I’m sorry. The next bit is kind of a blur. I don’t know how it happened or why. I don’t know why my boots ran out of fuel or why Peggy’s didn’t work. I’m not sure if I knocked them somehow and broke them or if it was sabotage. The Freo investigation said it was neither. ‘A freak accident that never should have happened but was inevitable’. That was their conclusion.

I don’t know if I believe it but either way, it happened and there is nothing I can do to bring her back. To bring either of them back.

Sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself. I know I need to explain what happened, I just don’t want to. Maybe if I don’t write about it then I don’t need to think about it and it’s almost like they’re still alive?

They’re not. I know that but, still. I can’t write this. I’ve still got a little bit to go until I have to actually explain what happened. Maybe, by then, it’ll be easier. I doubt it but I have to hope. Sometimes grief gets better quickly and only hits you when something reminds you about it but sometimes it sits heavily on your heart and tinges your every movement with sadness and heartbreak. Maybe the difference is when you know you could have stopped it.

It was my fault.

The ship drifted slowly through the air, the thrusters no longer working, our momentum pushing us forwards endlessly.

A growl of frustration ripped out of Elliot as he slammed his hand down on the console again, making Peggy jump.

“It’s completely dead. How did they manage to hit our emergency power too?” he demanded.

“Is there anything left? Anything to stop us drifting?” Tuc asked, typing frantically as he tried to answer his own question. “They won’t be able to shield us if we’re moving. Their systems would never allow it.”

“Can they send in some smaller ships to stop us manually?” I asked, staring through the dark cockpit at the two pilots before us.

We’d had to practice that manoeuvre on the base before, it was fairly standard emergency protocol but I wasn’t sure if it was taught on Freo.

“We may have to. It’s dangerous though,” Elliot said, smacking the console one last time. “Fuck. Aquila, what’s the order? What do you want us to do here?”

I waited anxiously, my heart pounding and nerves flapping in my stomach. The Council ships weren’t that close yet but, with our engines and shield down, if they were to hit us, we could die easily.

I wasn’t sure if we were worth saving either. Elliot might be, he was Aquila’s second in command. Tuc too, he was a great pilot and commander but the rest of us had less use. Obviously, Trolis and Drac were great at what they did but they were more expendable. I’d been taught by the Council too well, people are always replaceable.

“The others are almost at you now. I’m also sending Tria and Sag to manually stop your ship. It’s going to be bumpy but their ships should be able to withstand it. Stay in your seats until now but the second you’re ready to go, I’ll let you know.”

The comms clicked off suddenly, silencing Aquila.

The uncertainty in her voice and the use of the term ‘should’ did nothing to silence my anxiety. She had said that their ships should be able to withstand this but she hadn’t mentioned our ship at all.

A cold shiver went through me. That was because she wasn’t sure.

“Now, what?” Peggy asked quietly, a soft tremble in her voice.

“They’re sending people to do a manual stop and then we’re going to be transferring to Andy’s ship. I’ll be going with you and the rest of our crew are there,” I explained quickly, not sure how much of the conversation she’d heard.

“Why are we going to Andy’s ship? Would it not be safer to just go to the other ships that are stopping us or is it their ship that’s doing the stop?” she asked, voicing my confusion.

I wasn’t sure. Aquila had said that it would be Tria and Sag’s ships but I didn’t recognise their names.

“I’ll ask,” I told her before opening a private comms to Elliot and Tuc. “What’s going on? How come we aren’t just going to those two ships?”

They glanced up from their scanners to exchange a loaded look.

“What? Am I missing something?” I asked.

“Both crews are fairly… new,” Tuc said carefully.

“I don’t trust them,” Elliot added.

“They’re fine. They have good reasons to hate the Council too. They should be okay,” Tuc reasoned.

“So, you trust them just not enough to get in their ships?” I clarified.

“Or enough to send you into it.”

I nodded and clicked back to Peggy.

“They don’t fully trust Tria or Sag so they don’t want to risk us getting onto their ships. Plus, won’t you feel better once you’re on the ship with Andy and the crew?” I asked, hoping to distract her.

Her hand spasmed around mine.

“Is it safe to have them so close when we’re out in the open?” she asked, her voice spiking with panic.

No.

“Tuc trusts them and I trust him. He says they have reasons to hate the Council so we should be okay.”

I should have known better.

“Alright, they’re approaching now. The other ships are getting into position,” Elliot said sharply.

My head snapped up to stare through the window.

“Look,” I said gently, raising my hand to point at the behemoth warship that could be seen through the window. “Do you see that ship? That’s one of ours. Andy and the crew are on it.”

Peggy leant forwards as much as the harness would let her.

“That’s them?” she breathed.

“Yeah! Soon we’re all going to be together again.”

Even as I said the words, they felt wrong. I knew that something had to go wrong. Nothing ever went to plan for us. The Council always found a way to ruin something.

A shaky breath came from over the comms and I knew that Peggy was fighting to hold back tears.

“We’ll be there soon,” I promised softly.

“Okay, brace for impact. If anything goes wrong, get to Andy’s ship,” Elliot commanded.

My grip on Peggy’s hand tightened and my other hand came up to grip my harness as I leant my head back against the headrest, hoping that the makeshift seats that had been so hastily added would hold.

A shrill beeping tore through the air as the ship jolted and shuddered with impact. I was thrown forwards, the harness cutting painfully into my chest, squeezing all breath from me. The ship shook again as the beeping turned even higher-pitched, each note spiking through my skull.

“Check in!” Elliot demanded.

I sucked in a breath, my chest still struggling to get enough air in.

“I’m okay,’ I wheezed.

“Still here,” Tuc replied, sounding similarly affected.

“Us too,” Trolis answered for him and Drac.

“Peggy?” I cried a little too loud, squeezing her hand and waiting for a response.

“I’m okay,” she said weakly after a painful sounding cough.

A shadow of relief went through me and I longed to ask her for more details or request a scan but Elliot had already jumped from his chair.

“Up! We need to transfer now!”

Fuck. I hoped I could drag this out longer. I really don’t want to write this next part. I honestly don’t know if I can.