《The First Flame》84. In the Face of Pain
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Eir rolled over in the soft bed, enjoying her first proper night of sleep in nearly a year. Her head pounded and her body was sore as joints popped and yet she felt refreshed and alive once more. She saw the sunlight pour in through the window as she sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. The soft bed, the smooth clothing, her clean skin, all of it made her feel alive again.
While she was ashamed, she truly appreciated the kindness Arylos and Iris had shown her.
The refreshed valkyrie let out a laugh as she stepped out of the bed and gently made it, putting the sheets back where they belonged. She stretched out her back and opened the door and looked around the hall. The doors to Arylos’s and Iris’s respective rooms were open and so Eir made her way down the stairs. As she got to the landing, she could see the back of Arylos’s head on the sofa.
“Look at who’s finally awake,” she heard him call out while he was reading a book, giving Eir a reminder that he was aware of her presence.
“Oh? She’s awake now?” she heard Iris’s voice from another room call out.
Eir chuckled as she came down the stairs and into the living room. Iris came into the living room while holding a cup of tea in her hands.
“I’m sorry, did I sleep in too late?” Eir asked in an embarrassed voice.
“It’s currently three in the afternoon,” Arylos responded while turning the page in his book.
“EH?! I’m so sorry Iris!” the valkyrie exclaimed while bowing repeatedly. “I know you said you wanted to help me today! I should have made sure I could have gotten up early!”
“It’s fine,” Iris waved off the valkyrie and took a drink from her cup. “You’ve been sleeping on hay for who knows how long. Part of me helping you is so that you can sleep peacefully.”
“We all need our beauty sleep, even if it doesn’t make me any prettier,” Arylos commented with a laugh as he put down the book he was reading. “I take it you two ladies will be heading out. Do I need to make something for you?”
“No, we’ll get something while we’re out,” Iris returned while taking another sip of her tea.
Arylos nodded and then turned to face Eir. “Did you let Sentarus know you were in the city?”
“No? Why would I do that?” Eir asked with a raised eyebrow.
“All immortals that enter the city must speak with him first,” Arylos explained.
Eir rubbed her arms as she felt some shame return to her. “I’m not an immortal though,”
The room fell silent as everyone remembered Eir’s predicament. The stark reminder that she was once a Templarian but now mortal because of Arylos’s actions hung heavy in everyone’s minds. Arylos himself felt a bit of shame for what happened.
And he had to make it right.
“Alright,” he sighed as he got up from the couch. “I was thinking about heading to the palace today anyway. Iris, want to take her to get some clothes and food and meet me at the palace?”
“Sure!” Iris exclaimed with a solid clap and a smile.
Arylos smiled as the women chatted with each other excitedly and Arylos lost himself in his thoughts. He realised that this would be the second de-winged Templarian that Sentarus would have to house, both being Arylos’s fault. He hated this debt to Sentarus and he hated that this was now common. He remembered what he told Sentarus when Bellona came to Kaiyumi and he felt ashamed that he made himself out to be a liar.
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The women went back upstairs and Arylos, with a sigh, got up from the sofa and went to the foyer to put his boots on. All the while, he was thinking about everything that had led to today. There were a lot of things on his mind and he couldn’t help but to worry.
He laced up his boots and stood up, and put on his jacket while lost in thought. He felt lost and confused. Seeing the creature inside Baldr stirred up his thoughts and it never left the back of his mind.
He opened the door and stepped out onto the porch and took in the afternoon air. He put his hands in his pockets and made his way onto the path and out to the street, walking north. He kept his head down as he thought to himself, thinking about where he was now and where he would need to go next.
For the first time, the Titan felt lost.
Arylos rubbed his eyes as he walked. He knew he had a lot to consider and yet little time to do so. He shook his head and looked ahead. Within the crowd, he could see a familiar dark blue and black robed man standing on one of the corners. Once Arylos blinked, the man had disappeared.
Arylos stopped where he stood as he recognised the man.
“Oi, could you not stop in the middle of the street?” an irritated man shook Arylos from his thoughts.
“Ah, I’m sorry,” Arylos returned while stepping to the side and under the awning of a building. His eyes went to a restaurant across the street and between eye blinks, Arylos saw the same man sitting at one of the tables and drinking before he was gone again.
“I know you’re here, Anoron,” Arylos sighed as he leaned against the back of the building.
Arylos listened for a response before he could hear voices in the crowd stand out, almost as though he was selectively hearing them. “‘Here’ is a matter of perspective,” the crowd’s voices whispered to Arylos.
“What is it you want?” Arylos voiced aloud as he continued his way along the street.
“I had hoped we could talk,” the people’s voices answered while following Arylos. “The valkyrie, I know she’s with you.”
“So then you know what’s on my mind,” Arylos scoffed. “Does that make you a mind-reader now?”
“I’m not here for a battle of wits and words,” the voices answered.
“Then why won’t you show yourself to me?” Arylos asked as his impatience rose.
“You know I cannot,” the crowd’s voices coalesced for Arylos.
Arylos sighed. He knew he was getting nowhere and the worst part was that he knew Anoron wanted something but the god was not willing to ask directly. Arylos controlled himself, knowing that he unconsciously asked for Anoron’s presence.
“What would you do then?” Arylos asked softly. “About the girl. What can I do at this point for her? Am I just lying to her? Is my denial causing her more pain?”
“All things die, no matter what you may do to stop it,” Arylos’s hearing picked up from the crowd.
“Yes I know, but now her lifespan is shorter and it’s my fault,” Arylos admitted under his breath. “She will die young and alone and it was my fault and who knows if I can fix it. I took away a lot more than her divinity; I took away her life.”
“I was talking about the human,” the crowd said to Arylos.
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Arylos felt a pain run through him and he instinctively lashed out, punching a nearby wall and leaving a thick crater in it that resulted in shocked gasps from the crowd. Arylos choked on his breath as his hands shook. He lifted his hands and his eyes darted through the crowd, his vision focusing on various features as he searched for Anoron. He wanted to find him and cut him down right there.
The Titan gritted his teeth as he pulled his hand away from the damaged wall, choking on his raging emotions that were running out of control. “Fuck you,” he whispered under his breath, covering his face as he took shuddered breaths. Arylos felt as though his heart finally started to beat as his stomach turned. His breath became shallow as the thoughts all kept running back to him.
The fact that he doesn’t have much time left. That’s what the creature in Baldr meant; no matter what Arylos does, he will have to leave this life behind.
He exists for only one purpose.
“Hey man, are you alright?” a young man coming out from the building asked as he approached Arylos.
“I am,” Arylos responded under his breath as he lowered his hands. “I’m sorry about that.” Arylos reached for his wallet and took out a collection of bills from it. “Will 50,000 Marks cover the damage?”
“It’s fine, you don’t have to worry,” the man insisted while waving his arms.
Arylos growled and quickly snatched one of the man’s arms and placed the bills in his hand. “I insist,” Arylos growled under his breath. Without any further word, Arylos moved to the side and left the confused man alone, continuing on his way to the palace as the crowd watched Arylos intently.
The Titan didn’t care anymore; Anoron had a point. Arylos hated to admit it, but he did have a point. Arylos rubbed his eyes, trying to make sure he wouldn’t cry as he locked the emotions away deep inside him. He knew he had maybe fifty years with Iris and those years were looking even shorter the more he saw those creatures. It was only a matter of time before his time ran out.
He hated it. He hated all of it. A part of him wanted Iris to go away so he wouldn’t have to think about it, but he knew he couldn’t move on from her. Yet how could he prepare for her death? What if it was his fault?
Before Arylos realised, he found himself at the palace. He took a deep breath as he stepped to the side and followed the eastern wall until it met with the rock of the mountain. He reached out his hand as the air hummed and pulled the hidden door open with his Titanic strength.
Arylos made his way down the familiar dark corridor until he got to the guarded metal door on the far end. The guards nodded towards Arylos as he approached.
“Do you wish to see him?” one of the guards asked.
“Just for a moment,” Arylos responded.
The guards nodded and turned the latches on the door, opening it into the dark cell with the curled up corpse of Reyz on the far side. Arylos went inside as the guards closed and locked the door behind him and he came up to the withered corpse.
“Hello Nerseis,” Arylos whispered to the body. He knelt down next to the darkened body and let out a deep sigh. “I know you can’t speak to me, but I want to speak to you. I want to open up to you. I know you hate me, but I have some things I want to get off of my chest.”
Arylos paused, expecting a response and got nothing but silence from the corpse. As Arylos rubbed his hands together, a part of him considered giving Reyz a drop of blood but he knew he couldn’t risk it.
“I want you to know I’m sorry, for all of this,” Arylos continued while feeling his emotions coming back to him. “I want you to know that, and understand it, and hopefully see from my side. I know I took someone precious away from you and there’s nothing I can do to fix that.”
Arylos waited for a moment, giving Reyz a chance to take in the words and maybe formulate an answer. An answer of hatred and spite was likely. “You may not think so, but I truly know what it’s like,” Arylos continued in a shaking breath. “I have someone important to me now, and I can’t bear the thought of losing her. Yet no matter what I do, I will lose her. I feel your pain, I really do.”
Arylos took a deep breath as he felt he was losing control again. “I want your help,” he continued as the pain grew. “I’m lost and I don’t know what to do. I need to get this off of my chest, but I could never say any of this to her. So I want to share with you. You know this pain as well so I hope we can understand each other.”
Arylos knelt down and waited, imagining Reyz’s response being something to the tune of hatred. He imagined all of the insults flooding in and the hatred in his voice. Arylos hoped Reyz would understand but he knew that the Paladin would only accept Arylos’s head on a spike. Yet, this hateful corpse was the only being in the world Arylos could relate to.
“My life would be ruined without her; she keeps me grounded in this reality,” Arylos confessed in a soft voice. “I don’t belong here, but she makes me feel like I belong. And yet, something calls to me and threatens to take her away from me. I don’t know what to do.”
Arylos gently slammed his fist into the stone floor as the pain became all too real for him. “It makes me wish I didn’t care. That I left when she told me to leave. But I can’t leave her because it’s like she’s a part of me now. So what do I do? How do I control all of this?”
Arylos sat in silence, half expecting Anoron to chime in at any time. He had to confess, but there’s no way he could tell Iris, not yet at least. If she knew, it would only make matters worse. He wanted to deny it but now that he can quantify this painful emotion, it only made it worse. A sickening feeling in his stomach that he knew exactly what this emotion was.
“I’m fucking terrified,” Arylos confessed while breaking down into tears.
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