It's been over a year, I never spoke to him after that day. He returned the Louis Armstrong biography for the final time on a day I wasn't working. The post-it I found on it in the pile with his handwriting so different from the other returns, 'Thank you,' was all that was written on it.

I only saw him a few times from afar before he left town. Word on the street is that he moved out to California, people don't talk about him around me, it's pitiful, being sheltered from him. Teddy and Nick are the same, except they're engaged. Teddy's finger now adorns a beautifully unique ring that Nick's grandmother handed down to him. Edward is just fine, he's just the sweetest little thing ever, so kind and compassionate, he still looks just like

Teddy. Tiff's still runs more like a trashy daytime gossip program than a diner and Dorthea's is still full of beautiful music and even kinder people.

I'm driving on the PCH with Darcy in the passenger seat of this vintage convertible, she's wearing a scarf over her now bald head and letting the wind crash into her papery thin skin. For the past few months I've been taking her to every place she's ever wanted to go, letting her live out the short time she has left in peace. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at the beginning of this year and it's terminal.

She's accepted that she's not going to be here for much longer, she got all her affairs in order before we left. I'm going to take over the bookstore, have my own poetry contests and read to the kids that come in. I'm going to keep her dream alive because now it's my dream too.

She always wanted to come to California, drive down the PCH in a convertible. It was the last stop on our final adventure. I'm going to miss her so much when she goes.

I twist the radio dial between my fingers, looking for a station, the wind whipping my hair in every direction, when I hear that unmistakable voice. It's low and smooth rasp hits my ears and I stop, leaving the radio station on. My hand flies over my mouth and I feel my heart swell.

"We got to, we got to, away." His voice is powerful and as beautiful as I remember. The song fades out with delicate piano and my vision blurs from pure joy.

"Oh my god, Darcy, that's Harry. Harry's on the radio!" I shout out and Darcy weakly smiles.

Her voice is frail and tired, "He did it."

An enthusiastic man's voice speaks through the car's speakers, "That was Sign of the Times from rising star Harry Styles. His self-titled debut album is a quote, 'Breath of fresh air. Combining nostalgic elements of the past that will bring forth a new age of music,' according to critics. That's pretty high praise, wouldn't ya say?"

"Yeah, it's absolutely incredible, I couldn't ask for a better reaction." My heart skips a beat when I hear the familiar accent.

"Now your album has come out only a few weeks ago but you've got a special treat for us here at 97.5 Pacific?" The man asks, his excited annunciation unwavering.

A quiet hum comes from Harry before he speaks, "Yes, I've got a new song. I wanted it to be played here first."

"Surprise drop? Bold move."

"I have to be bold while I can, I guess." He jokes, I can hear his smile through the speakers. I can vividly see the dimples carved into his cheeks, the crinkles around his eyes, and his two front teeth that are longer than the rest. I look down at my nails, my pinky still painted that sky blue, I hadn't let it be any other color, I wanted to hold a piece of him with me wherever I go.

"We talked off air and you told me that this new song is your most meaningful, most important."

"Uh, yeah. It definitely is, I've been through a lot, I've grown while I've been out here, I wanted to reflect that in this song." He tells him, his voice full of serenity.

"Yeah, you've struggled with alcoholism since you were fourteen?"

"I have, I'm in recovery and I can finally do what I've always wanted. I owe it all to one person, I wouldn't be here without them." He pauses for a moment before he continues, "You're probably not listening, but if you are, the songs are about you, every single one of them. We said that we didn't want a forever, it was right that way, but it was an honor to be loved by someone like you, it was my pleasure to love you."

"Wow. Mind if we play it?"

He chuckles lightly, "Go right ahead."

"This is a new one, Fine Line by Harry Styles, here on 97.5 PacificSun."

The song starts out and then quiet strumming comes in, it sounds so peaceful.

"Put a price on emotion, looking for something to buy. You've got my devotion, but man I can hate you sometimes."

His soft tone and dense words make goosebumps erupt over my skin. I can't help the slow stream of tears coming from my eyes.

"We'll get the drinks in. So I'll get to thinking of her."

I let out a labored breath and look over to Darcy, she has this content look on her face, like she's the happiest she's ever been. I can tell because I have the same expression plastered on my face, one of complete pride and admiration. He finally did exactly what he'd always wanted to do, what he'd always been so afraid of doing.

"We'll be a fine line."

I feel this urge come over me, I grab my phone out of my jean pocket and hold it over for Darcy to take, "Dee, I need you to call the radio station."

"I don't know their number," she mumbles out as her head rests on the seat.

I continue to hold it out as I look for a place to pull over. The traffic is terrible and I can't find an exit anywhere. I continue to drive as his song continues to play.

"You sunshine, you temptress. My hand's at risk, I fold."

I switch between lanes trying to get to the next exit as soon as possible. I finally reach one and swerve over to the side of the road as soon as there's space. I shift the gear to park and turn the volume up as loud as it goes, my heart racing and my eyes spilling the salty liquid down my cheeks at a rapid rate.

I need to call the station, I need him to know I heard him. I want him to know that his words weren't in vain. I still love him, it hasn't changed, even if I don't get that forever with him, I need him to know that I love him. We had never exchanged those world changing words while we were together, I think it was to protect ourselves. But I need him to hear me now, I can't go on without him knowing.

I spent the past year trying to stop myself from falling apart, holding myself together with tape and glue, leaning on those around me to keep me upright. Not allowing myself to think back to his bright smile and enchanting green eyes. Keeping myself from relishing in the thought of his warm body laid next to mine. Grilled cheese and ketchup. Blue fingernails. Gentle kisses. Forkfuls of fluff and mouthfuls of mush. Tight hugs. Dancing in serenity. I had tried my damnedest to hold it together, but I was so lonely.

It's so lonely, to be trapped in my thoughts, daydreaming about his lips and his heart. Seeing how broken he was that day left me hopeless. I'd really dropped into the deep end with him, I was completely hooked, I thought I could never go without him, but I didn't think I'd ever have to. All of my memories with him had been so sweet but they were tainted by the end of it all. The crisp trepidation that flowed through my blood when I saw that bottle in his hand is something I'll never forget. The day I left him, I knew I could stay and that maybe it would have been okay, but I wouldn't have been the same. Over our time apart, I just kept thinking back to how things had been left, we never had a proper goodbye, no closure. Hearing his voice on the radio, hearing his accent, made me realize how much I really do miss him. I'd been holding onto the hope that I knew he loved me, he didn't have to say it. He said all of those songs were about me, I didn't even know he'd been writing that many.

I just kept waiting for someone to take the pain away. Life kept piling on the heartbreak, first I lost Harry, now I'm losing Darcy. I've been empty since Dee's news. I'd worked through so many packs of cigarettes, I'd smoked more in this past year than I had my whole life. All of our promises were broken like stitches, we'd promised no forever but we also promised not to break each other any more than everyone else already had, but we left one another in pieces.

I need them to answer the phone, I hope he can hear me now. I prayed that by some grace of God we'd meet again somewhere, this could be that chance. My chest hurts with how overwhelmed I am, I'm just trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat like this, it hasn't raced this hard in so long. We'd shattered each other but there's nothing we can do about it now, all I can do is tell him how I feel. I always thought about him and how much I regretted that we hadn't spoke since he went away. Now is my chance to change that.

"We'll be a fine line. We'll be a fine line. We'll be alright."

"I can't believe I'm doing this." I whisper to myself as I type in the name of the radio station.

I press the call button and the tone rings. His song continues to play in the background and I hear the trumpets and cymbals clashing as I wait for the call to go through. I keep wiping the tears from my eyes but they reappear seconds later, this overflow of emotion is too much to keep in.

"We'll be alright. We'll be alright."

The instruments fade out and the quiet hum continues for a moment before it's over. My hands shake as I continue to hold the phone with the call on speaker.

"That was Fine Line by Harry Styles. Incredible, dude."

"Thank you." He says graciously.

"Alright now let's go to our calls, see what our listeners have to say." The man's voice was smooth and zealous.

The call goes through and I hear the man's voice echo through my phone and the car's speakers, "This Zach Lauwer and you're listening to 97.5 PacificSun. What's your name, where are you calling from?"

I can't believe it at first, that I've actually been patched through. I guess I really am going to get to tell him, tell him everything I was too afraid to say before. A wave of relief washes over me for a moment, I feel panicked but in the best way possible. I'm so frantic to answer his words so that I can finally lift this weight off my shoulders.

"It's Phoebe."