Laguna - south-west-end - evening

It was one thing for them to drink a little, but these bozos took it to the next level. Dumbass went and got plastered out of their minds. At first, Chip was getting all chummy with everyone, acting weird. Then, Gil was mumbling something, I don’t even know what he was jabbering on about. Point is, these idiots got shit-faced, and now they’re knocked out cold.

Alex is still sitting in the corner, doing nothing but watching the dust fly by him.

Garrick’s still good to go and he’s drunk just as much as these morons. Maybe he’s faking it by staying quiet? Only one way to find out.

“Yo,” I whisper. “You shitfaced?”

“What?”

He didn’t slur his words there, so maybe he isn’t.

“Forget it. Have fun drinking.”

“You hate me, don’t you?”

What’s with the sudden question?

“I wouldn’t say I hate you. I just don’t like you.”

A chuckle catches me off guard. "That's odd."

"What? Thought you were popular with everyone?"

"No, I just never met a person so forthcoming."

"I don't like beating around the bush."

"That’s a dangerous sense of honesty you have there."

"How come?"

"It’s more likely to get you killed than anything else."

I blink, not even pretending to be scared. "And?"

Turning his head, he swirls his drink, raising the liquid to the rim of the glass. "Those who do not fear death are truly foolish.”

Of course I fear it, who doesn’t? The feeling when I skirt on death’s door, and the idea that my life can be taken without a second thought, that’s scary as hell. But I ain’t gonna let that slow me down, not for a second.

“Sure, whatever you say. But you don’t seem so scared yourself?”

“Of course not. Death doesn’t scare those who are already dead.” The hell does that mean? Seems plenty alive to me. “In any case, I’ll leave to check the perimeter. By now, they’ll have given up, but we can’t be too careful.”

He gets out of his seat, heading to the stairs.

Alex jumps to his feet, following behind him. “Allow me to accompany you.”

“It’ll be a brief look around, nothing more.”

“But I still wish to go with you regardless.”

Garrick shares no heavy emotions on his request, just a big ol’ blank stare. Almost like he’s just swimming through his brain, trying to find an answer. Then, like he’s been unpaused, his mouth opens. “Fine, just don’t make too much noise.”

Alex “Yes! I shall endeavor to do so!”

There they go, getting ready to take a look outside. Not like I’m about to let them hog all the fun. When they hit the top, I climbed the stairs behind them. I’m moving a few meters away from them, keeping out of sight and lightening my footsteps. They move from alley to alley, avoiding whatever bandits are on the streets. The heat died down a little, but they’re still looking for us. Wish I could get on the roof somehow, but with all these dilapidated buildings, that ain’t happening.

They stop at a view of the water. The moon shines on the stream flowing from the ocean. A glimmer that captivates me in its luster. They seat themselves on a bench, facing the water. I can’t see their faces from here, and there isn’t a closer spot to hide at, so this is as good as it gets.

“Is something the matter, sir Garrick?” Alex, showing utmost respect, asks.

“You said you wanted to learn more about Sigurd, right?”

“Yes! Please divulge all you can!”

He leans back in his seat, puffing out air. “...We met before the march to Borghulda. He was of low birth, like me. Those of noble birth were immediately made into knights, with people like us as their underlings.”

“How come? Low-birth or noble-birth, it should not matter!”

“He said the same. Godfrey stuck to tradition, even during war. Underlings listened to whatever a knight told them to do. They sent us out when they couldn’t be bothered to do their own work.”

“Seriously!?”

“Yeah, even sending us on dangerous patrols.”

“I see.”

Sounds like it blows chunks. Hell, kind of reminds me of school. Though, I never seen a knight outside of the kingdom before, other than the Hell Mine and BlackRock, of course.

“But Sigurd, he never minded. In fact, he seemed to love it. His eyes turned crazed whenever we left the kingdom on an errand. Collecting things for the knights under us should’ve been the easiest thing in the world, yet he always made it seem so…dangerous.”

“Tell me!”

“Once, we were sent to retrieve a flower, one that went well with alcohol. It was the top of a cliff, nothing too high, however, that didn’t stop him from scaling it from the side.”

“Why would he?”

“If I’m remembering this correctly, and I quote, ‘It challenged me’. So then he started scaling it, and somehow got me to follow him.”

“Did you both make it up!?”

“Barely. Felt like death was latched onto my back as we ascended. But somehow, despite my fingers numbing over, we made it to the top. Not only that, when we retrieved the flower, a predator animal charged at us, wanting to eat us both. He grabbed me by the back and leaped off the cliff.”

“Then, then!?”

“Then, he got off with a broken arm while I got a scape on my forearm. Despite how reckless it was, he softened our landing with the trees…” They go quiet, leaving me on the edge of my seat. “...Sigurd played it off, telling me nothing was wrong with him, saying, ‘it hangs low like this’.”

They burst into laughter, busting a gut over the story. It’s surprising that Garrick can laugh, but Alex… Seems like he’s having fun. That’s good, but why do I feel sad? I should be happy for him, but seeing them laugh like that ties a bunch of knots in my stomach…

Alex bows to Garrick. “Thank you, sir Garrick.”

“For what?”

“For telling– For bestowing me the opportunity to learn more about Sigurd. I feel closer to him more than ever.”

“Why is it so important that you have to be? Do you not have a father?”

“I do, and I respect him immensely!”

“Then why not idolize your father instead?”

“I do not see an issue with idolizing both him and my father. Both of them are great men, so I idolize them equally ”

“That’s quite an open-minded perspective…”

“Oh, no, my adamant nature is my sole strength.” He says that, but there’s next to no confidence in his voice. “...However, even that is being called into question.”

He folds his hands, leaning forward on the bench. “I… I could not save someone dear to me, despite my adamant nature. Worst of all, she cried because of me… Nightmares plague my nights and every meal lacks texture, almost as if I’m eating leather.”

So that’s why he isn’t eating.

“You lament your powerlessness?”

“Correct, but I do not wish for anyone else to learn of this. I fear morale would suffer if everyone did.”

“So you wish to bear the weight alone? No matter how it turns out for you?”

A long pause sweeps over the area, racking my nerves even further.

“...Yes,” he speaks, sounding like he accepted the answer he gave. “...If I do not, then what good am I? I never want to feel what I felt that day; crippling weakness that cannot save anyone…”

He’s…he’s just like me. Forcing himself to move forward, that gnawing sense of powerlessness that eats at your heart. Now I get it, all of it. He wasn’t forcing us to fight; he was forcing himself to fight. Now that I think about it, this all started after our fight with that body-snatcher bastard. So maybe it’s because he couldn’t save Marie on his own? It would make sense, too much sense…

I leave the two of them without making myself known. Being here isn’t right. I don’t deserve to be.

…

The moon illuminates the water, giving it a gleam that draws the eyes of those who observe it. However, no matter how beautiful it may be, sir Garrick has my full attention.

“Alexander,” he grumbles, seemingly annoyed, for an unknown reason. “...why don’t you leave your allies behind?”

“W… E-excuse me?”

“They’re the cause of your strife, so why not leave them behind?”

His blank expression does not exude any humor, only a grave question that slapped me across the face.

“Sir Garrick, I– I cannot,” I answer, leaving no doubt in my mind,

“Why not? You fear for your allies' lives, do you not?”

“That is–”

“...Abandon your mission. There is no happiness in the war you fight, only more sorrow.”

My body acts on its own, standing in front of sir Garrick. “I cannot do that! I will never forgo my allies for my own benefit! They put their trust in me, so it would be irredeemable of me to scurry away from my responsibilities. Not just for them, but for my father’s dream! For those reasons, I will never run!”

The words linger, my chest heaves, and my heart set ablaze. In spite of the pain it results in, there are things I shall never give up on.

“...What was his dream?” sir Garrick inquires.

I leap on top of the guardrail, guarding the city against the water. “To bring a world without war, without pointless conflict, and to put an end to the tragedy that the war propagated! That was my father’s dream.”

Sir Garrick faces the floor. I can’t tell what he is thinking or what his expression is, but perhaps my words struck a chord with him.

“I knew you would say that,” he answers, speaking in a calmer, yet welcoming tone. “...You and Sigurd have the same strength: your determination.” The same strength…? Me and him…have the same strength? “...No matter the cost, he kept pushing for his ideals, and it seems like you’ll do the same.”

I’m like father… Just like father! However…

“While I am happy to hear such kind words, my determination is not thanks to my own self. I made promises to people, promises that I cannot go back on…”

“Is that all?”

“Not quite… The boy in our group, Proxy, is another reason.”

“You mean the one who’s showing me open hostility?”

“Yes… He is…how do I say it? He is remarkable. In all of my life, I have never seen someone like him.”

“He doesn’t seem all that remarkable. His attitude is nothing special, and his mentality is that of a thug.”

“I disagree. He is someone who acts on his words and never holds back, whether with his words or with his actions. That boy displays determination and courage that I have never seen in a person before. But underneath that strong exterior is a kind-hearted boy that is welcoming of those around him, no matter who they were in the past, or why they did it. He is…a good person.”

Proxy accepted Marie’s past, all because she regretted it, is what he told me. The only other soul to know of Marie’s past in our army, and he still sees her as an ally. Yet, I lost my composure with him. I did not mean to, but I do not have the luxury to stop moving. All I can do is move… Because if I stop, Proxy, Marie, and everybody else; I will not be able to protect them.

“Alexander, let’s head back. Sitting here for this long told me the bandit's presence here is low.”

Now that he mentions it, it surprises me that no one had heard us, or has come to investigate the area. Well, that is a fortunate thing.

“Okay. It is about time we get moving anyway. The sooner we regroup with the rest of the army, the better we stand.”

Sister is still on the bus, so she should be safe, but I do not wish to be separated from her any longer than I already have been.

…

The streets are dead quiet, creeping me the hell out. My brain is all jumbled up, trying to work out what Alex said back there and how I didn’t pick up on his feelings. If anyone should be able to pick up on it, it should’ve been me, and here I am, thinking back on how stupid I’ve been,

I know I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but even I should’ve been able to see that. So why wasn’t I? Am I just that dumb? Damnit! This is hurting my head! Thinking about this complicated crap isn’t my speed, so I don’t know what to do. Even if I confront Alex, he’s just gonna push me to the waist side, and asking for Marie’s help is a no-go.

Not like I wanna give up, but I don’t know what to do! I can’t help Marie, and I don’t even know if I can help Alex… All I’m good for is fighting…

“Why the hell am I so useless at this stuff? “

“I don’t know, you tell me.” A voice from behind makes me jerk right around. Standing in front of me, a familiar gray-haired swordsman stuffs his face with some beef jerky-looking thing… “Sup.”

It’s the old man with the katana!