Gamer Guild’s Dungeon (3rd Floor, Pt. 3)

--- Joshua ---

(“Alright, then just open the chest up and let’s see what you get.”)

Nodding he made his way to the treasure chest, before forcing the chest open and finding, “A black book?” He frowned. “Uh, shouldn’t this be like a weapon or a piece of armor.”

(“Uh, yeah… Just uh, just give me a second…”) The GM told him before mumbling something about item dice and personality customization feedback, the second of which he did not understand. (“Okay, I see what happened here. So, because I made you your own class, there was a bit of wiggle room in the system for setting what equipment the dungeon drops for you based on this whole thing where the dungeon observes its players and picks items that suit their current playstyle before rolling a dice for what they get.”)

“Uh-huh.” (Still have no idea what any of that means for me.)

(“To make a long story short, ‘the black book’ is the weapon that I usually give to offensive spell classes, and given how many of your ‘spells’ you’ve been spamming the dungeon put it on your drop list.”) His fellow Wonderlander explained.

“Alright, but um, how exactly am I supposed to use a book?” He asked with just a touch of confusion. “I mean I guess I could just feed it to my Ink Whip later, but would that even do?”

(“Oh, uh, no. That’s not how you use the books.”) The GM shot down in a disappointed tone. (“You read them and then it’ll unlock a new spell for your class, but again only magic users can use it.”)

“Meaning I can’t use it.” He sighed.

(“... Dude, I just said you’ve been using spells this entire time.”) The GM reminded him. (“For the sake of my system your Wonderlander powers count as spells, meaning you can use the book.”)

“Huh, so what do I just open it and-” A blue screen similar to the one he’d seen after getting his Ink Whip popped into existence, showing off the various skills he did not remember unlocking for himself.

(“Oh, right, probably should’ve mentioned I’ve been filling in your character sheet as you go, since you’re beta-testing this Toon class for me.”) The gaming Wonderlander answered to his unspoken question. (“You’re new spell should’ve just popped in with a new skill branch. It’s the hand holding the blob of ink.”)

Pushing aside the fact that the GM had set him to auto-spec, he quickly found the icon the GM was talking about. “Uh, yeah, it says ‘Throw a blob of ink at enemies, damaging foes and inflicting status ailments based on other ink abilities. To use, make a claw shape with your hand and pull on ink. Consumes resources with each cast.’”

(“Cool, I only had the broad strokes with what that would do, since I wasn’t sure just how cross-platform our Wonderlands are.”) His fellow Wonderlander admitted.

“Makes sense, both of our powers are Madness based but they’re also two separate themes.” He nodded, before half-curling his fingers and pulling at the ink in his hand.

A knife of agony tore through his skull sending him hunching over as he gasped weakly, the pain leaving as suddenly as it came. “The fuck was that?!”

(“I’m guessing that’s our powers pushing that connection limit.”) The GM seemingly grimaced. (“On the plus side, you’ve got a new power?”)

Feeling something squishy in his hand, he blinked before holding up a shifting black sphere dripping ink between his fingers. “Okay… this is… weird…”

Shaking his head, he forced him past the odd shock and ache left in the wake of that brief bout of agony, before pulling his arm back and throwing the ink blob at the wall, where it spattered against the wall.

(“Ew, ew, ew, eww! I can feel it crawling on my skin!”) His fellow Wonderlander cried.

(I should probably feel bad about that… but I really don’t.) “I’m guessing like with my tags you don’t want me using that in the dungeon either?”

(“Please don’t!”) The ruthless gang leader whined pathetically.

He couldn’t help the slight smirk that made its way onto his face as he started back towards both the fork in the dungeon path as well as his final trek of the dungeon.

---

(“Are you sure you want to fight the boss?”) The GM asked him once more as he left the final room before the boss room, a small pile of gold and goblin ears his reward.

“Like I said before, I’m finishing this dungeon.” He told them. “Though I’ll admit, I do kind of wish that last shaman dropped a potion or something because I am starting to flag a bit, but the show must go on.”

(“Yeah, I know… Just going to suck if you die. This isn’t a SoulsBourne game where you can recollect your lost points.”) The GM reminded him once more.

“As you’ve said before.” He sighed with a roll of his eyes. (When will the reruns end? We need some new entertainment! Actually, thinking about it,) “Anything you’re willing to tell me about this floor’s boss? I mean just from one Wonderlander to another.”

Said fellow Wonderlander gave him a snort of amusement. (“You know, what sure. Since this floor had this whole thing with pick your enemy priorities, those also would’ve changed the class of the floor boss and the loot for most other players.”)

“So what you’re saying is if I’d changed the priority to Warriors I’d be fighting a Warboss goblin or something?”

(“Yeah, and you would’ve gotten a Chieftain for the Shaman, or a Bandit Leader for the Rogues.”) The GM confirmed.

“Cool, I can see the replayability in choosing your own boss.” He admitted. “But since I didn’t choose a floor specialization, what's my boss going to be?”

(“Since you’re so determined to finish this floor why don’t you find out for yourself?”) The GM suggested as he came to the door of the boss room.

“Fair enough.” He shrugged, before pushing the door open just enough to peek inside and catch sight of several stone walls surrounding the ruins of an empty burned out village. (Wait…) “Where are the goblins?”

(“Unlike the previous floors this one’s boss won’t spawn until you actually enter the room.”) His fellow Wonderlander told him.

He considered that for a minute, and then considered the names of the various alt-goblin bosses, before calling that, “I’m going to get ambushed and surrounded by goblins if I go in there aren’t I?”

(“...”) The GM’s silence was telling, at least until a cough broke it. (“What? No! No, no, no… There’s no ambush.”)

(They can’t expect me to believe that.)

Seeing that he wasn’t buying it his fellow Wonderlander apparently decided to level with him, (“Look, if you want to finish the floor you’ve got to go in there. Otherwise you’ve got to back track all the way to the start of the floor where you can give up.”)

(Ugh, this script is so predictable…) He sighed before pushing the door open and entering the room.

“Alright, where’s this ambush boss?” He asked, after nearing a campfire in the middle of the burned down city.

“Ugh, what now?” A voice called, drawing his eye to a goblin in armor standing on top of the stone structure to the side. “Great, another intruder… I thought we were getting a break after that dragon yesterday.”

“Dragon?” He repeated with a frown.

(“Don’t worry about it.”) The GM told him perhaps a little too quickly.

Shaking his head, he focused on what he was assuming was the boss goblin again. “Sorry, but nope, we’ve got a show to put on, friend.”

“Shit.” The goblin cursed before bellowing out, “You heard him boys! This bloody blighter wants us to put on a show!”

From all around the ruins goblins began to appear, until he was surrounded by six goblins with two of each class excluding the boss watching them from on high.

“Called it ambush boss.”

(“Shut up, before I undo that difficulty drop I put on you earlier.”)

“Ouch,” he grimaced. “I uh, I actually sort of forgot about that.” (There goes my pride. Better kill something to get it back.)

Idly, he threw his hand out grabbing a Shaman with his Ink Whip and pulled it over before throwing it to the ground with a toonified hand. At which point he lifted his foot up and stomped on the goblin’s head with his full weight and strength behind the blow, shattering both the goblin and the ground beneath it.

“Hmm…” (Feels like I might have to kill a few more of these disposable extras, before I’m feeling like a proper star again.)

“Seriously, you dumb shites couldn’t even go a whole minute without someone dying?!” The boss goblin berated. “And it was one of the healers too! Oi, you better not go slacking just because you’re the only healer now! In fact I expect you to cover your and his job or else I’ll be flogging you for not healing him before he died!”

The remaining Shaman winced before shaking its head and gaining a flaming aura of some kind as it began to chant, causing the two warrior goblins to each gain a healing aura of green plus signs despite their full health.

“Ah shit, he’s a minion support boss!” He realized with a groan, knowing how much of a pain these bosses could be until you manage to chase them down. (Fuck, this is going to suck… Might as well knock out the other Shaman since he’s the one getting buffed.)

“And the rest of you dumb bastards remember to protect the healer this time unless you want to die a miserable and painful death! And I don’t mean by this fucker’s hand!” The boss goblin continued, getting the warriors to rush between him and the last Shaman significantly faster than the previous warriors had. “Need a drink after yelling at these dumbasses.”

(Yep, going to suck so much.) He reiterated to himself, as he leapt out of the way of a Rogue’s arrow.

Changing targets to the ranged DPS, he threw his Ink Whip at the Rogue that hadn’t attacked, but was getting ready to. (Which I’m going to have to give a hard pass on.) Once he’d gotten ahold of the goblin he drew his knife and stabbed it into the dungeon construct’s neck, where with a pull both rough and brutal he tore the knife out pixelating the Rogue.

“Oh, come the fuck on! What was that you stupid fuck!” The Boss Goblin cursed. “Aren’t you rogues supposed to be stealthy?! How the fuck did he find you two? Oh, right you’re standing out in the middle of the fucking clearing!”

Much like the Shaman before it, the remaining Rogue winced before developing a flaming aura. Only instead of chanting like the magic user the more stealthy rogue leapt backwards while turning invisible and disappearing from sight.

“And an invisible archer is just what I need.” He groaned, running a hand down his face as he focused on the three enemies he could see. (Actually…)

He rushed forward as fast as he could, not towards the warriors but rather slightly to their left where a small stone building laid. One that with a bit of effort, his burgeoning climbing skills, and just a smidge of super strength, he was able to climb up to where the boss goblin had holed himself away.

Finding himself alone with the Boss Goblin he cracked his knuckles before suggesting, “Let’s see if those buffs of yours fall when I kill you, huh?”

The Goblin just gave him a flat look in return, before downing a mug of something -“Yeah, no.”- and proceeding to grab him by his collar and throw him off of the stone tower.

Hitting the ground with a tumble and roll, he felt several of his earlier aches decide to make themselves known as they reminded him that even with a healing factor and the GM’s potions, he was still running on fumes.

“You dumbass, I’m the captain of a band of goblins!” The apparent goblin Captain yelled at him. “You don’t get this job by being a fucking push over, I have to be stronger than the rest of these dumb fucks or else they’ll kill me first chance they get!”

“Well… Given how shit of a boss you seem to be I don’t blame them!” He told the Boss Goblin as he forced himself back onto his feet.

“Yeah, well I’m not the one getting his ass kicked so ha!” The Captain laughed before downing another mug of what he assumed was ale.

Glaring at the boss goblin, and feeling a deep ache in his bones, he had an odd thought of sorts as he turned to the remaining goblins. (If their employers are so toxic…) “How much gold do I have to pay you lot to help me kill your Captain?”

An odd silence filled the ruins as everyone processed his question.

“The fuck did you just say?!” The Boss Goblin screamed, “You think you can just bribe the stupid shites into betraying me you dumb fuck?”

The Shaman and the two warriors looked between each other before turning back to him. “You know you won’t get the gold back if you give it to us, even if you kill us after the fact right?”

“Are you stupid bastards actually considering this?!”

“Honestly, at this point I just want to shut him up.” He admitted with a shrug.

“I’ll flog all of you sons of bitches for this!”

“Yeah, I can totally get that.” The warrior nodded. “Honestly, of the bosses for this floor he’s always the pain to deal with. Which sucks since he’s in charge more often than the other three.”

“I’ll shatter all of you with my own two hands!”

“Yeah, that does suck.” He nodded in sympathy. “Kind of wondering why the GM let’s this slide, if you guys hate it so much.”

“And you, you stupid fuck I’m going to flay alive with my-” (I’m just going to ignore the rest of his ranting, because it’s more annoying than anything else.)

(“If I’m being honest, I actually had no idea he’d gotten this bad. His early insults were funny but at this point he’s kind of being a dick.”)

“Eh, it’s flanderization boss. We liked his whole gig at first, but you might want to load one of his earlier saves; he's gotten a little extreme with all of it.” The Shaman told the GM, since apparently the monsters could hear his fellow Wonderlander too. (Which makes sense I guess.)

“I don’t know, I actually kind of like the way he talks to us more.” The warrior he hadn’t been talking to admitted before being promptly knocked out by the rogue coming out of stealth.

“I’m not paying his bribe.” He told the remaining goblins.

“That’s fair.” The still standing warrior nodded.

“Ten coins a piece fair, or?”

“Honestly, I’d do this for free at this point.” The Rogue told him before shooting the still yelling boss goblin with an arrow, pixelating it.

“Wait, how the fuck did you kill him so easy?!”

“Extra five coins.” The Rogue answered sticking its hand out, and earning a look from him. “I’m a rogue, this is what we do.”

“Fair.” He admitted, handing over thirty-five coins to the goblins, because (you should always keep your minions happy and well paid, so they don’t shoot you in the back.) (Like that guy.) (Though technically, that was more in the face which is a little more honorable than the back.)

He blinked before rubbing at his head as his migraine began to claw its way back into existence.

“Anyway, he had a buff on himself that made it so his stats go up the more goblins he has working for him. Since we all defected, died, or got knocked out…” The goblin trailed off.

“He became a one hit chump.” He finished.

“Yep.” The rogue nodded, before giving him a look. “Now then are we fighting still or are you moving on?”

He considered it for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah, if you guys aren’t going to attack me, I don’t see any reason to attack you.”

The rogue gave him another nod before walking away and taking a seat against a nearby wall, as the remaining goblins decided to join it (or were carried over in the case of the unconscious warrior.)

Giving the odd sight a brief chuckle he turned and made his way through the ruins and inside of a stone building where he found the usual three chests waiting to be opened.

(Alright, last chest what’s it going to be?)