Chapter 4

When I woke up, the sky was still dark. I rarely wake up before dawn but what happened yesterday was disturbing enough to warrant it. I nudged Alain awake because I think it would be better if we scouted out the town while it was still dark out and he agreed. After filling ourselves with the Salpa berries from his bag, we slowly make our way back toward Vilnau. Along the way, Alain frequently makes stops to grab something off the ground, pick something off of a bush, or grab something from a tree branch before putting it all into his bag. I’d like to ask him to teach me how to tell what’s fine to eat or not but the mood today is somewhat somber and I stop myself. When we reach the outskirts of the town, we find out that our fears came true.

Everywhere I looked I saw rubble. Every building was reduced to a horrible mix of colors. There was black for all the burnt timber as well as the scorch marks left on the stone, there was brown for all ruined pieces of wood left unburnt and all the exposed clay from the walls, and finally there was red for all the smoldering flames that kept burning throughout the night. I thought the sight of all the corpse mounds back at the battle site would be the worst thing I’ve seen lately, but this image might be worse. The utter contrast from the Vilnau in my memories and what I’m seeing now is horrifying. I can’t even imagine the amount of people that might have died here. Alain and I pause for a moment to steel ourselves. Seeing him ready, I nod to him and he does the same back before we keep moving.

Once we enter the town, it becomes a hellscape. All the rubble and flames block off the view inside the town but when you get past them, you can see the bodies. Dozens, hundreds, innumerable. Men, women, children, the elderly. Dear fucking gods. I can’t help but lean over and vomit, the berries burning on their way out. Alain doesn’t fare any better and he empties his stomach as well. The streets are covered with bodies and their collective blood drenches the stone pavement. There are bodies in the rubble as well but they’re burned beyond recognition. Alain and I keep moving through the town, keeping to the sides of the road to avoid stepping on the bodies. I stop before one particular pool of blood and ignoring my uneasiness, I poke my finger into it until I can feel the pavement under the blood before pulling it out and my finger comes back wet with blood.

It takes a few hours to navigate our way through the town but we don’t manage to find a single living person. We also can’t find any supplies for ourselves. I know robbing the dead is wrong but we could easily die here as well. The only solace I can find in this situation is that the number of bodies we’ve seen don’t match up to the Vilnau in my memory. The streets are littered with corpses but if the entire population of the town was killed, we wouldn’t be able to take a single step inside the town without stepping on a corpse. When we make it all the way through the town and come out on the opposite side, we sit down next to each other under a tree without speaking a word.

Alain’s face looks pale and his lips have lost their color. I’m slightly better off since I was literally buried under a pile of corpses. We both remain silent for a few minutes but I need some questions answered.

“When the blood moon ends, do the dead go back to being dead?”

“I don’t think so. I never asked anyone specifically but whenever a blood moon ended, the village would stay on alert for a few days. Why?”

“I’m trying to see if the timeline makes sense in my head. We left Vilnau three days ago, four now I guess. We got attacked on the afternoon of the second day. On the night of the second day the moon bled. On the third day we walked all the way back to Vilnau. This is the fourth day and the fires are still going and the blood on the streets is still wet which means it had to have been recent. I’m also not completely sure since I’ve only seen the dead come back once, but none of the bodies we saw looked like they came back to life. We also didn’t see any white eyes. The dead soldier who came back to life I told you about had white eyes. Maybe the eyes go back to normal after the blood moon ends, but to be safe, let’s just think that they don’t. The only time this town could have been attacked and have it make sense is on the third day, yesterday. We should leave.” Nodding in agreement, Alain points in a certain direction, and starts heading that way without saying a word. Following him in silence, I take one last look at Vilnau before turning away.

We keep walking until nightfall when we stop by a small river. After washing off, Alain opens up his sack and hands me a mix of berries, nuts, and the roots of some plant. I want to know what it is I’m eating and learn where I can get them but I can see he’s not in the mood to talk. He’s probably worried about his own village and there isn’t much I can say. I don’t want to give him any false hope just in case. This is how we spend the next three days while making our way from Vilnau to Misanth.

Throughout the entire time, Alain barely spoke a sentence. As we came closer to Misanth, we slowed down our pace dramatically and Alain completely changed as well. I don’t think Alain did it on purpose but when we were about half a day’s walk away from Misanth, he suddenly became incredibly talkative. He started walking in every direction except the correct one and stopped to harvest anything edible and even started explaining everything he knew about them. My mind was occupied worrying about him and all the names and their information went in one ear and out the other. But I didn’t stop him. I’m not sure how to help him exactly. I just put myself in his shoes and thought about what I would want. For that whole day, I quietly followed Alain around and let him do what he wanted. Whenever he said something, I’d give him a: Hmm, interesting, I see, or Yeah, uh huh. Once it was nightfall, he became excited and started explaining how to build a simple campfire while gathering all the materials he needed. Once he had everything sorted, he started trying to light the fire. He had a wooden branch in his hands and started drilling it in his palms. I didn’t say a word. I just patiently sat next to him and waited. When I saw his palms start to bleed due to the bark on the branch and how hard he was gripping it, I reached out both of my hands to tightly hold onto his wrists, stopping him.

“Huh, that’s weird. I’ve never tried lighting a fire before but I know how to do it. My dad taught me. He taught me a lot of things. You’ll love him when you guys meet. He’s the greatest person I know. You know ever since my mom died, it’s always just been the two of us. He’s the whole reason I wanted to join the army. He’s a woodcutter right? He’s been doing it his whole life and his back’s not what it used to be, you know. Sometimes he has to stay in bed the whole day and skip out on doing any work. I was worried, you know. Who wouldn’t be?” This is the fastest I’ve ever heard him speak. Just sentence after sentence, no pause in between. At this point, Alain’s voice started breaking and I could feel his hands trembling in mine. I can’t do anything for him. I feel helpless right now and my own heart is starting to break. “That’s why I joined the army, stupid right? I’m dumb as all hells. Everyone I know tells me that. Nice enough face but nothing behind it. I just wanted to do something so my dad wouldn’t have to work so hard anymore and what do I end up doing? I become a fucking deserter. Hilarious right? Such a fucking idiot. You know when I told him I was joining the army, we ended up fighting. He didn’t want me to go and I’m a fucking moron right? I told him I wanted to join the army to earn money. When he asked me what I needed the money for, I blurted out it was for him. He got mad and not understanding why he was mad, I got mad too. So fucking stupid right? It’s so obvious now. Who would want their son to risk his life in a war just for some money? But I’m a fucking idiot and I left the next day. Taking the axe he got for me for my 15th winter just a few months ago, I went to Vilnau and now everyone in Vilnau is dead, that means everyone in Misanth is dead too right? My dad’s dead right? The last thing I said to him was, “When I come back, I’ll show you how wrong you were.” That’s the last fucking thing I said to him, man. What the fuck is wrong with me? Hey, say something man. Please?” I can’t say a fucking word. I’m clenching my jaw as hard as I can while I try to hold back my tears. I don’t know what to do right now. I let go of his wrists and wrap my arms around him. I can feel his tears streaming down to my right shoulder and mine start as well. He stops talking and he starts sobbing instead. Hearing him gasping for air a few times before breaking into sobs again absolutely kills me.

I’ve never had a father. For as long as I can remember, the only parent I’ve ever had was Augustine and he was a shitstain. But hearing Alain share his memories of his father these past few days has given me a good image to go by and an idea of what a father is. The pain in his voice broke my heart and hearing about the regret and guilt he’s burdened with shattered the broken pieces. I stopped believing in the gods a long time ago. When I was younger, I prayed for someone to save me from Augustine. After years of getting no response, I stopped believing in the things everyone else called gods. But if you exist, please let Alain’s father be alive. Just this one time.

I don’t know when we fell asleep. The exhaustion from letting out those pent up feelings from the past few days was overwhelming. When I woke up and sat up, I saw Alain lying down next to me. I guess I wasn’t as quiet as I thought I was because he woke up right after. We make eye contact but we don’t say anything. There’s really no need to say anything. Looking up at the sky, the sun’s been up for a while now.

“You ready?” I ask quietly. Alain nods.