《Everyone's a Catgirl!》Chapter 134: Cactus Kiss
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I blinked. “Three years? Why’s he been in there so long?”
Our waitress shrugged. “From what I hear, he’s convinced there are [Assassin]s out for his life.”
“Mou ii,” Ravyn muttered and rested her head in her hand.
“What’s your name?” Tristan asked kindly.
Flipping on the charm switch, I see.
The waitress’ cheeks pinked. “Kantha.”
“Kantha, can you tell us more about Magni? Please?” Tristan asked with unwavering concentration.
Careful, you’re going to give her the wrong impression with a powerful stare like that.
The slightest hint of a smile reformed on Kantha’s face. “Sorry, sweet. Not sure. Last group that came in here from Rājadhānī said there were riots outside the fortress.” She shook her head. “The catgirls of Ichi aren’t too happy with current affairs, so I’d watch your back.”
“W-what do you mean?” Cannoli asked with balled hands. Buttons stopped chasing his tail and gazed up at his master.
Using one finger, Kantha pointed at me, then at Tristan. “These two might get you in trouble.”
Par for the course, I guess.
Kantha didn’t know much more beyond that. Very few catgirls were visiting Rājadhānī nowadays, and those that did were there for the political spectacle. Once she’d pointed out the general sour disposition toward men, I noticed more sharp side-glances and blatant stares from the patrons. We made a quick exit once we finished our meal.
“So, thoughts?” I asked aloud, hoping one of the girls might have a better idea.
“I’m fucking roasting,” Ravyn moaned. Ball teetered on her shoulder, and she steadied him with a heavy hand.
Destiny’s chest heaved. “I’m melting,” she whined.
“Well, first of all,” Keke said as she waved a hand in front of her, “we need to get different clothes. We’ll burn to a crisp if we walk around like this.”
Ceres bowed her head and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I must agree, Sir Matt. I fear my armor may cook me alive.”
“I’ll make sure I ask Water to help us soon,” Lara said.
I shook my head. “It’s fine. With or without water, we’re going to need different clothes. We should wear less clothing, right?”
Keke stifled a laugh behind one hand. “No. The opposite, Matt.”
Tristan nodded. “She’s right. We’ll actually want to wear more clothing if anything. The important part is making sure your skin isn’t exposed to the sun for too long. Because if—” A gust of wind kicked up, blowing sand into our mouths. Tristan bent over, hacking up a storm. “Excuse me, I—”
“I hate this place already,” Ravyn said with her hand to her mouth.
“I’m going to fucking die, squaaaawk!”
Cannoli covered her face with both hands, coughing and rubbing at her eyes. “B-Buttons, are you okay?” Out of the corner of my eye, I watched while the little dude squirmed his way out from under her shirt and a ran a few circles around her collar bone.
“Seems just fine to me,” I said, specks of sand finding their way into the crevices of my body. “Let’s talk over there!” I pointed to an open spot between a pair of buildings wide enough to accompany two people standing side by side. The wind continued to worsen as we walked, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I made it into the groove. I brushed free whatever sand I could find away from my clothes. “You were saying, Tristan?”
Tristan shook his hair free of the sand like a dog. “Phew. Sorry. Yeah, as I was saying, we need clothes. What Keke said was right. We need more clothes. If we keep the sun off our skin, we’ll be fine.”
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I caught a pair of chatty catgirls passing with attire that left little to the imagination. “What about girls like them?”
“They probably live here,” reasoned Keke, “so they can afford to stay cool and wander around for a little bit. We’re traveling. We do not want to walk around like that. Haven’t you ever had a sunburn?”
“Well, yeah, of course,” I said, laughing, “but I always just assumed less was more, I guess.”
“No, no, no,” Keke said, the concern on her face worsening with every word. “Let’s go visit a shop nearby and find some clothes.”
“Are they going to have clothes for us?” I asked, pointing to Tristan and then me.
There was a pause. “Sir Matt makes a good point,” said Ceres.
“They should at least have cloaks,” Keke said as she was already making to leave the alleyway. “Come on.” She beckoned us with a wave of her hand. “I’ll pick some things out for us.”
Every step on the way felt like misery. The sun was blazing hot. Each time the rays hit my skin it felt like the frying egg on the rock I saw on TV all the time as a kid. As breathtaking as the Ichi Island girls were, it’d be seconds later that I’d end up with some strange gnat on my arm or a grain of sand in my eye or something. It felt like a small victory when we found a promising store nearby.
As soon as we moved inside, another whirlwind of sand erupted from the ground and chased our backs.
“Shut the door! Shut the door!” Ravyn screamed.
“Hurry the fuck up, squaaaawwwk!”
Ceres furrowed her brow, quietly shutting the door behind us.
“I’m going to strangle that bird in a second if it doesn’t shut up,” Destiny snapped.
“Hm? What was that?” Ravyn turned to Destiny with that half smile that put me on edge.
“Quiet!” Tristan yelled next. His sudden outburst calmed the chaos that enveloped us, eliciting a squeal from the shopkeep.
Ceres cleared her throat and bowed when she saw we’d garnered the eyes of several catgirls in the room. “My humblest apologies. Please forgive our rude intrusion.”
“Wouldn’t be rude if someone didn’t open their mouth,” Destiny muttered.
“Destiny,” Tristan said as he turned to look at her with a raised brow.
“Hey, let’s just calm down,” I said next, taking the vanguard. “We’re here for clothes. We can talk later if need be.”
“We’ll be talking for a while if Earth has anything to say about it,” said Lara. Her statement elicited mixed stares of concern and confusion from everyone in the room.
“It’s a joke she makes.” I forced out a laugh. “Ain’t that right, Lara?” I nudged her between the ribs with my elbow.
“No, I’m being serious. Why would I joke about that? You remember how Water was acting earlier.”
And now you’re making yourself look like the fool. Just shut up while you’re ahead. “A-anyways. I’m going to look over there.”
“I’m going with him,” Keke said with a sigh.
Everyone went their own way, and I took Keke aside. “Mind helping me find something?”
She smiled and hooked her elbow around mine. “Of course, darling.”
I felt my face heat up, and I scratched the back of my head. A few grains of sand found their way between my fingernails, and I suppressed a groan. “Thanks.”
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It didn’t take long to find their limited cloak section. There were only a few different colors but, thankfully, they came in plenty of sizes. Eventually, Keke picked out a long, full black cloak for me and a white one for Cannoli.
Keke threw a cloak she’d picked out for herself around her neck and tied it. She turned her body to the left, then to the right, then untied it and bundled it in her arms. It was dark and green like the canopies of trees you’d see in a forest.
“That just leaves gloves and boots,” she said.
“Are those really necessary?” I asked.
Cannoli nodded. “Absolutely! My hands and feet got burnt a few times on the beach as a kitten.” Buttons perched on her shoulder, nodding along with her. “But gloves and shoes stopped that.”
“You’re forgetting your face,” Keke said with a nostalgic smile. Cannoli’s lips scrunched together. “She’d try and find bunnies on the beach and spend hours outside. Usually, I had to go and find her.”
“That’s because all the other kittens lied to me,” said Cannoli.
Gullible kitten Cannoli is something I would’ve liked to see. “I thought we all had boots in [Combat Mode]?”
“Well, Tristan doesn’t, for one,” Keke replied. “Better to be on the safe side.”
We spent a few more minutes searching for the coveted gloves and boots. Once everyone had appropriate garments secured, we approached the counter and threw our hoard on top.
A tall catgirl with dark skin and a narrow face mulled over our clothes as if each proceeding garment was more pitiful than the last. A pair of crescent moons dangled from the tips of her black ears as she set aside our items, her eyes drifting to Tristan and me on occasion. Otherwise, she seemed indifferent to our presence.
Should I be concerned?
“Thank you for waiting. The total comes to two hundred and sixty-six Bells.”
I reached for my [Cat Pack], but Keke stopped me with her hand.
“Where are the extra fifty Bells coming from?” she asked. I frowned, looking at Keke, then back up at the shopkeeper.
“Tax.”
“I’ve never heard of anything like that before.”
She crossed her arms. “Welcome to Ichi Island. You may leave if you wish.”
“How are you charging fifty extra Bells for all of this?” It was Ravyn who asked this time. She approached the counter and leaned on one arm. “That’s almost a quarter of the original price.”
“Indeed.”
“So, you’re not going to elaborate?” Tristan asked.
The woman’s voice remained monotone. “I did elaborate. Tax.”
“Fucking unreal,” Ravyn muttered as she reached for her own [Cat Pack].
“Ravyn, stop.” I put my hand out and pushed Keke’s away. “It’s fine. I’ll take care of it.” The sand, the heat, and the random winds blowing whatever insect was flying in the air into my mouth were getting grating enough. I didn’t care what the tax was for; I just wanted our cloaks so we could leave. Whispers and mutterings from catgirls perusing the wares surrounded us as I spilled some Bells onto the counter. I ignored them while I counted, then I waved Tristan over. “Might as well get his done too.”
There was a bit of discomfort in his expression, but Tristan didn’t put up a fight. “Thanks, Matt.” He carefully piled two cloaks and one pair of boots onto the counter, then stood back.
“What’s the total now?” I asked.
The catgirl prodded one cheek with her finger. Did she really need to think about this? “The price is three hundred and seventy-five Bells.”
“Robbery,” Keke grumbled.
I shook my head. It didn’t matter. “Okay, fine. Here.” I threw a heap of Bells onto the counter, then watched as she slowly counted each coin.
“The money is accounted for. You may leave now.”
Ravyn held her hands out at her sides with her mouth open as if ready to dress the shop keep down. I shot her a glare and shook my head. She tilted her head to one side and sighed.
“Thanks,” I said.
We exited the store and ensured everyone was in [Combat Mode], fitting our new gear on top of it. The wind had calmed down, making the heat all the much more unbearable.
“Wind said that the ungrateful have paid their dues,” said Lara.
“I’m happy for the wind,” I said.
“Wind. Not ‘the wind.’ Just Wind. Wind is very particular,” Lara corrected.
“Thanks,” I grumbled. “Let’s look for a ride.”
“What about those over there?” Cannoli said, pointing to a pen in the distance. From here, it was impossible to tell. But it was worth a shot. “Sure, let’s go take a look.”
As we drew closer, the silhouettes in the pen became clearer, and with them, my skepticism rose. I was standing a few feet away when I stopped. I turned around to see everyone else had similar looks of confusion on their faces. That was, save for Cannoli. She had the look of a child coming to the zoo for the first time. Inside the pen were huge lizards resembling bearded dragons from my old world. They had long necks and black, pointed scales along their bodies. The base of their neck flared out with small spikes lining the frills. I knelt down to see each of them bore gold bangles around their ankles inscribed with some lettering I didn’t recognize.
“Ravyn,” I said, my gaze never wavering from the creatures.
“What?”
“What are these things?”
“Gigashanks.”
“Giga-what?”
“I’ve heard of these!” Cannoli clapped her hands. “They’re only seen on Ichi Island! They’re distant cousins of blazards!”
Ravyn approached and held out her hand.
“Might not wan’ do that, missy!” A catgirl with fiery-orange hair and eyes as blue as the ocean’s depths called from atop the neighboring building’s roof. “Real rough one, ‘e is!”
The gigashank crawled closer, the golden beads of its eyes observing Ravyn’s features. Its gaze lingered, and my nerves were suggesting we step back.
“Ravyn, don’t you—”
“Quiet,” she snapped. Her tone softened, and she crooned, “Come here, boy.”
A long, thin tongue flickered from its enormous mouth, scenting Ravyn’s palm. It did this three times, then the gigashank tilted its head against Ravyn’s hand and nuzzled against her as it purred. Or, at least, it sounded like it purred.
The gigashank whisperer.
“Death is here, death is here, squaaaaawk!”
“You’ll be fine, Bally. See? He has no interest in you.”
“Whoa,” the catgirl above said in awe. “Madam, he right likes ya! Need a ride?”
“These are for riding?” I asked, pointing at the gigashank.
“What marvelous creatures.” Ceres moved to stand beside Ravyn. “A fine mount for any knight.”
“We’re riding these things?” asked Lara quietly.
“I think so, sister,” said Destiny.
Tristan turned to look at them with a smile. “I think this’ll be a lot of fun.”

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