《Visceral》Farking Birdseed

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My legs felt wet. It was suddenly hot and sticky. Something stung my neck. I swatted at the bug and grimaced. My neck was rough and the bones in the back of my neck jutted up and out of the flesh. My eyes popped open. I was standing knee-deep in water. Murky water. A dragonfly as big as my head zipped past and snatched a half-pound mosquito out of the air. I could hear frogs croaking, cicadas howling and something moving through the water. Then something flew from my peripheral vision and a tiny voice came from the hummingbird creature. It wasn’t really a hummingbird but it moved like one and it was about the same size as one. It had arms though and a creepy little human face that was neither male nor female.

“Welcome to Visceral!” The thing with creepy oversized black eyes said. “Guaranteed to be the most exciting and immersive game you have played.”

The game. That is, wait, where was I last? I was… What was I doing? It was like remembering a dream. I looked around at the swamp surrounding me. High grass grew around the edges, I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck as an image of a ball of slimy snakes hidden there filled my imagination. I would definitely be taking the long way around. The forest around the swamp was thick with long vines drooping down to the forest floor and back up to the treetops. Something moved in the water again. I turned my head but stopped at the hummingbird again. His/Her pale humanoid face just grinned at me as it smiled.

“I’m just giving you a moment to take it in. Observe and plan out your first moves carefully they are often your most important.”

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“Where the happy flaming screams is this place?” I covered my mouth with my hand. Why did I say that when I meant to say h#&&. What the h#&&. I can’t even think it. “What the fark is this birdseed!” I covered my mouth again and felt the tusks this time sticking out from my bottom lip. I dropped down to my knees in the water and looked at my reflection. I had a face something like a wild boar. Horrible patches of fur sprouted from my head and face in random places. I was massive too. I had to be twice my natural build. A big ugly monster creature. “Son of a Keeb!” I splashed water on my oversized tongue and scrubbed at it with my pudgy fingers.

“I’m sorry,” the creepy hummingbird said, “this game is rated E. There will be no cussing here in Visceral.”

“I’m in the game?” I stood water dropping off of me and running down my chin. “Like in the game!? How is that even possible?” I was in a bed, in a hospital room. There was a doctor and a nurse and a guy in a suit. “Hey! Suit guy!” I shouted at the sky.

“Shh.” The hummingbird hissed flying forward and putting a tiny hand over my mouth. I opened my mouth and chomped my teeth down nearly catching her/his little arm. The creature darted back its wings buzzing. “You should be more careful, you are only a level one player. It would be wise to practice your stealth and perhaps assemble a shelter. Shouting in a dark swamp is not advised.”

“It's not dark.” I looked around I could see quite far into the trees. No sign of the sun peeking through the leaves but it appeared to be a foggy morning.

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“It’s not as dark to you because you are an orc. You should check your stats. What skills did you pick that can help you survive the swamp?”

“What stats?” The hummingbird swooped down to my forearm to point at a screen on the inside of my wrist. I lifted my arm and looked at the screen as small as a smartwatch sunk into my rough green flesh.

Level 1 Orc.

Strength: 16

Dexterity: 10

Charisma: 6

Intelligence: 17

Manna: 5

Constitution: 14

Perception: 14

Exp: 0

Skills: 0

Coin:

$350

Gear:

Loincloth

“You didn’t pick any skills?” The hummingbird’s jaw hung open.

“What is this? I looked down at the leather washcloth that hung down in front of me and twisted to see my big green butt sticking out the back. “Where are my pants? Why don’t I have any fugly munter pants on?” I slapped the giant green cheek on my backside. “Everyone will be looking at my juicy caboose.” I didn’t mean to say that, “my turd cutter. Son of a, how do I shut this stupid flapping word filter thing off?”

The hummingbird giggled. “You can’t but you might want to be quieter.”

“Why? If I keep saying flip flapping and gargle bull pie are they gonna kick me out of the game?” I was panting, stomping, splashing the swamp water up into the air and the whole time the hummingbird was shushing me. Then something rose out of the water. Something tall as a tree trunk. I stopped. Turned and looked up into the eyes of a serpent. Then I ran. Knees high screaming like a banshee.

You have no weapons equipped!

I saw the words flash three times at the corner of my eyes. Then the belly of the serpent slid past in front of me. I jumped and tried to clear it but it wrapped me tight, spiraling around me three times before I could blink. One wicked eye lowered down to look me in the face. I could hear my bones cracking. The hummingbird was frantically dancing around my head speaking in bursts but I couldn’t hear a word. It felt as if my ears were about to burst. A flash of desperation went through my mind. This was too real. I was feeling every bone-cracking moment of it. This wasn’t a game to me. It was life or death.

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