“Be mindful–Star Shot–that we don’t have–Star Shot–a healer!” Mike shouted between wand casts.

The little instrument came with several spells that anyone with a smidge of magic could use. Mike’s [Mage] Class and high [Intellect] Attribute made the most out of the wand. Every flick of the wrist and fancy words sent out a blue-white shooting star with a softball size head.

The projectile crackled like a July Fourth Sparkler between Mike and the target. Every hit blasted splinters, and something more gruesome, off the snake’s body. Blackened, smoky holes remained while disrupting the monster’s quick lunges at the [Fighters] and severely paining it.

Though, to be honest, Jay couldn’t differentiate a gleeful hiss from a painful one by sound. He assumed every shrieking crackle, thumping pop, and subsequent hissy snake cry meant Mike had a substantial effect. And he wasn’t alone. Dennis and Frank were swinging hard on the creature from below, too. Greatsword and poleax working in tandem chopped wood to reach the gooey stuff underneath.

Jay stole glances at his party’s precarious successes against the first snake monster toy. He was too occupied to help them. While the others faced off against one snake, Jay occupied the attention of three of them.

“Whoa, partner, that was too close to the family jewels!” Jay yelled, bunny hopping over a lunging snake toy. It wasn’t much of a toy. It was more like a flexible limousine, its body slithering underneath as Jay pushed [Moonwalker] to the max.

Moonwalker leveled up to 3!

He hit the stinky carpet, raising his gravity back to normal. He needed every bit of traction to bolt from under another snake bite. The monster’s gaping maw sailed inches away from his back as he darted forward, then to the right, then around a giant toy block, and played chicken with the next monster snake toy.

Jay skipped up and forward, flickering [Moonwalker], as he soared parallel with the ground. The third snake clacked its jaw under him. The wind of its attack fluttered his cloak as he soared like a circus daredevil. Again, he avoided death by a few inches, focusing everything on survival while his goblin swords remained sheathed.

He touched a hand on the monster’s body as it recoiled from its own strike. A sharp pain jabbed into his palm. Jay bit down on a yell and gripped the edge of its segmented torso, getting yanked along. He sprung with one arm off its coiling form, switching from lightweight to normal weight through [Moonwalker].

Questions flitted through his frantic mind. How far were the monsters behind him? Did he still occupy their attention? Did the others kill the first one and start running to his rescue? Or were they still occupied by one monster because these things were ridiculously hard to kill? Hell, how was he even still alive right now?

The shock of fighting his first monster should’ve frozen him and made him easy prey. The shock and fear were there, but it wasn’t overwhelming him. Like something was propping up his mind, supporting him, helping him move instinctually enough to make the most of what he had. Even if he didn’t know how it was happening in the first place.

Were the others going through the same thing? Besides Frank, were Mike and Dennis tapping into this inner instinct that guided them through the basics of fighting and surviving their first monster battle? This was a lot for Jay to consider, and he rather dumped these questions on Mike, but it gave Jay a sense of relief that he could make a difference even if he were pretty damn ignorant.

“Fuck it!” Jay yelled merrily between huffs and puffs. He refaced his adoring fans and slid to a stop, feeling the onset of exhaustion. “Ladies? Germs? There’s enough of me for everyone. You don’t have to lunge at every chance to sink your teeth into me.”

One of the snakes was peeling away to attack Jay’s party. It stopped dead in its tracks and reared up. It seemed offended by Jay’s words. At least that got its attention. Jay figured he might as well keep it.

“Hey! What’s wrong?” Jay laughed boldly. “Don’t be a tough crowd. I didn’t come out to entertain your hissssssy fits!”

HISSSSSSS!

The three cried angrily and started slithering at Jay once again. They were so determined to get him they didn’t bother winding around toy blocks, abandoned toy vehicles, and crumbled crayons as big as Jay’s leg. They bulldozed over it all in a straight line to the person of their hatred.

Thankfully, Jay didn’t have to deal with all three this time.

“[Mountain Leap]!” Dennis soared at the back of the snake furthest to the rear. He was in the air higher and longer than any Olympian could reach.

The absolute madlad jumped in heavy armor, his sword cocked back like a batter on the plate. The maneuver would’ve been the most clutch anime-hit ever.

But Dennis misjudged his speed and timing.

He slammed into the snake’s back before he swung the sword. The greatsword clattered on the floor. Dennis held for dear life on the back of the snake’s neck.

“Jay, distract those other two while we deal with this one!” Frank ordered.

“Like I have a choice!” Jay replied.

He ran for dear life again while his right hand throbbed and bled. He didn’t want to look. He really didn’t. But he glanced at the wound and saw a giant splinter deeply embedded in his palm. The sight stumbled him midrun. The rickety scaffolding holding up his sheer will to live and fight wobbled.

“Oh, wow, I’m really out here throwing myself into the jaws of death,” Jay said, gasping desperately for air.

How long had he been running again? It felt like forever.

The bleeding wasn’t helping, either. Weren’t the gloves supposed to protect him from that? Maybe they weren’t made for instant death in the form of monster snake toys the size of two limousines combined bumper to bumper.

The tingly sensation riding up and down his spine appeared. Jay looked back and found one of the monster toy snakes lunging down from above. That should’ve been a wrap. The end of Jay Luckrun. But his foot landed on a crayon the size of a log. He slipped, entered a roll, and felt the carpeted floor shake from the monster smashing its snout a little above Jay’s prone body.

Yay, he was still alive!

Also–ow, ow, ow–his injured hand had smacked the floor to brace his fall.

Jay bit down on a scream, rolled from under the confused snake, and looked for another vector of escape. He saw a deformed and oversized child’s toy that might prove to be his best chance at winning this. Running laps any further would just be the end of him.

Looking back, Jay saw the other snake was creeping carefully. It flicked the air with a pink cotton tongue. The one that nearly got Jay shook off its daze and rose back to its frightful, reared-up height. Jay breathed deep, dug deep, and dashed off for the evil bead maze.

The snakes pursued. They slithered between the twisted and rusty metal bars that bent and curved randomly above a metal base plate that Jay’s boots thudded across. The snakes lowered down, ducking under curving loops that would’ve struck their necks, and tried to follow Jay around with their heads. They got close together, taking the same turns around bars and splintered, chewed up blocks, twisting, looping, trailing up and down. Jay forced more juice out of [Moonwalker] to avoid some close-call bites and hop between bars a little higher than he would normally reach.

When he finished, Jay’s lungs burned like they were on fire. His brain was sluggish, mushy, and victimized by a raging headache. He bent over and vomited, shaking uncontrollably from the exertion. He nursed his injured hand against his chest, and fell to his knees. He was close to blacking out but held out against the temptation. He looked back, casting a pained but victorious vigil over his entangled foes.

Because the snakes weren’t natural serpents, all of their square edges could get caught on things. Or on each other, while coiled haplessly in between the bars of a rusty and unfriendly block maze. Jay sat down and admired his work while in a daze. The snakes hissed and clacked their maws at him, threatening without backing it up.

System messages popped up in his blurry vision with decent news.

Moonwalker leveled up to 4!

Lesser Freak leveled up to 2! +8 Free AP delivered.

Lesser Freak leveled up to 3! +8 Free AP delivered.

New Skill acquired! [Dance Floor Relativity, Level 1]!

Mike and the others showed up eventually. Jay’s best friend dropped on the side, away from the smelly dark spot on the carpet. He slumped against Jay’s side, seeming just as dead as Jay felt inside.

Frank propped himself up against his poleax.

Dennis similarly used his sword.

“Fuck,” Dennis said. “Fuck me. I’m so sorry. I screwed that up.”

“Would’ve been so badass,” Jay said. “But you missed the goal like a dweeb.”

The musclebound Superjock flinched like he got slapped.

“That was far from what I was expecting,” Frank grunted. “Four Level 8 monsters against four Level 1 newbies on their first operation. That’s not how game logic should work, and I’m only entertaining that since it’s a valuable resource of knowledge here. Unless that’s all untrustworthy.”

“I think YoAnna mentioned there needed to be a level of fairness,” Mike groaned. “Rank 1 is Level 1 to Level 10 before crossing to Rank 2. This is either an unfair dungeon or….”

“Or it might’ve blown its load on the welcoming party,” Jay said. “That would be the most welcoming thing ever right now.”

“What about these two?” Dennis nodded at the remaining snakes.

“Take them out?” Jay suggested.

Frank hummed. “It’ll be good practice to time our attacks on their moving heads. Just to help you guys with some basics in fighting. But the fangs and venom are dangerous.”

“How about we check the dissolving bodies first?” Mike asked. “The last two snakes might contain items we desperately need.”

“Looting is half the fun,” Jay added.

Jay and Mike struggled back to their feet. Mike let Jay lean against him as they hobbled to the nearest dead monster snake toy. Its body was dissolving into a pink, bubbly sludge. The disgusting, stinky goo was absorbing into the carpet as it broke down. Scanning the length of the mess, Jay spotted something shiny sticking up from its melted midsection.

He told the others. Dennis volunteered to fish the contents out. He dug around monster guts and gummy rot, passing loot slicked in ooze to Frank’s awaiting hands. They waited for the snake to dissolve some more before Dennis searched further, finding nothing else of note.

Jay used [Identify] on the haul, happy to see a helpful system message that summarized things.

Your party has looted 3 Basic Health Crystals, 2 Basic Stamina Crystals, 1 Basic Mana Crystal, 1 Venom Antidote, 4 Attribute Crystals, 1 Hollowed Steel Fang, 1 Basic Serpent Monster Core, 24 Iron Multiverse Coins.

“Jay, take two Attribute Crystals to power yourself up,” Frank ordered. “Mike, Dennis, you take one each.”

“What about you?” Jay asked.

“I got actual combat skills you guys don’t. And if you’re wondering why you’re getting two, we’d be dead without you pulling some solo stunts to buy us time, Luckrun. That’s the most heroic shit I’ve seen.”

“All I did was run away and make jokes to keep from pissing myself,” Jay fibbed. He’d already twinkled his trousers a little. “I didn’t even have my swords out.”

“What good was a sword when you managed two-to-three snakes all on your own,” Dennis said sullenly.

“We’ll discuss how we’ve landed in a SNAFU and nearly got wiped and what we could learn from it later,” Frank said. “But I want you three to know that you did more than anyone could ever expect of you in the heat of that fire. That… that should’ve been our loss.”

“We’re getting mystical assistance via System or YoAnna,” Mike said. “So, we aren’t alone and on our own completely.”

“I’ve been wondering about that,” Jay admitted. “But let’s use those crystals while we talk about what’s giving us a little leeway on being total newbies.”

Frank gave a Health Crystal to Jay’s uninjured hand. It was ruby-red and had a pulsating glow in the middle. A System message appeared, asking if he wanted to absorb its healing magic.

“Hey, should you leave that in there?” Dennis pointed at Jay’s bloody hand and the splinter's end.

“You didn’t get any while riding the snake?” Jay asked.

Dennis raised his thick leather and metal gauntlets.

Jay clucked. “Help me with this, and I’ll call us square.”

“Awesome.” Dennis bounded over, leaving his sword on the floor. One of his big mits grabbed the injured hand. The other pinched the end of the splinter. “On the count of three, okay?”

“Okay.”

“One.” Dennis yanked the splinter out. A sudden spurt of blood splashed his face.

Jay shouted expletives through gritted teeth. Dennis stumbled back, blinking another teen’s blood out of his eyes. Then he spun away from the group, walked a few paces, and vomited.

“Seriously, you start puking just because of my blood?” Jay sassed as he absorbed the Basic Health Crystal.

A fluttery warmth seeped into his body, gathered around his bad hand, and slowed the flow of blood. The wound sealed up some and remained as an ugly, not-so fresh scab. Jay stared at it, amazed by the practicality of healing magic, and tempted to scratch at it.

“It all just hit me at once,” Dennis said. “Giant snake monsters wanting to kill me for the fun of it. That really is evil.”

“Let’s go loot the other one,” Frank said gently. “Mike can talk about what’s keeping us up and able.”

Jay went over to Dennis and patted him on his armored back. All was forgiven. Dennis looked appreciative. They pulled up the rear behind Frank and Mike, the knapsacks on their belts clinking with new plunder with space for more.

“I believe the answer is in [YoAnna’s Champions of Challenge and Change],” Mike theorized. “It could be any of the titles, but that one must hold significant meaning that pertains to us the most. We’re serving a Patron Deity in a way, even if a young one. She claims dominion over Challenge and Change, two principles of great value. If we believe magic is real, which everything from last night to now is proving irrefutable, then it’s not out of reach to believe concepts, ideas, morals can be embodied.”

They stopped at the slimy puddle of the first slain snake. The loot was waiting to be collected. Frank did the deed as Mike continued.

“Magic could turn our emotions and thoughts into tools to better everyday life, new sources of energy that’ll end our reliance on fossil fuels, or devices of control stripping our autonomy, privacy, and choice. Magic could influence us subtly or overtly, and our world as it is now would be powerless to stop it. Through magic, and the Multiverse System that’s enabling the merging of fantasy and reality as a digestible possibility for us, interdimensional gods and immensely powerful creatures can do with us as they please. They can enslave us, toy with us, farm us like cattle for popular consumption. Or they can make us stronger people who rise to overcome challenges and become changed by them, for good, hopefully.”

Jay waited to ensure Mike was finished. When no more was said, he turned to the latest System message.

Your party has looted 3 Basic Health Crystals, 1 Basic Stamina Crystal, 2 Basic Mana Crystals, 2 Venom Antidotes, 5 Attribute Crystals, 2 Hollowed Steel Fangs, 1 Basic Serpent Monster Core, 6 Iron Multiverse Coins.

“Godling of Challenge and Change,” Jay said. “And we’re her Champions. Sounds like ideals I can uphold.”

“I would’ve preferred to be better informed,” Mike muttered. “At least some stuff is easy to infer based on context. The boons we have for example. Monkey will help Jay with movement, Ox will boost Dennis’s physicality, Owl for my magic perhaps, and Dragon might give Frank fire based authority or passionate ferocity that’s dauntless. But we won’t know for sure because we didn’t get told properly.”

“The rush. The excitement. We got swept into it. Can’t be helped.” Jay patted his best friend’s shoulder.

“I’m having second thoughts,” Dennis said. “But I’ll deal with that once we’re done here.”

“Agreed,” Frank said. “I have words for YoAnna. And they might not be nice.”

“Go for it,” Jay encouraged.

Frank arched an eyebrow, surprised.

“YoAnna can be a lot, but she means well. Sure, she might be stubborn, manipulative, and a bit oblivious to the plights of us lowly mortals, but I bet she’ll always support you when you’re in with her. Just keep talking to her until her ego simmers down.”

“Sounds like a certain someone I know when regarding their ego,” Mike said.

“Eh, okay, you got me there.” Jay chuckled. “You did a good thing, Frank, challenging her directly a couple of times. Like Lilith. I can tell she respects that even if she might not like you for it.”

“Godling of Challenge and Change,” Dennis said.

“She’s not above being challenged nor changed herself, essentially,” Mike said, pushing his glasses up.

“As long as she doesn’t change to evil,” Dennis said.

“Why, Miller, would you jinx it?” Frank griped, using the Superjock’s surname.

Jay shook his head at the big guy. Mike palmed his face.

“Uh,” Dennis droned. “Let’s go kill and loot the other snakes? Hoorah, team! Team?”

Jay, Mike, and Frank walked away, leaving Dennis to catch up.