbalize your feelings with your mouth though because it's necessary. People can't read minds.

But I also hope she satisfies your every desire and strives to make you better every day. It's what you deserve. You already been robbed of love so you deserve to be given limitless love without any conditions. And plus I know it's what you'll give without even noticing it's not what you're getting back. No more Tyras. And if you have a kid, I know you named him or her Jody and just know that I'm mad. Hopefully I stopped you but that's all I have to say. I love you, Gio and I wish you the best life."

Giovanni looked over at me, "And to think you would ignore my advances. Whole time you were trying to wife me. Such a Cancer."

"Shut up and flip the tape. I wanna hear what you had to say."

He shook his head while going over and doing so. Rather than stand like he'd done during my recording, he took a seat. He was probably just as nervous as I had been because sometimes he could be extremely blunt and candid. Especially when he was actually up for expressing himself.

"Is it on? I think it's on." his voice played over a black screen before he took steps back revealing himself. He was in a red button down that wasn't buttoned showcasing his wife beater underneath. His hair was uncut but his miniature afro was neatly picked to prefection. "What it do, Kori? I'm going to say it's been about ten years so you're about to be twenty five if not already."

"Around that time I know for a fact you're doing something big. I just can't tell you what. You're creative so it may have something to do with art whether it be visuals, fashion, something. You're doing it. I know you're even more beautiful than you are today which is crazy to imagine because...whew. And you better not have some square on your arm either. I know that's your lil type right now but I hope you've broken out of that and found you a real nigga. It may even be me. It's the best choice you could ever make if we're being honest because I would like to think I'd give you more than you'll ever ask for.

Anyway, depression's ass has been kicked right? You've learned how to cope better and not push people other than me away? I hope so. As much as I want to be around forever it's not guaranteed so I need for you to be strong on your own. Especially if we have a kid by now. Lil Jody need their mother to be a rock for them when they need it because we all know depression can sneak up at any minute. Oh and in about a year or two I'm proposing. I know it. The spirits are telling me now — GIO! — look at you. Can't even let me finish my video in peace. I love you babygirl and whatever is happening know I'm proud of you."

The tape ended and I glanced over at Gio to try and read what he thought about his words. In all honesty, I expected nothing less from him aside from the us being together and the kid. His want for me back then was really started to become clear to me. I'm not sure how I missed it but I most certainly did.

"Looks like you have a year to clean up your act sister girl because I called it." he turned to me. "No more Asanis, only Giovannis."

"Hard pass." I stood up in dire need of removing my dress.

"Yeah right." he smacked his teeth. "Let's not forget a few days ago in that elevator, babygirl."

With my back facing him as I rummaged thru the drawer, a smirk graced my face. I don't know what had taken over me that day but the urge to kiss him was at a high. Not to mention, when we did kiss I felt extremely hot and full of tingles at the same time. If it wasn't for Noelle interrupting I'm more than sure it would have continued going.

However, the kiss really got me to thinking about my feelings toward him. They were there and patiently waiting yet I hadn't even realized, before this past week, just how strong they were. Maybe I'd chosen to subconsciously ignore them, I don't know but I know for a fact that I was the one who kissed him. Plus I had no regrets about it and had every intention on doing it again when the opportunity arose.

Giovanni was no stranger to me and my feelings for him were always a thing. Which was how it led to my heartbreak at one point so to have him back in my life again, of course the feelings returned. But I feel as though they may have more depth to them this time around. A depth that's scarier than before.

"Oh, I haven't." I picked out a pair of lounge shorts and a t-shirt to throw on. "It's been on my mind."

"Yeah? And what thoughts have it led to?"

"None of your business." I stepped aside and took off the dress. Though I'd turned around, the feel of his eyes on me was very apparent. I put the change of clothes on then faced him again.

"C'mere." he reached out for my hand.

"What?" I allowed him to pull me over to him.

"Tell me how it made you feel. You regret doing it? Let me know it all before I get my hopes up."

"No, I don't regret it and it felt good. It felt right. Like that is how it's supposed to be, but that could have just been me." I shrugged.

He dropped his head with a soft laugh. "So we're going to do this again? You acting like I don't have feelings for you either? There's hardly been a moment where we weren't on the same page, Kori."

"Yeah but times are different."

"Aside from us having established careers and our own place, what is so different about our dynamic? If anything, evolved Korin entices me more."

"I'm not in the business of assuming. You've always been charismatic, touchy feely with me so why would I think this time around is any different. And not to bring up something I've forgiven you for but we kissed and had sex before only for me to be left in the dark. I assumed then and never heard from you again."

"Well, I want to be with you. I want you to give me a chance to be more to you." he clarified.

I stared down at him, knowing this was my opportunity to make my childhood dreams come true. Even at this age I wanted to explore more with him but in that moment I allowed myself to get scared. I gave it the power of completely consuming me to the point I could feel an anxiety attack creeping up. Fully focused on controlling my breathing, I wasn't able to from words to give him a response. At least the response that he wanted.

"Korin. It shouldn't take you this long to respond."

"I-I'm sorry....I just don't know."

"What don't you know? Talk to me, what's going on in your head?"

I took my hand from his. "I'm g-going to get some food."

, I was laid back on the table in the physical therapy room at the ballpark receiving a knee and thigh massage. After doing a work out to strengthen the once wounded muscle, a massage felt like heaven. I just couldn't wait for it to be completely healed. It may not return to its previous state, but that was better than just having a fucked up leg.