《The First Flame》96. Star-crossed, Looking Out for a Light
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“Why are you so insistent?” Arylos half heartedly complained with a smile.
“Because I want to!” Iris returned as she tied her hair up, showing that her white dress had a cut-out back. “Do you really not want to?”
“This is just out of character for you,” Arylos returned while strapping on the cloak of his armour.
Iris turned around and gave Arylos a smile. “You call me a clingy girl all the time; so why is wanting to walk with you out of character?”
“Because you also want personal space,” Arylos laughed while opening the front door. “You get really clingy sometimes, but then immediately don’t want anything to do with me.”
Iris pouted while crossing her arms. “Yeah well, the last time you said you needed to help Garris with something, you got in a fight with Reyz. So can you blame me for being worried about you?”
Arylos sighed yet kept a smile on his face. “Alright, let’s go.”
Iris cheered as she followed Arylos outside and stuck by his side as he walked through the streets as morning’s light shone through the clouds and over the empty streets. “When we get there, can we get breakfast?” Iris asked with a skip in her step.
Arylos laughed as amusing thoughts came to him. “Now where’s this side of you coming from?”
“What? Have I not been nice to you?” Iris asked accusingly.
Arylos couldn’t help but to continue laughing. “You’re just more clingy and emotional than normal.”
“Things are different now,” Iris shrugged.
Arylos stopped in his tracks as he looked at Iris as it took her a moment to realise Arylos had stopped. “Are you pregnant?” he asked in a serious tone.
Iris’s face went red hot and her hair stood on end. “Of course I’m not pregnant! Where would you even get that idea?” she howled, fuming as her face continued to turn red and her vision white.
Arylos tilted his head, trying to understand this spectacle. “I read that humans tend to get emotional when they’re pregnant. I just figured–”
“You don’t just ask a woman that!” Iris continued while covering her face to calm herself back down. “You’re the only man I’m around so it’s embarrassing.”
Arylos thought for a moment while examining Iris closely. “So does that mean–”
“Shut up!” Iris called out while running towards Arylos and slapping his arm. “Not another word from you.”
Arylos watched the embarrassed girl be drawn nearly to tears in her embarrassment. He felt an odd pull inside him as he watched her; a strange sensation that he couldn’t describe. He let out a soft laugh and rested a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, that was a cruel joke for me to make,” he told her in a soft voice.
Iris pouted as she crossed her arms and turned away. “You’re just a big idiot, you know that?”
“So you like to remind me,” Arylos laughed as he continued forward. “I guess as repentance, we’ll get breakfast now.”
“Where?” Iris asked while turning back towards Arylos.
Arylos smiled and beckoned Iris to follow him down one of the side streets. It didn’t take long for Iris to smell something in the air; a familiar fragrance of baking bread. She felt her excitement rise as she saw a small bakery come into view and the smell got stronger.
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“I was told this place has some unique sweet rolls and I’ve been wanting to try one,” Arylos voiced, sensing Iris’s excitement.
The giddy Iris rose with excitement as the smell consumed her once they came to the small open floor plan shop, still setting up for the morning but the smell of baked goods and tea hung heavy in the air. Once the two arrived, a young woman, tanned with black hair and a chest that Iris couldn’t take her eyes off of, approached the duo.
“Are we too early?” Arylos asked with a smile.
“Not at all; in fact you’re just in time,” the woman returned with a seductive smile as she eyed the Titan.
Arylos smiled as he approached the young woman. “Then two sweet rolls and two teas; make one dark please.”
“Sit wherever you like and I’ll get them out for you,” the woman returned with a wink as she headed off behind the counter.
Iris watched and felt an odd sickness in her stomach, something that felt strange and foreign to her. Watching Arylos sit at the table closest to the street snapped her out of her trance and she nervously sat across from him, unable to shake this feeling in her.
“She was nice,” Arylos commented while unstrapping his sword and settling in.
“She was more than nice,” Iris mumbled under her breath.
“What do you mean by that?” Arylos asked while maintaining a smile.
“It’s gross,” Iris grumbled while looking away.
Arylos tilted his head, trying to understand what was going on. He was interrupted by the young woman coming over carrying what Arylos requested.
“Two sweet rolls and two teas,” she cheered as she set down the plates of the loaves of bread with a sweetened and warm glaze on top. “I take it you’re the manly man who wanted the dark tea?”
Arylos chuckled nervously, amused by her suggestion. “I’m not much of a man, but I’ll take the dark tea.”
“You certainly look like a man,” the woman commented while resting a hand on Arylos’s shoulder.
Back off, he’s mine, Iris squealed to herself while clenching her fists. Don’t you dare try to take him from me.
“Anything but, dear,” Arylos commented nervously while also moving in a way so the woman’s hand lost his shoulder.
“Well, let me know if you need anything else,” the woman commented with a smile.
Iris felt the disgust in her grow, knowing just what the woman was suggesting but hating that Arylos was too blind, or too stupid, to understand what she was doing. Her face went red, wanting to scream and tell the woman to back off, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She ended up hating herself, knowing that if she was this nervous to say anything, she would lose Arylos; maybe even to someone like that young woman.
She had nothing that could interest Arylos.
Iris watched the woman walk away, glaring at her with eyes that were reminiscent of Arylos’s burning red glare. She eventually turned away, fuming with anger and trying to contain herself.
“Are you alright?” Arylos asked softly while drinking his tea.
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“No, I’m not,” Iris grumbled while crossing her arms. “Why don’t you ask her for her name if you’re so interested?”
Arylos tilted his head once more like a confused dog. “What do you mean?”
Iris gasped in disbelief. “Were you not paying attention? She was completely into you.”
“It’s just friendly playful banter,” Arylos insisted while setting his tea down so he could focus on her.
Iris shook her head while rubbing her eyes. “No, she was flirting with you. What you and I do is playful–”
“What you and I do is different,” Arylos insisted with a stern look. “Something I don’t want with anyone else.”
Iris blushed and turned away. “Yeah well, she’s still really attractive. You could at least–”
“Not interested,” Arylos barked while picking his tea up to drink it again.
“Eh? Not interested? How could you not be interested?” Iris returned in heavy confusion.
Arylos thought for a moment as he considered his position nonchalantly as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I’m just not interested. What more do you want?”
“Dude, she’s hot and you don’t want it?” Iris asked while trying to keep her voice down.
“Want what?” Arylos asked while raising an eyebrow.
Iris blushed as she tried to form the words through her disgust. “You know, have a relationship with her? Have a night with her?”
Arylos continued shaking his head in confusion and Iris became more embarrassed to say it aloud. “Y-You know what I’m talking about, breed with her?” Iris asked softly.
Arylos laughed under his breath as if this all amused him. “Now why would I want any of that?”
Iris trailed off as she tried to list reasons to explain this to the Titan. “Because you’re a guy and she’s good looking and she’s–”
“Not interesting,” Arylos cut in while drinking his tea casually. “If you’re suggesting one night with her, I am not interested.”
“Why not?” Iris asked in confusion.
“Because I’ve lived too long to give a damn about anything like that,” Arylos growled softly.
Iris felt herself taken aback, remembering once more that Arylos is a Titan. Remembering that he may not have a concept of love even if he says he does; at least not in the same way she loves. “What do you mean?” she asked softly.
Arylos sighed as he set his tea down and looked towards Iris. “I’ve lived a long time, much of that alone. I don’t care about this sexual attraction you mortals have because it’s all chemical; all for the continuation of your species. I don’t want that.”
“But, you know, big boobs,” Iris whispered softly while gesturing towards her chest.
“Are pointless to me,” Arylos explained in a stern voice. “Sure, they may look good to you now, but give five or ten years and they sag and age like all mortals do. Why would I bother with looks or sex when it’s all temporary. A lifetime marriage is a one-night stand to me.”
Arylos looked down and picked up the sweet roll and took a bite. “Therefore, it’s all pointless. I would rather someone I can share my eternal life with rather than a night of chemical romance.”
Iris backed down and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling Arylos’s words cut into her like a knife. Everything he said was exactly what she expected, and it still hurt her. She felt afraid that her emotions for him were the same thing he hated; temporary reactions based on looks and a desire to procreate. She felt called out, losing common ground against the Titan.
“If you don’t want any of that, then what do you want?” Iris asked softly as the sickness inside got worse.
Arylos pondered on the question for a moment, looking at the embarrassed and obviously upset girl and wanting to find a way to cheer her up. He ultimately decided that the best way to cheer her up was to be honest with her.
Arylos set down the sweet roll and clasped his hands together, looking right at Iris and refusing to take his eyes off of her. “What I want is unique. I want someone natural, someone who cares about others and gives me a chance to experience that. Someone who is equal, who has a natural beauty that matches the beauty of their soul. I want to bathe in their light and feel alive; a sea of light that gives me colour and meaning.”
Iris took in his words and felt shock when he reached out to her and gripped her hand tightly. “What I want is a star,” Arylos continued in a soft voice. “My own star that I can lose myself in. To become something greater than what I am and only that person can elevate me to that. I want the half of me that I never knew was missing until I found it and I will accept nothing short of that.”
Iris sniffled as the sickness in her gut turned into sadness. “And you think you can find that?”
“I know it,” Arylos assured with a smile.
Iris nodded as she took in the Titan’s words, letting go of his hand and pulling off a portion of the sweet roll. “That’s all very philosophical. Humans don’t think that way.”
“That’s exactly why you shouldn’t be concerned,” Arylos responded with a smile. “If no human thinks that way then I have no interest in them.”
Iris nodded and ate her small piece of the sweet roll, feeling the sugary bread and icing give her a jolt of energy and the flavour consume her. It was a sensation that helped her feel better but the hole inside her was still present. She felt a little happiness that Arylos wouldn’t be interested in mortals, but that still left people like Bellona. She was still afraid that she would lose him.
She felt as though could never give Arylos what he wanted.
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