“Your homeland is certainly fragrant, Reginald.”

“Why do you think I left? Welcome to Lanmaran, Clyse, Hyune, Vinnette, any others I forgot. The hero tracked Albennereon Fax here, then to the capital of Fanbaran which is pretty much the only part of the country the king controls. The rest is all petty lords and bandits.”

“Oh, like Stan?”

“Precisely.”

Ulrik raised his hand.

“You, with the scimitar.”

“The swamp itself rises to attack me. Why is that?”

Reginald shrugged. “The bandits haven't instructed it in etiquette, I suppose. Routine Inspection!” The Swamp Growths, bluer and Floodier versions of the Rampant Growths, made for the two Infernos any time Clyse's Taunt fell off, which put Reginald in a serene state as often happened to Warpers not in fear of their lives. He directed the group's attention to the attractions of the dismal Lanmaran swamps, such as the vines, the snakes that looked like vines and twisted to watch the Rares as they passed, the shloop sounds walking made, and the relief from the tyrannical sun in the form of shade provided by abundant, thriving, and sometimes hostile flora.

“The humidity . . .”

“Yeah, we have enough of that for everybody. There's no need for restraint. Go ahead and gather up sweat in buckets or little baggies for later use. Take home as many insects as you like as souvenirs while you're here, too.”

“Lots of Marsh Bandits, too. Are they the ones who trained the Trained Crocodiles?”

“Naturally, Clyse. See how they carry crossbows themselves? Well, they strap ballistas to their pets for greater firepower.”

“Pinch me if that isn't inventive thinking.”

The Trained Crocodiles dropped Crocodile Launchers, the most popular Commons among content creators and other aspiring attention-magnets. “Can This COMMON Handle SANDSHAKER???” No, but the other four officers sent along with probably could. The Marsh Bandits themselves yielded only boring old Flood Dolphins and Pirates, along with some Pirate gear. Part 1 lived on in the marshes of Lanmaran.

Old kill speeds had returned as well. Ulrik's grave-stolen might faltered somewhat against the Floods, though the Trained Crocodiles still got it plenty good right up their Storm snouts. That gave the Rares all the time they needed to explain to Reginald everything wrong with his country. Time well spent, and then they were on a ship.

“Is Fanbaran that dull a city?” Clyse asked.

“It is for me, but ask Sibyl about the exciting side. The hero had no reason to delay there though, since he was informed Albennereon Fax had crossed the ocean to Yoerbla. But peril awaited him on the blue sea.”

“Like Alben Dolphins?”

“Alben Dolphins prove even dolphins can cultivate the Eclipse force within!”

Adamant Alben Dolphins leapt up onto the deck so that they and the officers could come to blows, which transpired according to their intentions. Unlike the real animal, they had no guns, but to compensate, their creator had provided grinding metal teeth and a mouth cannon that fired faint white Eclipse beams. Their eyes glowed when they buffed one another with Regen, which prompted Ulrik to wrench their eyeballs out.

“What material is this?”

“Looks like Ralarum.”

“And its use?”

“Eclipses only.”

“Feh!” Ulrik threw his captured synthetic dolphin eyes at the deck, and they ripped right through and hit the water below. “Nice to see my Attack going places.”

“Was that a wise expenditure of resources?”

“It doesn't matter,” Reginald assured Hyune Giling. “This ship capsizes later anyway.”

“Ah, that is a comfort.”

Wave after wave jumped out of the waves, and Alben Dolphins died and dropped Eclipse Bats instead of Flood Dolphins in elemental solidarity. Ulrik and Hyune told each other knock knock jokes for the same reason.

“Knock knock.”

“Who's there?”

“Envelop in flames.”

“Envelop in flames who?”

“All who oppose us!”

“Ha.”

“I don't understand Inferno humor.”

“Neither do I, Reginald. Quake humor is much more to my taste.”

“What does that involve?”

“Watching people fall down, mostly. Like this.” Clyse kicked Reginald's legs and achieved the desired effect.

“Teehee!”

“Pretty good, right Vinnette?”

“I don't understand Quake humor either, I suppose.”

“Really? Maybe if you see it again.”

“Ow!”

“Heeheehee!”

Reginald failed to grasp it no matter how many times Clyse and Vinnette Melban demonstrated, who were forced to concede defeat at the entrance of the boss. The Spirit Spout! A column of whirling waters connected the sea and sky, shaking and tilting and launching jets at the officers with hostile purpose.

“A blue Spirit Tornado. The real boss must be something special.”

“That is the real boss, Ulrik.”

“I'm sure the Story boss is much more, um, distinct.”

“Same boss, Clyse.” Reginald consulted his clipboard, which could well have held a list of bosses and details about their stages on top of some shipping manifests or similar paperwork. “Jonathan Brightwater joins as a free sixth officer, so that's something.”

“I would welcome his intervention,” Hyune said, examining his book which might have been a collection of UR dossiers but probably was not. “The elemental aspect of this battle is unfortunate.”

Fans of tedious, time-wasting endeavors enjoyed that fight. The Infernos had too much HP to die but too little Storminess to deal much damage. The other officers either lacked the eternal equipment of the tomb or else had “Medic” written somewhere in their status menu.

“It doesn't even have a Nova like the midboss,” Clyse noted.

“More for the rest of us! Flames of Dovesk! Reginald. Hit it with the boat.”

“What?”

“Warp some water behind us. Whatever it is you do. Ram the boat into it.”

“Ships don't have Attack stats in this game, so all that will happen is that we approach a bit closer.”

“I could ask for nothing better. Look at us!”

“Yeah, melees look really stupid.” Reginald watched the two Infernos and Clyse as they stood on the ship's prow, leaning over a little and waving their swords and shears with no strength behind their strikes as if they were dusting pictures almost too high to reach. “That's absurd. Fine, I'll try.” Reginald made sure all his actives were on cooldown and ran to the back of the ship. There he focused his abilities on his lens. A blue aura enveloped him, strands of his hair lifted while his feet pushed off the planks of the deck, and suspended between the ship and the clouds, he pushed. The ship slid forward two inches.

“This changes everything!”

“Excellent work.”

Reginald shrugged and returned to the bow, even though nothing about the situation had improved as far as he could tell. The Spirit Spout had not been nudged by their vessel let alone rammed, and the melees looked only slightly more like warriors and less like people trying to swat flies for the first time. They seemed happier though.

The Spirit Spout succumbed to their even higher spirits. It shook and crumbled in a way water seldom does but bosses ought, leaving a placid, glittering ocean behind. “Afterwards the shipwreck happens,” Reginald said.

“Was the crew so incompetent as that? Or was the damage simply too much?”

“No, submarine.”

“Of course.”

“Is there a way to watch a submarine sinking Cadmos repeatedly? Rewind? Slow motion?”

“I'm sure some player has uploaded a video of it for us to find later, Ulrik. There's a guaranteed audience. Shall we continue for now?” Nobody told Clyse no, and therefore Part 2 Chapter 2 began.

“Finishing this chapter strikes me as unlikely,” Reginald said.

“Strike the midboss instead. We can make it that far before sunset.”

“No midboss this chapter.”

“Are you serious? Games are supposed to get better as they age! To a point! Then, the decline. Are we dying already? I have to escape to Holy Legend Army or Lunacy Bike before the end comes!” Ulrik looked this way and that while he splashed around in knee-high water, but no portal to another game opened up in response to his pleas.

“With how much Eclipse Lynissia raked in? Not a chance. And isn't that a boss?” Clyse pointed her shears at the Whale which swam toward them with a complement of Sharks.

“I have ascertained that it is not.”

“My Reaper senses tell me the same thing. It lacks a huge boss health bar to reap.”

“My Warper lens says Lanmaran Lash!” Reginald lashed the Whale first, and if strategy entered into that decision insofar as he attacked the Quake enemy over the Storms, nobody noticed his tactical genius or subsequently presented him with a UR Eclipse Strategist alt for notable achievements in the field of thinking hard about killing stuff.

The other Rares pursued the simpler course of hitting the nearest enemy, since the shallow water made getting around a real trial, and not the fun, coin-dropping kind.

“Reginald. Get rid of this water.”

“I don't know how you developed all these ideas about Warpers, but that makes about as much sense as ordering you to reap the water.”

“Just this once! Flames of Dovesk!” The inextinguishable flames at Ulrik's command converted all the water around him into a curtain of steam. “Check it out.” For but a moment the water had been reaped, till more rushed in to maintain the general sea level.

Hyune Giling pushed up his glasses. “An impressive Inferno technique. You even made a lovely boiled officer.”

The steam faded to reveal an Ulrik cooked to perfection. “How much xp would a boiled officer of that level give, do you think?” Clyse asked.

“Sadly, no more than a level 1. I had cause to investigate the matter thoroughly in the past.”

“When you thought about eating the rest of us.”

“How did you come to that conclusion?”

“Because I investigated the same thing. For the same reason!”

Hyune and Ulrik clasped hands, which caused the latter to yelp and shake his tender appendage.

“Be more careful. Standard Examination!”

“Sorry, Princess Melban,” Ulrik said while watching his hand regain its accustomed pale tone, typical of Doveskans whose rain-soaked home denied them frequent acquaintance with the sun some of them worshiped.

None of that enabled Reginald to get rid of the water, though he gave it a shot to unimpressive and indeed unnoticeable results. The aspirational Rares fought their way up onto the shore, by which time the sky's orangeification told three of them mummy hours had come.

Five Rares eased open a side door and sidled into the main keep, furtive and alert. They tiptoed toward the Rare closet, but passing by the main hall they saw a strange new sight.

“The moon . . . reflects light. Your soul . . . reflects light. The light . . . of the moon . . . of the Eclipse.” A sound system with five speakers and a subwoofer had been set up to enfold a couple dozen officers who mimicked Reginald's deliberate sweeps and stretches. The Rares made sure to hurry past before anyone noticed them, though getting the participants' attention might have been a more challenging task.

“Wasn't that Tiboleus the Experimenter? What was he doing there? He's already an Eclipse,” Sindze asked after they reached the lounge.

“Experimenting, I imagine,” Quille said.

“Yeah, I suppoooooooose. Well, off to the Armory. I'd ask if any of you wanted to come, but I'm not sure Leaznalo can even get out of that chair, and we wouldn't want to single out anyone for exclusion, would we? Ta ta.”

Leaznalo snorted, but did not argue.