《The First Flame》102. Will I Wait Forever?
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“Dammit! What’s taking them so long?!” Iris grumbled while sitting on the front steps of the house with Arylos sitting next to her.
“Be ready at dawn I said, and yet here we are; dawn and no Eir nor Bellona,” Arylos growled in an angry voice.
“I want to get on the road!” Iris howled while pulling at her hair. “Bellona teased us with the promise of hot springs and shaved ice and here we are waiting for them to get off their asses so we can go.”
“Maybe they slept in?” Arylos suggested passively.
“If they are, then we’re leaving them behind,” Iris growled while clenching her fist.
“Just leave them behind? I would have thought you would do something fucked up like slit their throats,” Arylos suggested with a laugh in his voice.
“No no no no, I wouldn’t do that,” Iris responded while shaking her head.
“And I know why,” Arylos teased while laughing. “Not because killing them in their sleep is wrong; it’s because it will take too long and that’s time wasted when you could be on the road to Kadahn.”
“Exactly! You know me so well~!” Iris returned with a proud smile.
“I didn’t mean that as a compliment but alright,” Arylos grumbled, knowing that his tease wasn’t a joke.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Iris asked accusingly.
“I’m just stating a fact, that’s all,” Arylos returned with an innocent smile.
“Yeah, well, maybe I should do that to you while you sleep,” Iris returned while crossing her arms.
“You concern me, you know that?” Arylos laughed at the pouting girl. “You slapped me and that made you cry. Yet here you are threatening to slit my throat while I sleep.”
Iris laughed and gave the Titan a pat on the shoulder. “You know when I say things like that, I mean it with kindness, right?”
“I don’t think that’s very reassuring,” Arylos commented under his breath.
Iris scoffed and jumped up from the front steps. “Well, if you feel like that, you’re more than welcome to run off to get away from me.”
“Only for you to start crying again?” Arylos laughed while standing up as well.
Iris blushed and quickly turned away from Arylos. “T-That’s different! Don’t read too much into it!” she exclaimed while trying to prevent her emotions from pouring out like a torrent.
Arylos let out a laugh as he reached down and picked up a bag and lifted it up over his shoulder. “Alright then. If you’re done with your little outburst, we need to get going. How about you go make sure the girls are awake?”
“Awe! Why do I have to?” Iris complained while crossing her arms.
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“Because I need to make the final preparations,” Arylos answered with a snarky smile. “There’s a reason I’m in charge of the finances and not you.”
“And why is that?” Iris pouted while reaching for her own bag.
“Because if I trust you with the money, you’ll blow it all before we even get there,” Arylos returned with an innocent smile.
Iris blushed and pouted as she turned away. “Okay, you have a fair point,” she reluctantly admitted. “Just let me buy some things, alright?”
“With moderation, all with moderation,” Arylos returned while turning away to the street.
Iris clutched her bag close, feeling a childish urge come to her. She wanted to speak up for once; to let out what’s been on her chest.
“Arylos!” she finally called out and the Titan turned around to face her, his red eyes standing out against the dark morning and yet she could see him clearly. She looked at the Titan and could only admire him; the dark shadow standing in the darkness. She felt her emotions pool up in her and push against her like a pressurised container.
“What is it?” Arylos asked, temporarily breaking Iris from her trance.
Iris swallowed the lump in her throat as her heart pounded. She had her chance, and yet when she opened her mouth, she found no words. She felt dumb as she watched the Titan as the breeze blew past them and sang a song in the trees rustling. She pushed against her throat like a cork plugged it, trying to get this off of her chest. She knew that if she could just get it out, it would feel better.
Yet, she was too afraid; afraid of losing him.
“C-Can you get a blanket like you did when we left Mornyr Khai?” she asked while turning to the side, giving up on her chance; she internally accepted that she’ll have plenty of opportunities to open up to him.
“I already planned to, little girl,” Arylos answered with a warm smile.
Iris felt a warm sensation well up in her as she looked at the smiling Titan, forgetting what he was for the brief moment it took for him to turn and walk down the road. She could no longer see the otherworldly creature inside a corpse; she could only see her friend, the one person she could latch on to.
She could only see the one she loves.
Iris felt her mind blank out as she fantasised about Arylos; a fantasy of if things worked out and they lived together in peace. Of times where she would come home and see him sitting on the sofa reading and waiting for her to return. She held her cheeks as she had a girlish impulse come to her; a realisation that this fantasy isn’t so far off from reality now.
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She welcomed the warm feeling as she imagined the possible timeline. She imagined their shrine visits each year. The images of the two of them reading together and taking in the pleasure of each other’s company. She pondered about family dinners with children as Iris looked happily at her otherworldly family. The years passed in her fantasy as she imagined how they could live their lives. She pictured how her brown hair would eventually turn silver permanently as she imagined what it would be like to grow old.
And as she aged, Arylos’s hair remained jet black and his skin flawless.
The realisation slowly set in for her as she realised that all of this really was temporary. She remembered what he said; that he cannot have children with any other race. That his body is only a vessel. That he cannot age nor die. That he will be a timeless watcher over her family after she dies. That when her world fades away and is forgotten, he will be the only being left that remembers their time together.
Iris clutched at her chest as tears came to her, as if a red hot blade pierced her heart. She couldn’t imagine just how lonely that must feel. She wondered what it would be like for her; for Arylos to age, wither, and die until she would be the only one left to remember him. The pain hurt her deeply, as if time would take him away from her and leave her alone.
Iris felt her legs shake as the pain carved into her. She found the one person she could love like this and time threatened to separate them. She wondered about her Templarian blood; that buying some more time before the inevitable would be an option. She needed to do it for him; to save him from this pain.
Yet would it be enough?
Iris corrected herself as her tears started streaming. She knew what would happen; that even if she could buy ten thousand years, it wouldn’t be enough for her. No matter how she feels about him, it will all end and he’ll be left alone. She could not stop the endless march of time; no wishful thinking of a girl hopelessly in love could change it.
Even if she could bring herself to confess to him, it will change nothing but remind them how few years they have left with each other. No children with him, which means her bloodline ends with her. No growing old together; only her growing weaker and feeble as the years take their toll. No stories for grandchildren about how she met a monster who was more human than any other man she met. No family reunions and traditions to pass down. No sons for Arylos to train to metalsmith and have a fatherly pride in. No daughters for Iris to gossip about local farm boys with.
‘Till death do we part has an ominous meaning to her now.
Iris dropped her bag and covered her face as she cried as the crushing weight of a falling sky came down on her. This would all just be a fantasy and reality hurts more than fiction. She cried as she realised forever isn’t that long in their case. She was the problem; the baggage that Arylos couldn’t carry. No matter what happens, no matter how happy they are with each other, she will be the one to die first. When that happens, Arylos will awaken from this dream. Will he love someone else? Will he be able to move on? Or does he plan to die too? All for her?
She cried as she realised that she was right. This isn’t right; none of this is natural.
“Iris? What’s wrong?” a woman’s voice asked softly, slowly pulling Iris back from the brink of madness.
“I’m fine,” Iris replied as she slowly collected herself and lowered her hands and saw Eir looking at her with concern heavy on her face and resting her hands on Iris’s shoulders. Iris sniffled and rubbed her eyes as she slowly tried to become human again.
“You were crying pretty hard there, did something happen?” Bellona’s voice cut in as she came into Iris’s field of view.
“It’s nothing, really; just some anxiety I’m sorting out,” Iris responded while gently slapping her cheeks.
“If there’s anything we can help with, you can ask us,” Eir responded while rubbing Iris’s shoulders.
“This is something I have to sort out myself, but thanks anyway,” Iris responded while reaching down to grab her bag. “The two of you are late. What was the holdup?”
“I haven’t had to get up this early for a bit,” Eir answered in a shy voice. “So I kind of slept in. I’m sorry about that.”
“Well, the two of you made it; that’s all that matters,” Iris returned in a neutral voice, trying to get her emotions back under control. “Arylos went down to finish preparations. We’ll be meeting at the southern gate. From there, we’ll get on the road and we’ll be heading to Kadahn.”
The women cheered in agreement as they headed down the road as Iris quietly tried to sweep her emotions under the rug once more. She had a lot to think about in the coming days and time would not be kind to her.
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