《Die, Dragon, Die!》5. Libraries Are Fun For Everyone
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The doors opened slowly. Dust motes floated in the sunlight. The scent of books rushed over them, paper and glue and that distinctive sweet scent that doesn’t seem to quite belong to either. Gideon breathed in and stepped inside, Jet at his heels.
As the doors fell shut, a hush fell over them, separating them from the noisy city outside. Bookshelves spread out in all directions, towering two stories tall. Narrow ladders propped on rollers provided a route to the higher books. Dead ahead, at the back of the library, sat an impressive dark-wood reception desk, heavy and opulent. Only one or two people moved amongst the books, one a librarian from the stole she wore, embossed with the Baron’s crest and a book, the other a scholarly-looking woman with neatly curled hair and a noble air about her. Neither paid much attention to the men who strode in, though the librarian shot the two of them a preemptive glare of warning, glasses flashing in the sunlight.
Gideon wandered through the aisles, Jet following slightly after. Abruptly, Gideon halted. He looked at Jet.
“What?” Jet asked.
“You… can read, right?”
Jet frowned. “I’m an officer in the army. I might come from lesser nobility, but I’m still of a noble house. Of course I can read.”
Gideon nodded. “Good, good. Just checking.”
“Half the commonfolk can read nowadays, for heaven’s sake,” Jet grumbled.
“Oh, you know. Wanted to make sure your brain wasn’t completely made of muscle,” Gideon said lightly.
Jet scowled. “Mind your words, or I might forget to stop by the tailor to pick up those robes of yours.”
“Do you like seeing me naked, or something?” Gideon replied, shaking his head. He set off into the library, leaving Jet behind.
Jet sighed, then glanced around him. Despite himself, the sheer volume of books around him intimidated him a bit. He really did fill up the library, that old baron. It’s no match for the Great Library, but… Gideon’s right. It’s worthwhile to search here.
Glancing at the man’s diminishing form, he touched the tome at his hip. There’s only one exit to the library, and no mage would easily abandon their beloved tome. I should be fine letting him out of my sight. Besides, even if he escapes… He put a hand to the pendant. As long as he wears the collar, I can track him down.
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Jet wandered the library, occasionally pulling down a book to glance at its pages, but almost always put it back up. Many books covered the subject of dragons, but few held anything about True Dragons. A line here, a short passage there, but nothing more than a description of their might and power, without any hint as to their weaknesses.
On the other hand, there were plenty of books about other forms of dragons. A whole twenty-volume series recounted every possible aspect of the common drake’s lifecycle, from leathery egg all the way to the venerable Great Drake. Like all dragons, drakes never stopped growing, and Great Drakes could reach as large as a pony. However, given how aged a drake would have to be to reach that size, Great Drakes were considered a legend. He paused to read a few passages of the final volume, then moved on.
Dozens of books recounted wyrms, though usually in grim tones, none of them pleased with the hideous, blind, wingless beasts that spent almost the entirety of their lives underground. One even questioned whether wyrms could be classified as dragons at all.
When it came to wyverns, the books were innumerable. From wyvern husbandry to tackle to daily care, tips for bonding with a wyvern, and the pleasures of wyvern riding, a veritable flood of wyvern books awaited him. Jet ignored them wholesale after the first few turned into the same drivel about what great creatures they were and how fantastic the beasts could be.
There were few books on lesser dragons. Not surprising, given how rare the creatures were, and how difficult it was to restrain, subdue, or kill one. Jet paused and cracked one open, sitting for a time to read it. When it came to the description of what it took for the authors to kill a lesser dragon, he had to close the book and stare at the sky. A full party. Two paladins with enchanted blades, four lightning mages, and three knights in full plate, plus a staff-user and a support crew to boot, and they still had to use a restraining hex to seal it in place for long enough to kill it. And Gideon roasted the dragon with two spells…
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He closed his eyes. I knew the king wouldn’t move without reason, I knew he had to be powerful, but… how is this man so powerful? What caused him to become this strong? Is he just blessed by the gods? Beloved by mana?
Opening his eyes, he stared down the end of the aisle, where he could just barely make out Gideon waiting by the reception desk to speak to the librarian. How long has His Majesty been tracking Gideon? How long has the kingdom been aware of this earth-shaking existence? Why hasn’t anyone tried to use him until now? The noble houses I know of would be champing at the bit to have someone like him at their side, let alone the Tower or the Colleges. And yet…
The librarian stepped behind the desk and gave Gideon a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “How can I help you today?”
In the quiet library, even her near-whisper echoed down the aisle.
Gideon smiled winningly. In a normal voice, he replied, “Where do you keep the porn?”
Jet shot to his feet.
The librarian stared, taken aback. “Excuse me?”
Gideon nodded. “You know, smut. Pulp romance. The ones with the half-naked ladies on the cover—”
Jet put his hand over Gideon’s mouth and dragged him backward, toward the exit. “Thank you so much for your time. I’m sorry. We’re leaving now.”
Gideon fought free of his hand. “Hey! She hasn’t even answered me!”
“She doesn’t need to answer you. We’re leaving.”
The librarian coughed. “There are… books to suit your pleasure in this library, sirs.”
Jet stopped dead. Gideon struggled out of his grip and approached the desk again. “See? I knew it was a good library.”
“Er, there’s… what, in this library?” Jet asked.
The librarian shot him a stern look and frowned. “Did you think libraries were only full of ‘pure’ books? Of knowledge? Naturally, libraries hold fiction as well. Baron Audrey Faulun, High God rest his soul, was a voracious man in many ways, and he did not hold back in his collection just because a book might seem… less savory than another. We hold a great deal of romance novels here, the same as any other genre.”
“Wonderful, wonderful. Where are they…?” Gideon asked, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
The librarian pointed toward the back of the stacks, at a dark corner tucked away out of sight of the library’s grand entrance.
Jet grabbed Gideon by his cloak. “No, you don’t.”
Gideon grabbed his cloak free and crossed his arms, full of righteous indignation. “I’m a healthy young man. Is there anything wrong with an interest in… the more exciting facets of life?”
“There might be nothing wrong with it, but we came here to research True Dragons, not read porn!” Jet returned, frustrated.
Gideon shrugged. “I’ve already looked for True Dragons. The nice librarian helped me out and pointed me to the most important books, but there was nothing worthwhile in them. Then I thought, as long as I’m here, I might as well see if they stock por—ahem, romantic literature.”
“If that’s the case, then we’re done here,” Jet steamed. He grabbed Gideon by the arm and dragged him down the aisle.
“We’ll be at the tailor’s! I’ll make it worth your while!” Gideon called at the librarian.
The librarian’s glasses flashed. She pushed them up on her nose and nodded.
“No, you won’t,” Jet growled, dragging Gideon out the door.
Gideon managed a last wink before the doors shut behind them.
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In case you don’t know, Tanaka Koji is the billionair heir and infamous playboy of the Tanaka Dynastyyy. They say his family’s worth at least four-hundred biiiillioooon and theyyy donnn’t skimp on SEEEECUUURITYYY! Soooo….. what does daad think about allll this? “I want them stopped!” Tanaka senior comments as he shakes a fist. “I am putting up a five-hundred million dollar reward for anyone who supplies information leading to the capture or death of those two thugs!” Weeell, there you have it, folks! Straight from the uuunicorn’s mouth! Again! that’s a whopping five-hundred million dollar reward for any tips that lead to the capture or death of those pesky thieves, Maaax and Staaaaxx! Any tips of information can be sent via public or in-home holo net devices by going to the page displayed—and don’t forget to— Staxx shut off the holo screen. “May called. She wants us to do another job. Tonight.” “You know we can’t. We got another one of our high and mighty overlords to visit at his luxury penthouse.” “That’s what I told her, too.” “Then stop yapping and let’s kick some ass!” “You know, Max, for such a small guy, you’re really intense. Don’t you wanna have some fun?” “Oh… we’re gonna have some fun, Staxx. We’re gonna have some fun...” * * * Hussy (Anarcho, #2) Max and Staxx board the ultrafine space cruiser Chylaxium in an effort to kidnap Kelly Hess, the daughter of the rich—but not a douche—Hess, who wants his daughter returned to him after she ran off with Laiwyn Scorr, a known smuggler and murderer whose evidently using her for her magical abilities to get to her father. Unfortunately it remains to be seen whether the little hussy will come easily. “Max, are you sure about this one?” “You know it’s a favor to May, after what she had to pull to get us outta that Yates thing.” “I know, but… just because you like her doesn’t mean we have to say ‘yes.’” “Come on, Staxx, it’ll be fun.” “Do we get to shoot stuff?” “Definitely!” “What happened to us robbing banks on the six o’clock news?” “Don’t worry—we’ll get to that after we do this thing real quick.” “All right, I’m down.” “Sweet.” * The Landfill Lich (Anarcho, #3) With independent, though highly discredited, news sources siting a dangerous creature killing people on the edges of Life City, Max and Staxx—in their boredom, decide to take up the investigation. They quickly discover that they may be in way over their heads, and that the source of this “terrible monster” or whatever, is in fact due to the carelessness of a mega corp—of course—and headed by—you guessed it—the mages. “Man, I’m so bored! 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