, the lyft came to a complete stop in front of a single wide trailer. The same red 2003 Toyota Camry from my middle school days sat parked in the grass. Rather than climb out, I sat staring at the home which made the driver look back at me. I gave her a closed smile and thanked her for the ride. She gave me a subtle head nod, and I climbed out of the car with my carry on in hand.

I walked up to the short set of steps before the front door filled with nerves. I adjusted the hat on my head, took a few deep breaths then walked up to the door and knocked a few times. The sound of dogs barking from the surrounding homes made me glance around with precaution. It wasn't much but miles of grass, a few wandering cats and quiet.

"Who is it?" a voice finally called out. I recognized it as my mother's and she sounded like she was doing something.

Just as I'd told Korin while in Turks and Caicos, I wanted to make a stop in Florida to visit my mom. For the past few weeks, the smallest things brought her to mind. I took that as a sign for me to put my fear aside and sit down with her. It wasn't like I would be faced with rejection because she was the one who reached out to me. The ball was entirely in my court so I needed to make the next play for our future relationship.

"Giovanni." I pushed out.

"Giovanni?" I heard her question but the lock unlatched at the same time. The door opened and I had to take a step back to avoid being hit by it. "Giovanni. Hi!"

"Hey, I'm sorry to just pop up on you—"

"No, no it's fine. I'm actually really happy to see you. Come on inside." she waved her hand, taking a few steps back to give me space and opportunity.

I stepped inside of the home to the familiar scent of vanilla embrace – her favorite Glade candle. She smiled at me with her hands squeezed together in front of her. I knew she was fighting the urge to touch me so I stretched my arm out, offering her a hug. She released a breathe of relief and tightly wrapped herself around me. When she pulled back, she had eyes full of tears.

"Welcome to my home. It's not anything grand but it's perfect for Braxton and I."

"Nah, it actually reminds me of grandma's." I glanced around.

The color schemes of the connected kitchen and living room were white, black and silver. The two sofas were white with black and light grey throw pillows. A glass table was stretched in between the two sofas with a vase of sunflowers – her favorite flower – atop it.

Against the wall was a large black stand arched over the televion, filled with various family photos. Majority of them were photos of me, my cousins and pictures of her with her cousins, but one photo in particular caught my attention. It was of her, Pops and I at a Magic basketball game for my fourteenth birthday. It was the last birthday we all celebrated together, and in the picture we all wore smiles a mile wide.

"You don't have to stand, you can have a seat." her voice snatched my eyes away from the picture. I sat on the sofa nearest to me and placed my bag down by my feet. "So how have you been doing? Is your knee better?"

"I've been okay, and yes my knee's better. It's slow progress but that's better than nothing."

She nodded. "It sure is...I know you came to ask questions and get things off your chest so fire away. I'm open to answer everything."

"Why didn't you tell me that you weren't just a recovering alcoholic but a recovering drug addict too? You didn't think I needed to know that?"

"For one, it was embarrassing to admit to you and I never had any intentions of ever doing them again."

"When you would get drunk and hide from me were you doing drugs then? I remember you coming to my game the day you left all jittery and hyped up."

She rubbed her palms against her knees, "I was. I would tell you I didn't want to see you because you looked like Jonas, but it was really so you didn't see me the way I was."

"Mama I could've helped you." my eyes began to burn.

"No you couldn't." she shook her head. "I'd lost myself before you'd known I did. It's just when it grew worse, I couldn't hide it anymore. And because I couldn't hide it, I didn't want to be around anymore."

"Did you even think about me while you were gone? I thought about you every single day. Scared that maybe you weren't even alive anymore because you would never just up and leave me."

She sighed. "I did think about you. I even snuck and saw you a couple times because I missed you. I just didn't want you to see me all strung out and not caring for life."

"It would have been better than nothing. Melanie didn't want me there and blamed me for you going missing. Uncle Langston acted like his house was a military base. I hated it everywhere I went. I wanted to be home with you but you left me. Why would you just leave me?" my voice shook as I held my cry back.

She nodded with closed eyes, tears quickly rolling down her cheeks. "I wasn't me. The man...the man your father killed wasn't just some random off the street. He was my abuser from when I was child and it just took me to a dark place, Giovanni. I didn't know how to handle it and I'm so sorry that I caused you so much pain."

"Your abuser?" I frowned.

She began to rub her knees again, "From the ages of nine to eleven, my mom was dating some man that was way younger than her. He was like twenty one while she was in her thirties. It started with him hitting me if I said or did something he didn't like, but then my mom got comfortable and would leave me with him. And every chance he had, he would rape me.

"I hadn't seen him in years but one day me and you were at the store and I ran into him. He'd waited until you walked away to approach me and say how fond of you he was. I told your father and he was angry so when he saw him in person I guess he lost it."

"I'm gonna be sick." I could feel my stomach churn. I took a few deep breaths to keep myself from throwing up.

"I don't want to tell you this and you feel some type of sympathy for me. I just want to give you the answers you deserve so that we can make things better for our future."

I nodded and pulled myself together, "Why did you take so long to contact me? Pops said you wrote him two years ago, and you said that you found out I was looking for you three years ago."

"I couldn't find an exact location for you. I knew you were in New York but Langston wouldn't tell me where because I wasn't all the way clean yet. Thanks to google, I found your father and asked him about you but he said y'all only spoke over the phone. It wasn't until he moved in with you that I finally got an address."

"He could've asked me for it."

"Yeah, he could've but we're here today. That's all that matters. We're on God's time."

I slowly nodded, rubbing my hands together. I'd finally sat down with my mother and received the answers to all of my questions. Neither of us could change the past but to have clarity on everything made it easier to let go and forgive. Some times an explanation was all that was needed, and in our case it was all that I needed from her.

"I don't expect us to be as close knit as we were. I just want to be able to have you in my life again and watch you continue to grow as a man. You're my first child, my sweet angel, and I don't want us to be apart anymore. I'm here and I'm asking to be invited back into your life." she spoke after a minute of silence between us.

"I want you to know how good it feels not to be angry with you anymore. I used to walk around mad at the world, and if we would've had this conversation around the time you sent that letter or prior to that, this would have went much different. But parents aren't prone to death how we like to think as kids. Parents aren't perfect either. It took me a while to fit you into that perspective but I did it which is why I'm here. I forgive you, and I do want to rebuild our relationship."

She instantly broke down crying. I got up from the couch I was on, sat beside her, and wrapped my arms around her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't even be crying—"

"Nah, you can cry. It's okay." I kissed her forehead.

"Still my sweet angel." she chuckled while wiping her face clear of tears. "Thank you for talking to me and thank you for your forgiveness."

"Thank you for actually being honest and answering my questions."

She kissed my head, "Do you want something to eat? I was getting ready to make lunch since Braxton is on his way home."

"I could eat." I nodded. She jumped up from the couch and made her way to the kitchen. "How old is Braxton?"

"Five. He doesn't do much talking when it comes to new people but he's a sweet little boy just like you were."

"He doesn't have any health issues?" I hesitantly asked.

"No, thank the Lord. But I was sober for majority of the pregnancy because Melanie snatched me off the street when she found out. Your grandma had done come down too and you know she doesn't play. They had done pretty much locked me inside the house. It was hard for me to leave, but at the same time I think it was only hard because I really wanted to be helped."

"So why not stay sober after that?"

"As much as I hate to say it, I didn't want a baby. I wasn't going to have him but they forced me to and a week or two after I had him, I hit the dust. But I was back and forth." she paused and I could see her shaking her head. "It wasn't until he was two years old when I was finally hit upside the head again. I was on my way out the door to go and get my fix for the night with no intentions of coming back and that damn Braxton yelled no. I mean with authority in his little voice too. But it hurt me. So I stayed and slowly weened myself off of everything. I relapsed hard like twice but I've finally made it."

"I'm proud of you for trying and getting it done."

"Yeahhh, and it's still hard but I know what I want the finish line to look like so I keep a strong head."

The sound of a school bus coming to a screeching stop made her drop the knife she had in hand. She walked over to the front door and swung it open. Children screamed her name saying hi as they ran past the door like a stampede. But one little girl with about six ponytails in her hair ran up the steps and gave her a hug instead.

"Your dad home today?" Mama asked the little girl.

"Yes ma'am. And he said we're going out for dinner tonight to celebrate my progress report."

"Isn't that beautiful. You keep up that good work and get on home before—oop look, there he is now. I'll see you later."

"You too. See you tomorrow Braxton!" she ran off.

"Bye." the voice of a little boy called out. Feet stomped against the steps and my mom stepped over.

A boy with almond colored skin stepped inside wearing a school uniform and long patterened braids going to the back. His narrow eyes fell on me and I was surprised when a smile spread across his face. He threw his backpack to the floor and walked over to me.

"You're my big brother, Giovanni. I'm Braxton." he held his hand out like he wanted a fold up. I gave it to him.

"Nice to meet you."

To know I had a sibling that was so young while I was in my twenties was weird. I never even thought I would have a sibling because whenever I brought it up as a kid my parents refused. But now I was the big brother of a five year old. We wouldn't even be able to grow up together, but I would be able to watch him grow up as he watched me get old.

"B, come pick your backpack up." Mama stood with her hand on her hip.

"Sorry." he ran to pick it up then turned to me. "I have to put this up and change my clothes but I'll be right back. Don't leave."

"I'll be right here."

He jetted down the hallway and my mom laughed. "I didn't think he would actually talk to you but he's obviously excited."

"Is he mixed? He looks Blasian."

"Yeah, his dad's Korean. And before you ask he's in his life but not like he could be. He hangs out with him and takes care of him but his wife doesn't know about Braxton so B never spends the night with him or anything. I mean it's a little better than nothing, but his wife is a wound he has to salt not us. Which is why I gave him until early December to confess. My baby wants to spend Christmas break with his father and can't because he's some secret."

"Okay I'm back!" Braxton came running from the hallway and plopped down beside me. "You're a big dude. I feel miniature next to you."

"You're five." I chuckled. "When you're about fifteen, you might be as tall as me."

"Yeah but you have muscles too." he poked my arm. "And I can only do four push ups."

"Muscles come with time and alot of patience."

He nodded. "How old are you anyway?"

"Twenty five."

"Do you have kids? A girlfriend?" he dragged the latter and wiggled his eyebrows.

"No I don't have any kids and yes, I do have a girlfriend. Her name's Korin."

"What does she look like? Does she look like Mama? Is she nice?"

I laughed at him spewing out a thousand questions, "She's nice sometimes and no she doesn't look like Mama."

"So she's White?" he frowned.

"No, she's Black. Her and Mama just don't look alike."

He pursed his lips. "I want to see."

I reached into my pocket for my phone and went to my photo gallery. I found a few selfies that we'd taken while on our trip to show him.

"She's pretty." he rubbed his chin then looked up at me.

"Okay B, I know you're excited that your brother is here and you want to get to know him but you have homework to do. You can bring it out here and do it."

"Can I do it tonight? It's so easy I can do it in five minutes."

"Then do it in five minutes right now. Why wait until tonight?"

He sighed and dragged himself off the couch. I chuckled and sat back against the sofa simply watching my mom maneuver around the kitchen. A smile would occasionally grace her face and I assumed because she was in a happy place right now, and I couldn't say that I didn't feel the same relief. Everything was going to be okay between us.

on my makeup, I rubbed my lips together to blend the lipstick I'd coated my lips in. I pushed the visor mirror closed and tossed the lipstick inside of my purse before grabbing it and climbing out. Thanks to my car's reflective exterior, I double checked my choice of attire for today; a creme short sleeve turtle neck and vintage dark washed high-waisted bell bottoms. Basics could get a tad bit boring so for a splash of color, I rocked an orange belt and Hermes bag.

The restaurant was filled with various people whom all wanted to have a good lunch. I gave them all a subtle smile as I breezed by making my way to the outdoor deck. It was the usual seating area for Noelle, Brittney and I when we met up here. Ever since Brit and I began to hang out again like we did when our careers weren't as hectic, Noelle tagged alone. The two of them clicked quite well so we often went places together. Especially since Eliana voluntarily separated herself from Noelle.

Upon spotting me on my way in, Brittney held her phone up for what I assumed to be a video. I playfully rolled my eyes but made sure to give her a fabulous entrance with a killer pose at the end.

"Is that a vibrant glow I see?" Noelle smirked at me.

"She went on that trip and got her some good ol' baecation dick. Must be nice." said Brittney.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Hey Noey, you look really happy." I bent down and gave her a hug.

"I am. I'm in a much better space than when we last saw each other." she smiled.

"I'm happy to hear that!" I then moved on to Brit. "And how are you, miss thang?"

"Better than I'll ever be. But I think you can relate since you have the same 'my man smashed my guts to smithereens' pep in your step."

I fanned my hand while taking my seat, "How many times do I have to tell you sex is ghetto and I'm not a hood rat."

"Yeah, cause you're more like a gutta rat like me. I can see the sore throat from here."

"Bit—" I burst out into laughter. "Brittney. Leave me be please."

"You know it's true. It's okay though. I respect the privacy but just know that I know, and I'm proud." she rubbed my arm.

"I hate this bitch." I looked over at Noelle. "But what's been happening with you that's cheered you up?"

She shook her head. "Nothing really. I was just granted the ability to get a clear perspective on everything going on around me. I feel lighter now."

"In translation, I came across some bomb pussy." said Brit.

"That I did. She definitely gave me a weekend to remember."

"Look at all of us embracing our sexuality and experiencing orgasms during this fine spooky season. High five girls."

I shook my head, but reached over to give her a high five. The waitress arrived shortly after and took our orders. We bypassed the wait time with more small talk and used it as an opportunity to take photos for our social media. The deck's scenery was the perfect backdrop. Plus, we all needed updated pictures with one another for memories.

"Thank you. That'll be all." I gave the waitress a smile after she placed more bread in the center of the table. "Okay, what were you saying Brit?"

"I just don't want him to think I'm moving too fast or to look foolish because he doesn't feel the same way."

"Babe everyone's feelings develop differently so you won't look foolish or be moving too fast. If that's how you feel that's how you feel. He wouldn't have asked you to be his girlfriend if the idea of being in love with you wasn't there." I responded.

"Yeah, but the idea of being in love with me and actually being in love with me are completely different. I know he likes me that's without doubt but whether he's where I am right now, emotionally, is questionable."