“Hieee!?” The alarmed noise Elina makes immediately tells me it’s not Romy. Laying atop me, she nervously feels her face, and upon realizing that her mask is gone, jumps off of me with ghost-like speed. Within seconds, the mask which got knocked off in the commotion is back on, and the possum-faced healer returns. However, no matter how she covers it up, I don’t need Time Reversal Magic to remember the truth. “I…you…!“

“You…why do you look like Romy?!” I probably shouldn’t poke so hard considering the painful lengths Elina has gone to hide it. But that’s just who I am. I need to know. “Tell me who you really are!” At my words, her body posture hunches in on itself. As if she wants to hide. I can see the muscles tensing beneath her black robes. Her legs want to run. It’s bizarre, this woman who stood up to the Elders for me is now terrified by me, a mere child. I soften my face, “Please…I won’t tell anyone else. But I’m not an idiot. You look just like her. Who are you? Did Romy send you to look after me? Like Perideen?”

“Damn…damnit, damnit!” Elina curses, frozen before my gaze. For a long moment, we stand there. Abruptly, I realize there’s black ash on my face. Touching it, I glance sideways to see a billowing stream of dust as the branch I “healed” disintegrates into sooty nothingness. It just crumbles away. Elina also notices where I’m looking. “By the Raingods…how did you…what are you…?”

Wait…Elina doesn’t know what happened, either?

Getting onto my palms, I shakily rise from the ground, trying not to let how wobbly the world is show. She really has some mean hands. The warm sunlight helps to dispel the nightmarish cold in my bones, but I can feel that my mana reserves are drained. Guess I’m not doing anything else today. When I shiver, Elina starts to reach towards me, but stops herself. She seems almost…afraid of me.

“Do you need healing?” She asks and I shake my head, although it hurts a bit. “Good. I…I don’t think you should experiment with Healing Magic anymore. As a matter of fact…if you can help it. Don’t go anywhere near it. Avoid being healed even, let alone casting it. I don’t…I’ve never seen anything like what just happened.”

“Was it really that bad?” I can taste a slight coppery taste in my mouth, and the corner of my tongue hurts. Think I bit myself. Glancing at the branch which has basically returned to its prior state before I healed it, albeit with soot covering the edges, I examine it closely. “Look nothing’s wrong-“ At the exact moment I say the words, the rest of the branch, the healthy part…it disintegrates into that same sooty black ash. Closing my mouth, I’m in shock as Elina jumps in and pulls me away from the dark cloud spilling into the air. Two seconds later…the whole tree slumps in on itself like sand, turning blurry and grainy. As if we’re looking at it through a cracked magnifying glass. “Holy…”

“There’s nothing holy about this magic…” Elina holds tightly to my shoulders, her fear forgotten as she covers me with her forearms. I notice secret knives have appeared in her hands at some point. “You must never try Time Reversal Magic again. Promise me…you won’t. No matter the situation.”

“I…” My voice trails off as the hands around my shoulders clench tightly and I nod. “I won’t.”

“Alright. Let’s…go back. Can you handle being carried?”

“I think so.”

#

A surprising thing happens when we arrive at the hut that night. When we enter the doorway, a familiar noise greets my ears-

“M-row?” My sister wakes up with the distinctive trill of a feline. Immediately, Elina bursts into motion. “M-Myrr? Auntie Elina?” Natalia switches to human tongue as she sees our outlines, but I notice the fear in her eyes before she recognizes us for who we are. Aiya, that’s not good. “Is that you?”

“It’s us.” I say back, hurrying inside to comfort her. However, to my surprise, it is Elina who holds me back. She turns around from checking on Natalia’s leg and pushes me away. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t. You’re still participating in the Trials right now. Don’t you remember?” The healer manipulates Natalia’s little calf with her hands. It looks…to be moving alright now. Like a real leg should. Not the way it was before. Satisfied, Elina turns back to me. “No outside interference from those not participating in the Trials is allowed. The only one you can speak with is myself, the Elders, and the other Candidates.”

“B-But…she’s my sister!” I protest to no avail. Natalia complains as well, albeit in a sleepy manner. However, before I can say anything else, there’s a loud yowl as Elina gathers up the little Demi-Cat in her arms and struts out of the hut. “Where are you going! What are you doing with her?!” However, my shouts go unanswered and both healer and girl disappear into the night with a gust of wind. I’m left stuck in the hut with almost no mana, and a very sore head. Though I yell out into the plateau, there’s no answer. Disgruntled, I can only go to Natalia’s now vacant cot and await her return. Shutting the door, I try to relax and get some rest. But despite my exhaustion, I can’t get my brain to turn off. Instead I sit in stupor-like state of maybes and what-ifs. In Sparta, didn’t they used to abandon unwanted babies on top of mountains? What if she’s doing that to…no…wait, Elina’s a healer, she’d never do that…but she’s also a Rainstopper…who is she? Why does she look like Romy? Ugh, my head…just let me sleep!

*Toc*

A slight footstep outside the door. I swear I heard it. However, the door doesn’t open.

“Elina? It’s not locked!” I yell, but no one answers. Confused, I get up. The floor wobbles dangerously, my head still hurts. Walking to the door, I call out, “Natalia? Is that you?”

*Shuaaa*

Nobody answers but the wind. When I toss open the door to the hut, I find nothing but the plateau waiting for me. Off in the distance, I can see lights from the stone dormitories and several groups of Rainstopper Candidates walking around training. But Elina’s hut is pretty far away from most of that stuff so they’re just small figures at this distance. Poking my head out, I peek around but only the night greets me.

“Huh?” Wondering if my head injury is more serious than I thought, I jerk as the wind shifts and Elina pops into existence in front of me. “Woah! Can you not?! Hey…wait where’s Natalia!”

“I brought her to somewhere she won’t distract you. Don’t worry, she’ll be taken care of. But you can’t see her until after the Trials are over.” Elina replies without a hint of embarrassment. Poking my forehead, she grunts and strides past me into the hut. “Unless you want to forfeit, which I’d wholeheartedly support, I suggest you put your mind to more important tasks.”

“Like who you are?” I’m peeved and acting petulant. Natalia…I hope you’re okay. I don’t think Elina would put you anywhere bad…but still, is this really necessary? Putting it into the back of my head for later, I return to the woman in front of me. “Why do you wear that mask all the time?”

“…”

“It’s the scars isn’t it? They’re not that bad-“ I freeze as Elina’s hand comes up as if to slap me. She’s breathing heavily, and suddenly, I recall that Perideen always had a slight undercurrent of fear whenever he mentioned the Sect healer. “I…I didn’t mean it like…”

“I know you didn’t. Or I’d be healing you right now.” Shaking her head, Elina shuts the door, locking out the wind. “Make yourself useful and make some tea. I can’t…ugh…this is a mess.” Putting her head in her hands, she walks to the seats. “The herbs are in cupboard.”

“Okay…okay…” I move over and open the cupboard. As I do, I notice something white inside. It looks almost like a stack of papers. Before I can do anything, Elina is abruptly beside me. She reaches inside and grabs the herbs and slams the cupboard. “Hey! I was getting it!”

“I…” Seemingly embarrassed, she starts to make the tea. “I’ll do it. Useless Acolyte…”

What was that about?

Even more confused than before, I figure I should stick to one secret at a time. While Elina heats the kettle, I pace around the hut. She takes a seat and is silent.

“Alright, listen, I don’t want to pry. But you can’t really expect me to just ignore this forever, right?” I say, with a glance at her out of the corner of my eye. “And I meant it about the mask. I think you look fine without it. Quite pretty even. Like Romy.”

“…” The silence continues, and I can’t tell if my attempt at persuasion has passed the check or not.

“Well, look, I know you have to be related to her. You’re so alike. Is she your sister?” I reason out loud, not really expecting her to answer. To my surprise however, this time she responds.

“Twins. We were twins.” She whispers. The kettle begins to make little popping noises as it heats. “A long time ago…”

“You know family isn’t exactly something that changes right?” I do my best to sound childish to play to whatever motherly instincts she has. “How come…Romy never mentioned you?”

“Because…I’m not supposed to exist. And she doesn’t want to remember this place. Or me…” Elina’s voice is so still, so careful, I know it’s fake. Entirely fake. She’s a better actor then Romy, but now that I have her rattled, she can’t hide it from me. The Vice-Secthead slowly reaches up. Her hands shiver on the edges of her mask. I see her eyes flick to me in the dim light of the stove. Then the possum face comes off. I did not lie. She really has a gorgeous face, just like Romy. Luckily, she’s pretty enough that the scars could be decorations rather than blemishes. Such is the blessing given to the pretty. Her fingers numbly trace the edge of the terrible cuts. The two white lines form an X across her face, I wonder what happened. Then she starts speaking again. Her lips curl up, making the scars finally turn a bit ugly as it almost looks like she’s going to cry. “You say family doesn’t change. But tell me, Little Myrr. What kind of family does this to each other? Would you still call her ‘Auntie’ if she took a knife to your cute face? Heh…of course not. She barely even trains you from the look of it.”

“Romy…did this to you?” I have wide eyes. Always, I had known there was some reason that my auntie had left the Sect. And that it was something horrible. I had assumed she’d had to kill someone. A lot of someone’s. But now…it seems that the reason is right in front of me. “I don’t understand. She’s…not like…why?” While we’ve been talking, the kettle has begun to shoot out piping hot steam. It’s so hot I can feel bits of water blasting onto my cheek even from here. Elina’s hand shoots out and pulls the damn thing off the stove. Her shadowy face is beyond bitter as drops tea leaves and sugar into the kettle.

“My…sister, wants to forget what she’s done. So do I. But look at me. Everyday, I feel it, even when I don’t look in a mirror.” Elina’s voice no longer has the warmth it had earlier. It has none of the characteristics I’m beginning to associate with her. Instead, it is cold, empty…brutally lonely. “How well do you really think you know your Auntie? Do you truly believe she is a kind woman who only wants to raise kids?”

“Well…it’s all she talks about…to be honest.” I reply truthfully. At this, Elina’s eyes bulge and she laughs wickedly. For a second, she really does look like a witch.

“He…hehehehe…HAHAHAHA!” Her laugh is not one of happiness. The farthest thing from it. I’ve never experienced a sound so sad, or so far from okay in my life. And I’ve had two of those. “What a joke…what a joke!”

“Can you stop! Maybe she’s really changed?! Have you considered that!” Though I feel for Elina’s pain, I’ve had enough of her one person pity-parade. This is my Auntie she’s talking about! “Speak plainly, make me understand, but stop this…”

“I…” Her laugh catches in her throat. It dies just as suddenly as it came. The hut is starting to fill with a strong scent of overcooked tea. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was practically syrup at this point. “I’m…” She sounds like she’s going to say sorry, but can’t get the words out. Then, her whole demeanor changes. Shifting, she lunges at me, “No! NO! I can’t stand it! Stop looking at me like that!”

“W-What?” I can’t help whatever I’m doing. She’s freaking me out. I try to reach for a spell, only for my depleted mana reserves to cause a shooting a pain in my head. Elina grabs my wrists, one hand on each, and holds me down, keeping me from wriggling away. Her grip is tight. Painfully tight. There’s no escape. “S-Stop! You’re hurting me!”

“No.” She says simply. “You’re going to watch. And see it. Just exactly how wrong you are. How naïve you are. What your Auntie…my dear sister…what she really is! You can’t just run away from what you’ve done! Not when it’s carved into my skin! Even if she won’t look at me…won’t see me…you…you will know! I won’t have it! I won’t have you looking at me like I’m some sort of crazy person! I…I refused! And she…she…it hurt…it still…hurts…even…now…” Her fire is dimming. Elina is fading away before my eyes. But the crazed, manic strength in her body holds me fast, still. Even when one hand leaves my shaking wrists, the other is more than enough to hold me in that chair. Gradually…I stop struggling. My eyes grow wide as Elina pulls out a knife.

“W-What are you…?” I can’t move. She’s got me fast. My magic isn’t coming, and even it was, it wouldn’t be enough to stop her. “Please…think about what you’re doing!”

“I’ve thought long enough. Now it’s time for you to know.” The knife creeps closer to my face. My pounding heartbeat is going out of my chest. But then Elina’s hand turns away. It goes towards my wrists. Then it stops short. At her own wrists. With a single motion, she tears open her sleeve, from wrist to elbow. The fabric parts uneasily, despite her extraordinary strength. Perhaps she doesn’t really want to show me the truth. But it’s too late. The two halves of her sleeve fall apart, exposing her pale arm beneath. Except, it’s not all white skin. It’s…like a map. Lines criss-cross it everywhere. In every direction. There are…places…where it seems the surface has been ruptured from within. Oh God…is that from…her own bones coming out? In several places, her improperly healed forearm is crooked, and the joint is at an unnatural angle. Everything…has healed. If you could call this healing. But it’s all wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

The damage…it’s terrible. I can’t even imagine the amount of pain she must have suffered. What would have had to be done to her to cause this.

My eyes wander across her body. Her unnatural stillness has broken into shaking as she sees the recognition in my eyes. That I now understand her truth. No more do I fear her. Rather…my fear has moved onto someone I never thought I would be afraid of. The most unshakeable pillar of my world has begun to crack and crumble as I realize I never really knew my Auntie. For if it’s true and she did this…

“H-How…far?” I can barely speak. My throat is so dry. Empathy…a thing which I so rarely experienced on Earth. Yet here, it swells up in this new body of mine. And I cannot avoid it. Just imagine what must be under the rest of Elina’s robes. The strange way she moves. How that Elder called her cripple. It all makes sense now. The only question left is one I really don’t want to know, but can’t help but ask. “How…”

“How much of me is trash?” Elina barks with laughter, but I know that sound is a cry for help. I don’t think…I can…help with this. “All of it. This body of mine. The whole thing. Every limb. My back. This arm is just where she started. Well…I suppose that’s not true. My sister stopped when she got to my face. Only two cuts…not so bad…right?” When she grins that lopsided grin divided into four broken halves, that’s when something breaks inside me. My calm perhaps. Or my indifference. I…I didn’t know.

“I’m so…sorry.” I say it. Apparently, even I’m capable of regret. Though this is an extreme situation. Swallowing, I grab the tea kettle as Elina lets go of me. She need not hold on, though I still want to run away. After what she’s shown me though, I can’t leave. I need to know. Pouring us both two cups of tea, I gulp mine down, ignoring the thick, and unnaturally bitter taste. Anything to distract me…to make my mouth a little less dry than it is now. “Why…though. I can’t understand it. Why would she do…this?”

“Because of the Trials.” Elina’s awful painful smile, that sadness in her face could make the angels weep and the devil sad. It’s the face of a woman. So similar to one which I care for deeply. But that look…it’s the face of a girl who needs help. Just like when she came into my life back in my old life, I know I need to help. However, these wounds…these deep, dark wounds. They’ve already been healed, even if clearly, that is a pathetic excuse for pretending things are alright. I have no way of changing that. I can’t turn back time. What’s happened has happened. Elina’s smile once vehement, then mocking, now sad, no longer meets my eyes. She looks down, her breasts heaving as she clutches the teacup so hard I fear it will shatter into a million fragments along with her fragile soul. “Now do you still want to be Secthead? This is what it takes, Myrr. Everything…everything you care about. Make no mistake. I’ve tried to guide this Sect in another direction all these years, but at the end of the day, we are killers. That won’t change. The price of all this…now that you’ve seen it…will you still pay it?”