Chapter 39: Self Control

So far Sehn was behaving himself, and with each passing second Cah’lia continued to grow anxious. Would Sehn really be able to make it through the night without slipping up?

The mayor offered them seats at his personal dining table, going as far as to pull out their chairs, and wave his arms in an inviting gesture. Cah’lia took a seat next to Sehn, with the mayor sitting across from them. He smiled and offered them drinks, while the smell of pork wafted in from the adjacent kitchen.

“Would either of you care to delight in some of my finest wines?” Rumpus said. “I offer only the most delicate and tender of wines to such esteemed guests.” Sehn leaned forward in his chair, and Cah’lia’s worry doubled. Sehn behaved terribly when he was drunk.

“Such would honor thee, mayor Rumpus. For good wine is but a gateway to good spirit, as is the nature of such things.”

The important senators, nobles, and advisors at the nearby tables, twisted in their seats and hung on Sehn’s every word, clapping at each of his compliments. The mayor joined in. “Ah, wonderful, I shall bring you the best wine you have ever tasted. And you, my good Princess Saerina?”

Cah’lia was caught off guard. With all of her attention focused on Sehn she forgot her own role in things. “Ah, yes,” she said. “I beg of thee, offer to me your finest wines as well, and allow thy gratitude to forever reside in your heart.”

Rumpus clapped again. “Splendid, splendid! Servant-woman,” he said pointing at a scrawny Human holding an empty tray. “Bring them wine. Quickly, now.”

The doors parted to the grand dining hall, and three half-naked dancers entered, followed by a man in a beige suit. Men carrying musical instruments followed soon after, and together they played a melody in Sehn and Cah’lia’s honor.

“Dinner will be served shortly,” Rumpus assured. “For the time being please enjoy the entertainment, and let us all share in conversation.”

One by one the rich Humans stood from their seats, individually greeting Sehn and Cah’lia. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Prince Saerith,” one said. “My name is Rabirt Kolily, and if possible I’d like to speak with you some time about expanding my business into one of your cities.”

Sehn shook the man’s hand. “So too shall I consider it.”

Another noble stepped towards Sehn, a young woman with flowing brown hair tied together with a silk cord. As Sehn shook the woman’s hand, Cah’lia’s heart skipped a beat. She knew Sehn was only acting, but he was growing more and more into the part. There wasn’t a single trace of haughty arrogance in his expression. His green eyes were somehow smoother, more intelligent, and to Cah’lia’s delight they were decidedly sexy. Of course, she’d never let Sehn know that, or he’d make her life miserable for it.

One after another Sehn greeted the important men and women of the Kingdom. Finally, when the last satisfied man—a senator from Koringrath—returned contently to his seat, Sehn breathed a sigh, and sat back down at the center table.

“So,” Rumpus asked. “What brings you two to Hahl? If I may be so fortunate as to know the answer—please do not take my questions for prying.”

Cah’lia spoke informally. “Be at ease, and ask away. To answer your question, my brother and I are on a diplomatic mission to the Kingdom’s capital, for a very important meeting with the king. We usually like to travel alone, thus the lack of any guard, and it seems to have been quite the foolish choice. Great misfortune has befallen us.”

Rumpus’ mouth fell open, and he held a hand to his chest. “Dear Gods, what misfortune do you speak of?”

Cah’lia dug deep into her emotions and tried to make her lie convincing. “We were attacked by bandits and we barely survived. That’s why we showed up in such ragged clothing. We escaped with our lives, but, as you can see they took most of our money and our horses. It’s of no concern, though. My brother and I will just travel on foot. I’m sure your king will understand.”

Cah’lia wasn’t positive with the golden light beaming from every direction, but the mayor’s face seemed to turn a shade of green. “We won’t be having that!” Rumpus declared. “I’ll provide you with all the coin, horses, and provisions you could possibly need. What kind of mayor would I be if I didn’t assist with such an important diplomatic mission?”

Cah’lia concealed the grin beginning to form. This was going even smoother than she expected. “A-are you serious?” Cah’lia asked, faking surprise. “You’d be that kind to us?”

Rumpus bounced in his chair, shaking wildly with joy. “Of course! In fact, I can’t wait to tell my wife that her very own husband assisted the prince and princess of the Elven people in their time of need. I do feel awful for you two, though. I mean, what with the both of you getting roughed up by bandits and all.”

“Ehem,” Sehn coughed. “I’d just like to add that I was in the woods relieving myself when the bandits attacked, and was in no way, shape, or form, defeated by them. In fact—”

Cah’lia kicked Sehn under the table, and then reached down and jabbed him in the ribs. For a split-second Sehn glared at her, his eyes regaining their arrogant intensity, but in an instant he returned to his princely alter ego.

The mayor looked confused. “Ah ha, I see. Anyway, I’d be happy to assist you two, and I do hope you mention to my king how…generous I’ve been.”

Sehn nodded. “Of course we will.” He then continued formally. “Whence the gates of the Kingdom stand open before thee, and greetings to us doth thy King. It is in the name ‘Pumpus,’ for which thy thanks are to be given.”

Rumpus offered a sitting bow. “You are most gracious, my good Prince Saerith. Ah! The food is ready.” Rumpus clapped his hands, and servants sprung into action, laying plates before the mayor and his guests.

The music was lively, and Cah’lia found herself enjoying the deception. The dancers leapt on top of the tables, strutting around and singing along with the chorus, while Sehn engaged in polite chatter with the mayor. The tables were pulled together for the meal, so that conversations could be formed between all present.

Cah’lia didn’t care much for the rich Human women. They were arrogant, flashy, and showed a great contempt for the lesser fortunate. “So I told him,” a repugnant woman named Gertrude rambled. “If you think I’m going to allow a farmer to marry my daughter, then I’ll have you hung, simple as that. Dare I say the young lad and his father were quite inclined to flee for their lives?”

Cah’lia half-listened, and honed in on Sehn. For once she was proud of the idiot. He was doing remarkable. Every so often someone would make a remark that angered him, but no one except Cah’lia noticed. When the chief of city ordinances remarked how he was the greatest chief of city ordinances in the history of the world, the lower-right portion of Sehn’s lip fluttered. No one would recognize it but Cah’lia, and she was happy Sehn was keeping his fury in check.

It’s stupid that he’s angry in the first place, Cah’lia thought. Honestly, is Sehn seriously upset because someone said that they’re a better chief of city ordinances than he is?

The meal was delicious. After weeks of unremarkable and bland food, Cah’lia savored every single bite of it. Never had anything tasted so wonderful. Plates upon plates of plump pork roast, followed by sweet biscuits, were served in heaps around the table. Wine glasses were refilled the moment they emptied, and merry conversation came from all around. As for Sehn, much to Cah’lia’s disbelief he was wearing a genuine smile.

Of course he is, she thought. Sehn has always dreamt of being a prince or a king. He’ll never admit it to himself, but I know that he’s at least slightly enjoying this.

Sehn was eating everything on his plate, even the vegetables. The way his cheeks puffed and his nose curled was a clear indication of his disgust. Yet, despite Sehn’s lack of hunger, each time the mayor clapped his hands and brought over more food, Sehn would look over to Cah’lia and a fire would light in his eyes. He devoured whatever the mayor put before him, pausing between every mouthful to take another glance at her. Cah’lia knew Sehn was looking to her for the strength to go on. For the first time since separating from Patrick she felt her eyes grow moist. She blinked, and tore the thoughts from her mind. She promised herself there’d be no crying until after they’d reached the Kingdom’s capital.

“How do you like the biscuits, Prince Saerith? I have my own personal baker that prepares them. Yummy, aren’t they?”

“Indeed,” Sehn responded. “They are.”

“You must try some of these carrots as well. Oh, and taste the salted beef.”

Sehn looked to be on the verge of puking, and Cah’lia tensed as she muttered a silent prayer to the Gods. Sehn’s lips quivered and his stomach twitched. Cah’lia feared he would hurl up the night’s meal, but once again he looked over to her, meeting her eyes for only a moment, before forcing the food down and politely thanking the mayor.

He’s really doing it? I can’t believe it. Sehn, of all people, is actually pulling something like this off.

For what seemed the tenth time that night, Sehn’s wine glass was refilled by a scantily clad servant, and in one gulp Sehn drained the purple liquid. “This wine really is quite good, mayor Ru-rumpumpumawump.”

“I’m sorry. What was that, my good Prince Saerith?”

Immediately alarm and fear crept into Cah’lia’s spine. No! she thought. Sehn is getting drunk. Oh no, no, no! This is the worst thing that can possibly happen.

Sehn rubbed his eyes and appeared to regain himself. “Ah, I said that your wine is most fabulous, mayor Dumpurumpabump,” he slurred. The wine was refilled again, and Cah’lia resisted the urge to tackle the servant. This needed to end soon, or their entire plan would be ruined.

“My hearing is not the best, so I must be mishearing you. For an instant I thought you mispronounced my name, but it is of no matter. So, when would you two like to depart? I can have horses ready for you as early as tomorrow morning.”

Cah’lia answered before Sehn could open his mouth and make things worse. “That would be wonderful,” she said quickly. “Tomorrow morning sounds great.”

The mayor clapped his hands. “It shall be done! Ah, Prince Saerith, are you quite all right?”

Cah’lia raised an eyebrow in confusion, and then choked on her wine when she saw Sehn’s face. Sometime during the last thirty seconds he’d gone from being a handsome prince, into something else entirely. His left eye drooped down, hanging lazily from the side of his face. His lips receded, showing his full front teeth in the same silly expression worn by horses. He was also chuckling, his chest heaving back and forth while he laughed at nothing in particular.

“M-mayo…mayor Rumpabubabub, did you know thaaaaaat I c-can fight with swords?”

The mayor rubbed his chin, and then shrugged. “I see. That’s wonderful, I suppose. Princess Saerina, perhaps your bother has had…too much wine?”

“I like birds,” Sehn whistled. “Birds are cool.”

Cah’lia nodded at the mayor. Things could still be salvaged if they left before Sehn said anything revealing.

It’s okay, she thought. As far as the mayor knows he’s just a nice little prince that had too much of his fine wine. We just need to get out of here, and now!

“I’ll take him to our quarters, if that would be okay. It’s been a long journey.”

The mayor laughed. “That will be fine, Princess Saerina. You tend well to your brother. In all honesty, I am flattered that my personal stock of wine was good enough to get the great Prince Saerith drunk.”

Cah’lia smiled. So, things were finally working in their favor, were they?

“H-hey, P-P-Pumplenumple. Do youuu wanna see something cool? Watch this, o-okay? A-are you watching? I don’t see you watching, hehehe.”

Cah’lia grabbed Sehn aggressively by the shoulder, all the while maintaining her smile and offering her goodbyes to the wealthy Humans. “Come on, brother, we’re returning to our rooms.”

“No! F-first I wanna show something cool to my best friend Rumpledumple.”

The mayor was delighted. He rubbed his hands together, and stood from his chair. “What do you want to show me, Prince Saerith?”

Sehn turned to face him and began to dance, the same way as Nero. He spun, and clapped, and skipped. He looked like a complete idiot, and the Humans began to laugh. Cah’lia growled. This was humiliating to her as well.

“Let’s go, Se—err, Prince Saerith!”

A sound escaped Sehn’s lips. “Guh-huh.” It was the most ridiculous, stupid-sounding chuckle Cah’lia had ever heard. Without warning Sehn doubled over, and a volcanic stream of chunky vomit exploded from his parted lips, covering the fancy carpets and spreading along the floor. The Humans leapt to their feet, each running over to ask if Sehn was okay.

He made the sound again. “Guh-huh.” Then, for no reason whatsoever, he turned to the group of servants playing instruments, and extended his hand. “Remmos Salas!”

The dark dining hall brightened with a blinding flash of light as an unexpected fireball soared over two tables, coming to crash into the nearest musician. He ran around the room screaming at the top of his lungs. “Why! Why!” he cried.

The mayor remained motionless, probably too shocked to react The other musician’s tackled the ignited one to the ground, and grabbed nearby table cloths, jumping on top of him to put the fire out. Servants ran around in a fanatical craze, knocking over and shattering expensive wine glasses.

Cah’lia became frantic. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to say. She clutched Sehn’s shoulder even tighter, praying that this was all a nightmare she’d wake up from.

Sehn shrugged her off, and marched to the second set of tables. He pointed a threatening finger at the chief of city ordinances. “Y-You!” he half-slurred, half shouted. “H-how f-f-f-fucking dare you challenge the Great Sehn to a, umm, a, Cah’lia?”

Cah’lia tilted back her head and cried in frustration. “Oh, it doesn’t even matter anymore!” she moaned. “A city ordinances war, Sehn. That’s what you’re trying to say.”

“Y-yea,” Sehn slurred. “How dare you challenge the Great Sehn to a city ordinances war! I shall ordinance the fuck out of your city! As punishment, you shall be required to—”

Sehn leaned over and vomited a second time. Then, he stumbled over to a nearby table, and for no discernible reason he picked up a wine glass and hit himself in the face with it, breaking the glass and knocking himself unconscious. He fell to the floor in a crumpled heap.

Why, Gods, why? Cah’lia wondered. What did I ever do to any of you?