I’m on my knees in a rare act of prayer. My eyes are closed, and my hands are joined.

Sometimes it's important to stop. The past events have gone over me like a [Tsunami]: the Princess – sorry, Princesses – and the change I'm undergoing.

After all that happened, I ask myself, are you still you, Joey Luciani?

What happens if you lose yourself? What happens in the crazy race for power when shit really goes down? Will I go mad? Will I become an empty shell, dominated by fear and impulsiveness?

And if one day I'll be too deep into it, too late to go back, what shall I do?

I wonder, Mom if you are watching me. I wonder if you are up there somewhere, looking at your son. I know you wanted me to take responsibility, Mom. And I know it's too late, but if you were right about the whole Heaven thing, I’m sure that's where you went.

I met a lot of wonderful people here. Some are a bit crazy. And I say that in a derogative way, obviously. I met a woman who tricked me – I'll not say what names you would call her. But even then, I think I’d learned something. And I had my fair share of fun.

Now, though, Mom, things are moving faster than ever for me. I promised I would save two continents from war. That sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But it also sounds like something I would be saying.

If you are there, Mom, I’d like a sign that I’m doing the right thing, that I’m on the right path. I’m not sure I am. I’m not sure I’m not. I just need a few words, a whisper, even. I’d take some of that cryptic biblical stuff you loved so much, too.

And if you are listening, don’t worry, I’m eating a lot. I’m fine. I think I’ve actually put on some weight in muscles. All that adventuring, moving heavy stuff, and so on, you know? It’s hard to tell without a proper scale, to be honest. People here are less concerned about their weight compared to back home.

I find myself not missing many things, if I have to be honest. Not even that treacherous cat. I have a pig now. I mean, a Wallorian Treasurer. Don’t tell her I called a pig. Apparently, that’s a faux-pas.

My magical research is going pretty well. Lord Juler is a great teacher, and he’s guaranteed me some privacy in my thoughts unless I summon him myself. It was getting a little creepy.

Yeah, then, there’s my Stanimal. He was a King in another life. In this one, though, he’s my manager. He knows his stuff and has a huge grey dog, Mom.

Lucillus and Antoninus are making a boatload of money compared to their previous job. They walked out of the Watch for me. Honestly, I’m still processing that. I did not expect people to be so supportive of me. I feel like a protagonist in those Japanese cartoons – and it’s wonderful.

Camilla and Flaminia often visit here. Camilla usually takes me out to dinner, and she had us kicked out from more than one place. She’s a hurricane, Mom. You would have loved her as a daughter-in-law. In many ways, she’s like you—loud, cheery, and always talking about food. Then, there is Flaminia; she is not making much progress with Lucillus. There might not be a spark there, sadly. I just hope my pal won’t take it too hard.

On the one hand, everything moves slowly and deliberately, Mom. On the other, I feel like I have gone through a myriad of changes. You would barely recognize me if you were here. Man, you would probably love both Quintus and Tiberius, my two sous-Chefs. They are old-school, like you, sort of. You would probably beat them up for wasting so many ingredients in their experiments, but you would have fun with them – I’m sure of that.

So, yeah. Plus, there is a bunch of other people around me. Domitilla will take lessons from me – she’s Julia’s daughter and Agostina’s niece. She’s cool. And I think it will make Princess Laura slightly jealous.

And speaking of Laura, she’s your actual daughter-in-law-to-be. I am extremely confused by this development. I proposed getting married as I propose all absurd things in the world, right? But she actually accepted. I mean, I do have to go through a deadly set of duels with the best [Mages] in the academy. But she accepted! How crazy is that?

I wonder if you would have passed your ring to her, you know? You always said that you would do that once I settled down with a nice girl. I mean, Laura is pretty racist; you would have liked that. Don’t get angry, please. If you do, don’t start swearing in Italian, Mom. I’m sure your company in Heaven wouldn’t like that. Is she the right one, Mom? I would have really appreciated some feedback here. She confuses me a lot. She seems the most despicable person at first, but then she worries about me. Is it a ruse? I don’t think so. I could ask Lord Juler or Stan. But I want to do it on my own. This time, I’ll be careful around her. I’ll make reasonably sure it’s not going to blow up in my face. Just… I don’t know. Give me your blessing. Make a shooting star go off or something. I mean, I’m in my room. Do something. Maybe make my bed? You know how I am. Always lazy.

Mom…

I don’t know. I wouldn’t have minded bringing you here. We talked so much about taking a long vacation in Italy together, but we never did, did we? We would have had a good time here. I mean, as long as you wouldn’t have dated any stupid Elves, Mom.

We never got to visit the archaeological sites in Sicily that you’d always raved about. All the ruins from the Ancient Greek era and that stuff. I would have loved to sit in the Syracuse theatre with you. We could have watched some stupid tragicomedy together, you know?

Yeah, that’s it.

I just hope you were proud of me.

If not, I beg you, watch me do it right this time.

Amen.