Slugger stood before the massed goblins, giving them their final instruction.

“We’re gonna hit ‘em hard, we’re gonna hit ‘em fast, and we’re gonna get everything we want!” he promised. “Here’s the battle plan! Smash’s squad will follow him up the trees and over the wall. When they hit the ground, they will head straight for the market, and grab everything they can!

“When the humans rush to protect their market, the rest of us will charge the gate. There is only one guard. Once you get in town, grab what you can and burn whatever you can’t. The humans will grab their weapons and start fighting back, but we will have what we want! As soon as you have something good, or have set something on fire, run to the back wall. Dizzy and Smash have made a secret exit path the tall folks won’t be expecting. It leads straight back into the swamp, so we can get away without anyone being able to follow!

“Does everyone understand the plan?” whispered Slugger fiercely.

“Yes, Battle Boss!” answered the goblins. Simple plans were the best plans. Run in, grab something good, set things on fire, run out the back. Easy.

“Alright! Smash’s squad, go with Smash. Dizzy, take your rescue squad with them. The rest of you come with me. Storm and Lazybutt, get your squads sorted out.”

The goblins formed into small, three or four-goblin teams. Smash led his group to the two trees leading over the wall, and had them climb up to the branches leading over the wall.

Dizzy scanned the brush near the town’s gate and saw Slugger and the other two lead goblins getting into position. Almost time.

“Kitty, let’s get up above Smash. We can see who needs help faster from higher in the tree.”

Kitty nodded in agreement. Shimmying up the tree quickly, the three goblins soon had found a perch above Smash’s position. Dizzy glanced over to where Slugger was finishing his preparations, then whispered down to Smash.

“I think Slugger is ready. Go anytime you want.”

“Hey, look. I think the humans are having a wedding,” whispered Kitty. Near the church, a number of tables had been set up, with food and presents scattered on several, and a large, white cake in the center. A small crowd was gathering, dressed in finery.

“Cake,” said YDB. YDB licked his chops at the idea of eating the dessert all by himself.

“We’re not supposed to go into battle,” answered Dizzy. The goblin looked at the crowd. None of the men appeared to be armed. The good stuff would be on that table, and he knew that he and his friends would get nothing if they didn’t enter the fray.

Smash pointed to where the town had a market being set up. His squad could see the goods being sold, and they grinned mightily.

“Let’s a go!” called out Smash, and the six goblins leaped down out of the trees and into the town.

“Charge!” shouted Smash. The goblins raced towards the marketplace, their spears held forward, shouting threats at the humans and elves.

“Die, you tall people!”

“We’re taking all your stuff!”

“You can’t stop us!”

A shopkeeper dropped the pots he was carrying, as he looked dumbfounded at the charging wall of three-foot-tall goblin warriors. Smash swung his hammer down onto the shopkeeper’s foot.

“Yeow! What the fu…” screeched the pot seller as he fell over backward. Pottery shattered as it hit the ground. The goblins raced past, heading for the good stuff.

“Goblins! We’ve got goblins!” shouted a man as they swarmed him, jabbing with spears. “Ow! You little bastards!”

The spears pierced the man in several places, and he fled from the warriors before he could be killed.

At the town’s gate, the guard whirled to see what the commotion was all about. Slugger used this opportunity to order the main attack.

“Get ‘em! Grab everything you can, and get to the back wall!” he shouted.

The main force of the goblins streamed into town, Storm and Lazybutt went left and right, while Slugger charged directly at the guard.

“What the…” yelled the guard, then grabbed at his crotch and went to his knees when Slugger punched him square in the groin. The goblin dropped the rock he had held and drew his sword. The man rolled to one side, holding himself in agony.

Slugger kicked the man, again and again, laughing as the hapless guard tried to get back to his feet. After three solid kicks, Slugger raced into the town after his army. The guard wheezed as he lay in the dirt.

The goblins were everywhere! The elves ran from the fountain, trying to find a high point to cast spells from. The dwarf set down his breakfast ale and hefted a huge war hammer onto his shoulder.

“It’s about time we had some action in this town,” he grumbled as he thudded down the steps of the inn. The dwarf growled as he tried to make some sense out of the chaos of the raid.

“Oh, crap,” said Dizzy as the dwarf stood up. “Looks like we’re going to have to do some rescuing after all!”

Kitty and YDB scurried along their tree branches, getting ready to drop into the town. Dizzy swung over the branch and dropped onto the catwalk. The human in the guard tower had drawn his crossbow and aimed down into the town, but hadn’t fired until he had a clear target. Seeing the goblin on the walk, he shifted his aim and fired. Dizzy fell flat as the bolt passed narrowly above his prone body.

“Kitty! Shoot!” he shouted. Kitty dropped to the catwalk and whipped her bow over her head. Nocking an arrow, she fired as the crossbowman struggled to reload his weapon. Her arrow struck him in the shoulder, causing him to drop his weapon out of the watchtower’s window.

“Nice shot! Let’s get out of here though!” shouted Dizzy. The goblin jumped from the wall and looked to where the dwarf was grimly headed towards the goblins ripping up the marketplace.

“Trouble coming!” he shouted towards the goblins grabbing bolts of cloth, bottles of wine, baskets, and sacks of fresh food. Storm had a side of pork over one shoulder while trying to balance his huge sword with his other hand. None of the goblins had noticed the dwarf, and none heard Dizzy over the shouting and chaos.

“They can’t hear us! YDB, get one of your bombs ready!”

YDB pulled a bamboo bomb from his bandoleer and set it aside. He produced one of his small firestarters from a belt pouch. Setting the firestarter on the ground, he stomped on the concoction. A spark flashed under his foot, and he snatched it away. The firestarter began to burn. He picked it up and grinned.

“Ready,” said the goblin.

“OK, here’s the plan. I’ll charge at the dwarf, you throw a bomb to distract him. Kitty, shoot at him so he has too many things to watch. I’ll get between his legs and try to trip him.”

Kitty nodded and nocked another arrow. She looked at Dizzy and YDB.

“Ready?” she said to Dizzy.

“Go!” shouted Dizzy. YDB lit the bamboo’s fuse and hurled it at the dwarf. Kitty drew her bow and waited for Dizzy to charge.

Dizzy ran hard to the left of the dwarf, seeing that YDB had thrown his bomb to the right. The blast startled the dwarf momentarily, then the first arrow whistled past his ear.

“What?” said the dwarf as he flinched back from the arrow. Dizzy threw himself at the dwarf’s legs, striking the back of the knees. The dwarf buckled and sprawled onto his face. The warrior dropped his warhammer into the dirt of the street.

Dizzy found himself trapped by the dwarf’s leg and shouted for help. Kitty and YDB ran across the yard, grabbed Dizzy’s arms, and pulled him from the dwarf. The dwarf rolled to get to his feet, but YDB shoved his side as he rose. The dwarf fell onto his back.

Stuck like a turtle, the dwarf rocked and rolled to get back to his feet.

“When I get my hands on you!” he threatened, but Dizzy, Kitty, and YDB were running to the market.

The goblins had looted much of what could be easily grabbed, leaving behind barrels of ale, but grabbing more bottles of wine and spirits and other small items. Dizzy saw a table with knives that had been tipped over, the merchant knocked unconscious. The goblin spotted two long, curving knives with black handles. Running up to the table, Dizzy grabbed the knives and thrust them through his belt. They were much nicer than the kitchen knife he currently owned.

Suddenly, he found himself flying backward. Hitting the ground, he saw what had hit him. It was that stupid cat.

“Not this time, fleabag!” Dizzy held his sword in front of him, and the cat took off running.

“Haha! I’m going to skin you, and use your fur to sleep on!” screeched the goblin as he took off in chase. The cat ran towards the school as the children watched the fight going on outside from the windows.

“Gwen!” shouted the girl Dizzy had seen calling to the cat earlier. “Gwen, run!”

The cat charged across the open ground, up onto a rain barrel, and through the schoolhouse window. Dizzy jumped on top of the barrel to follow, but his weight threw it off balance. Suddenly, he was toppling forwards. He dove for the ground and heard the crunch of wood as the barrel tipped. It dumped all of its water on him, and he was swept forward by the wave. The children in the windows began laughing as Dizzy sputtered.

“We have enough, my warriors!” came a shout as Dizzy struggled back to his feet. Slugger stood on top of a table in the marketplace, a stolen horned helmet on his head. The goblin was stuffing jewelry into a sack as fast as he could. “Let’s get out of here!”

As Slugger jumped down from the table, a bolt of magic struck right behind him. The elves had climbed up inside the bell tower. Now they leaned out, chanting words of power. Another magic bolt singed the table. Slugger wasted no time in fleeing the battlefield, pushing and shoving goblins towards the back of the town.

Dizzy ran towards the back wall but stopped when he saw YDB running for the wedding cake. The bomber had seen the wedding feast but hadn’t seen the elves. Dizzy knew that his friend could be killed if the elves hit him with their magic, or even fired an arrow.

“YDB! No!” Dizzy shouted as he began sprinting towards his friend. Kitty turned to see where Dizzy was running, then spotted the elves.

“Elves! They’re above you!” she shouted. YDB looked up, finally spotting the elves. Running for his life, the goblin struck the gift table just as an elf cast another energy bolt.

“Cake!” shouted YDB, and he ran for the food table.

A woman in a white dress charged out from the church doors. “Get away from my presents, you stupid goblin!” she shouted. YDB bounced off of the woman and fell back into the table. The cake seemed to hang in the air for a moment, then fell.

“No! My wedding cake!” screamed the woman. YDB grabbed the top tier and stuffed it in his mouth. The bride and groom statuettes fell to the ground.

“Run!” yelled Dizzy as he scooped up a fallen present. He didn’t know what was inside, he just grabbed a bag with handles. YDB rolled to his feet and began running alongside Dizzy. Kitty lead the pair, and the entire goblin horde ran to the back wall.

The townsmen had finally organized themselves to counter the goblins.

“Get those goblins!” they yelled and charged after the fleeing raiders. “There’s no escape that way!”

The goblins ran to the wall and squirmed through the holes Dizzy and Smash had made earlier. Within a few moments, all had made their escape through the wall, racing for the swamp.

Two humans had made it to the top of the back wall just as the last of the goblins rushed into the treeline. Slugger stepped from behind a tree and raised a finger in a time-honored gesture. Then he turned and joined the rest of the goblins fleeing back into the swamp. Scanning his tribe, he saw that none had been killed or captured.

All in all, it had been a successful raid!