“We need to choose a class & a name before we find a way to loose it on the world. Now where is that diorama?”

“My lord we urge you not to do this. The balance we have cultivated over the long millennium will be corrupted by a champion like this.” pleaded the fates.

This seemed like a crazy person’s fever dream to me. What have I been dragged into? I’m not sure I want to continue this with a choir of fates opposed to my very existence.

“Nonsense, have you no sense of adventure?” said Cheshire.

“I was just thinking that. You can hear my thoughts?” I said.

“Thoughts are all you are.” replied Cheshire, “Now come you have decisions to make. Here are the standard 3 starting classes for you to choose from Warrior, Rogue, Mage. I suggest you choose from the first two since one of your pulls makes Mage useless to you.” As I floated through the “diorama”, I scoffed at what I was seeing. In my peripheral…vision? Not sure I could call it that here. I saw a glint, so I floated over in that direction.

“Where are you going, the choices are here and given some of your pulls I’d suggest warrior. You’d end up unlocking the Mage Slayer advanced class. That’s a good one.” said Cheshire. I replied the only way I knew how,

“All my class choices will be mage slayers.” Now what is down here pray tell.

“Where are you going?” asks the toothy horizon, “All your choices are before you. With your no weapons ailment, I would assume that warrior is the best bet. Lots of martial ability to keep you alive.”

Ignoring the advice, I drifted further toward that glint until my momentum arrested. I thought how strange it is that a blank void would have a barrier then I heard that cracking sound again and the barrier dissolved in front me revealing row after row of what could only be called mannequins.

“Mannequins?” I exclaimed.

“No those are class architypes but for the forgotten.” Explained Cheshire.

“Forgotten?” I asked.

“Yes, well this world is vast and old. Not every class architype propagates through existence. Take the Goblin Biomancer for example. You need to be a goblin as well as have access to science and magic. You don’t realize how rare that is. How could you? After the 3rd goblin uprising where horrible monstrosities were created by these creatures the fates issued a worldwide quest to hunt them down and exterminate them. While not all of these classes have the same story, they have been forgotten for some reason or another. We should return to the selection I have prepared for you, I doubt anything in here will suit you.” Of course, the choir had something to say.

“Let it choose from here, it guarantees a swift end to this comedy.”

Feeling a bit pissed off at this point I replied,

“Oh yea fine! Since you are so interested in being rid of me, what is this one in the robes here.” Cheshire perks up at this and says,

“That is a Nether Monk class. None of those are left. Difficult path, you wouldn’t want that one.”

“Monk huh, they have martial prowess, don’t they?” At least the ones from movies I remember do. Something about soccer.

“You don’t understand, without a class trainer you would have to discover class abilities on your own. There wouldn’t be any readily available gear that you could use. You would essentially be vulnerable until you figured it out on your own. The same can be said for all these forgotten classes.”

“I bet I could make it work.” That sentence I would regret for the rest of my days in this crazy messed up world.

“I’ll take that bet.” Cheshire said with the widest grin imaginable. All other classes vanished, and the only choice left in front of me was Nether Monk. I was prompted to accept the choice with both a yes & a yes option.

“Wait what happened?” I asked.

“Does God of Gambling ring a bell? This is a win win for me. The odds of you succeeding are incredibly low but as my champion you’ve just made a bet that guarantees I win whether you live or die. This couldn’t have gone better. Now select yes and let’s move on to the end.”

Several rows of body types and genders were then displayed before me giving me the distinct impression that I should select a race. My thoughts in a hurricane of wondering what I just did, I could only think of one thing, pick human before I get stuck with mushroom gnome or something else re-god danm-diculous. So, I blurted out, “Human male.”

“You sure about that,” Cheshire asked, “there are some incredibly strong or wise races that would make an excellent Nether Monk.”

“I’m good”, I replied. A view of 5 stats blurred in front of my face. Intelligence, Strength, Speed, Agility, and Wisdom. Cheshire began to speak,

“A base human has 10 in each of these stats. As a champion you will be given an additional 50 points to distribute as you see fit. As MY champion will you be given a 6th stat: Luck. This stat was removed from the world by the other gods for reasons we won’t go into here. I’ve waited the allotted time and now I bestow unto my champion the wasted points over this long-protracted judgement.

Attribute

Score

Intelligence

10

Strength

10

Speed

10

Agility

10

Wisdom

10

Luck

300

“You must not grant him a stat above the Mortal limit of one hundred. The pantheon will hear of this.”-shrieked the Fates.

“They determined it was a useless stat & removed it by quorum from the world. I haven’t given it back to the mortals, just to my champion which is my right.” calmly replied Cheshire, “Now all that’s left is for you to choose a name and we are done here. You can distribute your points once among the mortals. I have no need to witness such minutiae. Now choose.” said Cheshire.

“I…my…. I already have a name. Its Deacon.” said Deacon.

“Just Deacon? No Surname? Well, that is underwhelming. Go then, you have work to do and a table to flip. Good luck.” quipped Cheshire. The last thing Deacon thought before his perception swirled around him was,

“Son of a bitch”.