The wind swirled all around her as she ran. Her long dark hair flew behind her. Tears stood on her lashes, she was so happy. The ball was just cresting the rise of a hill. It’s light shot out like shards. Her feet hit the ground in an easy rhythm. There was a crunch on the gravel path, she turned. A boy was running. His stride was not steady. His breathing was hard and uneven. His face was flushed. The sun touched his bald head giving him a nimbus of light. She slowed down, so he could catch up with her. The eyes that met hers were Trevor’s. All his hair was gone. He had dark circles under his eyes. She asked, “Are you taking chemo?”

He said three words that shot through her, “No, are you?" The devastation of these words pulled Lolly right out of sleep. Her heart was racing. She sat straight up in bed and pulled Fluff to her. Firmly she told herself, “It was just a dream. Just a dream thanks to sauerkraut.” Her pajamas were damp as if she really had been running. Trevor’s face had been a blur, but his eyes were unmistakeable. She had been so shocked by his appearance. Was that how people felt when they saw her? When they jumped to conclusions? She did not have dark circles under her eyes. She did not look unhealthy, but still she looked different, she looked like something was wrong with her. There was something wrong with her. Her autoimmune system had turned on her and killed all her hair follicles. For the first time ever she wondered if she should be so harsh in her judgement of others and the way they reacted to her. Every time she saw people stare at her, she shrank into herself, told herself they thought she was a freak. Maybe some people thought she was, but the others, could they just be concerned? It was exhausting being offended and angry everytime she found herself among strangers. She jumped to conclusions too and they were not always right.

The smell of French toast wafted from the kitchen. Grandma Toady singing a lusty rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In," began to push the vividness of the dream away from Lolly. Badly shaken, she crawled out of bed and reached for her robe. She really needed to stop eating sauerkraut all together.

The air inside the trailer was chilly. Grandma Toady liked the cold. She said it, invigorated her. Like Grandma Toady needed to be anymore invigorated. Lolly slid her feet into her bunny slippers and Fluff immediately attacked them. With a sigh, Lolly picked the cat up and went to the kitchen.

At the avocado stove Grandma Toady was in fine form. Her house dress this morning was a burst of huge red roses. On her head were foam curlers. Lolly didn’t know how she slept in those things.

Grandma Toady sang, “Morning, Sunshine!”

Lolly replied, “Morning Moonbeam.” For the first time it struck Lolly, that in reality, Grandma Toady was like sunshine, and she was more like a moon beam. She sent up a prayer that Grandma Toady would not interrogate about what she had dreamt last night.

There was the sound of gooey bread being flipped in the skillet. Fluff struggled to get out of Lolly’s arms. He wanted to be on the floor incase Grandma Toady dropped anything.

Just above a whisper, Grandma Toady asked, “Did you hear the phone ring last night?”

Oh my God, thought Lolly. The second phone was in Grandma Toady’s room. Surely she did not stoop to listening in. Though she wanted to say no, it was pointless. Grandma Toady would know she was lying. “Yes. I heard it.”

With a twinkle in her eye, Grandma Toady said, “Just one little suspicious ring. Then the patter of big feet. Someone was on the phone until 2:00 a.m. And that someone has not gotten up yet.”

Inwardly Lolly groaned, this was information she could do without. Minutes later, she heard the rummage room door open and then the bathroom door opened and closed. Pa was up and she suddenly did not want to see him at all. She gulped down her milk and took the rest of her toast with to her room. Grandma Toady did not ask her where she was going or why. She knew.

While Pa was eating his breakfast, Lolly went and took a quick shower. Being hairless did have some advantages, no shampoo or conditioner or blow drying for her. After she dressed in her old jeans and a sweatshirt, she stuck her head out the door. Grandma and Pa were talking, well Grandma Toady was talking. Lolly walked as swiftly and as silently as she could to her room. When she closed her bedroom door, she let out a sigh. Safe!

Beyond the door, she heard Pa in the hallway. She prayed he would not stop. There was a knock at her door. Dammit. “Yes?”

Pa asked, “Can I come in?'

Every bit of her wanted to scream, Hell NO! But she didn’t that, she said, “Yes.”

The door opened slowly and Pa stuck his head in. His hair was rumpled and he looked low on sleep, but high on happy. He and Mrs. Dutchendorph must have had some kind of conversation last night. He glanced toward her open closet and then back to her. He said, “After I take my shower, I would like to take you shopping today.”

Only one person could have planted this idea in his head. Mrs. Dutchendorph. Shopping was not Lolly's thing, it never had been. She hated crowds and strange people staring at her. She stopped right there. Was she going to spend the rest of her life hiding? Hiding. She had never thought of it as hiding, she had never admitted it was hiding. Deep down she really wanted new clothes. She wanted to look nice for, well, Trevor, but she was no good with color or clothes. If only she could ask Munch to go with her, but there was no way that was going to happen. She asked, "Could we take Mitzi?”

“You know she and Max are with their dad this weekend.”

Yeah, she knew that. “Maybe you and Uncle Luke could have a daddy/daughter shopping day.”

Pa shook his head. Impatience crept into his voice, “Do you want to go or not?”

“Go,” she added, ‘if we get to stop by Sunshine Books on the way home.”

“Deal."

*

The drive to Lake Jackson was awkward. Lolly would start talking to Pa and the next thing she knew he was wearing a stupid grin, not listening to a thing she said. She just stopped talking, she could not bear to hear him say one more time, “I am sorry, now what were you saying.”

They passed a big sign that said, Brazos Mall Opening in 1976. A mall. It would be the first one built in all of Brazoria County. Pa drove her to Palais Royal. She didn’t know Pa knew this store existed.

It was still early, so there weren't very many cars in the parking lot. Inside the store Lolly felt a bit overwhelmed. The stuff here was nice and none of it was defective. In the Juniors section was Trevor’s sister. She was wearing a name tag, On it was printed, Amber. She saw Lolly and Pa, and said, “Hey, can I help you?”

Lolly felt her face grow warm with embarrassment. Pa did not hesitate, he said, “Yes, I want something nice for my daughter.”

Amber asked Lolly, “What sort of things do you like?”

Panic started to set in. Lolly wanted to say, I don’t know! My four year and a half year old cousin picks out my clothes. But, she couldn’t say that. So she stammered, “I like stuff that is soft and not too tight.” It sounded dumb.

Amber did not react as if she thought it was dumb. She said, “You must be like me, Cotton, one hundred percent Cotten. I am not into this polyester crap.” She lead them to a rack of dresses with floral prints. Lolly reached out and touched a blue one with little yellow leaves. Amber said, “That would look good on you. It matches your eyes.”

Was this the same girl who had smirked at her last night? Lolly said, “Thanks.”

Pa asked, “Where are the jeans?”

“The jeans are over here." Amber lead them to the back wall.

Lolly knew what size she wore in men’s jeans from Goodwill, but she had no idea what size she wore in brand new Levi’s junior jeans. “Um, I am not sure what size?”

Amber eyed her and said, “I think around a seven, since you don’t like tight stuff.” She pulled a pair of dark blue jeans out of the display. “Seven. Here.” Lolly took the jeans.

Pa said, “Make that two pairs.”

“Okay.” Amber reached for a pair of black jeans. “Do you like these?” Lolly nodded. Next Amber helped her pick out two long sleeve t-shirts, one was lavender and one was pink. “Now,” said Amber, “go try them on.” She glanced at Pa and said, “Be sure you come out and model them for your dad."

Lolly wanted to just take the stuff and leave, but she would not say that to Trevor Long's sister. "Okay." She went into the dressing room. Was it strange that Amber was being so nice? After she slipped the blue dress on, she looked at herself in the full length mirror. It was so pretty. Shyly she went out to where Pa was standing. He looked at her and smiled. Amber swung away from the customer she was helping and said, “Gorgeous!” It sounded sincere. Lolly loved the dress.

All the clothes fit. When Lolly glanced at the price tags she nearly had a heart attack. It was too much! She was going to have to put something back, but oh, she did not want to. She lugged all the clothes out to Pa. He looked down at her feet and said, “Oh crap, I almost forgot. You need some new shoes.”

“But, Pa—“

“No buts, this is long over do.”

Dazed, Lolly went to the shoe section and picked out a pair of Adidas with black stripes and a pair of sling back platforms. When Pa paid for all her clothes, he did not even flinch. It was only October but it felt like Christmas to Lolly. The best Christmas ever.

*

That afternoon, the phone rang. Lolly was hoping it was Munch. It wasn't. It was Max.

Lolly said, "Just a sec, I'll get Grandma Toady."

"No wait, I called to talk to you."

This was unusual. She said, “Hey, what’s up,” like he called her everyday.

“I don’t think Munch needs to be sitting in his house alone tonight while his mom is out with your dad. I asked him to go with me and Kevin to the movies, do you want to come too?”

At first she was not sure she heard right. Had he really asked her to be seen with him in public? “Uh, sure, if Munch’s okay with that.”

“He is.”

“What are we going to see?”

“Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”

That movie was supposed to be super funny. At least that is what Lolly had heard at school. “Cool.”

Max said, “We will be by to pick you up at 6:30. Bye.” The line went dead.

Everybody went to the movies on Saturday nights. Everybody! Maybe Trevor Long might be one of those everybodys. And she had new clothes to wear!