"Who would've known, that you have to go so suddenly, so fast. How could it be that sweet memories would be all, all that we have left? Now that you're gone, every day I go on." I sung along with Brandy and Tamia as Missing You flowed through the surround sound system. I was sitting in my office with a bottle of Hennessy in my hand thinking about my brother. I swirled the liquid around—before bringing the bottle to my lips taking it to the head. I shook my head as the tears rolled down my face.

Nerrick's death is hitting me hard because the only thing that keeps flashing through my mind is our last encounter. It was bad and I hate it got to that point but I was tired of being treated like I didn't matter. Ever since we were kids he's treated me that way.

The fight should've happened sooner but I've always walked away because he was my brother and fighting wouldn't have solved anything. Of course I wanted a relationship with him because he's my brother, my fleshing blood, but he treated me bad and I never understood why and now I'll never will because he's gone.

Why. Why. Why. Is all I've been saying because why?

Why do we have to die? Why can't we live forever? I know death is inevitable but dang. I wish we were all immortal. Death is scary and I hate it. It's crazy how you can wake up everyday not knowing it might be your last day. But in this case my brother knew that when he woke up that day, it was his last. I don't know what Nerrick was into but I wish he would've just asked for help.

"Now that you're gone, every day I go on. But life's just not the same. I'm so empty inside, and my tears I can't hide. But I'll try, I'll try to face the pain. Though I'm missing you." I mumbled the lyrics and took the bottle of Hennessy to the head again—finishing it.

This shit hurt and it's fucking me up man. Just can't wrap my head around the fact that my brother is gone. Like I know we had our differences but I still loved him no matter what. My leg started shaking out of irritation because I was getting mad because why the fuck was he so stupid. I don't know the nature of what he was into but it was stupid because how you piss somebody off so bad they had to behead you?

The funeral is this week and I'm not ready. I honestly don't even wanna go but I know have to. You left me Nerrick.. you left us. I chunked the Hennessy bottle at the wall and watched it shatter. That's how my heart when my mama voice came through that the receiver. It broke me.

I whipped my head around once I heard my office door creak open. My face soften once I noticed mamas was standing at the threshold. My wife is so beautiful man. She had her hair in a messy bun and one of my jerseys on that was barley fitting her, do to her pregnant belly along with some shorts. I licked my lips and smiled hazily. Nine times out of ten I woke her up because ever since I got word of Nerrick's death, I sit in my office and drink; while she sleeps in the living room because she said and I quote I wanna give you your space while also being in your space.

We're never too far from each other and I love it.

"C'mere beautiful." I watched her intensely as she walked in around my desk. I grabbed her hand and pulled her into me rubbing my hands up and down her thick thighs.

She cuffed my face and smiled softly. "How you feeling baby?"

I licked my lips and shrugged. "I can't say how Im feeling at the moment but I know I'm drunk."

She let out a giggle and I felt my dick twitch. Everything she does sparks a feeling in me. Can't wait until her weeks up cause she's getting broke the fuck off. Tired of beating my meat. Damn I just had to drink some Hennessy.

"Come on so we can lay down. I'm about to put you on the couch first and come back to get this glass up."

I looked up at her through my hooded eyes and smirked. I love my baby and I'm forever thankful for her. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind as we walked out of the office. She smelt so good. She's really my light at the end of the tunnel. We made it to the living room and she pushed me onto the couch. I licked my lips as she walked away going into the kitchen. I felt myself dozing off and then I heard baby yell.

"Baby catch!"

I opened my eyes and she tossed me a Gatorade before going down the hall. I cracked it open and took a big sip before dozing off again.

I don't know how long I was out but I popped my eyes open once I felt baby shaking me.

"Come on pooh." She held her hand out and pulled me up once I latched on to it. She clapped her hands and all the lights went off as we made our way up the stairs. I don't even know what time it is. We walked into the room and Brielle instantly pulled her clothes off. I shook my head. Girl already can't stand clothes and the baby is making it worse.

I kicked the door closed and pulled my shorts off throwing them into the basket. I walked into the bathroom behind baby and grabbed a towel from the shelf. Bro went to the toilet and started pissing while I stood at the sink. Grabbing my tooth brush, I placed my toothbrush under the water before pushing out some toothpaste onto of the bristles. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face.

Since I was the last one in the bathroom I killed the lights and climbed in the bed. I laid on Brielle the best way I could. "Baby can you rub my scalp?"

I asked and she shifted before I felt her fingers rubbing against my scalp. I sighed. I miss you Nerrick. I closed my eyes as I felt the tears weld up.

I don't know what time I went to sleep but when I woke up I realized that I was was no longer on my baby. I sat up in the middle of the bed and winced at the bright light. I looked around the room and noticed a bottle of orange juice on the night stand along with two ibuprofen. I smirked to myself and slide out the bed. I adjust my piece in my briefs before walking into the bathroom. I took care of my hygiene and walked back out.

My parents were handling the funeral arrangements today and wanted Essence's and my input. I grabbed a pair gray Nike sweat shorts, a white tee, a some socks throwing everything on the bed. I grabbed my tub a shea butter and rub my body down before putting on my clothes. I grabbed my necklace with Brielle's name and pulled it on. Then I grabbed my classic gold herringbone chain and slipped my studs in my ear. I'm only putting a lot in my attire because I haven't felt like myself lately. K'Mya delusional ass trigged my PTSD along with my brothers death.

I haven't been taking my pills because I've been drinking but I think I'm going to cool on that cause I need to start back taking them. I sprayed my YSL cologne on and grabbed my all whites along with my phones before walking out the room.

"Well if it's not mister man himself."

I chuckled at my father nlaw as I walked down the stairs. "Wassup pops?"

We slapped hands and pulled me into a hug. "How you holding up?"

"I'm making it. A little better than I expected." He just don't know they're the reasons why. Yes I've spent a little time with my family but being home is actually keeping me sane. I love my nlaws.

He nodded his head and smacked my back. "Whatever you need let Ash and I know."

I nodded my head and set my shoes by the stairs before going into the kitchen. Jabari was sitting at the table stuffing his face, so I smacked him on his bare back—making him jump.

"Cameron don't make me fuck you up on this good day." He bucked at me as I was walking away laughing.

"Cam!" My face broke out into a smile as Sorayá yelled my name. I walked over to the high chair and shook my head. She had barbecue sauce all over her face. I grabbed a paper towel and wet wipe to clean her up.

I picked her up and attacked her with kisses. "Hey boo."

She pulled at beard and kissed my cheek. "Muwah!"

I smiled and walked over to the stove where my baby stood. I kissed the side of her face and placed a couple along her neck. "Hey gorgeous."

She smiled looking in my face. "Hey baby. You ready to eat?"

I pecked her lips. "What you cook?"

"Homemade chicken sandwiches with fries."

I nodded my head. "You made the spicy sauce?"

"Yes, go sit down while I fix your plate." I tapped her butt and walked away.

Going over to the table. I pulled out a chair and held SoSo in my lap as she played with my beard. I looked around the kitchen. "Where my sisters?"

"They went with Ma to run some errands. We're having a seafood boil tonight. Ask Ma and them if they would like to join. I completely understand if they decline the invite." Brielle said as she assembled my sandwich. I smiled on the inside as she fixed it the way I liked it. Extra sauce no pickles. She grabbed a Gatorade from the fridge before walking my way.

She set my plate in front of me. "You want me to get her?"

I looked down at Sorayá and shook my head. She fell asleep with her fingers in her mouth. "She's good mamas, thank you."

She walked away and grabbed another before going towards the living room. I looked at Bari weird as he looked over his shoulder.

He looked at me and whispered. "When you gonna go pick that up?"

I cocked my head to the side and mugged him. "How you know about that?"

He smacked his lips and waved me off. "Nigga I'm yo bestfriend. I know yo moves before you even make them."

I rolled my eyes because how the hell find out about Bri's push gift? "I don't know. Either I'm going to give it to her when we move into the house or whenever we have the baby shower."

I picked up my sandwich and bit into it. I knew I needed to hurry and eat before my mama broke her foot off in my ass. I honestly don't even what time it is. She hasn't blew up my phone, so I know I'm not late or anything.

About three hours later I was making my way back. My mama had me running around the whole city getting shit in order for Nerrick. I understand she wants everything perfect but damn lady. I'm tired as fuck. I pulled into my driveway and parked behind Kai's big ass jeep since the garage is blocked. I killed the engine and grabbed the flowers from the passenger seat before stepping out of my Benz. I hit the locks and walked to the front door.

As I stepped in I was instantly hit with the smell of seafood and Key Glock causing the house to shake. I shook my head cause baby got another thing coming if she think she's about to have a field day with some crawfish. Uh uh! Not on my watch preggers. I kicked my shoes off and pulled my shorts up that were falling off my waist.

"Baby!" I yelled out as I walked further into the house.

"In the kitchen!"

I shook my head because I'm about to pop her. I walked into the kitchen and smiled at everybody. I spotted Brielle and smirked because she was already staring at me. I walked her way and placed kisses all over face. I placed the flowers in her lap and leaned back against the counter crossing my arms across my chest.

"What color does these mean?" I smirked to myself baby know the drill. She sniffed the large bouquet.

I leaned up. "Admiration. Appreciation. Gratitude. I love you. I'm about to go take a lil nap. Wake me when the food is done." I kissed her lips and groaned internally. They're so soft. I gripped her neck deepening the kiss causing her to moan.

"Ahem!"

I chuckled pulling back. I wiped Brielle's and my lips. "Sorry about that y'all."

"Boy I'll beat yo ass and you too muffin! I see why y'all got that damn baby on the way. Hollon! Ash let me choke you like that."

"Dakari shut the fuck up!"

He smacked his lips. "Come shut me the fuck up then if you bad."

I shook my head laughing to myself and walked away heading to the stairs.

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