《The First Flame》97. But No Star Shines for Me
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“What do you mean I can’t see him?” Iris asked in an accusing tone.
“The Lord is not taking any visitors at this time,” one of the palace guards returned in a stern voice, blocking the door with a hand on his sword.
“I just want to apologise, and you won’t let me do that?” Iris asked while crossing her arms. “I’m trying to be a better person and he’s just going to shut me out?”
“The Lord is not taking any visitors,” the guard repeated, keeping his voice steady and yet unmoving. “All palace needs have been rescheduled and no visits are taken. I’m sorry but you will have to wait another day.”
Iris grumbled as she turned away and made her way down the palace stairs. The whole situation gnawed at her; she wanted to apologise and get it off of her chest and be done with the matter. She wanted to do better and yet this opportunity was taken away. She sighed as she undid the ribbon in her hair, letting it fall loose as she tried to calm herself down.
Why do I even bother with these immortals half the time? She asked herself while fuming. They all act like spoiled children that didn’t get their way. Weren’t we supposed to be the immature ones here?
She came up to a bridge with a stream running beneath it and took in the sounds of the bubbling water, letting it calm her anger. She ran her hands through her hair, partly in boredom and partly to get her mind off of things. She felt how long it was getting and began to seriously consider getting her hair cut; trimmed at least so as to get her bangs out of her face.
Iris leaned up against the railing while letting her hair hang over her shoulder as she watched the water below. The sound of the stream mixed with the chatter of the people of the streets as morning started to grow to midday. She had little she could do but wait for Arylos to come back; maybe then she could take her mind off of this and put it to work on other matters.
She needed a vacation.
It lingered in the back of her mind in recent weeks, yet now seemed the right time. She felt tired of everything and everyone; that everyone she knew was an immortal of some kind. She swore that if it turns out the Dairiki’s are also immortals of some kind, she would ask Arylos to take her away to a different world. More and more, she began to grow tired of being surrounded by immortals even if she could tolerate them.
Does that also include Arylos?
No, he’s alright, she shook her head while smiling. He’s a big idiot, but he’s not all bad. She began to wonder just where her emotions sat with her. She wanted to open up how she felt to him, but she was always terrified to say it; confused by what she felt and if it was real or not.
“This is a surprise,” a familiar man’s voice called out. Iris gritted her teeth and turned to face a very familiar older man, no longer wearing his blue regal robes and sported a simple black and white tunic.
“And why would you be surprised?” Iris asked the Kaiyumian king, thinking his disguise was pitiful.
Sentarus laughed as he approached the railing and leaned against it, careful to avoid coming too close to Iris. “I found myself out here, wanting to get away from it all so I could think in peace. And yet I find you as well; wanting the same quiet to think as well.”
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“I have a lot on my mind, that’s all,” Iris growled while crossing her arms.
Sentarus let out a soft sigh as he nodded slowly, knowing that his casual approach would get him nowhere. “How are you feeling? As in your injuries from when you and I sparred, I mean.”
Iris grumbled, realising that she wouldn’t be able to run away for long. “I’m better, thank you. What about you?”
Sentarus chuckled under his breath. “You surprised me with how much control you have over that strength. It's quite impressive how quickly you got it under control.”
“What do you mean?” Iris asked softly.
“I know who you are, Iris,” Sentarus answered in a stern voice. “I know your bloodline and what it means. I know the power in your veins and I know that Anoron will not take too kindly to that.”
“About as kindly as all of Kaiyumi once they find out that you’ve been lying to them?” Iris asked accusingly.
Sentarus bowed his head and sighed, feeling the shame come to him. “A necessary sin I must maintain in order to keep the peace.”
“To hide that you’re a monster,” Iris cut in.
“To hide that I’ve become a monster,” Sentarus corrected with sorrow in his voice. “Ever since birth, I have always been Kaiyumae, and that will remain until I die.”
“You’re not Kaiyumian,” Iris added while clenching her fists.
“So the pot calls the kettle,” Sentarus added while staring at Iris with silver eyes. “Could you truly argue that you are more Kaiyumian than me? You are a Templarian as well.”
“I never gave up my mortality,” Iris corrected, feeling called out by Sentarus’s words.
“Coming from the girl who has fallen in love with a Vlajhilsen,” Sentarus returned with a deep glare.
Iris blushed and recoiled from Sentarus’s words. “H-How did you know about that?”
“Please, it would be easier to count the times you don’t latch to his side,” Sentarus laughed with a smile. “You don’t exactly do a good job of hiding your emotions.”
Iris bowed her head, ashamed of how she felt. “So what? You’re going to say that it’s not right? That we’re too different?”
Sentarus kept laughing as he approached Iris slowly, happy that her wall of thorns was being lowered. “No. I would be no different from you hating me for being a Templarian; a Templarian ruling over Kaiyumae while trying to maintain the lie that he can still be one of them.”
Iris thought to herself while playing with her loose hair. “So there’s nothing wrong with Arylos and I?”
“I’m not going to pass judgement,” Sentarus returned while returning his gaze to the stream below. “To be honest, it really is none of my business unless you two form a union; then we have some tax paperwork to sort out.”
Iris rubbed her arms together, trying to quell the raging storm of her emotions to keep her head clear. “Sentarus, I–”
“No need to pretend anymore,” Sentarus corrected while turning to face Iris. “Call me by my real name; Moviron.”
“Alright, Moviron,” Iris tried the name out, finding its foreign and otherworldly nature. “Just who are you? Or more accurately, what are you?”
Moviron sighed and gingerly spun one of the rings on his fingers. “My name was Mendasar Sentarus, first of my name. However, once what happened…happened, I became known as Moviron.”
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“First of your name? Does that mean what I think it means?” Iris asked, thinking back to what Arylos said about Moviron’s age.
Moviron nodded and took a breath as he tried to gather the strength to break the lie. “I was the first of the Sentarus line of kings. I was the one who fought against the Reig during the war and have maintained that position in the centuries since.”
“But, you’re Templarian,” Iris wondered aloud.
“And yet so are you,” Moviron returned in a soft voice while thinking about how to explain it all. “I can’t tell you exactly what happened, but I changed. I was ambushed in the war, caught out of position by a Reig lieutenant and his brood. I fought them all back until the people I was protecting could get away. At some point, something changed. During the fight, I was no longer myself. I–…I think I died and then Moviron walked away, surrounded by the corpses of his enemies.”
Iris thought about Moviron’s intently, finding parallels. “When a Templarian reincarnates, they die and someone else walks away.”
“That would be true if you were Templarian,” Moviron cut in, understanding what Iris was quoting. “Yet I'm a purebred Kaiyumian. I went to several doctors, Khymr Maesters, and even asked Arylos and Anoron for help; not a single one of them knows what happened to me.”
“You just woke up once the dust settled and realised you were someone different,” Iris responded, understanding what Moviron was feeling.
Moviron nodded and stared at his hands, as if seeing the otherworldly creature inside for what it really is. “I spent my life rejecting what I’ve become, but as the decades went on, I couldn’t age while I watched my people around me die. I was determined to let it all go, but when you learn the things I have learned; learning of the monsters that are out there in the heavens, you feel as though this gift is a curse. A power that is ultimately powerless against the great unknown.”
“That’s why you keep Templarius away from here,” Iris sighed in understanding.
Moviron nodded and clenched his fist. “When I saw their world, I should have been in awe. Looking around at their magic and technology, their language, their armies, their sheer age and power, and the king that rules them. I took all of it in and yet could feel nothing but fear; my people barely pushed back an invasion of Reig and it nearly cost us our world.”
Iris nodded, feeling this pain once more inside her. “You learn that once you defeat one evil that there are more powerful creatures out there; ones you could never hope to stop. You begin to wonder ‘why did I even bother to begin with?’ It just makes that hole in you bigger.”
Moviron sighed as he felt his emotions swim over him. “It sounds like you understand exactly how I feel.”
“Not exactly, but I understand a lot more,” Iris returned while watching Moviron intently. “I can understand your distrust of Arylos and Templarius now, and I understand why you were so angry with Eir.”
“Then why did you protect her?” Moviron asked with confusion heavy in his voice. “Don’t tell me you forgive her for what she did.”
“It’s not about forgiving, but understanding,” Iris returned, thinking back to Arylos’s words about compassion. “I don’t forgive her, really, but I can understand her situation. I can understand her fear and pain because I feel a part of it deep down. It’s not about if I can forgive her, but whether I can empathise with her and act accordingly.”
Moviron laughed under his breath as he considered Iris’s words. “It sounds like you’re growing up, becoming more mature.”
“What do you mean by that?” Iris asked, concerned he was about to call her a young girl.
Moviron turned towards Iris and gave her a warm smile. “You are learning to become compassionate; something Templarius is severely lacking. Something I lack as well, as I will be quick to admit. I can see why Arylos has so much faith in you.”
“Well, he told me that compassion is important for what I am; for what we are,” Iris added while twisting her hair to give her hands something to do.
Moviron laughed and pushed away from the railing. “Arylos is an old man; he has seen a lot more things than I have and knows about horrors out there that none of us could imagine. If he says it’s a good quality for you, you should nurture it; prove to Arylos that his pride and faith in you isn’t misplaced.”
Iris turned away while trying to collect herself. “Moviron, I’m sorry for what I said and what I did. I was out of line.”
“So was I, young Iris,” Moviron responded. “If I want to maintain my image as your king, I must show the same qualities and maturity you show. Just know that you, Eir, and Arylos are all welcome in my city to call your own.”
Iris nodded as she felt a weight lifted off of her shoulders. “Moviron wait!” she called out, suddenly having a question come to her but became too embarrassed to ask. “D…Do you think Arylos and I can…work out?”
Moviron sighed with a smile as he set a hand on Iris’s shoulder. “You’re asking me that question? A monster trying to rule over Kaiyumi for the past three millennia disguised as one of their own if you and a Vlajhilsen will work out as a couple?”
Iris blushed and slowly nodded. “I’m scared,” she whispered softly, unable to find any more words to bring to Moviron.
“I’m not the one you should ask; that’s for you and the last Titan to decide,” Moviron responded while turning away from Iris and walking away with a wave.
Iris clutched at her hair, pulling it as her emotions got worse. He was right; Moviron isn’t the right person to ask, but she was too scared to ask the right person. She was afraid that none of this was right; that a mortal and a Titan couldn’t be together. She wondered that even if she could live as long as a Templarian, just how much time would she have with Arylos before she dies. After all, he’s eternal and will never die while she will be immortal and live for ten thousand years if she’s lucky.
She was terrified of Arylos saying no to her.
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