when this world tries to suck me in, i move to my own, i spin right off this one into my all-consuming thoughts and countless spinsels, all the while hoping it will take me years and years and years to come back.

i always disappoint as it only ever takes the night for me to land back on this ruthless earth, so night after night after night i try to find solace in my dreams. i try again and again and again to spin and to dream and to fucking everything just so i can go somewhere i can simply breathe.

i swept myself under the rug and dusted off my failures and i still couldn’t understand why your eyes went right over me, at least, until everyone told me to look into the mirror and suddenly i started to see what you saw as an atrocity and it made me want to claw my eyes out, because what an abomination i am, how apologetic i feel for whoever has to lay their eyes on me.

it is a nasty story the mirror tells me, even sadder than a little match girl and no matter how i stand before it, it will only ever tell me that i’m the ugliest of them all.

you’ll be ok, you’ll be ok, you’ll be ok, i whisper to myself over and over and over because i’m scared of what will happen once i stop, if even i stop telling myself, there will be no one there to remind of how life is supposed to get better with age, but only seems to drag me down more and more and more with my mind whispering to me “just hang on, darling, it won’t take long anymore, we’re almost at the earth’s core, you’ll burn nicely there”.