《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 69: Nice
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"Ted! Hurry, we need an impartial judge for this."
Ted had barely stuck his head up from the basement stairs when Trizel called out to him. He let out a small sigh as he smiled. It seemed that despite how few of them there were, something was always going on.
"Alright, alright. What do you need? Are you trying to decide who can drink faster again?" Ted asked.
"What? No, it is obviously me." Trizel declared proudly.
"Hardly," scoffed Sentenza. "Sid's vacuum gulp has your big mouth outmatched."
Sid raised his hand up and said, "That is correct. I can prove with verifiable facts that I can..."
"Let's not go through that again," Narissa sighed. "But could you kindly tell these imbeciles that I have far outdone them?"
"Outdone us? Ha!" Scoffed Trizel. "Come, look at this and tell me your scrawlings have me out done."
Trizel held up a piece of paper. Ted scratched his chin as he walked closer.
"No!" Sid quickly snatched the paper from out of Trizel's hand.
"What is the matter with you?" Sighed Trizel wearily.
"It is the only fair way." Sid explained as he grabbed a piece of paper from Sentenza, Narissa, Bakade, and Lulu.
Ted took a double take when he saw Lulu. He could have sworn he left Pockets alone downstairs in the cellar. Yet, here she was.
"Alright, so what am I looking at again?" Ted asked.
Sid set down five pieces of paper on a table. Then he backed away.
"So, is someone going to tell me what is going on?" Ted asked.
"It is a contest," Trizel said.
"I gathered that much."
"A drawing contest to be exact." Sentenza added.
"Drawing contest? You guys all drew?" Ted was genuinely surprised.
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"Is that really so crazy?" Asked Sentenza.
Ted shrugged. "I guess I just didn't expect it."
He walked over towards the papers and turned them all over to reveal the pencil drawings. He assumed Pockets or Lulu must have supplied the writing utensils again.
Each of the drawings were different. One was a cartoony dragon with one buff arm. Another was an intricate Celtic knot. An odd one was a carefully crafted scene of mountains with a lone tree near the center. One more was a complex architectural drawing of a series of apartments. One was made of thick lines showing more emotion than actual artistic skill. The final one was an artsy drawing of a pool filled with various coins and an expressionless figure in the process of diving into the pool.
Ted poured over the pictures. He rubbed his chin and let out a sigh. "It's hard to decide. They're all so different. Like not even remotely close to each other."
"Well, then pick the one with the most obvious sophistication!" Narissa said.
"Nnnooo," said Bakade as she shook her head. "Ttthhheee ooonnneee wwwiitttthhh ttthhheee mmmoosssttg eeemmmootttiiooonnn."
"The one with the most skill," suggested Sid.
"Just pick whichever one your gut points you towards." Sentenza suggested before he turned towards the others and added, "I told you we should've been more strict on what the subject was. Or at least had some basic rules at all instead of just drawing whatever we felt like."
"Bbbuuttt ttthhaaattt wwwaasss ttthhheee pppoiiiinnntt."
"Sure, but it makes it harder to judge, doesn't it?" Sentenza pointed out.
Ted let out a sigh as he scratched his head. "I just. Yeah, I'm not sure which one should win."
"Blast it, I knew I should have added something sexy to lure Ted in," Lulu grumbled to herself.
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"That wouldn't..." Ted started to say before Lulu interrupted him.
"I mean, sex sells, right? I'm sure it'd at least have caught your eye," Lulu mused.
"As much as I'd love to agree with you," Narissa commented. "I doubt he could be swayed by a pair of poorly drawn breasts."
"Hey, my drawings pretty good!" Lulu said.
Narissa smiled at her weakly. "Oh hon."
Trizel puffed out his chest as he said, "Mine has sexy stuff in it! Why mus...."
"Do not give away which drawing is yours!" Sid interrupted. "That weakens the whole concept of impartiality we are attempting here."
"I doubt it matters." Shrugged Sentenza. "Feels pretty obvious who did what."
"I couldn't agree more, but I also wonder why it isn't easy to see which one is the best, because it's so clearly mine." Narissa boasted.
"Oh really? Seemed like nothing other than poorly drawn lines to me." Lulu shrugged with a mischievous smirk.
"Poorly drawn? Why I'll have you know..."
"My hand had held swords heavier than I am, a simple pencil..."
"Art is essentially math. By taking into account..."
All of them started to talk over each other bragging about their vague artworks as Ted was left there to judge. It made the weight of his decision even heavier as they all seemed to be so passionate about being the best. It was a lose lose situation.
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