“Hello, I am Andrew Gaddon, the former Director of Nova Base Two Two Five. And I was the commanding officer for the majority of Gemini’s life,” he began, his voice holding all of its unusual gravitas but none of the mirth I was used to.

Each word was like a dagger to my heart. I wasn’t ready to hear it.

“I came to know her very well due to our weekly meetings to discuss her progress as part of Crew Seven Six One. It was truly wonderful to watch her grow into herself and her role of Primary Gunner on board their ship, Frida.”

My lips ticked up into a smile at the mention of Frida, despite the tears that were streaming down my face. The physical pain I felt as Andy spoke was unmatched by anything I have felt before. I just wanted her back.

I still do.

“You all may know a lot about her from the account the crew bravely shared but I believe her thoughtfulness and loyalty was difficult to capture on screen. She was fiercely protective of her friends and dangerously intelligent. She was a brilliant tactician which meant that she understood all of the risks of her actions but her bravery always outweighed these.” He paused and looked out over the crowd.

I knew that the camBots probably wouldn’t pick it up but his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. My stomach tensed in preparation of the words he was going to say next. I didn’t know what they were but I knew that if Andy needed a moment to collect himself, it was going to be bad.

“I think her final words are a true testament to her courage. She said ‘I know that going out there might mean that I don’t come back alive but if I don’t, they’ll die. I’m going out whether you say I can or not,’” he looked down and chuckled sadly.

A weak laugh spread through the crowd but I couldn’t look away from Andy. I hate that she knew she was going to die. She knew the risks and I understand that she made that decision but it was the wrong one. It was my fault she died.

“And when I told her she could go, I expected her to be scared but, once again, she surprised me. She didn’t hesitate. She simply smiled and told me that I’d made the right decision but even if I hadn’t, she’d already begun hacking the doors so that she could go help her family.”

He took a deep breath, forcing himself not to cry and to keep his voice strong but I couldn’t do the same. My body was shaking with sobs.

“That’s what the crew were to Gem. Her family. She may not have had one from birth, like many of you, but she found one and held on to them strongly. She loved them and protected them fiercely. I think she would be proud of herself. She did what she had to do to protect her family.”

We loved her fiercely too and I wish I could have protected her better. I feel like there is so much more I could have done but it’s too late now. I love her so much, even now. My heart was broken beyond repair the day she died and even after all this time, the cracks are still there. Life moved on without her and I’m doing my best to keep her memory alive and make her proud.

“Before I say the Final Goodbye and cast her body out to the Beyond as she would have wanted, there is something that I would like to add. There’s a saying that her crew have, one that you all might know from reading the account of the Irision mission and all that followed but for those of you that are unaware, it is something that they say before each dangerous or scary mission. Something that gave them the courage to continue the fight.” Andy looked up, his gaze briefly touching the faces of each of my crew members before resting on Cory’s. “No retreat.”

Despite the muffled sobs that echoed through the room, the answered, “No surrender,” was thunderous.

I almost wanted to add ‘come back to us’. I almost did. It was on the tip of my tongue but the words wouldn’t come out. It was impossible. She was gone.

She would never come back to us again.

Andy crossed towards her pod as Elliot rolled up the ramp to the small stage. They each paused silently, Andy with his hand on Gem’s pod and Elliot with his hand on Tuc’s. Their lips moved as they silently recited the Final Goodbye.

I was glad that they did it silently. Their words were for Gem and Tuc, not for us. We’d continue living, no matter how little we wanted that.

After what felt simultaneously like no time but also a long time, they moved away, watching as Bots came forth from the shadows and collected their pods for the final time. My eyes stayed on the picture of Gem on her pod until it disappeared through the hatch that would release them to the stars.

Andy and Elliot had left the stage, returning to Tyler who was staring after the Bots and didn’t even seem to notice them taking his hands and holding tightly.

We all stayed there like that for a long time. Almost everyone had left the room but we weren’t willing to leave yet. None of us were prepared to deal with the whispered apologies that would come from the people waiting just outside the door. They meant well, of course, but each word would drive a wedge into the carefully constructed facade I’d tried to put on. I knew it would shatter eventually.

After some time, Andy approached us. Thankfully, he didn’t ask if we were alright or how we were coping, like so many others had.

“Do you and Peggy need to return to the infirmary?” he asked.

We’d been staying in there since the fight. Cas slept in a chair between our beds and Cory bustled around the room all night. I probably didn’t still need to be there, my injuries were mostly healed but at least there we were together. Chal refused to even mention discharging me. I think he wanted to keep us together as much as possible.

Plus, it was the only way to stop Peggy’s nightmare I think. She had them every night. She always started the night in her own bed but after a few hours, her gut-wrenching screams of fear would wake me up. After that, she’d climb into my bed and, once her panic attack subsides, she’d normally be able to sleep alright until morning.

I didn’t mind it too much. It was comforting to have her there and to know that she was still alive, despite how often she lashed out in her sleep. Small fist-shaped bruises peppered my back but I refused to kick her out. I knew how much she hated physical contact so if she was accepting it, she must have needed to be near me.

“Yes, they do,” Chal said loudly from behind us, his tone leaving no space for arguments.

“Of course,” Andy replied calmly. “Aries, are you feeling up for coming to the War Rooms along the way? There’s something that I’d like your help with.”

Somewhere, buried deep within me, I felt a flicker of interest but it was quickly quashed.

“She needs to rest,” Chal interrupted coldly, crossing his arms and staring at Andy.

“It’s alright. I can go.” I tried to inject some enthusiasm into my voice but it came out flatly.

“Peg, do you want to see the rooms too? You might find it interesting?” Cas asked gently.

She cleared her throat before answering.

“Yeah, if that’s okay?”

“Of course!” Andy said with a broad smile. “Cory, would you like to come too? We always appreciate your input.”

Cory had been staring at the hatch on the back of the stage but he blinked rapidly and looked around in confusion. It was like he was coming out of a dream and wasn’t quite sure where he was.

“No,” he said in a faraway tone. “I have patients to see. Excuse me.”

He ducked out past Andy and marched down the aisle without looking back at us.

There was a moment of silence before Chal stood.

“Well, I should catch up with him. Don’t overextend yourselves,” he warned us before shooting Andy a look, “and come back to the infirmary soon.”

He stalked down the aisle leaving us in silence again.

His anger and abrupt manner towards Andy confused me but my mind refused to settle on the topic, returning to the comforting numbness of nothing.