《the only one who remembers》Part 98 - self-doubt (1)
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Cale had moved his comfy office chair from the study into the bedroom and now sat on it, while his feet rested on the second chair. If he was going to work up here more often, he should get himself another table and a better chair, that much was certain.
Grischa, on the other hand, lay sulking on his bed, the window above his head wide open, and he hadn't spoken up in almost 10 minutes. He was offended, quite offended in fact. Consciously, he didn't respond when Cale addressed him, which was why the latter gave up and went about his business. Cale had not told him exactly how it had come about that he and the Eldest were so close.
Accordingly, Grischa took it badly and threw a few more unanswered questions at Cale before angrily trying to get out of the room. But Cale stopped him and grounded his friend, which is why Grischa now lay on his bed in a huff and ignored him. For Grischa the situation must have felt quite strange, because from one moment to the next all the people around him told him that he had lost two months of knowledge and forced him to do what they thought was right.
Consciously, Cale had chosen not to tell him about the time travel and the conversations with the Eldest. He wanted Grischa to remember on his own, even though it would certainly take time. Today he had already received so much information at once, probably Grischa would completely lose track of it if Cale also approached him with the bigger issue in the meantime. Cale's main reason, however, was his personal goal.
He didn't want to be the only one who remembered all the time. For once in his life, someone should remember him, not the other way around.
"Aren't you bored?", raised Cale after some time, while he was in the process of writing down on paper their realization about the Kormandent. The Eldest and he intended to pass this information to the healers from Frignez and to Sylve, in case a similar situation occurred with them. Therefore, he made an effort to document everything as neatly and accurately as possible. "Do you want to see what kind of creature the Kormandent is?"
For a moment Cale could see that his friend brightened and twitched briefly, but rebelled against his inner urge and simply lay still.
"Come on, Grischa. I told you it just came up. What more do you want me to say?"
"The truth."
"It's the truth. We've had a lot to do together the last few weeks, but that's all. I can't help it if your imagination starts digging up some stories from the past", Cale interjected. At the statement, Grischa turned completely away from him. Cale's gaze fell on the spot where his Igrikum still sat. He would probably tackle the problem tomorrow with Aletta and the healer from Frignez, at least that much he had planned. "We are friends and after all, friends talk to each other. So stop ignoring me like this."
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"We're not friends", Grischa threw back flippantly. For a moment, Cale had to remember their argument before he grinned.
"If we're not friends, why did you tell me that story about your brother Fabrizio?", he announced provocatively. Instantly, Grischa straightened up and looked at Cale with horrified eyes.
"No!", Grischa shouted back. The reaction was a little more than Cale had expected, but he remained calm. "You're lying to me. I didn't tell you about my brother. Not even Ibellina knows about it!"
"You told me, a few weeks ago. The whole story about your family and him, how you were supposed to watch the sheep alone that day, and how your mistake led to..."
Grischa shot an icicle at Cale, who let it bounce against his barrier without batting an eye. At first, Cale wanted to scold Grischa for not using his Igrikum already, but the subsequent grab at his head told Cale that the action made him dizzy. That seemed punishment enough for him.
"See? This is exactly why I hate secrets. I don't even know all the things I have to tell you. Whatever happened in the last few weeks, I can't remember. But you've been given the Eldest's trust, who knows how long you've been working for him. I tried so hard to meet his demands and you completely eclipsed me in a matter of weeks", Grischa scolded loudly, still holding his head and looking up at Cale. "Since when have you been developing crystals? That had always been my job... my dream!"
"What, what crystals?", replied Cale.
"I'm neither deaf nor stupid. What happened in the last few weeks that you suddenly care about my crystals?", Grischa replied, visibly annoyed. Cale had almost expected that. The 1st seat had really understood what the Eldest had said to Cale. "Yes. When did you take over my job? How did you manage to get your friends out with Aaron, with me, he was always granted to oppose it. Sometimes I think Aaron hates me. And then your huge mana that you now suddenly present so openly. Where did that come from all of a sudden and why didn't you tell us about it from the beginning? How did you persuade the Eldest to release the Chronicles as official reading Magistrat? Where did all the respect from the others come from all of a sudden? That you've always been smart and no one doubted your abilities, everyone knew, but suddenly they're listening to you? Because of what apparently happened yesterday? Just because I got caught by that creature, I was so abruptly discarded as helpless? Just because..."
"Hey Grin, calm down for a minute. Are you listening to yourself at all? Sounds like you're afraid I'm going to dispute you of your position", Cale interrupted him. Grischa fell silent, blushed, and abruptly avoided Cale's gaze. "Stop. Wait a minute. Are you serious? You think... I'd take your place?"
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"You're definitely better suited to be the Eldest's right-hand man. I've known that much for a long time", Grischa meekly admitted, and all at once Cale discovered a whole new, disconcerting side to his friend.
It wasn't jealousy, but what then?
"You're crazy. Nobody's taking anything away from you", Cale threw back. "Where would you get such a nonsensical idea?"
"It's true, isn't it? I can see, that you're the anchor for all that's been happening. While I've been lying around uselessly for two months and can't even remember the time, you successfully tracked down that creature with the others and performed a minor miracle with your Igrikum. I mean, even I am aware of how difficult and dangerous..."
"Grischa, you were dying! I had to do something."
Cale was surprised at himself for how matter-of-factly he made that statement. It had been only yesterday that he held his lifeless body in his hands. Normally, Cale would be a lot more cautious about Grischa, but this statement scared him a lot.
"I'm just saying. You're better for this job. Do you think I don't know why the Eldest appointed me as his right-hand man? I know I'm supposed to lead the Magistrat one day, but for the life of me I can't imagine that. Especially when I clearly see that there is someone better suited for it", Grischa explained, pointing his hand inconspicuously at Cale, who looked at him in bewilderment.
"Where... how do you know that the Eldest intends to appoint you as his successor?"
"See, that's what I mean! Even you know about that!"
"Wait a minute, Grin. Who told them about that?"
"Sefra", the agitated mage threw back, disengaging his hand from his head.
"Did she tell you about her insight?"
Grischa fell silent. You could tell he was a little shocked at the statement before his expression turned to sadness.
"You even know about that? She said to me that she had only told the council about it."
Cale slapped his hand against his head and sighed aloud. What had Sefra been thinking? Wasn't she even afraid of the pressure this statement was putting on Grischa? How could she say that to his face so easily? Had she gone crazy? Grischa was still a child. It was as if she was forcing Grischa to see an execution with his own eyes. Especially someone like Sefra should know exactly how dangerous it is to pass on such knowledge. Why had she done that?
"That woman is dangerous", he said softly, leaning back against the back of his chair. The situation felt wrong and immediately Cale began to draw the wildest theories. What exactly had she told Grischa? And had she made that statement before spring 25, 1140, or after? Was there a possibility that Sefra had influenced the current timeline, and if so, how much would that change? "Are you afraid to take on the task?"
He really needed to broach the subject with the Eldest. Besides, he set a new priority for himself at that moment: he would like to know the insights of all the High-Magicians. Only the gods might know what they all saw and how much influence these visions could have on the future of the world.
Grischa did not say anything, so Cale slowly looked at him again. He waited a while for Grischa to deny the statement, but the High-Magician did not. There was currently nothing to be seen of the mage who had always been by his side for three years and embodied joy itself. His whole self-confidence seemed to have never existed all at once.
Without a comment, Cale finally got up and sat down on the bed next to Grischa. With his palm, he lightly hit Grischa's head, who backed away in surprise and held his forehead in irritation.
"Idiot", Cale merely interjected. "I can't believe it. How long have you been harboring these insane thoughts?"
"For a while now", Grischa confessed.
"You're really weird. I may have meddled in the affairs of the council a bit often over the years, but I never intended to take your post away. No one is taking anything away from you. You have totally misunderstood the point about the crystals. The issue about the mana pool... is a little more complicated and the Igrikum stuff wasn't a miracle, it was learned knowledge with a lot of fear", Cale explained calmly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand as he spoke his next words. "Aaron and I... definitely don't have a good relationship, I don't trust that man at all by now. However, I have been told that you are like a son to him, so he doesn't hate you, Grin. And I'm not going to start that stupid topic with the Chronicles again!"
At the last sentence, Cale got a little louder and looked his friend seriously in the eyes before flashing a smile on his face.
"So please don't ever think anything else. And if something should bother you again, you can always talk to me, yes? Friends talk to each other, you say that to me all the time too."
The long-haired mage rubbed his forehead in silence before looking away from Cale and down at his hands.
"That explains one thing to me, please. How come I didn't see any of you in my insight?"
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