The wisp of Sassafras in the air calls my name. Metaphorically, of course. I would lose my mind if it was literal, wouldn’t you?

The blackness stretching as far as I can seen on both directions of the seam, send a chill down my spine. Happiness echoes off trees, Levon and Tessa disappeared at the edge of the ravine, and the eerie call of silence lies before me. If it wasn’t for the Sassafras in the air, I wouldn’t be sure which way to walk. I mean, obviously I’m supposed to cross it but then what? The heartbeat in my hands plays against my ears while I travers the roots of the seam. If I don’t hear the noises, I shouldn’t be told to open the seam, right?

On the other side, I let the Sassafras scent lead me up the ravine. And honestly, it’s the only thing grounding me. Reminding me this is all real. The turkey and potatoes sit heavy in my stomach, a welcomed heavy since it shushed my hunger, but heavy nonetheless and it’s another reminder while I take in the criss and cross of tree roots winding below me, this is real.

And so is my fear. So real. For Levon, scaring me twice today. For the anticipation of Talis appearing before me. With training tomorrow. With running away with Talis and keeping it a secret from Levon. And mom, why the hell won’t she answer her phone?

The fear, it’s more real than when I drove a car on the freeway for the first time with dad beside me, chattering on about how the Romans built the original roads and no one has ever created a better system and mom was in the back doting over Levon and telling him how best to care for his hair and Levon staring out the window repeating, “Don’t kill us,” over and over and swiping mom’s hand out of the air. Anyways, that’s how real this fear is but instead of killing my family in a fiery crash, it’s just me alone in the silent forest surrounded by nothing but darkness.

But is it really walking away from Levon and Tessa, over the seam between two worlds, and through a fragrant forest truly my fear? Or is it something else?

Something more

or something bigger

or something intangible?

It’s possible it’s my sanity I’m scared of losing. It’s also possible, I’m scared Talis won’t appear anytime soon and I’ll wander in the wrong direction in this dark forest. Also, it’s possible I’m afraid in general of walking in a dark forest by myself even excluding all the new things that happened today.

The house, bathed in the waning sunlight looks pleasant and unassuming. The trees at the edge of the woods cast a deep shadow, reaching towards the house. Levon’s car is parked in front and I would be so happy if Talis showed up, no matter how bad it makes me jump.

Walking through the forest was scary and jumping over the seam was terrifying but waiting for Talis to annoy me, that was and is still frustrating.

The walk through the yard is slow. I mean, I’m choosing my own pace but maybe it’s telling of how I feel about staying alone in the house. When I get to the front step, I sit in the swing and rock back and forth, waiting for Talis. If he’s always around me then he should hear this.

“Talis, get your as-”

I blinked mid-sentence and when my eyes opened, he’s in front of me. “Oh, hey,” I say. “I was just asking you to show up.”

“Yes,” he says. He adjusts a bracelet, one of many. “I am certain you were calling me here instead of calling me a name.”

Got me. Changing the subject. “Why didn’t you show up earlier?”

He looks to the woods. “Everything the trees do not touch, is The Host. The Host is a funnel and no being except those whose names appear on its walls are allowed near or allowed to gaze upon it.” His eyes look darker in the dusk. “Since the trees touch these shadows approaching, I cannot risk being seen anymore than I have.”

“You’re afraid shadows will see you?” I ask.

“The night is coming fast and you must lock yourself inside The Host.”

“Nah,” I shake my head. “It’s too creepy in there.” Would I feel safe if Talis was in there with me too?

“I will be near you and I swear on my life, you will be safe inside.”

Safe inside. With the basement door opening by itself and mouse coughs? Safe? “Levon said I have to start training tomorrow with some weirdo named Siegrist.”

Talis adjusts his shoulders and stretches his neck. “You are not training tomorrow. You must come with me and begin our task.”

“Which is?”

He sighs. “Which is to sew the seam of the Otherworld and the Lifeworld together in order to smother the Underworld and keep evil from invading all we know.”

“But, wouldn’t Levon know better about what I should do?” I say.

“No, he kept your true self safe though he does not know what that true self is. You will not follow his path.”

The shadows creep to the porch step. Talis takes a step forward and stands so close to me, I can feel the warmth from his body and it warms mine.

“You must lock yourself inside The Host.” He holds his hand out for me to take. “Please, Lyla, please lock yourself inside for you will be killed.”

The warmth he radiates, the grim expression he carries, and the earnest tone resonates somewhere deep, deep inside me. Deeper than anything I’ve ever felt and for a moment, I hear him. Like hear him inside of this deepness. It echoes against my insides and in my mind in the most pleasant way. I can’t describe it but all I know is it means something and it means something good.

I don’t take his hand but I do stand. We both move as the shadow closes in on the swing. “I’ll go inside and lock the doors but tell me,” I say, “can you hear and see me when I’m inside?”

“Yes,” he says. “But only if you want me to.”

I open the door but stop. “And why can’t you come in but you can see The Host?”

“A creature guards this place and,” he clicks his tongue, “it does not like Protectors.”

Maybe it’s the emphasize of his sentence which makes me smile or maybe it’s the way his gaze is intent on mine. It could be the idea of him with a twinge of a smirk on his face or that he huffs when he catches my smile and I’m forced to look down to take the intensity away. I’m not sure what it is that keeps a smile on my lips as I shut the door and lock it. Not sure why I’m smiling with my back pressed against the door. Or why I chuckle under my breath as I walk towards the kitchen.

What I’m sure of is locking each door and shoving chairs underneath the knobs. The back door, basement, and the front door all get the same treatment. No separate but equal here. Everyone gets the same treatment. Oh man, I’m turning into mom. Doing stupid things and saying ridiculous things to justify those stupid things.

Dirty kitty litter fills my nose while I turn the tv on. PBS. Arthur. After the turkey dinner and the craziest day of my life, I feel sleep nearing. I don’t even bother going to my room. Instead, I embrace the smell of dirty cat and rest my head on the couch arm. My eyes close and when I open them, the TV is off. Moonlight fills the living room and reflects off the black screen. I sit up and lean as far over as I can to peer into the kitchen.

The door is open.

I’m just spooked enough to talk to Talis. “Talis?” I whisper, “this place is haunted. Like, the hell is happening? I’m super duper scared right now and your pep talk about being killed outside earlier to get me inside of here, well it’s fading. Like fading fast and I’m really thinking about running outside and getting into Levon’s car and-”

A cough. A tiny cough. Nails clicking against the kitchen floor. Another cough. I lay back down and pretend to close my eyes. Seems natural, right? Pretend to go back to sleep. But I can’t help myself. I can’t pretend to sleep while some thing roams the house. So I do what’s only natural. I feel about for the remote and turn the tv on. PBS lights up and the noise is loud against the backdrop of utter silence.

A sigh. Nails clicking. Mumbling. A creature scurries into the living room and pushes the button. Tv off.

Another minute goes by. I turn it back on.

Back off.

Again.

Back off.

Again.

And this time, it turns the tv off and then instead of heading to the kitchen, it scurries over to my couch. My lips tremble and my attempts at keeping my eyes pretend-close, is failing. I’m staring at a creature. A hairless, mouse-like creature. Huge ears, snout and it stands on its back legs, its front feet resting next to me.

“See you,” it says. “See you, up.”

Alright, I’m the fool here. Shouldn’t have panicked. Should’ve only turned the tv on three times instead of four. This is what I get for the fourth time. Death by mouse-thing.

I sit up and press my back into the cushion.

It points its claw at the tv. “Loud.” It turns it off. “Quiet, okay?”

I nod.

It scurries back to the kitchen. A gentle scent of coffee makes it to me. A mouse is making coffee? A basement rodent is making coffee? I drank mouse coffee with Levon yesterday?

The kitchen is dark but I turn on my phone flashlight and shine it in. The mouse is moving about but freezes with the light.

It says, “Light, no.”

This is weird.

“No, Priya.”

“What?” I say. “Priya?”

“Priya, sun.”

“Uhm.” I’m not exactly sure what to do here. I guess I’ll lean in, and believe. Believe I’m talking to a mouse creature. I shut the basement door. “Do you like Priya?”

It stops again, old cereal falling through its hands. “Priya, wall.”

“What wall?”

It points, cereal flying across the room. It’s to the left of the basement. Peeling wallpaper meets the corner of the wall. I pull it back. A list of names I recognize. Mom, dad, the g-rents, Levon, Tessa, mine, Priya.

“Where’s Talis?”

The creature scoffs. “No, never.”

“Why?”

The skittering across the floor makes me turn. The mouse creature sits back on its haunches. “Talis made me, this.”

“Made you what?”

The creature throws the remaining cereal in his hand at the wall. “Bring, Priya.”

And then, he jerks the basement door open and heads down the steps. It yells, “Door, open.”

What would happen if I close the door? You know, after the tv incident I don’t think I’m going to want the mouse creature at my bedside scolding me.

I sit back on the couch and turn the tv on mute. I scroll through my phone. Lots of missed calls from Adam. I ignore all those and call Priya.

“Hey, Pri,” I say, “sorry to call so late.”

“Hey girl, no problem. What is it there, like three in the morning?”

“Yep.” I fiddle with a fray on the couch. “Weird thing, I got to tell you about,” I say, “but uhm, you know anything about something called The Host.”

A long pause is on the other end. So long in fact, I check to make sure my phone didn’t hang up on her.

“Pri, The Host?” I say. “Does that mean something to you?”

Her voice softens. “Did you find him? Is it time for me to come?”

“Uhm,” I say. The waver in her voice isn’t the only thing throwing me off of what I thought this conversation would be like. I thought I’d say, The Host, and she’d say, nope, and that’d be the end of the conversation. But her knowing what words I’m saying and the voice trembling on the other end, it makes me queasy.

“She finally says, I will be there tomorrow, okay Lyla? I’ll be there just,” her voice cracks, “just tell him to wait a little longer.”

And she hangs up.

Thumping feet spring up the stairwell and I jump.

The creature says, “Tv, off. Bright, too much.”

“Okay,” I say, turning it off.

“Priya come, okay?”

“Okay.”

The creature watches me. Its nose moves back and forth and then it says, “Bed, Lyla.”

“Okay,” I say again.

I wish another word would come to my mind but this whole night has me reconsidering if this place is a carbon monoxide death trap. There are two options. Go outside or stay inside. I won’t go outside, mom, I promise. So I guess that means I have to believe in dad. Believe in his letters. I believe you enough, dad. I believe you enough to stay inside, curled up in my bed, under this quilt which isn’t quite warm enough because the air conditioning is on full blast. And as the Siren’s song calls to me from the closed window, I believe you enough dad, I believe enough to listen to Talis and turn my back to the noise.

And though Talis says he’s here and he can hear me, it doesn’t make me feel safe. Just like walking from dinner, through the dark forest without seeing Talis. I didn’t feel safe then and I don’t now.

I’d talk to Talis but what do I say?

Hey, a mouse creature lives in the basement and knows my best friend and is finicky about noise and light and it scares me even though I don’t think it can hurt me because it has tiny little mouse claws and it cowers from light. I’ll just shine my light on it if I have to and win any sort of fisticuffs the creature and I might have. But then again, Talis, is this what I’m afraid of? Afraid of a creature living in this house or am I afraid of something else?

Afraid of something more,

or something bigger,

or something intangible.

Alea iacta est

The die has been cast