Unfortunately, I was still alive. That was the first thing I realised with a crushing wave of disappointment.

That meant the Council had me. I was not safe.

I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten there. Cas and I had fallen asleep on the base before the countdown even ran out. We didn’t want to fight it anymore, there was no point.

I was vaguely aware of a strangely clean, clinical smell. The world around me felt acrid. Dangerous. I didn’t want to breathe too deeply in case they realised I was awake and drugged me again.

Something heavy lay across me, pushing me down into the plush surface below. I wasn’t flat. That confused me too. I was propped at an angle, not quite sitting but not quite lying. There was something under my head too, maybe a shirt or a pillow or something. I didn’t want to move my head but it felt fairly soft.

The muffled footsteps on vinyl flooring that I could hear pounding through my skull were terrifying. There were too many people here. They didn’t walk in the synchronised marching way that Guardians did but there was something wrong about them too.

A soft breathing was coming from my left but I couldn’t make myself open my eyes and face whoever was in the room with me. It could be Harvey. I couldn’t deal with him just yet. I couldn’t bear to hear what happened to Cas. If I were here, that meant Cas probably was too. That was too much to handle.

I allowed my weak grasp on consciousness to slip from my fingers, retreating back into the safe nothingness of my sleep.

I was vaguely aware of waking up once more and immediately, I was aware that there was someone else in the room with me. Fighting to keep my eyes shut and to stay as still as possible, I listened.

Their breathing was even as they bustled around the room. I could hear them typing on a screen beside me, maybe a medBot. It would make sense that I was in some kind of medBay and that the Bot was keeping me asleep. That way, I wouldn’t fight them too much. I’d need to get the IV out of my hand if I wanted to escape. I could feel the bioplastic sticker keeping it in place. My fingers itched to rip the needle from my skin but I couldn’t with someone still in the room. They’d call the Guardians and the Councillors down.

No, it was safest for now if they were to believe I was still asleep.

The person beside me sniffed loudly and stepped away from the Bot. Their long coat swished slightly as they strode from the room.

I longed to open my eyes but the few minutes I’d been awake were already too hard for me. Sleep came again.

The gentle whoosh of a door closing woke me up the next time. I felt instantly more alert. My thoughts were still foggy but they formed more easily. I was aware I was in danger. I was ready to fight. My ears strained to pick up any signs of life in the immediate vicinity but they heard nothing. No breathing, no movement, nothing. I carefully pried my eyes open just a slither.

Bright stabbing white light pierced my brain and I flinched away from it. My eyes couldn’t pick up anything other than pure light but even so, that was too much for me. I slipped back into the gentle embrace of darkness.

Someone was sitting next to me. I could hear their slightly uneven breathing. They shuffled every so often too. I wasn’t sure why they were there. It was probably a Guardian waiting for me to awaken, put there by the Council. Maybe they just wanted me to know that even unconscious, I still was not safe. I could feel them getting impatient. They had a screen or something that they were typing on every so often. Maybe they were reading or just trying to pass the time. I wasn’t sure but I longed for them to leave.

They did before too long, pausing on their way to squeeze my fingers slightly. I’d had to force myself not to shudder at their touch but I assumed that was the point. It was probably a Council order; make sure you poke her and check if she’s faking her sleep.

Their surprisingly light footsteps disappeared through the door and I waited anxiously for them to move further away. I took a deep breath before preparing to open my eyes, my breathing slightly restricted by the cold tube in my nose. I hesitated, unsure why it was there before realising that I wasn’t sure how long I’d been unconscious. It was probably keeping me alive. It had to go.

Step one, check my surroundings. Step two, take this damn thing out. Step three, claw the IV out. I thought to myself weakly.

They’d know that I’d woken up if I did that but I didn’t care, I couldn’t bear to have the tape stuck to my face any longer and the tube in my body. I pulled my eyes open, just a tiny crack before squeezing them shut again. The pain that bounced through my skull was dull but still furious. My brain felt like it was burning but I forced myself to try again, clinging to consciousness even as it threatened to pull me under. I needed to keep going. I needed to get those damn things out. I knew they would just put them back in the next time I was asleep but I clutched at the hope that they wouldn’t realise and I would die before they could stop me.

My vision was blurred and my eyes felt grainy but they were finally fully open. It felt cruel making the walls a perfect glowing white, but that was the kind of thing the Council would do just to punish those who found themselves in the medBay. The windows by the door gave nothing away either, they looked out into another completely white corridor. The room around me was strange. A modern looking medBot waited motionless beside me. It was sleeker than the ones back on the base, the metal shiny and polished, the edges more rounded. Some bags were hooked up to the side of it with dangling wires attached to me. An overstuffed chair lay on the other side. That must have been where the Guardian had been sitting earlier. It was a strangely soft and almost shiny looking material. A weird choice for a medBay. The bed I was lying in was the same as the beds in the medBay at the base with white metal railings caging me in on both sides.

I tried to move my hand but my body rebelled, only allowing me to twitch slightly. I needed to get the feeding tube out of me quickly before anyone else came back. Surely another Guardian was on their way.

I tried again, the effort of moving my hand to my face was almost too much for me to manage. I’d tried to reach for the tape on my cheek but my hand was clumsy and landed heavily. My nails couldn’t find the edge of it so I scratched desperately, vaguely aware of pain on my cheek but too fixated on ripping that thing off me to care. It took far too long but finally, the tape was free. The tube wiggled in my nose as I tore it from my skin and I gagged.

I had to pull the tube out carefully. I couldn’t vomit, that would draw their attention. It tickled deep down in my throat as I pulled it and a shudder went through me. I fought the urge to pull it hard and just suffer the consequences but I forced myself to keep edging it out as slowly as I could. The squelching noise that accompanied it was stomach-turning but I suppress the urge to retch. My stomach convulsed as I finally pulled the thin tube from my body and tossed it aside. A light sweat caked my entire body causing the gown to stick to me and I squeezed my eyes shut as I forced my breathing to return to normal. Sleep courted me again but I wasn’t ready to give up just yet.

The IV had to go next. I gathered my strength and brought my hands together on the soft blanket in front of me. My right hand had the IV in. That made things more difficult. I was better with my right hand, my left was less coordinated. I picked at the edge of the bioplastic sticker but it wasn’t enough. My skin felt raw around the tape holding the sticker in place. I had vague memories of picking at it before but they felt distant. Dream-like.

Satisfaction tore through me as I managed to get the corner of the first piece up. It stung my skin but I ripped it off. I was almost there. I froze. Footsteps were coming closer, they were coming for me. I dropped my hands back to my sides where they were before and tried desperately to slow my breathing. I forced myself to take deep breaths as the door gently opened.

“What in the hells?” A quiet masculine voice muttered.

I fought the urge to open my eyes or move in any way, instead focusing on taking steady breaths.

Footsteps came closer and the steady drip from the feeding tube stopped.

“How did this happen?”

The person typed on the medBot screen for a moment before pausing again.

Disappointment rippled through me. They’d put the tube in before I had a chance to starve.

“Aries? Can you hear me?”

I refused to answer them.

A hand tapped my arm gently before shaking it more vigorously.

“Aries? Are you awake?”

I wanted to jump up from the bed and choke the person with the feeding tube but I resisted, staying perfectly still and breathing evenly.

“Huh. Guess not. I’ll go speak to the doctor then.”

Footsteps left the room and disappeared down the hall. I cracked an eye open again. They were gone. I needed to get the IV out before the doctor returned. My arms responded to me slightly better this time. My fingers scrabbled less, they were more precise.

I was able to rip the sticker off without too much difficulty and the needle slid out easily. The entire back of my hand was covered in a deep yellowish bruise that stood out against my skin but I ignored it. Sleep was still taunting me. It hovered at the edges of my vision, making my body sluggish and my mind foogy. Footsteps came closer but this time, I refused to stay awake. I closed my eyes and allowed sleep to claim me.

Someone was in the room again. I could almost sense them at the foot of my bed. They walked closer, tapping on the medBot screen before sighing and returning to the end.

I pretended to still be asleep, dreading the idea of opening my eyes and seeing Harvey’s face. I couldn’t bear to see that smug asshole. Footsteps stopped outside my door and it opened once more.

“Can I speak to you outside?” A voice asked.

It wasn’t the same voice as before, it was feminine this time.

I didn’t hear a response but both sets of footsteps left the room. As soon as they were outside, I twitched my hand. The IV wasn’t in place. Neither was the feeding tube.

“Any update?”

My heart stopped in my chest before beginning to race so loudly it drowned out the response. It was the last voice I’d ever expected to hear here. The voice of a dead man.

“Surely, she must be stirring now? She should have awakened before this.” The voice was desperate, an undercurrent of fear laced his words.

“She should have. We’d done everything we can so far, we just need to wait for her to wake.”

I could barely hold back my tears as I heard the voices move further away from me.

If he was here, that meant he hadn’t escaped. He’d been captured too. They were probably using him to try and trick me into waking up. I was certain if I had opened my eyes I would have seen him handcuffed and beaten.

Tears slipped from the corners of my eyes and traced warm lines on my face. I’d caused this. Everyone had suffered because of me.

I’m so sorry, Andy.