I don't even know what to think as I scurry down the hall. I press the button to the elevator and luckily it only takes a couple seconds for it to arrive and open. I step inside and as I press the button I see Jason stumbling out of his office, his clothes thrown on in a hurry.

"Katie wait!" he exclaims.

The doors slowly start to close in between us.

"Goodbye Jason," I whisper right before the doors shut.

I manage to wait until the elevator starts its descent before my tears start spilling.

__________________

My head feels like lead as my elbow rests on the counter and my hand holds it up. The bar is nearly empty. Makes sense, it's 3 pm on a Thursday. I feel pathetic. How could I think last night meant anything?

I order a fourth drink and the bartender looks at me sympathetically.

"Rough day?" he asks in a kind voice. I nod slowly. My face must look miserable too. "Want to talk about it? Bartender's confidentiality," he says with a warm smile.

It must be the alcohol messing with my prefrontal cortex, because I spill everything. Sometimes it's easier to vent to strangers when you know there won't be consequences.

What happened with Lincoln. Falling for Jason. How Jason treats me as more than a friend but less than a girlfriend. Hiding me from his parents. Kissing and sleeping with Jason. Quitting ASA to avoid him. Being cheated on by Chad. The scene I walked into this afternoon.

How I feel like a pathetic idiot because Jason is constantly with other girls and I still have the tiniest bit of hope he'd feel the same way I feel about him.

"Ouch," he grimaces, placing my drink on the counter, "here, this one's on me."

I give him a small grateful smile.

"Can I give my thoughts though?" he asks.

"Go for it."

"I doubt a guy who cheated would let the girl oversleep in his bed, especially if he thought his girlfriend would be coming over soon," he says, with a thoughtful look on his face.

__________________

As I'm on the bus home, I get a text from Jason.

J: I'm so sorry you saw that. I can explain

K: I don't want you to. Just leave me alone.

J: I take it you won't be going with me to the dinner?

I angrily shove my phone back into my pocket. I feel it buzz again and take it out. It's my group chat with Ray and Lincoln, and a bit of my anger fades away.

L: Alright Katie, you're coming to the dinner

R: Everyone wants you to come as a special guest :)

I realize they have no idea that Jason had asked me earlier today.

They send me a screenshot of the ASA group chat. There's lots of emojis and gifs - they all want to invite me. Even more of my anger fades away and my heart feels warm.

K: Aw, how could I say no to that? :)

R: Perfect, we'll see you then!

__________________

I'm sitting at my desk trying but failing to memorize my notes. I let my head fall and thump against the textbook. Next week is finals week, I just have to get through that, then I'm free from this semester. I just want to put everything that has happened behind me. 

I lift my head back up and check the time, it's almost 1 am. I'll take a break after this chapter.

After finishing reading about aphasia, I shut my book. I lean back in my chair and stretch. From the corner of my eye, I notice the wine bottle Jason brought over that we didn't end up opening. A little wine wouldn't hurt.

I open it and pour myself a glass, accompanied by a couple episodes of The Office. I end up drinking a lot more than I should, which I don't realize until I stand up and have trouble balancing. It also occurs to me how much I drank this afternoon.

I'm not an alcoholic.

My phone rings, it's Jason. My intoxicated brain decides it's a good idea to pick up.

"Hello?"

"So I heard you're coming to dinner."

"Yup."

"Look Katie, I'm sorry about what happened today. Stacy showed up unexpectedly, I meant to just take a quick break but things got out of hand. My parents also, uh, lifted the 'no guests' policy"

"I'm so sure." I slur slightly.

He pauses for a bit. "Are you alright?"

"No. My life is in shambles," I slur even more.

"You're drunk aren't you," I detect amusement in his voice.

"You're drunk."

I hear him chuckle.

"Don't laugh at me. Haven't I been teased enough?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you treat me the way you do?"

"Like a friend?"

"That's bullshit and you know it. What even am I to you? Why are you leading me on? What do you want from me Jason?"

There's a long silence.

"I don't think you're going to remember this conversation in the morning. Make sure you drink lots of water before you go to sleep."

He ends the call.

I stare at my phone. I thought I had things under control, I thought every detail was taken care of. I guess life doesn't give a shit about your plans, it just feels like everything is unraveling.

I'm so close though.

Just a couple more weeks before everything should fall into place.

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The phone call was inspired by a drunk call I made after one of my first university parties. Learn your limits everyone.

Thanks for reading!