《Oh Arceus, I'm a Pokemon! Now What?》Ch. 10 - We Will Rock(et) You
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Nurse Joy looked at the veritable puddle of pokémon before her, hands on hips. Even the Chansey looked unimpressed.
"And you say... that you were catching a pokémon. A single pokémon. And somehow ended up in a... however-many-way free for all?"
"Well, we didn’t exactly..." Ed paused for a moment, blushing, before continuing. "See, Lucky was getting on okay with the rest of my pokémon, and then for some reason Chompy—" Ed started.
"She’s my pokémon," added Becca.
"Yeah, she, uh, kind of attacked Lucky, which is where he got his name from because I did not know that a totodile could turn purple like that and not, umm... and then as soon as that happened, then Barb jumped in to try to break it up, she got hurt, which made Ziggy jump in, at which point Shadow tried—"
"Shadow’s another of my pokémon—" Becca added, again. It was round about this point that Nurse Joy threw her hands up.
"Okay, just... just put them back in their balls, I’ll heal them, and then I suggest you spend a good amount of time next door in the poké-park making sure this isn’t going to happen again." Nurse Joy kept her hands on her hips as her glare intensified. Eventually the two trainers mumbled out an apology and an affirmation each. She then looked up at the third child in the room. "Do you have any pokémon to add to this... this?"
"Oh, no. No, ma’am. I’m not a trainer, I’m just a photographer, just tagging along for the ride."
"No pokémon at all? That’s unusual, please make sure you stay safe in the tall grass then."
"I know, ma’am, it’s why I travel with trainers. Mostly." Sly smiled, nodding. Joy fixed him with a steely gaze, then she softened it.
"Very well. Please wait here. And if I see either of you two again for the same reason, I’ll be expecting you to switch out those of your pokémon that are causing the issues, is that clear?" Nurse Joy’s steely gaze was back with a vengeance, more or less a Human Intimidate, and it was working.
"Yes Nurse Joy!" promised both trainers, who visibly slumped in relief as the pokémon nurse disappeared into the back room to restore their charges.
"Woof, she’s a strict one. You guys often have troubles like this with your pokémon?" Ed and Becca shared a look. Becca took a deep breath, then let it out again. Ed just stammered apologetically. "Wow, okay, I guess that’s the kind of thing all trainers go through." As Ed and Becca looked more distressed, Sly chuckled wryly. "Forget I asked. Instead, do you mind if I tag along with you guys for a while? I’ve not really got anywhere to go, and I’m pretty sure I can make myself useful."
Ed and Becca looked at each other again, and shrugged, mutely.
"I guess so?" replied Becca, to emphasize Ed’s general nodding. "We’ve got a free day tomorrow, and then Ed’s going for the gym badge. Since we do have a new pain in the butt to break in, I guess we’re training this afternoon and at least some of tomorrow."
"Great! That means more chances for action shots then!" Sly smiled, brandishing his camera.
"Hopefully not too many, young man," said Nurse Joy, as she re-emerged, one tray in her hands and another in Chansey’s. The first tray was given to Ed and the second to Becca, with further admonishments not to overstress their pokémon further this day. "Now remember, I suggest you have a relaxing day at the poké-park. If you hadn’t already said you’d just come from there, I’d have suggested visiting the Pretty Petal Flower Shop. Instead I suggest you return there tomorrow and apologize."
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"Yes’m," promised Sly, with Ed and Becca nodding along.
"Instead, just... go to the park, feed your pokémon before they try to eat each other — again — and try to patch your pokémons’ differences up, alright?"
"I’ll take it from here, thank you very much Nurse Joy," said Sly, as he ushered the two trainers out from the poké-center to head to the poké-park that was pretty much next door.
There came that odd stretching sensation followed by a moment of vertigo, and suddenly the real world was back where it belonged. I was out of my ball, breathing real air and smelling real scents again. I still wasn't used to the wonders of being able to hop into my pokéball more or less whenever I want, to lock out the world when it got too much, or to come back to it at will whenever I need a break from solitude. I wondered how ‘normal’ pokémon took it. I wondered what Barb thought of it.
First order of business though, was ‘Lucky’.
"Uh, Chompy? Can you please not... try to eat him any more? I’ll do my best to keep him out of your, er... tail? Scales?"
Chompy growled at the totodile, who was still admiring the snake-pokémon from distressingly close.
"Don’t worry, Princess, she can’t get enough of me."
"I can definitely get too much, however." Chompy made a whole-body sigh that rippled to her tail and back. "I won’t eat the little letch, he’d like it too much."
"The less I know about that, the better," I grumbled.
"Are you guys sure she’s had the talk about the—"
"Oh bubble-beam it out your backside," I swore, "why does everybody ask that?"
"Probably because at least one half of whatever’s in that fluffy little head of yours hasn’t. With the way you carry on, sometimes I wonder if the wind doesn’t whistle when you hold your head right," snarked Sissy.
"And you can Bite my butt too," I hissed.
"Calm down, you know I don’t mean it. What’s got you all riled up, anyway?"
I growled softly to myself and shook, trying to get rid of whatever funk I was falling into, but for some reason my friends were leaving me feeling frustrated. "I’m just... I was thinking about what you said. We know there’s a ranger that was after my ball, right? Right?" Barb nodded at me, I pointed a paw. "You see?"
"And you think—" Sissy paused for a moment, then started laughing. I scowled as the laugh turned into guffaws. "Really?"
"If I could still pull off a bullet seed, your ass would be growing grass right now," I growled again. "It makes too much sense! I was out there looking for the ball, nobody’s seen the ranger — me! — since! Why couldn’t it be me?"
"Y-you kn-know it d-does make sense," Bart agreed, the sandshrew speaking up for a change. "Th-the rest of the way she acts could just be because of how—"
"The rest?" I grumbled. I pouted, sticking my tail straight up in the air. It fair vibrated with indignation. "That’s not fair!"
"Okay, okay, what my little sis is trying to say does make sense, and who knows, maybe she’s right?" offered Tully. He could no longer nestle in my fur like he used to, but he could — and did — perch on my back.
"Yeah! See! My two brothers have my back."
"One of ‘em literally, Princess" snarked Lucky. "Not gonna deny, the view from—"
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I ignored him with a sigh, and interrupted. "I’d get at least one of them to knock your block off, but if we don’t play nice for Ed and Becca, we could get some of us switched out and I don’t want to do that, so behave. Arceus, I wish I’d not suggested you come with. Why did you, anyway?"
"Eh, can’t say that vision of loveliness over there didn’t sway my head—"
"Sssway your head this way and you’ll lossse it," hissed Chompy.
"But honestly? Once you’ve been king of a whole lake for a while, you realize that a lake’s really not that big a deal. Humans have all the fun stuff, I can play nice to get a piece of either that action, or this."
"One of those two is never going to happen."
"Never say never, toots," said the totodile, blowing Chompy a kiss. The snake-pokémon was silent for a moment.
"You know, I have to admire hisss perseverance, if nothing elssse," she said, finally, before slithering away.
"She’s got it bad for me, I can tell," the witty little lecher muttered.
"I’m going to ignore that as well," I said under my breath, then continued aloud. "Okay, so, has any of us got any thing more on pokéballs, pokémon transformation or the whereabouts of Team Rocket?"
"You really were a human, Princess?" Lucky interrupted again.
"Yes!" I said, "I know it’s hard to believe—"
"Nah, it explains a lot," answered Lucky, slowly nodding his head. "What was it? Magic potion, curse, reincarnation?"
"Don't forget machine malfunction," offered Barb.
"Pokeball mishap," I grumbled. Then I turned from the rest of the pokémon back to Lucky. "Really? Doesn’t phase you at all?"
"Eh, don’t see if everyday, but—"
"Oh come on!" I complained. "Fine. Anyway. Nobody has anything?"
"Well," said Sissy, "At some point I should tell you what Guy and I got up to. There are some very suspect store rooms down in the basement of that building. They don’t only have the interesting stuff up top. Just most of the big stuff."
"And Tully and I... we found the back rooms!" piped up Shadow, excitedly.
There was silence for a moment, then everyone wanted to hear more from Shadow and Tully.
"That’s right!" Tully said. "Shadow and I... well you always hear from the humans about the back rooms, but I never thought we’d see it! I’m surprised though, I didn’t think the inside would have so much outside in it, or that there would be that many keys in it. I have no idea how they find anything there... or why they had an entire mountain of candy floss."
For a brief moment, I had a lot of questions, then I just had confusion. "Did you say a field of candyfloss? And the outside? I’m pretty sure that that’s not how rooms work, not even these mythical backrooms. Are you sure you didn’t just get lost and end up outside in an alley or something?"
"Nuh uh," the electrike denied. "We were definitely still inside, just it was outside, too. I’m glad we made it back though, apparently those doors are on some sort of time-lock or something? There was a nice pokémon that explained everything, and we met a whole bunch of pikachus — pikachii? — and I think there was a mew, but it might have been a zorua. Never can tell with those guys."
"Hmm, okay," I said, walking around in a tight circle thoughtfully. I wanted to put a paw to my muzzle but kind of needed them to walk. Maybe I could chew the end of my tail? Or an ear? "We’ve got Shadow and Tully on the pokénip—"
"Hey! Believe what you want, I won’t tell you then."
"And Guy and Sissy with the only real lead on Devon... I’m just not sure if that’ll help. I guess we’ve just got to wait for Team Rocket to turn up. They’re in the area, so it’s only a matter of time." I sat down on my haunches, looking over at Ed and Becca, who were hovering worriedly. I looked back at the crew with a meaningful expression. "Play nice and we’ll all get out of this intact. Look, there’s an icecream stand! I’m sure they do frozen poké-treats too, right? I’ll go get us some."
"Eevee! Vee vee ee-ee!"
"Hold on, hold on Lux... you can’t just... sorry about that!"
Ed grabbed his noisy, enthusiastic eevee as she barked up at a snack stand, apparently selling icecreams and other frozen treats. Four sales-folk manned it. The next-to-smallest was carrying some crates of soft drinks around whilst the smallest, and this one really was quite small — he was probably taller when he was younger, judging by the grey beard, thought Ed — tidied up around the stall. The woman with the long, magenta hair flowing freely down her back smiled brightly.
"That’s alright! It’s lovely to see an energetic pokémon. That’s how you know you’re making wonderful, yummy treats for all the dears." Her perky voice sang out as brightly as her smile lit the area.
"It’s surprising how much energy she has, really; all our pokémon," and Ed pointed back towards his friend Becca and the remainder of their pokémon, "have just got out from having a check up, they had a bit of a disagreement this morning. New pokémon and all that. Apparently Lux here wants some treats to help smooth things over and... hey, do I know you from somewhere? You remind me of somebody, but I’m not sure who."
"Are you perhaps thinking of Team Roquette? Yes, we’ve met them several times, but move in totally different circles."
"Totally diff’rent," agreed the small, light-beige member of the quartet.
"You know Team Roquette? They did our breakfast today!"
"Those hacks from the Great Galarian bake-off," laughed the magenta-haired man with the mohawk. "We’re nothing like them at all."
"Yeah, we’s da Team Rock-y Road! Tasty Iced treats is our specialty!" said the small grey one.
"And they’re just perfect for tired, helpless pokémon!" added the magenta-haired lady.
"Wobbuffet!" agreed the blue, medium-sized one, saluting as he — or she, it wasn’t really easy to tell — put the last of the soft drinks crates down.
Ed, who’d been loaded down with ice creams, lollies and a few sodas, straightened up. "Th-thank you again... you know, I’m r-really sure I’ve seen you before, i-infact I’m almost certain I know e-exactly who you are."
"Who we are, he wonders?" the magenta haired woman said, grasping her outfit with one hand and tossing it into the air, somehow pulling the whole thing off in one smooth move. "It’s time the world knew once more of our greatness! For we’re the best, the number one team!"
"We’re the ice cool cats who get the cream!" the purple-haired man also threw his disguise outfit into the air in a single, smooth motion. They had both obviously practiced this many times. Surprisingly, none of the two humans were naked under their clothes, instead they were kitted out in full Team Rocket paraphernalia. The two pokémon with them, however, were naked. But that didn’t really matter, because they were pokémon, and most pokémon are naked most of the time.
"Prepare for trouble! And make it ice cold!"
"A double-choc-chip portion with extra you got told!"
"To protect the world from dev-ice-station!"
"To unite all people with our taste sensations!"
"To denounce the evils of soup for lunch!"
"To offer these treats for breakfast and brunch!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of dessert!"
"Surrender now or prepare to hurt!"
"They spent all morning thinking up those rhymes so’s you’d better be clapping!"
"Wobbuffet!"
Team Rocket — all four of their members — held the pose for a moment, before coughing awkwardly. Ed held up a finger, the hand of which was still holding a number of tasty iced treats. The other hand was busy feeding one of said treats to said hand's owner.
"Ooh, oh, brain freeze... these are good... hold on... there. Lux, take those okay?" Ed bent down to give some of the ice creams to his eevee, who gingerly took them in her mouth.
"Vrrph!"
"Okay, right." Ed straightened up and smoothed down his clothes. "Let’s run! Becca!" he shouted. "It’s Team Rocket!"
"Dat’s more like it!"
Battle broke out shortly after, with a wobbuffet mirror-coating its way to knocking Ziggy’s bullet seed back into the group of avenging pokémon, although that didn’t do much to stop Chompy’s tail knocking the wobbuffet for six. The fact Team Rocket’s morpecko then fastened its sharp little jaws around said tail only added to the confusion, as Ziggy came back with a surf.
"[Taste the power of the deluge!]" the zigzagoon yelled triumphantly as he took a deep breath, summoned power from somewhere deep inside himself... and he roared. Rivulets of water — tiny streams, growing larger, more powerful, more prevalent in moments — flowed from seemingly nowhere to build into a mighty wave, which crashed forwards in white foamy crests as it swept away Jessie’s arbok and even James’ weezing, and left Meowth coughing and spluttering.
"You think that’s all we’ve got?"Jessie shouted, one hand on her hips theatrically, as all their active pokémon were more or less swept away.
"Well it kind of is!" shouted James, after a few moments, then he looked kind of downcast as nothing happened. "Not quite sure where our other pokémon ended up this morning, to tell you the truth, they're always getting into trouble by themselves."
"Ain't that the truth," sighed Ed, the pair sharing a moment of camaraderie.
Moments later, they were surrounded by growlithes and arcanines as Officer Jenny and the rest of the Rustboro police force showed up.
"You’re under arrest!" Officer Jenny said, as she and a few deputies approached. "Return your pokémon to their pokéballs — slowly — and keep your hands where I can see them!"
"Actually, Meowth doesn’t have a pokéball," Jessie informed Jenny.
"Yeah! An’ I don’t consent to be caught in one neither!"
"Then no sudden moves, or you’ll find yourself in a Raid Battle. If you cooperate, you will be treated with full dignity under the law as has been affirmed in statute—"
"Yeah, yeah’s, I gots it. All I can do is talk, I’m no legendary, even if I am one of a kind!"
In short order, Team Rocket was taken into custody, and — after a brief amount of questioning — Ed and Becca were let go and peace returned to the park.
Once the hullabaloo had died down, Ed and Becca looked at each other, before a small smile broke Becca's lips.
"You know," Becca said, eventually, "in all the excitement, I think they forgot something?"
"What?"
"The ice cream stand is still there. I think... I think it counts as winning a battle, don’t you?" Becca wandered over to the stand and opened it up. "Hey, there’s over a thousand poké-dollars in here! And a bunch of ice creams!"
"Score!"
"So, that happened," pronounced Lucky. "That happen a lot?" He took a look at the ice lollies held in both paws, then took massive bites out of both, open-maw crunching them with every sign of enjoyment.
"More than you’d expect," said Tully, in between pecking at his own ice cream. "I mean, this is only the second time... but that’s twice, which is strange."
"You know what this means though?" Shadow said, the electrike’s tail wagging so fast sparks were flying from the tip. "This means we know where Meowth is."
"Yeah, but he’s behind bars," I interjected. "What are we gonna do, break him out?"
"Let’s set that up as Plan ‘B’," suggested Shadow, as he saw his sandshrew friend curling up on himself. "Calm down, Bart, it’s only ‘B’ because we only have two plans right now, ‘not that one’ and ‘that one’. If you want to call it plan ‘Z’ then by all means."
"M-maybe w-we should just... n-not do something quite so dangerous?" The rest of Bart’s sentence all came out in a rush, as he curled up in a ball again contemplating it. Shadow patted him softly. "We could just ask Meowth if he’s heard of anything that might help. Team Rocket get up to a lot of stuff, they might know something we don’t." Bart’s words were muffled, but they struck a chord.
"You know, those two team rocket trainers don’t speak pokémon, at least I don’t think they do. We could give it a go?" I asked, looking around the small group. "At the very least, we can suggest we might be persuaded to organize a jail-break."
"And what’re you planning on doing if he takes you up on it?" Sissy asked, picking at her cute little nails as she fluttered her eyelashes. "I’m the sweet-talker here, when I want to be. You could threaten to send in Chompy, that cat-scratch pokémon doesn’t seem to be too big in the moves department, but unless you’ve got a way to turn off any cameras, that’d end up with more trouble than we want if you go through with it."
I shuddered. Chompy would most likely make short work of at least Meowth if not one or both of the trainers, but unless she were planning on working for Team Rocket as a cleaner, I wasn’t about to even pretend that was going to happen. Bad things happened to ‘mon caught on camera doing that.
"I think we need to burn that bridge when we come to it," I said. "I’m not even sure... hang on, I think I do know where they’re going to be!"
"You know where the police station is, Princess? Ohh, a bad girl. Daddy like." Lucky grinned again.
I head-tilted, looking into the past. "Yeah, somehow I do. Maybe I lived here? If I was a ranger," I ipointedly gnored the choking laughter from Sissy, even if that meant putting up with the totodile's wiles, "then I maybe worked with the Jennies? Anyway, they’ll be below ground, on the first basement level in the main station downtown. The walls are extra-thick to stop breakouts that way. The windows are small enough I could probably get in and out if I need to, and nobody will pay that much attention to an eevee anyway."
"What makes you think you are the right one to do this?" asked Barb, suddenly.
I whirled to look at her, my muzzle flapping like a magikarp’s for a few seconds. "W-well it’s... this is my issue that we’re talking about... I just... I just..."
"I’m not about to let my little sister—" Barb began.
"I’ve been a poké—" I grumbled, but was silenced by a paw on my nose.
"Shush, you’re the little sister and you know it. I’m not gonna let my little sister get herself into trouble alone, alright?" I grumbled something again, glaring at the ground, as I ducked my muzzle away from the paw on my nose.
"I said alright?" Barb reached out and bopped me on the nose with the same blue paw that'd been used to silence me. I looked up at her, then looked down... then looked back up, eyes wet. I nodded.
"Yes," I squeaked, in a tiny voice. I cleared my throat and tried to make it not sound like a choked sob. "Okay, okay, I don’t want to waste my possibly only chance arguing with you."
"Good! Then I’m in too!" said Ziggy.
I looked over at the zigzagoon, about to object, when Guy also spoke up.
"And me. If you’re going to get into trouble, I can at least be there to gloat."
"You’re not leaving us out of this either," stated Tully, pointing a wing towards Lucky, as the swellow fluttered onto my back. "You’re gonna need all the help you can get to pull off whatever crazy stunts you’re about to get yourself into, Lux, and we’re a team, both on the field and off."
Sighing, but feeling a catch in my chest that was almost wholly unfamiliar, I could do little more than squeak out, "Thanks, guys."
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