Tuesday November 18th 2014

“She should be waking up in a few hours.” Robert said, carefully securing Anastasia’s mask. “How are you doing?” He looked pointedly at Cesare’s middle.

“Not bad. Hurts, but getting gutted will do that. I overdid it yesterday and I’m paying for it today, but that’s about it,” Cesare said.

“You’re lucky you didn’t split your stitches and leave your guts lying on the floor. A little bleeding is a small price to pay for saving your friend’s life,” Robert said while he checked the bandages on her hands. “You going to be here when she wakes?”

“As long as you keep the nurses from kicking me out.” They weren’t friends, but the doctor knew stuff that Cesare wanted to keep quiet … and he’d been good to Anastasia.

“I’ll take care of it,” Robert said with one last check of the I.V. before he left.

Cesare sat down next to the bed. He wanted to take her hand, so she'd know he was there, but they were wrapped in layers of bandages. The acid had burned her nerves, making the idea of her feeling anything with the mangled digits a suckers dream. Closing her hands was on the long list of things lost, ravaged by the chemical holocaust, her tendons and muscles were dead things of useless meat.

The door flew open with a bang against the wall. Cesare was up before it hit the wall, his gun trained on Alexandra. Locked on his face, her eyes didn’t even register the gun. “Lady Kali's about to go nuclear.”

“Fuck me.” Cesare lowered the gun.

The two groups faced off in front of the school. The Mistress stood at the top of the stairs. A hole in the world, she pulled at reality with greedy tendrils of mad need. A maelstrom of emptiness, it devoured reality. Grass bent toward her, dust motes caught in her vortex danced in the air. Jerold, Viktor, and Sarah formed a wall at the bottom of the stairs, with the two men screening the woman.

Across from them, standing at all her less than five feet, was Lady Kali. Heat waves blurred her form with tortured rainbows. Grass smoked and burst into flame as an aura of malicious heat expanded, leaving dead ash behind. Her harem waited far away from the land of death racing from her. No one wanted to get too close to the ignition point.

“Twice I’ve been summoned to this slaughterhouse of a school because a person I cared for was attacked. My daughter lies close to death because of this shit hole and your incompetent teachers,” Lady Kali said evenly.

“This wasn’t our fault …” Viktor began.

“Shut up.” Viktor's face drained of color at the quiet words of promise.

“You cannot harm me, Lady Kali. You know this.” Lacking triumph or gloating, its words were simple facts.

“You’re right, I can’t hurt you. But I can turn this school into a crater of burning ruin, your teachers into charred bones, your students seared corpses—rend this pile of shit into rubble. You can lord your authority over the dead, you soulless bitch.” Lady Kali’s dark eyes smoldered with fire hot enough to melt steel, her hair danced on the heat waves rising from her body.

Cesare walked into the no-man's-land between the two abominations. Without hesitation, Alexandra followed at his side and one step behind. Before he’d taken more than four steps, Elizabeth was at his other side, matching Alexandra step for step.

“Kali!” Cesare yelled across the ground. The word whipped everyone’s attention to him. Their focus was a physical weight pressing down on the fissures of his soul. Each was a being of destruction, nightmares that butchered humans as easily as humans strangled chickens. But he only had eyes for the elder abomination that called itself Kali, Mother of Destruction. “I swear to the gods, if your daughter wakes and I’m not there because of your fucking ego, I’ll beat your ass.”

Her harem rose up on their feet in readiness, naked hate gleaming in their eyes. Only Nzinga watched without a shade of surprise. Jerold, Viktor, and Sarah gaped at him. No one, not even the Mistress, talked to Lady Kali like that.

Some of the fury left her eyes on seeing him walk over the ash covered ground toward her. “Cesare …”

“Don’t, 'Cesare' me. I was the one to wash your daughter’s flesh off as it melted. I was the one to whisper in her ear that she’d be okay. I was the one to cut the smoking clothes off her body. And I promised I’d be there when she wakes. Your bullshit won't keep me from it. You can either get your ass in gear and we can go to your daughter, where you should be, or you can play whose cock is bigger with these idiots.” Cesare was close enough now that the heat pushed at him, sweat running down his back and face, clothes smoking, edges browning under its onslaught of spite.

The fury collapsed, leaving only a shivering terror—the kind that burrows deep and hollows out the bones, the fear of a mother who’d come a hair’s breadth from losing her daughter.

The heat blinked out, sucked back into Lady Kali, the cold of November rushing in to fill the void. Tears ran down her face as Lady Kali launched herself at him. She’d buried the fear, chained it to the darkness of her heart, because she had no one to help hold its weight. Cesare wrapped his arms around the small woman, holding her through the shuddering sobs. Her arms tightened around him with the desperation of a mother who wondered if her daughter would die today.

Hot tears soaked into his shirt as he led the Mother of Destruction to the infirmary. The teachers watched with equal parts relief and shock. Lady Kali’s harem angrily closed in around Cesare, Elizabeth, and Alexandra. They weren’t angry at the school. No, they were angry at Cesare.

He was used to it by now, the sidelong glares barely registering. The subtle sneers of loathing washed over him as he tuned out the whispered comments that darted between them. Only they had the right to touch her, only they were worthy of comforting a goddess.

But she didn’t want them. She wanted Cesare. She kept one arm around his waist, walking close enough that they molded into one. Kali couldn’t show weakness; showing fear would shatter her mythic image. And when they realized she wasn’t the goddess they wanted her to be, they’d turn on her. She was forced to hid herself, to bury the pain until she could deal with it. Later in the dark, alone and lost, she could rock herself through the pain, sure in the knowing that no one wanted a goddess who bled. Cesare had lived in that darkness, knew the feel of its cold touch, the smell of its blessed lies, even if he'd come there for other reasons.

Cesare sighed in relief as he sat back down next to the bed, vowing not to move anytime soon. Lady Kali reluctantly let him go to take a seat on the bed next to her daughter. Only Alexandra and Elizabeth had come into the room, the harem hadn’t dared to follow their mistress inside.

Lady Kali ran her fingers over Anastasia’s unmarked shoulder. “Oh, my poor child. What have they done to you?” Wet tears ran down her face, dripping onto her daughter’s pale skin. “What happened?”

“She was attacked by a student with a jar of sulphuric acid. It got her in the face and hands,” Cesare answered.

“May the Darkness be merciful … her attacker?” Lady Kali's eyes iced over with lethal intent.

“Dead. Didn’t know how to roll when Alexandra took her down.” Cesare met her lethal stare.

“Of course. How careless of her.” Lady Kali smiled at Alexandra. “My thanks. You do your father proud. I’ll be sure to send him a note expressing my thanks as well.”

It was a hell of an offer. Lady Kali's thanks carried a lot of weight: money, concessions in contracts, work, even treaties of mutual defense. It would go a long way to helping Alexandra win back her father’s favor. “I didn’t do it for you. I followed my Commander, nothing more.”

Lady Kali’s smile widened, her eyes winging between Alexandra and Cesare. “I see. Well, your father will receive my thanks anyway. And you Cesare, I should have known you’d claim my daughter’s pound of flesh.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cesare said easily. A person can’t let a secret out if they don’t know it.

Lady Kali ran her hands over her daughter’s arms—the parts unmarked by acid. “Tell me the rest.”

Cesare went through the attack, his attempts at first aid, the shower, and the operations that came after. “Robert says, long-term …”

Gazing down at her daughter, Lady Kali cut him off softly. “The long-term effects don’t concern me, Cesare. I’m constantly amazed at how deep my debt to you goes. When I think I can’t possibly owe you more, you deepen the debt. You saved her.” She held up a hand to stop his protests. “I’ve been blinded before, Cesare. My first instinct was to lash out at everything around me. I lost my entire harem and most of the city before I calmed. I know she would have done the same … and they would have killed her, ended my daughter’s life for reacting as any Umbrae Lunae would.” Eyes wet with unshed tears, she looked over at Cesare.

“Why aren’t you worried about the long-term effects?” Cesare asked.

“There are things you don’t know. Things we keep to ourselves.” She turned her eyes to the other women. “I’ll need your word that this conversation will stay between us.” The women gave Lady Kali nods of agreement.

“You call us akatharton, but it’s an old word bastardized by time. Once it meant ‘unclean spirits.’ There is more truth in that than my people can face. We are more spirit than flesh, dark desires given flesh: sloth, resentment, cruelty, madness, and blood-thirst—all these and more. All full blooded Harab Serapel are female. We are lust given form.”

“Each of us is a template of physical perfection, an archetype of desire. My daughter is lush and full figured with red hair. Many men have seen her and been struck dumb at their desires made real. I am small, petite, athletic, and Asian. No two Harab Serapel look the same. Lust, which gives us life, shapes us from birth to death.”

“Cesare …” Anastasia whispered, the one word raspy and lost. “You said you’d be here …”

He moved to the opposite side from Lady Kali and laid his hand on Anastasia’s shoulder. “I’m here, princess. I haven’t left you.”

Her pink tongue ran across lacerated, melted lips. “I can’t … see …”

“I know, baby. I know. You’re going to be okay.” The soft words were delicate things of shadow, silky with midnights touch. “How much do you remember?”

Anastasia was silent for long minutes. “Burning. The bitch threw something at me. I was burning, Cesare.” She lacked the eyes to cry, but the broken words spoke for themselves. “But you were there. You didn’t leave me. I wanted you to take the pain away, and you did. I was burning …”

“I know, princess. I know. It’s over now,” Cesare said.

“I can’t see,” Anastasia continued. “Cesare … it’s bad, isn’t it?” When Cesare didn’t respond, Anastasia pressed. “You promised you’d never lie to me.”

He could pawn it off on Lady Kali. She was her mother and could give her the news. But Anastasia was his friend, someone he cared for. He wouldn’t—couldn’t–turn away from her. “It’s bad.” Shuddering, Anastasia nodded for him to go on. “The acid took away most of your face. Your eyes, nose, and ears are gone,” Cesare said quietly.

“I’m hideous,” Anastasia said.

“No, you’re not.” Cesare leaned down until they were face to face. His breath washed over her face, filling her with his scent. “You’re beautiful. You’re my beautiful princess. And I won’t let any man or woman say different, not even you.”

Her lips twitched. It fell short as a smile, but it was the best she had. “I guess I really am just tits and ass now. Put a bag over my face and you won’t even notice.”

It broke his heart to hear the pain in her voice. “You’ve never been just tits and ass, and you’re not now. You’ve always been more, even if you couldn’t see it.” His fingers traced across her shoulder. “You’re beautiful and anyone would be honored to be with you.”

The room was silent as Cesare stared at Anastasia. “Really?” Lost and alone, she sounded like someone else—not the confidant and powerful Anastasia, but another person, the real her who peeked out behind the mask when no one was looking.

“Really. I won’t lie to you. And I’m not leaving you,” Cesare promised.

“Sweetie, it’s not forever. You’ll heal,” Lady Kali interjected.

Cesare stared at Lady Kali. He wasn’t the only one, Alexandra and Elizabeth were just as surprised. “That’s what I was getting to. We’re shaped by what makes us. She’ll heal as her body reshapes itself back into the desire she embodies.”

“Cesare, who’s here?” Anastasia asked nervously.

“Your mom, Elizabeth, and Alexandra,” Cesare answered.

“How long will it take, mom?” Anastasia asked, face turning blindly in her mom’s direction.

Sighing, sadness eclipsed the happiness over seeing her daughter wake up. “That’s trickier. The healing will focus on the crippling injuries first, bones, nerves, eyes, ears and nose. After that, it’ll slow down. Could be months or years before you’re back to normal, even just your eyes might take months. It depends on feedings and the strength of the prana you take in. When we get you back home, you'll have the best doctors and reliable feedings.”

“You’re taking her back?” Cesare asked. He should have known. There was no way Lady Kali would let her daughter stay, even if she wanted to. And there was no way Anastasia would want to stay. Cesare was so used to this being the only place for him, that he forgot others had options.

“Of course. Back home I can set up a suite for her: tutors, doctors, physical therapy, and reliable feedings. The best of care. And she’ll be out of this slaughterhouse of a school,” Lady Kali said.

The room was silent as Lady Kali smoothed the blankets. Elizabeth and Alexandra shared a look while Cesare kept his eyes on Anastasia. He didn’t like the thought of her being taken from him, but he couldn’t offer her anything to stay.

“Cesare …” Anastasia began, looking for him with hollow sockets.

“I’m here,” Cesare said quietly.

“If I leave … everything I’ve done, everything we’ve done, will be lost. I’ll never get the chance to see my dreams come true. I’ll never get to train with you again. I’ll be back to where I was, just another daughter of Lady Kali.”

“Once you’re gone, what you’ve achieved won’t be forgotten, but the ending of your story will be that you got hurt and left. Years from now, you might salvage something of your fame, but it won’t be what you want,” Cesare said.

Anastasia focused on him as he talked. “Could I stay?”

Lady Kali frowned at her daughter’s question. “You’re blind. You can’t hold a pencil. You can’t even get to class as you are. And I don’t even want to think of what the kids would do to you. You were at your best when this happened, how do you think you’re going to protect yourself now?”

Anastasia weathered the words, keeping her focus on where she’d last heard Cesare. “Thank you, mother. Cesare, do you think I can do it?”

Lady Kali gave Cesare a pleading look, but his eyes moved to Elizabeth and Alexandra. He’d need help, the kind of help he could only get from them. His silent question went out to the two people who'd stood by him.

Elizabeth’s smile was enough. She had his back, even if she didn’t like the akatharton. As long as there was no danger to her job, she was in. Alexandra gave a single nod.

“Can you do it alone? No. You’ll need help. I can take you to class and write out the assignments for you until you get your eyesight back. If we need to read chapters, I can read them out loud. It won’t be ideal, but it’ll get you by until you heal. As for the protection, well, I’m not at my best, but Alexandra will look out for us. We’ll just have to stick together,” Cesare offered.

“What about the woman who …?” Anastasia asked.

“Dead.”

With a sigh of relief, the tension leaked out of her body. “I thought … I thought she might come back … to finish it.”

“She won’t ever be coming back to hurt you. She’s gone and you’re here,” Cesare said.

“I’m staying, mom.” Anastasia leaned back into her pillows. Tension, unseen until it was gone, made her voice bone weary.

“I swear, Cesare, if I didn’t owe you so much I’d beat you until your boots filled with blood.” Lady Kali looked across at Alexandra. “You’ll protect her?”

Alexandra glanced at Cesare. “With my life, Lady Kali.”

“I knew I should have stopped you from coming here.” Still, pride shone in Lady Kali’s eyes. “I don’t like this, sweetie. I’d rather have you home with me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not proud of you for sticking this out. You’re stronger than I was at your age.”

“That being said, this brings up some problems we need to address.” Lady Kali looked at the other two in the room. “Cesare, this will be personal. For you. It’s up to you if you want them here for this.”

“I trust them,” Cesare said simply. He did, up to a point.

“Hared Serapel must feed. Without that energy, no matter the physical food we eat, we weaken and die. This is the reason for the harem. Unfortunately, with this incident, Anastasia has lost her harem.” Cesare shared a startled look with Elizabeth and Alexandra. “They’ve all made their desires known. Having lost that, she will need to feed from someone else. That will have to be you.”

“What do you feed on?” Elizabeth asked warily.

“We feed on Tenebris Desiderium, or dark desire. A person isn’t just a physical being, they have what we call a ‘subtle body.’ Like a physical body, this subtle body has veins and arteries that move prana and gift life to the physical shell.” She held up her thumb, the skin pulled back from the tip, a small, translucent, worm-like appendage to wiggled out. “It’s called the parum mortem. We inject this into the subtle body and drain it of the energy we need.” The small worm flashed an orifice of teeth at Cesare.

“There are three major arteries in the subtle body. Because of her lack of experience, it would be better if she focused on these. For a male, we tap into the pingala and take our energy from there. The artery runs along the back. A small prick, more symbolic than anything, and we drain the energy we need.”

“What effects will it have on him?” Elizabeth moved to the bed, her hand resting protectively on Cesare’s shoulder.

“Depends on the person. Different people have different prana levels. It can be anywhere from death, complete exhaustion, to feeling like you ran a marathon,” Lady Kali explained.

“No, absolutely not. He’s healing ...” Elizabeth began to protest.

Cesare cut her off gently. “My body, my choice. I’ll be okay. What’s the rest, because I feel like the other shoe is about to drop?”

“In a normal pattern we would only feed from a person once a week, spreading the taking out between as many people as we could. That’s why we have our harem, so we don’t take too much from one person. With you being her only source … you’ll have to watch yourself carefully.” She stopped with a look at the other women, obviously wishing she’d insisted they leave before continuing, “The last part is that we feed on lust. When is your lust at its highest point?” Lady Kali asked pointedly.

“When I orgasm?” Cesare asked. “Does that mean …”

“No, we don’t have to have sex with a person to feed. All you need is for her to feed on you while you orgasm. How you get to that place is between you two.”

“It won’t be the weirdest thing I’ve done,” Cesare said.

Lady Kali nodded. “The more powerful the Umbrae Lunae, the more powerful the prana. That’s echoed on the other side, the more powerful the Harab Serapel the more they need. I would say to feed in the morning and then again at night, until we figure out how much she needs.”

Elizabeth’s hand tightened on his shoulder, her mouth set in a grim line of distaste. She didn’t like it, not with him having just been disemboweled. He’d come close enough to shake hands with death and the feedings would strain a body already struggling to heal. Alexandra glared from her perch leaning against the wall, eyes flashing possessively.

The opening of the door provided a nice outlet for the anger simmering in the room. The women leveled glares at the arrivals. Robert shrugged it off, no doubt used to angry patients, while the nurse gave as good as she got. Without hesitation, Robert made for Cesare’s end of the bed. “Now, if Cesare will move aside, I’ll take a look before we go over treatment.”

“Cesare. Don’t,” Anastasia said plaintively.

Cesare gently moved Anastasia just enough so that he could slip in behind her. With a sigh of contentment, the last bit of tension bled off her as she cuddled back into his chest.

Robert smiled. “While unusual, that’ll work.” Over the doctor’s shoulder, Cesare met the nurse’s glare with a bland look.

Carefully, Robert lifted the plastic mask off, informing her of why it was in place and not to fiddle with it. When he unwrapped her hands, the fingers were misshapen with no two alike. Fat or bone-thin, the acid had disfigured the once delicate digits.

After checking her over, the doctor wrapped her back up. “We need to talk about continued care. I'll assume you’re staying?” Anastasia nodded firmly. “You’ve been hurt badly. I don’t know if your race can heal rapidly or not, but my job is to care for you until you’re well again. I’ll be checking on you every day, monitoring your progress.”

Looking at his chart, Robert continued, “For the time being, you’re going to be taking your meals through a straw. We have a wonderful mash that you will eat four times a day, your facial muscles need time to heal.”

“We’ll be doing the same thing for drinking. You’ll be getting a fantastic cup with your own sippy straw.” He paused, eyes darting to the nurse at his side. “We’ve had other students in similar situations and found that a dedicated caretaker is critical. Nancy will be with you, to help with your daily routine.”

“No.” Robert and the nurse blinked at Anastasia. Cesare could feel her pressing back into him, instinctively trying to get away from them. “Cesare will take care of me.” It was said with a slight question, which he answered with a slow squeeze of his arms.

Robert, at a loss for words, looked back and forth between the two of them. The nurse had no such problem. “Young lady, he’s not even your boyfriend. I’ll be taking care of your meals as well as more delicate things. Trust me child, you don’t want him to help with that.”

“Cesare will take care of me.” Anastasia said again, an edge of anger riding her voice.

“You want him to wipe your ass? You want him to dress you? Or hold your hair when you vomit up your food? How about picking up your underwear after you lose control? You want him to deal with your shitty pants, when you can’t make it to the bathroom? And what about your period?” The room went silent, Anastasia wavering under the onslaught.

“I don’t have a problem with it,” Cesare said into the silence.

“Are you sure, Cesare? I’d like you to be the one … but I’ll understand if you don’t want to,” Anastasia said.

Maybe she would understand. Who wanted that kind of responsibility? Not to mention the grossness? Shit and vomit aren’t exactly sugar and spice. But he wouldn’t turn his back on her. Even if she wouldn’t look at it that way, he would.

“I’m sure. I told you I’d help you through this.”

“I don’t think …” The nurse began.

“Cesare will take care of my daughter,” Lady Kali stated firmly.

Robert and the nurse both looked at the woman, neither able to meet her eyes. Robert wasn’t going to argue with a woman who could flash fry him. “Well, that’s decided, Cesare will be her caregiver.”

Lady Kali watched as the two left, her face torn with pain. “Sweetie …”

“I know, mom. You have to go.” The words were dead things, long since rotted of flesh, leaving only the bones of truth behind.

“I wish I could stay, but I have things I have to do. If I don’t, people will die.”

“I know. Thanks for coming,” Anastasia said. Lady Kali carefully hugged her daughter with tears in her eyes.

“You take care of my girl.” It was supposed to sound strong and commanding but it only came out as desperate begging.

“Always,” Cesare promised.

She kissed the top of his head. “I miss you.” She pulled strength to her with every step she took to the door. By the time she reached the threshold, she was back to Lady Kali, the Mother of Destruction. Watching her leave, a pang deep in his soul sounded a sad note. He’d miss her. She was wild and crazy, always one step away from disaster, but she called to the cruel madness of his soul.

The others left shortly after, until it was just Cesare and Anastasia lying on the bed. His arms enfolded her, holding her close. It was as perfect as it had ever been.

“Cesare … I need to go to the bathroom, and I want to wash up,” Anastasia said hesitantly.

Moving her into the wheelchair was the easy part. If they had to get her anywhere, it would be easier to move her around in a wheelchair. Wheeling her into the bathroom, he quickly realized this was going to be interesting, no matter how it turned out.

“What would you like to change into for bed?” Cesare asked.

“Are my clothes here?” Anastasia asked, blindly trying to face him.

“We had them brought up just in case.”

“Sweats, the pink ones, and one of my big shirts,” Anastasia answered.

When he came back, she was still in the wheelchair. He lifted her up. The closeness and trust they’d cultivated in training made it easy for her to trust him as he maneuvered her. She had all her strength, just no way to know how to use it. He set her on the toilet, lifting the gown over her ass so she had clearance.

“By the Darkness, this is embarrassing. Could you wait outside or … something?” Anastasia asked.

Sighing, he sat in the wheelchair and took her wrapped hands in his. “By the end of the night, I will have wiped your ass and pussy, and cleaned you from toes to nose.” Cesare gave her a minute to take that in. “We have a choice. We can dance around the issue and make this into a painful process that's doomed from the beginning, or we can accept that I’m going to see and touch every part of you and see you doing things no one ever has. It’s up to you, but I didn’t agree to help you just to fail.”

Holding her hands, Cesare couldn’t be sure what she’d do, but he couldn’t help smiling when he heard the 'plop' sound. It wasn’t the first time he’d smiled in relief after hearing shit hit the water, but it was the first time he’d ever smiled at someone else taking that shit. Cesare held her hands until she softly whispered. “I’m done.”

He put his hands on her shoulder. “I know this is hard for you, but it’s really okay. I don’t mind, and you’re not doing anything I haven’t done before. Now, I have to wipe.” Setting her on her feet, he wiped her with the baby wipes they’d provided.

“We’re going to get you undressed and lay you in the tube.” Keeping the words going, he slipped off her gown. In another time and place, he would have stared. But here and now, she wasn’t a sexual being. She was a friend in need of caring.

The bath was a massive claw footed monstrosity. Its ledges provided shelves for anything he might need, including a pillow so he could lay her down comfortably. Cesare made a quick choice after seeing the tub and assessing the situation.

“Hold on to the wall. I’m going to get my pants off and help you into the tub. I don’t want you falling and hurting yourself,” Cesare said, guiding her hands to the wall.

“Been my caretaker for an hour and you've already got me naked and coming up with ways to join me in a bath. It’s not what I expected, but I admire your initiative,” Anastasia said with a laugh.

Laughing with her, he tossed his pants aside and set her hands on his waist. She pushed into him, enormous breasts pillowing against his chest, fever hot skin enfolding him. “Okay, careful now. Just hold on to me.” Together, they stepped into the tub. He lowered her slowly into the water, putting her hands on the armrests to keep her bandages out of the water.

Cesare kneeled outside the bath, soap and sponge in hand. “You want me to soap you clean, right?” It was a rhetorical question; she couldn’t do it herself.

“Yes.” Anastasia said as he shut off the water. “This is so humiliating.”

“Why?” Cesare asked as he moved carefully, taking her foot out of the water and laying it on the side of the tub. Taking his time, he worked the stiff muscles in her foot.

“You’re cleaning my legs and in a few short minutes you’ll be washing my pussy. Geez, what could be humiliating about that? The first guy to touch my pussy and it’s because I’ve turned into a freak.” Anastasia let out a pleased moan as his fingers hit a good spot on her calf. “But by the Darkness, if you keep that up, I think I could get over being a freak.”

Quietly, he moved up along her legs. “You’re not a freak. I see how this makes you nervous. I can promise, I won’t talk about anything we do here with anyone. This time is just between us.”

“Even Elizabeth?”

“Even Elizabeth.” Working her calf muscles with his fingers, he gently massaged. It was her shoulders that told him when she was ready for him to go further. She would never be muscled like Alexandra, but when she was tense, their hard lines stood out like cables along her shoulders.

He let his hands glide up her thighs. “By the way I’m about to touch you there, just a heads up.” The wash cloth moved over her as she squirmed in embarrassment. He’d noticed that she was a natural redhead, with a thick bush of crimson hair.

“Did the girl really fall wrong?” Anastasia asked desperately, willing to talk about anything to get her mind off what he was doing.

“No. I told Alexandra to kill her. It was touch and go there for a while, and your harem was going to jump me. They wanted to know what was going on, and I didn’t have the time to deal with them. Alexandra had the woman pinned, but I needed her to guard my back. I would have killed her anyway. How clean do you want me to get you?” Cesare kept the flow of words going, trying to distract her from the intimacy of where his hands were.

The room went silent at his question. His hand paused from washing her delicate parts. Some women like to be clean inside and out, for others it isn’t a big deal. But it was her body, that meant it was her choice.

Swallowing, her voice low. “I … well, I like to be clean before I go to bed. If you …”

“It’s okay.” Soaping up his hand, he slipped his fingers between her legs again. Carefully, Cesare worked his fingers through her thick bush, softly penetrating her delicate folds with his finger. Anastasia held her breath at the violation. It may have been gentle, even something she wanted him to do, but it still felt like a violation when she was vulnerable.

“She hurt you. I won't stand for that. From anyone, for anything,” Cesare said, giving Anastasia something else to focus on.

“Thank you.” It was quiet and held a world of meaning.

The silence deepened as Cesare moved, dipping his hand between her legs as she lifted, allowing him to clean her ass for her. He couldn’t understand how demeaning this was for her. The week spent having someone looking after him had been horrible, and that had been nowhere near as intimate.

“Since you haven’t mentioned him, I’m guessing Blaez dumped me?” Raw relief saturated her voice as he moved to her arms, keeping well clear of the bandages.

Hands slowing, Cesare answered, “He dropped by, said this was too much for him.”

She laughed, low and bitter. “So, I fucked up what we had for nothing. For a man who doesn’t care enough to dump me to my face and a harem that won’t even stand with me when I get hurt.”

"You haven’t thrown anything away. I’m still here.” Cesare said, moving behind her. His hands dipped across her shoulders, hesitating before soaping up her breasts. They weighed far more than he’d thought they would. Soft and warm, they filled his hands to overflowing. Breaking a silent sigh of relief he moved back to her shoulders, fingers digging into the painful knots that had taken root there.

“We’ll never be the same. You’ll never forgive my betrayal,” Anastasia said quietly, dead sure.

“No, I won’t.” Her breath caught at the cruel honesty of his agreement. “But that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I told you, I don’t believe in forgiveness. I may never forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I'll turn my back on you. What you do is what you do. I have to decide if I want you in my life. That hasn’t changed, no matter what happened in that clearing. You’ve never been there for me, what is one more time added to the list?” Her shoulders tensed, but they were easily smoothed out again with his fingers and the heat of the bath. “I’ve never wanted you to stop being part of my life.”

“I don’t know what to say … thank you sounds so ...” Anastasia looked for the words, pathetically grateful that he’d take her back after everything. Even if it was without trust, at least it was the chance to earn that trust.

“Don’t. You don’t need to. I expect my friends to let me down. I expect you to betray me from time to time. Those are the facts of any friendship. I’m with you because your friendship is worth it to me.”

Helping her up, Cesare toweled her off. Despite his determination not to look at her in that way, he couldn’t help a brief moment of appreciation. Her skin was creamy soft silk, without a red mark or pimple to detract from its smooth expanse. Her legs were far longer than he thought they would be, running up to a thick thatch of crimson hair. Her butt was two perfect, perky globes that robe high and firm. Well-rounded hips complimented her trim waist. She wasn’t overly muscled, but she was thin and athletic.

“Getting cold, Cesare.”

“Sorry. I just …” There’s no way that would end well. “Sorry.” He finished lamely.

“Don’t, Cesare. I like it. I’ve lost so much, it’s nice to know I haven’t lost … You.”

“You’re beautiful, Anastasia. That’ll never change.” Cesare pulled her into a hug. She’d lost so much of herself. The only thing he could think of to help patch her up was to give her a piece of himself. “I used to think about what you would look like naked. You’re so much more beautiful than I’d ever imagined.”

“Now, do you wear underwear to bed or go without?” Cesare guided her hands to his shoulders.

“Without.” The simple answer was hushed and quiet. Getting her into the sweats while she tried to keep her balance wasn’t a runaway success. It might’ve been a better idea to get her on the bed before dressing her. It was something he’d have to consider in the morning.

They both let out gusty sighs of relief when he got her settled on the bed. This was going to open all kinds of doors for them both, the kind of doors that people kept closed for good reason. “Let’s do the feeding. So … how do you want to do this?”

Leaning back, Anastasia held her hand out. When he uncovered her thumb, the maggot-white skin split open enough for an inch-long worm to squirm out. “Sit on the bed and do your thing. It’s not like I’m going to see anything,” Anastasia said.

He sat with his back to her, tense and uncertain. Hesitantly, her fingers moved along his neck. The worm squirmed along his skin, leaving a faint wetness behind it. It latched onto him with a quick pinch.

It was painfully easy to wall himself in his head as he wrapped his hand around himself. It’s a talent you never lose the trick of, like riding a bike. There’s a switch in your head that most never have to find. It turns off the soft emotions: love, shame, and empathy. It turned the body into a hunk of meat you ride, nothing more than flesh to sell.

Stroking himself slowly, the images of Anastasia came easily to mind. Memories of her in the bathroom, of touching her. It was wrong to use those special moments of trust to fuel fleshy needs of wet desire. A sickness of diseased want to pervert the beauty of care into sweaty gasping of hardened flesh. Dark needs sped his hand as he gripped himself harder.

His breath came fast, harsh and hard with naked need. Anastasia’s breathy moans threaded through his own, panting with raw desire as she fed off his depraved needs. Pleasure, dark and wanton, ran through him. Divorced of morality, images of Anastasia bloomed in his minds eyes, bent over, under him, confined and loved by him, dominated and controlled, chained to his will, each cruel picture birthing a darker need.

He groaned and shuddered, back arching in pleasure, every muscle clenched hard. Pleasure blazed through him in a wave of apocalyptic ecstasy, consuming his worries and cares in a blessed baptism of fire—a poor man’s nirvana.

“Sweet Darkness! Right … there … Cesare … yes!” Anastasia gasped in sensous joy, fingers tightening on his neck.

They slumped back as the real world rushed into the void left from the orgasm. Anastasia rolled her head back, shoulders loose, languidly caressing his neck with her heavily bandaged hands. “Sweet Darkness, if only all feedings were like that. I don’t think I’d leave my bed. I think I’m getting the better end of the deal, Cesare. You know … if you want to touch me as motivation, I don’t mind.”

Cesare cleaned himself off with some baby wipes. “Thanks, but I don’t want a woman who tolerates my touch. When I touch a woman, I want her to want me. Water?”

“Please.” Anastasia said, holding on to that post orgasm glow with both hands, unwilling to go back to her humiliating, shitty life until she had to.

The hard, plastic straw went in with some difficulty. The nerve damage to her lips made it impossible for her to open her mouth fully. Her wrapped hands fidgeted along the blanket, shoulders slumping forward in defeat. Even the way she held her head down, told him she wanted something and was afraid to ask.

“You want me to stay?” Cesare asked after he set the water bottle beside the bed

“No … you’ve done so much … I’ll be okay. I’ve got to get used to it, right? This is my life now. I need to step up and deal with it. I’m not a child, I can do this. It’s just sleeping alone, that’s all,” Anastasia said.

He took his pants back off, leaving him in only boxers and a stained shirt. Slipping onto the bed, he moved behind her so she was leaning into his chest. His arms surrounded her. “Yep. You’re right, this is your life now, and that means I’m here with you.”

She snuggled back into him with a low, hurt sound. “You’re staying?”

“Told you I'd be here for you,” Cesare said sleepily. It had been one hell of a day, with little sleep and more than his fair share of crazy. He reached over and turned out the lights. “Sleeping in bed with a pretty girl’s never a chore. Let’s just say … that it’s me taking advantage of you.”

“Am I still?” Anastasia whispered into the dark room.

“You were always that and more to me. Nothing’s changed, Anastasia. Anyone who says different isn’t worth your time. Besides, you’re soft and warm,” Cesare said with a yawn.

“That’s just the clothes,” Anastasia said, playfully cuddling into his chest.

“Soft. Warm. I’ve never felt anything so soft.” His hands caressed the microfiber sweats along her hips and across her stomach.

“You’ve never …” Anastasia floundered as she looked for the words.

Cesare laughed quietly. “When you shop out of garbage cans, you don't find soft.” Cesare breathed in deeply, taking her scent into his core. “And they never smell good.”

“Was it hard?”

“Go to bed, princess. We have a busy day tomorrow.”