[ZERO SPACE]

Asira circled her catacomb prison, building momentum with each lap.

“Stop pacing!” snarled Dalli. “You’re making me dizzy.”

“Then stop watching me pace!” snapped Asira.

Movement was the only thing keeping Asira’s anxieties at bay. Here she was, trapped in a tiny room, far from virtual civilization, and even further from her objective: learning Chief’s power.

Could she really go through with it? She shuddered to consider what might happen if she didn’t. V was far scarier than Danny. “You don’t care who gets hurt,” Danny had told her. But Asira did care! She just cared about herself a little more.

Shae woke from his AFK coma.

“I’m back bitches,” Shae said.

“Welcome back Shae!” shouted Umi. “I love it when you don’t leave us here to die!”

Lanzer fondled the prison room’s ex-doorway, prodding its perimeter with gentle claws.

Shae leaned an elbow on his shoulder.

“Why are you groping the wall?” asked Shae.

“I’m trying to find a way out,” said Lanzer. “Duh duh duh.”

Dalli nudged Shae with his spear.

“Where the hell did you and Dane run off to?” snarled Dalli.

“Ask Dane,” said Shae.

Bander tapped Dane’s head with his staff.

“Dane’s still AFK, idiot,” said Bander.

Dane’s demonoid head jolted towards Bander. Bander shrieked, leaping into Umi’s four brutoid arms.

“Welcome back Dane!” shouted Umi. “I love it when you scare people!”

Dalli nudged Dane with his spear.

“Where the hell did you go?” snarled Dalli.

“Can’t say,” said Dane.

Umi gave Dane a tight brutoid hug.

“The important thing is y’all are here now!” shouted Umi. “Praise Ledgess --”

“YES YES YES!”

Everyone turned towards Lanzer.

“Watch this!” yelled Lanzer.

Lanzer’s hand clipped through the wall

“What the hell?” asked Dalli.

“There’s missing collision!” said Lanzer.

“Hold up,” said Shae. “We can’t fit through that.”

“Not yet!” said Lanzer. “It’s a global collision bug I found. Our lead artist clones assets and swaps out the textures --”

Lanzer glanced up towards a room full of blank stares.

“Um um um,” said Lanzer. “What I mean to say is, lots of walls have these holes. We can exploit them!”

Lanzer gathered everyone around him.

“We have to go through two or more at a time,” said Lanzer. “Shae Shae Shae, get over here.”

Shae abided.

“Dane Dane Dane, you too!”

So did Dane.

“Okay okay okay,” said Lanzer. “Stand together and stick your hands through.”

Shae and Dane exchanged a look, then did as instructed.

“Don’t be scared by what happens,” said Lanzer. “It’s kinda trippy.”

Shae and Dane’s bodies flickered like a strobe light, blinking in and out of existence.

Everyone in the room except Umi screamed.

“What the hell?” yelled Dalli. “It’s a glitch!”

“Yup yup yup,” said Lanzer. “Only one person can occupy the empty collision. Zero Space kinda freaks out when there’s more than one!”

Shae and Dane grew nauseous, as did everyone observing them.

“The game doesn’t know which side of the wall to put you on!” said Lanzer. “Move towards the other side! Push push push!”

Dane and Shae flickered faster, bending and morphing before vanishing from existence. Everyone in the room, even Umi, gasped.

“Great great great!” said Lanzer. “Who’s next?”

***

Shae and Dane settled on the other side of the wall; their stomachs remained unsettled.

“That sucked,” said Dane.

Shae dry heaved.

“Yeah,” said Shae. “Hey, uh, about that orb thingy --”

“Forget it,” Dane interrupted. “Just don’t do anything stupid with it.”

“What are those orbs?” asked Shae.

“I don’t know,” said Dane. “We trade them for enforcer weapons.”

Dane lowered his voice.

“Enforcer weapons aren’t made in this Haven,” said Dane. “They’re transported here from somewhere else. That’s all I know.”

Dane turned back towards Shae.

“Now, tell me why you need them,” said Dane.

“Nah,” said Shae.

“Figured,” said Dane.

Asira and Bander appeared, stacked on top of each other.

“Ow,” said Bander. “Get off me, idiot!”

Asira sprang to her feet, brushing dust from her bright orange outfit.

“Well, great job everyone,” said Asira. “See you all back at HQ!”

Asira opened her palm interface, selecting RETURN TO GUILD HQ several times. Nothing happened.

“I-It’s not working!” Asira stuttered.

“We’re in a dungeon, dummy,” said Bander. “We can’t leave until we escape or beat it.”

Asira’s pteranoid fur stood on end.

“Hold up,” said Shae. “All you do is whine about not doing campaign stuff. Now you want to leave?”

“Rep point grinding can be nice sometimes,” said Asira. “I-I could use something more relaxing after yesterday.”

Umi and Lanzer materialized on top of Dalli.

“Thanks for breaking our fall Dalli!” shouted Umi.

“That’s not all that’s broken,” groaned Dalli.

Lanzer hopped to his feet.

“Okay okay okay!” said Lanzer. “Let’s get out of here!”

“You’re not going anywhere,” said another voice.

Six glowing blue eyes appeared in the darkness. Zydan emerged, his blue cloak sweeping away shadows and dust. He towered above them, twice as tall as before.

“Welcome back Zydan!” shouted Umi. “Nice to see you again!”

“How did you escape my prison room?” asked Zydan.

“Watch the replay, idiot,” said Bander.

“My prison rooms lack replay volumes,” said Zydan. “Poor foresight on my part perhaps --”

Zydan glanced towards a hallway of blank stares.

“Oh forget it,” said Zydan. “Ignorant players. You’re going back in there now.”

“Um um um,” said Lanzer. “We’ll just escape again.”

“Then I’ll make one you can’t escape from!” yelled Zydan.

A menu projected from Zydan’s palm:

Asset Library ID name comment 18377023 catacombBrick_01 18377027 catacombBrick_02 DO NOT USE 18377032 catacombBrick_04 18377041 catacomBrick_06 18377047 catacombBrick_07

Zydan selected catacomBrick_06. A transparent gray cube appeared before him --

[THE HAVEN]

YANK

Zydan’s headset ejected from his skull. He flailed in his chair, almost toppling a full mug of coffee.

“What the --” shrieked Zydan. “Who dares remove my --”

DD stood behind Zydan, a solemn scowl beneath his balding head.

“Oh, hi Dad,” said Zydan.

“It’s DD,” said DD. “Are you bullying those players?”

Zydan’s brutoid character stood AFK on his third monitor. Several players poked at him.

“We’re just messing around,” said Zydan.

“Huh,” said DD. “It looked like you were tormenting them.”

“I would never,” said Zydan. “These players are my friends.”

A magicoid punched Zydan’s brutoid in the groin. Many times.

“Strange friends you have,” said DD. “You know you shouldn’t be interacting with players.”

“It’s playtesting,” said Zydan. “I require their feedback to make the game better.”

“Huh,” said DD. “I suppose in person feedback is important.”

“Indeed!” said Zydan. “You can’t always trust what players say. The truth is often derived from their expressions.”

Several players laughed, watching a piranhoid dip his hips against Zydan’s brutoid head.

“Huh,” said DD. “They do seem to be having fun.”

“Indeed,” said Zydan. “Now if you don’t mind, I should find out why --”

“What happened between you and Ceri?”

Zydan froze.

“C-Ceri?” stuttered Zydan. “I-Isn’t that the artist who stopped showing up to work?”

“Yes, it is,” said DD. “I heard you two had an altercation.”

“A-An altercation?” asked Zydan. “Sounds like a false report.”

“Several people confirmed it,” said DD. “First, we lose a talented designer. Now Ceri vanishes. Are you up to your old tricks again Zydan?”

“O-Of course not Dad --”

“This dev team is not your play-thing,” said DD. “You are not the king of this Haven.”

“You’re not either,” said Zydan.

“I’m damn close,” said DD. “I have enforcers investigating both incidents. If this leads back to you, there will be consequences.”

“Zero Space is my number one priority Dad,” said Zydan. “Hurting another dev would be akin to hurting myself.”

DD narrowed his eyes at Zydan.

“Huh,” said DD. “Well, see that no one else gets hurt. And it’s DD! Not Dad.”

DD adjusted his tie, stomping from Zydan’s cubicle. Zydan scrunched up his face, imitating his father’s voice. There was no reason to worry; his business with the Cleavers was untraceable. Cleavers didn’t store data online where anyone could find it. It was all in their heads, and those odd little notebooks they carried.

Zydan turned back to his monitors. Time to finish what he started --

Shae’s party was gone! Zydan frantically panned his viewport across the catacombs. Where could they be hiding?

Wait --

No, it couldn’t be --

The Feather Birds were enroute to the Dragon Shield. Zydan gripped his Zero Space headset - he couldn’t let that happen.

Unless --

Zydan developed a devious plan. A brilliant idea, conceived by a brilliant designer!

A way to kill two Feather Birds with one stone!

[ZERO SPACE]

Zydan manifested before Shae’s crew, slamming four brutoid fists against the ground in a dramatic display.

“Welcome back Zydan!” shouted Umi. “Nice to see you again!”

“Where’d you go, idiot?” asked Bander.

“Important designer things,” said Zydan. “I see you discovered the location of the Dragon Shield. How clever of you.”

“There’s signs everywhere,” said Dane.

“You kinda led us straight to the Dragon Shield,” said Lanzer. “You’re super dumb.”

“This was always my plan,” said Zydan. “The Dragon Shield dungeon needs more playtesting. Watching our top guild run it would provide valuable data!”

“Bullshit!” snarled Dalli.

“You locked us up!” yelled Asira.

“That prison room was a dungeon puzzle,” said Zydan. “You clearly found an unintended solution, hence why playtesting is so important.”

“Hold up,” said Shae. “You said we would respawn there too”

“Did I?” asked Zydan. “Just a moment --”

[THE HAVEN]

Zydan lifted his headset, climbing onto his desk. He peered into surrounding cubicles, garnering uncomfortable glances from other devs.

No sign of DD. Good! His father had likely left the floor. That would give Zydan plenty of time.

He secured his headset again --

[ZERO SPACE]

Zydan leaned in towards Shae.

“Oh, you’ll respawn back there alright,” said Zydan. “And if you fail, I’ll put you all in separate prison rooms. There’s enough in the catacombs for each of you.”

Shae’s party grew tense. Separating them would seal their fate, for good this time.

“I suppose if you do succeed, I’ll let you go,” said Zydan. “And you’ll get the Dragon Shield too.”

Zydan moved to the side, gesturing with all four hands towards a large archway ahead.

“The Dragon Shield dungeon starts here,” said Zydan. “Shouldn’t be a problem for a powerful guild like yours.”

Lanzer leaned in towards Shae.

“Hey hey hey,” said Lanzer. “You know, we could just leave the way we came.”

“I-I agree,” said Asira. “Let’s come back another day.”

“Fat chance,” said Shae. “This dickwad will just change everything again. We need the Dragon Shield now.”

Shae spun his pistols to his hands.

“We’ve got this!”

Zydan grinned from horn to horn.

“Very good,” said Zydan. “Right this way.”

Shae and crew passed below a gothic archway, entering a spacious mausoleum. Coffins fit snugly within empty slots in the wall. Skeletons sprawled out across the floor, picked clean by ravenous hunters.

“Now the fun begins,” said Zydan.

“Please tell me you won’t be with us the whole time,” said Asira.

“Fixing this dungeon is my top priority,” said Zydan. “Too many guilds have cleared it recently. It’s important that I know why.”

SCREEEEEEEE

Terrible shrieks pierced the silence. Coffin lids grinded open, crashing against the hard stone floor. Wriggling shapes trembled in their dark interiors - shadowy blobs, squirming and thrashing to the surface --

An ambush of rats! They poured from every coffin, flooding the room with a sea of vermin. Stinking squealing monsters advanced, butting horns and snapping their crescent-moon fangs.

“That doesn’t even make sense!” shouted Dalli. “How the hell do rats open coffins?”

“Wow wow wow,” said Lanzer. “A giant battle. What a surprise.”

“All good dungeons start with a bang,” said Zydan.

BANG

Shae’s level two bullet bounced five times through fifty rats.

“RICOCHET SHOT!!” Shae announced retroactively.

Asira took to the sky.

“LIGHT BEAM!!”

Her level two beam slid past Shae, sundering the swarm with a column of laser light.

Umi side-stepped Asira’s laser. --

“GRAVITY SMASH!!”

A dome of brown energy gathered up a pinata of rats. Umi’s warhammer smashed it to smithereens.

“FURY STRIKES!!”

Dane stood back-to-back with Umi, intercepting rodent waves with a dam of fists.

“SUBTLE SLASH!!”

Lanzer dashed between Dane and Umi, blood and fur dripping from his claws. Rats erupted into squeaking red paste.

“SHADOW STAB!!”

Dalli’s level two spears surrounded the party with a ring of death, launching rats into the ether.

Zydan sat on a coffin, watching with a sadistic grin. Shae’s party had undeniable talent. This would be a tough group to dispatch. But Zydan had faith in his dungeon, and even more in himself. He was practically a Zero Space God after all.

Rat remains rained down like confetti. A single rat persisted, boldly charging forward. Umi’s foot crushed its dreams.

“That was fun y’all!” shouted Umi. “I love ambushes!”

Zydan approached with a grin, his flesh and blue cloak squeaky clean.

“What the hell are you smiling about?” asked Dalli. “We killed your stupid rats!”

“Indeed!” said Zydan. “A flawless execution. Of your friend, that is --”

Zydan’s four arms gestured towards a corpse on the ground - Bander. A chewed, mangled magicoid, blending in with the other skeletons.

“Seven players, and only one healer?” said Zydan. “Poor planning for such a renowned guild.”

A wall slammed shut, sealing off the dungeon entrance. Zydan grinned, tapping four rings against his cloak.

“How unfortunate,” said Zydan. “This may be a short playtest session indeed.”