2.18.1

Release and Relief

In the dark of the cargo hold, Astrid paced. Static charge licked at her fingertips. She did her best to discharge what she could into her crystal, but her mind lacked focus.

She worked to feel herself. She even jammed in her earbuds to let her music draw her own spirit back to the surface. But to clutch the metal cage that encased her player only brought a longing for Dell and his compassion. And it made her feel no better.

She couldn’t erase the new emotions to which Ava introduced her. Neither could she forget them. She found the understanding she sought. But, as though an affront to her own sensibilities, it thwarted her peace and tormented her further.

It did little to ease the pressure of finding the children. If others believed as Ava did, that they couldn’t be saved, then what did the Opposition intend for them?

Those in Endra had been abducted weeks ago. And now that Astrid witnessed an attack for herself, it proved only too easy to imagine how it played out in her own home. Which made the visions in her head worse, not better.

And at the heart of it all, the blame seemed to reflect upon her. Even those that she should consider allies withdrew from her presence.

Whether with the Underground Railroad or fellow Channelers, it seemed her name evoked concern, not faith.

She should have anticipated it, Astrid lamented. Her younger self would have expected suspicion.

But now she’d worked too hard and sacrificed too much for the doubts to not hurt. Increasingly, Astrid spent too much time and energy convincing herself she did the right thing.

Again, and again, she rededicated herself to the task at hand. The children. And that she, more than any Keeper or Guardian, now possessed the greatest chance in their recovery.

But each moment the children sped further and further away, and to where, she still couldn’t know.

In frustration, the air intensified around the Channeler, and Astrid paused her trek to force more of her rampant feelings into her crystal. But it felt as though the benign light no longer suited her. For she didn’t feel harmless.

In the dark, she dared to pull the energy to her hand instead. To let the glow of her anxiety encase her fingers. She tried to hold the pain, just a moment. To somehow draw the unpleasant feelings into something tangible.

The energy flickered for release, unwilling, as always, to be truly held. The effort involved distracted her from the Static presence in the room until Anders said her name.

“Shit!” The tiny orb of light burst into a ball of static that zapped at Astrid’s face and limbs in a snapping tingle.

But Anders reared back on instinct, and that hurt way worse. Sensing fear, from him, even for a moment, nearly broke her.

“I-!” She immediately rushed to assure him she’d never hurt him. Not on purpose.

But she never meant to hurt Dell either.

And the flash of blue light against his green eyes lingered in her mind after it dispersed.

“Astrid, it’s okay. It’s just me…”

His hands twitched, as though he wanted to reach for her. Maybe his restraint came from respect, but to her, it felt like trepidation. And it stung.

Astrid forced herself to stay put, no matter how much her throat itched with fresh remorse.

This is temporary, she told herself. It will pass. I am light.

“Are you afraid of me?”

“I’m afraid for you,” he corrected kindly. From meters away. “This has got to be so much more stressful than last time.”

“But not as stressful as it’s going to be.” She warned them both.

“We’ll handle it. Your powers are getting impressive. What you were able to do at the Sanctuary, it was effective.”

“A little over-effective.” She cast her eyes elsewhere before he noticed her shame.

“No, Astrid. You’re going to be a force to be reckoned with by the time we’re done here. That’s good.”

But the Channeler made herself smaller under his eyes. Suddenly she wanted to take up as little room as possible.

“Let me ask you something,” Anders tried instead. “Have you at all, even for a moment, doubted that we’ll find those kids?”

Astrid summoned the strength to meet his eyes. Reminded of his faith. Their faith. She’d been frustrated, sure. Restless to find something to do about it. But…

“No. I know we’re going to find them. We won’t stop until we do.”

Anders offered an approving smile. “Exactly.”

The urge to touch him, and to have him hold her, remained. But Astrid kept her feet rooted in place.

“Did we learn anything?” she finally inquired as to why he came to find her. “Is something going on?”

“No. Well, yes, something.” Anders grinned. “Guess who just woke up?”

The Channeler nearly cried out with relief. Without another word, she rushed off to the stairs.

~~~

When she arrived, she all but burst into Med Lab.

Dell, propped up now, grinned to see her, which immediately rendered her own first smile in some time.

Romo stood close, though he, too, looked livelier. “Hey, Lightning Bug!”

“Dell, thank goodness!” Astrid practically bounded over to hug the technician. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“No, just a little rattled,” Dell assured her through her embrace. When she pulled way, he teased, “You’ve got quite the sting don’t you, Bug?”

Astrid laughed nervously, nearly euphoric with his revival.

“I’m going to let you two talk.” Romo squeezed Dell’s shoulder. “I’ll be back later. I’ll see if we can get this bird in the air now.”

Still, the agent moved a lot faster, lighter, when he left.

In the corner, Doctor Ishioka updated Dell’s file, but as always, she seemed as much a part of the room as its equipment. A fixture and calm presence that imposed on no one.

“Dell, I’m so glad you’re okay!” Astrid moved to take Romo’s place, closer to the man’s head. “I’m so, so sorry!”

“Still working on the aim, huh?” He joked.

Astrid’s shame softened only with Dell’s jovial mood.

“They said you'd be okay. But being unconscious for any amount of time has got to be bad. I know that. I was scared," she admitted. "I’ve never hurt anyone someone on accident like that. Not that bad. Not someone I care about.”

“I was there, I saw what happened,” the man insisted. “You were just reacting. Trying to stop that last pod. I’m just lucky it wasn’t a direct hit or a bolt.”

“You aren’t mad?” The Channeler sought confirmation one last time.

“’Friendly Fire’ was a term long before you came around, Astrid. That's not to say we shouldn't account for you going broad in the future, though. We got lucky. Both of us.”

The specialist exulted an exhale that released tension all the way in her spine. That checked at least one off her list of concerns. But he was right. She had to learn from it and adjust. Lest she do them both a disservice.

“So,” Dell changed the subject. “I hear we have a Guardian aboard.”

“Yeah. The one that led us into the Sanctuary. He’s kind of standoffish, but that’s probably a personal impression. He seems open-minded enough.”

“Makes sense. It's probably a wise move to be on the good side of your counterpart.”

“Walker was a Guardian, too,” Astrid pointed out.

“No matter what the conflict, there’s always individuals on both sides.” Dell shifted on the table. “You know that.”

“Agreed.”

“So, what’s the next move? Can you give me the quick version?”

“The prisoner, maybe. She’s the only one that might know where the S.O. is taking the Channelers. Romo says she isn’t being very useful, though. We might have to go back to Plan A and research potential sites ourselves.”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. I’m still trying to understand how this can go unnoticed. I mean, they picked up what, twenty kids at Endra? Sixteen at Lorelei? Twelve more at Mercedes?

“Assuming there’s not more we’re missing, how does upwards of fifty Channeler kids go unnoticed? How many could they need? Why? And how do you travel with that many? They’d still need fuel and food.”

“It’s not like anyone else is looking. Their families don’t know they’re missing, or even what they look like.” Astrid brainstormed with him. “And you guys said human trafficking is still a thing, right? There has to be avenues for that kind of network we haven’t found yet. Something.”

“You don’t think they’re… selling them, do you?” Dell’s expression grew grave at the prospect.

Astrid didn’t much like that consideration either.

“No, I don’t think so. A plan this elaborate, and so specific, the Opposition has to have intentions of their own.”

“We have to focus on finding them,” Dell insisted. “We can’t keep chasing them around, we'll perpetually be a few steps behind. And eventually they’re going to have enough for whatever they’re planning.”

Astrid saw the wisdom in Dell’s priorities. Even if it meant potentially leaving some Sanctuaries to fend for themselves.