《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 45: The Final Product
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"I don't...I'm not sure how it looks like this. I could swear it was a huge mess just a second ago."
"Aha!" smirked Lulu. "That's because I am of course, an expert in everything that has to do with service."
Whether she was exaggerating or not, the results spoke for themselves. Ted was blown away by just how good everything looked. She had painted the wooden boards just right so that the bar top looked like polished black marble. Simple stools sat in a row with a big mirror behind the bar. Shelves held bottles of alcohol and mixers, four barrels were tapped and sitting along the back wall. Much of Death's suggestions seemed to have been ignored, but there was a sign with a skeleton in a Dr's outfit that said, "Beer cures everything that ales ya." Beneath the bar were cupboards filled with various mugs, and goblets. Wooden pillars framed the entire thing, and everything slammed together gave it an odd mix of rustic and fancy.
"Last but not least, the crowning achievement." Lulu pulled open a wooden cupboard behind the bar to reveal sheets of ice. and a metal sheen along the inside of the doors. "An honest to goodness ice box! Bound to keep anything cold for quite a while. It'll just need to be refilled with ice now and again." Then she turned and set down a glass jar on the bar top with the word 'tips' written on it in big letters. "There! Now it's perfect."
Ted should have known. There had to be some angle in this for her, but remodeling just for a few tips? It felt like a lot of effort for not a lot of benefit. At least, to him.
Wow! Looks pretty neat, but uh...where's the giant volcano? Death loomed over Lulu's shoulder as he awaited her answer.
Lulu pulled out a small lump and slapped it onto the bar top. "There! Beautiful, right?"
What the heck is that thing supposed to be?
"Why it's your volcano, of course!" she replied with a grin.
"Sseeemmmsss aa bbiittt ssmmmaaalll." Bakade pointed out.
"It just looks like a pile of hardened grits to me," added Sentenza.
Lulu wagged her finger. "Ah, just wait and see. It's not always about looks."
From her pocket, Lulu grabbed a bag of white powder, and poured it inside of a small hole in the top. Then, she pulled out a small vial of clear liquid. With a quick pop, she pulled out the cork stopper. Next, she leaned her head down against the bar top and stuck out her tongue as she held the bottle overtop the 'volcano.'
"Just need to be careful. Don't want this thing to blow this whole building away." She said softly. "Now, watch closely as the full brunt of nature is unleashed."
Everyone leaned in as curiosity seemed to get the better of them. Although Ted could swear that he had seen this somewhere before. Then, the first drop fell from the vial. The sound of something hissing started to ring out, and then, without warning, she tipped the entire bottle over, and the liquid splashed in and around the small hole. Then, it started to hiss like crazy, and even the bar top began to shake.
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Sploosh!
A tiny bit of foam poured out of the top and was quickly followed by more trickling out behind it. Slowly it bubbled out, barely reaching over the top of the small mound.
"Tada!" Lulu had disappeared, and in her place, Pockets rose up with her arms spread out wide.
Sentenza, Sid, and Ted looked underwhelmed, but Death, Bakade, and even Trizel began to applaud furiously. All that buildup for a baking soda volcano. Ted knew he had recognized it. After all, pretty much every show that ever had a science fair had a baking soda volcano front and center in it.
Wow! I guess looks aren't everything!
"Good thing, huh? Otherwise, I'd be in big trouble!" Pockets teased.
"You transformed now? Do you at least remember our arrangement?" queried Sid.
Pockets turned to look at him. She had a big smile on her face, but she slowly lowered her hand in front of it, and as it passed by her expression changed into a sorrowful one. "Sorry, we don't really keep tabs on each other, you know? Something about privacy or some other nonsense."
"That is troubling. Do you know when you will turn back?" queried Sid.
Pockets shrugged. "Could be minutes, hours, or hopefully days!" She let out a lighthearted chuckle. "I feel like I hardly get any time to stretch my legs anymore!" With that, she lifted her left leg up, and her shin stretched down as if it was made of springy rubber.
"I mean look at it. I used to be twice as flexible!" She slapped he knee as she put her leg back down, and it seemed to retract back into itself.
"Well, this is troubling. I think I shall retire to my room and try and rest. Perhaps things will make more sense after I recharge." Sid declared as he turned to go up the stairs to the second floor.
Sentenza eyed the silver man as he slunk away. After Sid disappeared up the top of the stairs, he turned his eyes back to the rest of the group. "Well, not that it wasn't a bundle of laughs, but I think I'll head on out for a bit." He turned and nodded ever so subtly at Death before he made his way out the front door.
"He only stayed around for the work?" Trizel though aloud. "Seems like an odd choice to me."
Yeah, I wonder why that was?
Sentenza stuck his head back inside and glared at Death, but Death just stared blankly back at him. Finally, Sentenza slapped his forehead in frustration and walked away again.
Huh, what a weird guy. I mean, who'd want to go out into that creepy fog? Wait...uh oh... Death turned to look around the room.
"Something wrong?" Ted asked.
Uh...nope! Death lied as he turned his head back and forth. I just realized I was going to...uh...go practice on my skateboard in my room! Right, see you guys!
Pockets sneezed as Death disappeared. "Oh, excuse me," she said as she pulled out a comically large handkerchief. She held it up against her clown nose, and as she blew her nose, it sounded like someone was playing the trumpet. The handkerchief was absolutely drenched, and she pulled out a tiny jar and squeezed the rag. Clear water ran down into the jar and filled it to the brim. She stashed the handkerchief away, and quickly screwed a lid onto the jar as she lifted it up.
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"What's today's date?" She asked as she pulled out an oversized pen and put on oversized polka dot glasses.
"I...I actually don't know." Ted replied as he realized days had all sort of run together.
WHAT THE HECK!!!!!
Death's voice rang out in all their heads as loud as a banshee's wail. He suddenly appeared back behind Trizel as he held out his shirt.
DID YOU STAB ME AGAIN! Death cried out in frustration.
Everyone turned to Pockets who quickly held both her hands behind her back. "Uh...nope. Couldn't have been me."
Ted didn't believe that for a second, and it looked like no one else did either. After all, she was the only one who was stab happy. Everyone else had...other problems.
Death threw his arms down at his sides and physically walked to the front door.
I was going to try and sneak out all quiet like, but now I'm too upset and I'm just going to leave. He paused at the door and then grabbed his jaw and lifted his head off of his body as he added, See you guys around.
As he exited the building, everyone could hear in their heads a loud shriek of, OH, COME ON!
Everyone turned to Pockets, but she quickly hid her hands behind her back and started to whistle nonchalantly as she avoided eye contact with any of them. Ted shook his head, and Bakade scratched her cheek. While Trizel seemed mainly indifferent about everything still.
"You don't expect us to believe that it wasn't you, right?" asked Ted.
"Why, I don't know what you mean. I'm just a fun loving, happy go lucky clown! There's no way I'd have an obsession with sharp knives piercing through helpless flesh and rattling against bones. No, that'd be sick!" Pockets said as she began to sweat and lick her lips as she mentioned knives. "I mean, you'd have to be pretty messed up to enjoy following behind someone for hours at a time just to feel the burst of pleasure a knife between the ribs can give. Steel, flesh, bones...blood...sharp, oh so sharp...mmmm"
"Pockets? POCKETS!" Ted snapped his fingers in front of her face as her eyes started to glaze over. Finally, she seemed to snap back to reality and smiled at Ted.
"Huh? What is it, Ted?" she asked with an innocent smile on her face. "You woke me up from the most wonderful dream."
"You were talking about knives," Trizel said with a smirk. "It seemed awfully...intimate."
"Ha ha ha ha," Pockets laughed nervously as she slapped the back of her head with her white gloved hand. "You're so silly Trizel. Of course, I was just thinking about new routines for my act."
Bakade shook her head. "IIII tthhoouugghhtt yyoouu sssaaiiiddd tthhhee ccaarrrnniivvaall aaannddd mmiissstt isss wwhhaattt mmaadddee tthhinnggss wwoorssee?"
"Uh, of course it was! I'd never act like that normally. I was just all...hyped up on the whole atmosphere." Pockets chuckled.
"RIght," nodded Ted slightly warily.
"I am sure if Sentenza were here, he would bemoan how you did not let him kill her earlier." laughed Trizel.
"Him? He's no fun." Pockets pouted. "Always so serious. He's the one who needed a little treat from me the most." A predatory grin spread across her face as her eyes started to glaze over again.
"POCKETS!" Ted started with yelling, and it seemed to work. She shook out of it immediately and stuck her tongue out as she closed her eyes and patted the back of her head.
"Oops. My bad. My bad." she said playfully. "I'd never do anything to really hurt you guys. I promise. But Death. Mmm, some things a girl can't just help. You know?"
"Why?" asked Ted bluntly. "I mean, isn't he missing half of what you like from stabbing?"
"I...I never said I like stabbing!" she said with clear embarrassment. "Just. Well, if say I did enjoy it. And say I've done it to a lot of people right? Well, each of them would sort of be like a love letter to the afterlife. Imprinted with my personal style. With a piece of myself in them. If I did any of it of course. Well, seeing Death face to face is like being reminded of all those murders. All that skill and talent brought back in an instant every time a knife rattles against his skinny, boney ribs."
"If you had killed anyone," Trizel added.
"Right! If I had, which I haven't! But it is fun to tease him..." Pockets stopped in thought for a moment. "Actually," she suddenly added. "I think there's something I forgot in the Big Top. Ooh, can't have that, right?"
She hopped over the bar and squeaked with each step. "I'll be right back...I swear." She called out as she slammed face first into the door, and then slowly fell back. She rocked back and forth on the ground like a metal tray until she finally settled all the way onto the ground. Then, she put her thumb into her mouth and started to blow, as she almost seemed to reinflate with each burst of air, until she popped back up onto her feet.
"Okay, see ya!" This time, she opened the door first and then rushed out into the mist.
"Ssshheee'sss ggoooiinngg ttooo sssttabbb hhhiimmm, hhhuuhhh?" Bakade sighed.
"Yep." nodded Trizel.
"Ggggooonnnaaa rruuuiinnn hhiisss sshhhiirrrttt tttoooo, hhhuuuhhh?"
"Yep." nodded Ted.
"Rrrrrooouuuggghhh."
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