《Noctoseismology》Book 2 Chapter 12
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"One moment," I said, lifting a finger to my ear to clearly signal that I was on the phone. "What is it, Veronica?"
"I'm at the grocery store," she said. "Do you need anything?"
"I know we're running low on eggs..."
"Already on the list, as is another loaf of bread, and a gallon of milk."
"Right, right. Speaking of bread, some bread flour would be nice. I'd like to bake some stuff. And a bottle of honey."
"Got it." She hummed contemplatively.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Nothing, just... I think I get it. I'm blonde, I have big tits, and I'm buying bread. It feels right."
"I'm going to mail your parents a glitter bomb loaded with anthrax," I said, before hanging up. "Roommates, am I right?"
"Officially, I have to discourage you from following through on that threat," Valiant said, seated behind his desk. "Unofficially, I feel free to note that it's because those pricks have neighbors."
"Fair enough," I said. "Now, where were we?"
"Your investigation led you to discover that your shaman-"
"Druid."
"Your druid's spirits cannot enter what is essentially a supernatural faraday cage," Valiant said.
"Elaborate on the supernatural faraday cage," I said.
"It's a neat piece of superscience," Valiant said. "Relatively old, as such things go. It can be woven into the walls of a building and enclose a space in which superpowers do not work. Superscience does not work. And, it would seem, neither does any other kind of supernatural influence."
"No," I said.
"...Beg pardon?"
"No, I'm pretty sure this only impacts superpowers and spirit magic," I said. "I told you Lisa's hound could only track the hatmaker to jail? Well, because I knew where the jail was, I was able to scan the whole thing with my own tech, and pinpoint the exact hatmaker. I just wanted to know what the hell was going on with the spirits, so I'd know if it'd be a recurring problem."
"Setting aside my perpetual complaints on mad science... why would this superscience block spirits?"
"I don't know for certain," I said with a shrug. "My educated guess is that, since humans have always been an exception to the spiritual ecology, and science and particularly-advanced technology have typically been disruptive to the spirit world, this particular superscience is so disruptive to the spirit world that spirit hounds can't enter the space they define, when that disruption is combined with the resonance of warding and mundanity."
"The spirit world is a fucking headache," Valiant complained.
"Yeah, welcome to my life. Just be glad it's on our side this time." I sighed. "Well, Austin being a hub for superscience would explain why the spiritual ecosystem here is so anemic. Lisa's been rebuilding that from scratch so she can actually accomplish things, but we didn't quite get around to a road trip to Waco to see if things were any better out there. Akane's pursuing her own research on the matter, though. Not sure how, since neither of us has any ability to perceive the spirit world, but whatever."
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"I see," Valiant said. "Well, seeing as you seem to have run out of local supervillains to turn in for bounty money, how goes your bet with Veronica?"
"Either that house was fucking expensive or you're not paying me enough," I said. "Listen to the words you just said- I have done so exceptionally well as a bounty hunter that I ran out of bounties to hunt, and I'm still only three quarters of the way to paying for that house twice over."
"Have you told Veronica about this?"
"I'm operating under the assumption that she'd use it as an opportunity to call me an idiot for failing to do the math ahead of time, in the heat of the moment, in another universe with a different culture and economy."
"That does sound like a Vega trying to assert their dominance," Valiant said. "Princess Vega's oldest son has been calling himself Prince Valiant for all of six years, whereas I've been doing this for thirty five, and yet he thinks I'm the one being unreasonable for continuing to use my name."
"There's something deeply wrong with that family," I said. "Anyway, enough gossip. Rattlesnake Dick, of the Console Cowboys, was the one who made all those hats."
"Rattlesnake Dick?" Valiant asked.
"Yeah, I looked it up, turns out the namesake was a historical Old West outlaw. Robbed stagecoaches in California during the gold rush. This guy's not the old Richard Barter, on account he's been dead for the better part of two centuries. Doesn't matter, stay on topic. I've done some mental scans of the supervillains, trying to figure out what the hell's going on there, why Rattlesnake Dick started making hats and selling them to the other villains. And so far..." I shrugged. "It seems like a coincidence, like they all suddenly got real concerned about psychic threats on their own at the same time, but I don't believe it's actually a coincidence. Something happened here, and it's deeply concerning to me."
"For the record, brain scans are not considered admissible evidence in court," Valiant said.
"I figured," I said, nodding. "Anyway, that's what I've found: Rattlesnake Dick made the hats, and just about every supervillain in Austin freaked out and commissioned hats from him at about the same time, between three and seven days before I started properly bounty hunting."
"Hrm..." Valiant leaned back in his chair. "That is concerning. Although... your fight with 8-Ball, that was two weeks before you started hunting. A week for the details to leak and disseminate, that there was now an active hero capable of direct mind control in Austin, seems reasonable enough to me."
"Maybe," I said. "I'll keep looking, but..." I shrugged. "Not sure if there's going to be much to find."
"Right. Before you go, I would like to clarify some things. As much as I grumble and groan every time we talk about work, I do very much appreciate that you're inflicting these logistical headaches on me now, in a safe environment, before they cause real problems," Valiant said. "As such, if some crisis materializes in the next two weeks that I need your help to deal with, I will pay you however much money you need to stick it to the House of Vega."
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"If it's bad enough to warrant Veronica's intervention, you'll have to directly order her to help me, or else you'll be on the hook for double that amount," I said. "She has agreed to help me, but only for half of the money."
"I'll see what I can do," Valiant said. "Is that all?"
"I think so, yeah," I said, standing up. "I'm probably going to be pretty quiet for the next week or so, unless I find something truly alarming. See you next time I either need help putting a fire out or improving my barbecue game. I won't know until we get there, and neither will you."
"Who's a good girl? Who's a good girl?"
"I am," Lisa slurred, sprawled out across my lap and 100% boneless and melty under my hand's ruthless assault on her ears.
"You are!"
"Yaaaaay..."
I was aware of, and even a little bit into, petplay as a kink, but honestly, I don't think this really counts. This was simply me paying forward all the affection I'd gotten from Akane, filtered through what I knew from experience Lisa preferred. This was not being done with bonerous intent, simply a desire to bury in kindness, love, acceptance, affection, and support, another trans gal who had not been as fortunate as I in which supernatural powers she developed. Loving kindness, or chesed.
Yes, I am prepared to argue to you, to the rabbi, and to God Himself that scratching a foxgirl's ears was a religious experience. Fuck you. You know I'm right.
The door to the basement opened, and Akane stepped out, wearing her armored jumpsuit. Unlike Lisa's jumpsuit, which was designed to flatter and accentuate the wearer's figure, Akane's was essentially the mother of all sports bras, and while it was still possible to tell she had a figure, it seriously compressed all of the relevant adipose tissues.
However, it looked different than it did last time, the black accent lines having been replaced with gold, and more of them having been added in an odd, circuitboard-like pattern, and added bulk around her forearms, feet, shins, and hips.
"Working on upgrades?" I asked.
"Kinda," Akane said. "It's more that I wanted a jetpack, and integrating it into the armor suit seemed like a really good idea."
"Whyzzat?" Lisa asked.
"So I can't test the jetpack without being protected from jetpack accidents," Akane said.
"Mmm. Smart."
"I've also got an experimental transformation device integrated," Akane added, gesturing with her right arm, which had a thicker forearm than the other. "That one's... mostly just for fun."
"What's it do?" I asked.
"Transmutes materials," Akane said. "I tested it on bricks, houseplants, mice... Right now it's tuned to turn things into aluminum. I tried stone at first, but then I learned that stone is really fragile, and had to go buy another houseplant. The transmutation wears off in like five minutes, which was not enough time to glue that jigsaw puzzle back together."
"Test it on something bigger than a mouse before you use it on a human," I said.
"Why's that?" Akane asked.
"So, back in the 1950s, some scientists were experimenting with cryonics," I said. "Freezing hamsters and thawing them out and noticing they're still alive, that sort of thing. They actually invented the microwave oven in the process of the experiments! Well, then they started testing on larger animals, and... it didn't work. The animals kept dying. Turning from aluminum back into flesh is a different process, but it's close enough to be reasonably afraid of. Get some rabbits to test on or something."
"I can't test mad science on bunnies," Akane said, affronted. "They're my fursona."
Lisa lifted her head up to stare at Akane, incredulous.
"You're not the only furry in the house," Akane said.
"...Why's the flight harness look like that?" Lisa said, instead of challenging Akane's bona fides as a furry. "Shouldn't a jetpack be on your back?"
"Jetpacks are the worst-designed personal flight device ever," Akane said. "The best places to support a human's weight are their feet or their hips, because humans are evolved to stand and sit. The forearms are acceptable, because we're descended from arboreal apes that swung through trees, but the torso isn't. Best leverage point is the armpits, and... well, you've been picked up by the armpits before, probably. It's not comfortable."
"Mm. Fair." Lisa hummed thoughtfully. "Hey, Roxy, have you ever heard of druids being able to turn into more than one kind of animal?"
"A few cases, but most of them were apocryphal, and all were exceptional," I said. "If you just wanna fly, though, I'm sure Akane'll be willing to share her toys with you if you ask nicely."
"I am!" Akane added. "After I test the flight harness, though. Speaking of which... Nicky! You ready to go?"
There was no response.
"The house is pretty well soundproofed," I said. "I'll ping her."
Her phone buzzed, and a few moments later, her bedroom door opened.
"Akane?" Veronica called from upstairs.
"You ready to go to the airfield, Nicky?" Akane asked.
"Not tonight," Veronica said. "The sun set half an hour ago, Akane."
"...Oh," Akane said. "...So I put on this jumpsuit for nothing."
"Still a huge pain in the ass to get on and off, huh?" I said, as Veronica's bedroom door closed and she went back to whatever she was doing. I texted her asking what she was doing, out of pure curiosity.
"Yeah..." Akane said, wilting a little. "I wonder if I could just... sleep in this."
"I wouldn't recommend it," I said. Veronica texted me back, saying she was playing modded Factorio. After calling her a 'dork (affectionate)' I asked which mods, and was treated to an extended 'Veronica is typing' notification. "Although, no reason you've gotta struggle out of it immediately. Watch some TV with us."
"Maybe," Akane said, walking over and sitting down on the couch, within headpat range of Lisa. "But, uh... I think we need to talk."
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