I was not sure if I was floating or sinking.

When I was little, I used to wake up in the middle of the night with my body being in a paralyzed state. I wanted to call out to Papa or Benny for help, but I could hardly make a sound. I could see, smell and hear, but everything else was frozen. While the dreaded sensation rarely came back once I hit my teenage years, it was more prevalent then ever now, and I knew I had to force myself to move before I was locked into it.

My legs weighed over a thousand pounds, dragging me down into the center of the rotting earth. I could barely breathe in the thick mist that surrounded me, not even as I tried to claw my way through the dark, twisted vegetation. What I could mainly hear were crickets whirring in the air. Although I tried my best to listen to the footsteps of any soldiers waiting for me, the pain shooting through my body was much stronger. I tried not to look at the growing puddle of blood soaking the dried leaves beneath me.

All I could remember were gunshots. Screaming. The laughter of the men; their uniforms. The memories were scattered like shards of grass on the ground, and I needed to be able to move so I could pick them up.

A deep ringing settled in my ears as my vision went blurry for a moment. The material of my yellow sweater hung on me like a broken piece of thread. In the distance, lingering in the sky was a thin line of gray smoke. Weakly, I reached out with my shaky hand before dropping it on the ground. I didn't know how I was able to, but somehow I managed to crouch down on my knees and crawl forward, gritting my teeth against the pain. Did everyone else evacuate to the tunnels we had spent so much time working on? Where was Adlai? Maybe he was leading the others back right now. He needed my help; I had no business foolishly laying here.

The fort. I had to get back to the fort.

Using what little strength I had left I parted a large bush that blocked my way with my hand, squinting my eyes against the weak sunlight in the horizon. Suddenly the ground beneath me seemed to dissolve, and black dots clouded my vision.

* * * * * * * *

My eyelids were almost too heavy to move, but when I finally opened them I found that the woods around me had disappeared. Instead, I found myself lying on my back on top of a mattress. The scent of soil and moss were replaced by firewood. Graffitied, cracked cinderblocked walls replaced the dark trunks and moss that I was so used to seeing, only visible in the flickering firelight. I tried to sit up but couldn't move.

"Don’t move, dear. Relax.”

It was a low, quiet whisper, not too far away from me. Chills ran down my spine; I had no idea I was not alone in this strange place. Nor was I too eager to truly find out what the civilians around here were planning to do to me. I grunted, trying to kick the thin blanket off of me, water spilling on my neck as someone began to hold a cup to my mouth. I tried to push it away. My breaths were uneven and heavy; a cool hand gently wrapped around my own. Their long and delicate fingers were surprisingly gentle.

I turned my head to the shadow that spilled the edge of the mattress; panic and confusion washing over me. A pair of bright blue eyes met my own, hidden behind unkempt strands of long white hair. The woman's unmarked face was young, although she appeared to be in her later years as scars settled over her thin nose and lips. She wore a faded gray dress, and when she gave me small smile her teeth were nice and straight. A small table full of filthy rags caught my eye.

"You've lost a lot of blood, so you may be weak for a few days."

I squirmed.

"Try not to move too much, yeah?" Her voice was soft. "I just patched you up. You had six bullets in you; at least the ones that I could get out did not do too much damage."

I failed to capture the meaning of her unfamiliar words. There was no time to waste; Kia and the others must have made it to a safe place by now. The string bracelet hung around my wrist, frayed and muddy. I wasn't supposed to be here. I had to get to the others before it was too late; before that blond man found them. As I tried to get up, a searing pain washed over me. She gently placed a pillow beneath my back and shook her head, giving my hand a tight squeeze.

"I can't stay," I quickly signed, yanking my arm out of her grasp. "I need to go. Please, can you show me where Selva is?"

"Just rest for me. Now that you are awake, I must let them know. Don't worry. I will return shortly."

"But--"

To my dismay, the woman lightly patted my arm. She got up and made her way out of the room, which seemed to shrink with every step she took. A lump rose in my throat, one that was impossible to swallow. I wanted to scream; to rip out the stitches that she had engraved into my skin. I tried to move my leg again, but bumped it against the cold wire edge of the worn bed frame.

* * * * * * * *

It took me days before I was able to roll on my side again, although the pain was always present. Several times I slipped in and out of reality; my visions consisting of the faces I had seen so many times, Toku, Kia, Benny, Papa and Adlai. I was suddenly very hot; sweat glistened on my swollen breasts and stomach. As the fever took its course every few hours that same woman would come and make me drink some willow tea and sponge my body down with a wet rag. She was all I ever saw, and I was too weak to move at all.

Early one morning she came and brought out a large tub, which she poured several buckets of warm water in. Gently, she removed the scraps of bloodied clothing that still clung to me. I was in such a daze that I hardly felt anything once she helped me sit inside it and began gently scrubbing the crust and filth from my body with a chunk of soap. White suds soon clung onto my skin and piled on the rotting floor. She slightly frowned when she noticed my stump and took out a large comb, raking it through the knots and snags in my matted curls, which tumbled down the square of my back.

"They are waiting for you. We must hurry."

I struggled to make sense of her words and asked who, but the woman dumped another bucket of gray water over my head, causing my nose to burn as I coughed and sputtered. Before I knew it she was drying me off with a towel once I stepped out, my knees slightly shaking. A large puddle formed beneath my toes. It was suddenly freezing and I could not stop shivering; the effects of my fever had not disappeared yet. She gave me a kind look, gently shoving a dress over my head and pulling it down over my naked body.

The melted candle wax stump she had brought in was the only light in the darkened room. As I managed to shove my right arm into one of the long sleeves she pointed towards the dark hallway. I stared at her for a moment, my heart beating like a drum.

"Follow me," she said.

A strong scent of tobacco and whiskey filled the air. With each step I took, the wooden boards creaked and groaned under my bare feet. Sharp gravel dug into my soles, and I suddenly realized that we were outside, although it was pitch black, as the sun had not risen in the sky yet. My skirts brushed against my ankles as I stumbled forward.

The woman stopped in front of another crumbling building connected to the one that she had led me out of; simply in more disrepair I almost wished she would stay with me; but she had beckoned me to go in with one hand, pointing at the dim light spilling in on the floor. I hesitated before slowly stepping over the threshold. Stands of my damp hair clung to my back and shoulders, sending chills down my spine as I carefully stepped over the worn threshold. The candlelight flickered in her palms.

Somehow, if that were possible; the scent slowly grew stronger to the point my eyes were starting to burn and itch. My hand brushed against the peeling paint of the wall; the voices in the distance became audible, although their words were unknown to me. I found myself in a room full of men and women alike, who turned to face me and held weapons. My heart skipped a beat.They all bore the same scar that I had on my face, though they were seated at a long table, one of those kind Adlai had told me that the Red Mamba used.

A pale woman with neat braids in her head who wore an embroidered dress slowly rose to her feet at the very edge of the table. The gold earring that settled on her left ear caught in the light. To my surprise, she gave me a slight bow, slightly lowering her head in some form of respect.

"Akeyi pitit mwen."

Her accent was beautiful, full of life, and yet her words made no sense to me. I stared at her as she faintly chuckled at my blank facial expression.

"Something got your tongue?"

One of the men sitting next to her smirked. His skin was smudged with dirt and sweat. "She is dumb, Jene. You are wasting our time; she doesn't know a thing."

My face slightly burned at the wave of laughter that followed by the others.

The woman ignored his comment. When she approached me, she kept studying my missing arm. I kept my eyes low, suddenly wanting to hide in the shadows. Her gaze was too powerful for me to face, as she was much taller than I. She slightly bit her lower lip and frowned.

"You are not familiar with this place, no?"

Slowly, I shook my head.

"What is your name?"

"Honda."

Jene's face lit up with intrigue, though I knew she had no idea what I just signed. The urge to run out of the room and to head into the woods was stronger than ever. All eyes were on me, and I didn't know why. Was I not like all of them minus one limb?

"Paper." My throat tightened. "Do you have paper? Perhaps I can write to you to make things less confusing." I stepped towards towards the table and made a scribbling motion against the wood. "See? I know where more of us are. Back in the woods, where we---"

Hector leaned back against his chair and rolled his eyes at my gestures. "She thinks we can read."

"I can teach you." I pointed to all of them, and then pretended to frantically scrawl on the table again. "Teach. All of you."

Jene clamped a hand on my shoulder, causing me to slightly jump. "I think you better sit down and listen to what the rest of us have to say. That's the best thing that we can do for each other, alright? Now that you are awake you can perhaps help us with our next task in the city."

My heart sank as I settled down in a chair, her words slowly fading and blowing into the wind like leaves. One of the men stood up and began to talk, but I barely heard a thing throughout the entire coversation. A other few women were pointing and whispering at me, their giggles filling the air and causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. A glimpse of a shadow caught my eye, but when I turned my head there was nothing.

* * * * * * *

Jene sent me back in the same place and told me to wait until the next day. I wanted to inform her that there was no such thing as waiting in my book; that the more we did of it, the longer our people were in danger. People who needed more assistance than me. Waiting was the reason we were in this predicament right now. Of course, attempting to sign this to her was unhelpful.

I peeked out the door in my tiny room with one eye, the dark empty street inviting and warm, clear of soldiers and vermin. Quietly I began to spit on the hinges so they would not squeak too badly. Just as I pushed the door another inch preparing to slip out and let the cool night air seep in, a shadow spilled across the wall. I spun around, causing it to slam loudly, breathing heavily.

The white haired woman stood still in front of me, her hands resting on her stomach. Although I expected her to scream and shout in rage, she gave me a kind look, though her smile caused chills to rise inside of me. When I pressed my back against the door, pain rushed over my skin.

"How are you feeling?"

I didn't reply.

"You know, whenever we usually leave these buildings we go out as a group. It's too dangerous with just one person." She sat down on my bed and leaned her head against the wall. The dim candlelight caused the edge of her face to glow. "I know you feel, being cooped up in here. I can definitely relate, and I don't want to hold you back from what you need to do. But believe me, it's better you wait until morning."

An exasperated sigh escaped from my mouth as I moved away.

"They call me Svetty, that is, when they come around in this place. It's rare when they do." The bed frame creaked when she shifted her legs."Perhaps we have a bit more in common that we thought, Honda.”

The sound of my name made me think my ears weren't working properly. Her odd blue eyes seemed to reach straight into my soul, and I soon grasped the meaning of her words when I saw her unmarked cheek.

"You...you understand me?" I signaled.

"A little," Svetty replied. "I'm fluent enough to pick up a few basic phrases, though I would love it if you could teach me a bit more yourself. I've been around several places a lot. In fact, I used to be a doctor and work in a hospital, before...before I..."

Her voice trailed off as she stared at her shoes for a moment, her eyes slightly wet. When she finally regained her composure she smiled at me once more and rose to her feet. A chill ran down my spine as she began to walk across the room.

"Would you like bread? I made it yesterday."

"Were you the one who found me?" I came a bit closer. "I owe you my life. Did you see anyone else with me in the woods? I have to go back there and look for anyone else. Truly, I am grateful for all you have done, but I cannot stay here. I have to get back to the others. Will you please help me?"

Svetty turned around. "We can look for more people tomorrow. Jene usually goes with the others to see if anyone is in hiding." She paused to look down. "She is the one to ask those things."

"But she does not understand me."

"I can bring your requests to her," she softly said. You can tell me anything you like. Anything at all."

"How will I show them how to read?"

"They will come around. You have to be patient."

"I can't." Blood rushed to my face."Being patient at this time is for fools. It's the same as sitting around and doing nothing. Why can't you people around here see that?"

"So is being headstrong and acting impulsively without thought. You can't expect others to do things the way you want. Just because they do not speak the same language as you and I does not mean they lack their own intelligence. You are alive because of them. You shouldn't forget it."

Her response shut me up for a while. The rhythmic tapping of her heels against the wooden floor was the only noise in the room.

"I'm sorry," I signed, staring at my skirts. "I didn't mean to say that. It was wrong of me."

A large steel knife appeared in her hand; she sliced off a large piece of rye bread and handed it to me, before jabbing the blade into its surface with one swift motion. The handle stuck up in the air. Svetty's pale hand gripped the edge of the table, blue veins showing through her skin.

"You got any sweethearts?"

I quickly looked up, chills running down my spine at the unexpected question. The bread became slippery between my sweaty palms.

"Pretty girl like you should have a million men chasing after you." The woman smiled once more before placing a comb in my lap."This is yours now; you have a nice head of hair. You've got to take care of yourself, alright? Eat well so you can remain strong, and if you want, you can have children one day of your own when you're ready."

My fingers dug into the material of my dress.

"I had someone special to me once." Svetty turned away from me, her back partially hidden in the shadows. "Always smiled and looked for the best in each situation, no matter how bad things really got."

A long silence passed between us.

"He loved to laugh. Loved the ocean. He would gather anything he could find from there. One day, they came and took him away from me. I couldn't do a damn thing about it." Her voice was shaky. "Nothing at all."

Before I could reply, she picked up the candle and disappeared into the night, leaving me into the darkness of the room. Her long skirts gathered around her legs.

I stood there for a while before slowly settling back on the bed. Several times I replayed the conversation in my mind, realizing how unpleasant I was to be around. After an hour of thinking how I could make it up to Svetty and waiting to hear her footsteps, I laid down on my side, a peaceful sensation slowly coming over me. My body began to relax in a way that I never knew was possible, and I began to wonder if she had put something in that bread. But it was suddenly warm and inviting on the mattress as I sank further into its surface; the world that I knew suddenly disappeared in front of me.

* * * * * * * * * *

Clean, white sheets.

They blew in the wind, catching the sunlight that peeked between the folds as they hung from the clothesline. In the distance, a little girl giggled. I blinked several times as I fought to recognize where I was. Tall grass and dandelions swayed against each other, and the sound of birds chirping filled the crisp morning air. A small village, very much like the one I grew up in back at home, was off into the horizon, peeking out by the trees. Tall mountains sat off in the distance, ladybugs crawled on the large green plants and bushes.

My bare feet crunched against the yellow leaves that littered the ground as I made my way towards a hut, but stayed hidden in the shadows. A tall, slim woman was stirring something into a pot, her hair blowing wildly in the wind. She wore a dress similar to my people, decorated with beads and seashells. The sound of water sloshing caught my attention, spilling against the large metal washbasin that sat on the ground.

Laughter rang out across the field. Two small children, a boy and a girl, ran around the clotheslines, their tiny bare feet leaving footprints against the earth. They had hair resembling their mother's, except it was almost white, bleached by the sun. The woman groaned and gave a heavy sigh as she reached over and grabbed the boy's arm, who was just about to tag his sister. She made the giggling child face her, although it looked like she was trying to avoid doing the same thing herself.

"Stop playing around. You're being a bad influence on her. Go and fetch more wood, please." The mother gently nudged him forward. Her daughter began to laugh when he gave her a silly face, before he wandered off. But suddenly her smile faded as several figures came into view from the distance.

The boy stared at them, his face becoming pale. Quickly, he grabbed the little girl's hand and ran into the hut, pulling her alongside with him. I couldn't help but follow, wondering why the woman didn't look up at me as I passed. As I stepped into the threshold, quiet whispering was exchanged between the two, their shadows distinct in the dim light.

"You have to hide," the boy hissed. Fumbling blindly on a shelf, he picked at a lock on a chest in the corner with a small silver key, before swinging the door open. The little girl shook her head and drew back, but he quickly knelt down to her level.

"Listen to me."

"No!"

"Please, Suki."

"I don't want to," the little girl said. Her face was round with stubborness, and she folded her arms and stomped her bare foot. Meanwhile, the voices were growing louder, and chills ran down my spine. "It's scary. I don't like the dark. This is a mean trick."

"Please?" he whispered. "I promise it'll be like a game."

"A game?"

"Hide and seek. It's your favorite. You cannot make a sound." The boy kept glancing outside."You must be very, very quiet, no matter what you hear. It'll be for a little while. It's just like what we did last time. Come."

The child nodded and stepped inside. After giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, he closed the door and locked it, slipping the key in his pocket. The sound of yelling and shouting echoed outside, before the men barged in, knocking over all sorts of things. I soon realized that these were Khonie villagers, though their faces did not bear any scars. They already had the woman in their hands, a gash on the side of her face.

Blood dripped down and stained her dress as they tore apart through everything, before finally reaching the chest, swearing since they couldn't open it. Items were strewn about the floor, and a chair was flung across the room, causing a hole to form in the thatching of the hut. The boy backed up, a look of horror on his face as they grabbed him and took them away. He kept glancing back, his eyes full of tears as he followed his mother into the woods.

Silence filled the empty yard, the only sound in the air the stew bubbling in the large metal pot, their supper untouched. I stood there for a moment, unable to move, my heart pounding like a drum.

A quiet whisper came from the chest.

"Michel? Are you there?"

* * * * * * * *

When I rapidly sat up, gasping for air, the blankets were tightly wrapped around my sweaty legs. Rainwater leaked through the holes of the ceiling above my head, splashing on my forehead. A heavy thumping sound on the door rang in my ears, and a long trail of ants traveled on the floor next to the bread that had fallen upon the floor. Jene peeked in, her eyes full of anticipation.

"I've been knocking for the past two minutes. Either you're a heavy sleeper or you need your ears checked. We all are meeting in the courtyard and scouting the city for any survivors. You are going to assist the others the best you can. You sleep way too much, and there are no freeloaders on my radar. Is that clear?"

She slammed the door, causing vibrations to shoot through the walls and the floor.