Lilith brought me back to the palace and put me in one of the sitting rooms next to the banquet hall. Even though it was quite a walk, she looked completely fine, not even a drop of sweat in sight. She examined my feet and smirked.

- Gosh, they look so bad, it's as if you were running away from some monsters in the forest. I'll call in a maid to help you wash them up and tell Raphael to help you get to Dorian's palace.

- What about you?

- I have to find my father and return to my estate... Anyway, it was nice meeting you like this. And forgive me for everything I said before, it was foolish of me.

She smiled at me and waved her hand goodbye. Perhaps I was still confused by everything that happened, I almost forgot to thank her.

- Lady Lilith! Thank you for helping me. And thank you for being honest with me.

- Of course, ladies like us need to stick together. I'll pay you a visit tomorrow, you can thank me properly then. Bye!

She left the room quickly and closed the door with a loud bang. Her absence was noticeable; in just a short period of time, I was able to get used to her blunt and honest attitude so much, that it made me regret not meeting her earlier.

"If only she could show her real strong self to everyone... Being around her feels refreshing."

The maid came in first. She brought a basin filled with hot water and several white towels, hanging down from her arm. That maid did not say a single word to me, she simply bowed down and started tending to my feet right away.

- Thank you for doing this --

- Miss Yoona!

My heart almost jumped out of my chest, the maid dropped down the basin, splashing water all over my dress. Raphael burst into the room so suddenly that both the maid and I could hear our frightened heartbeats.

The maid's terrified look grew worse when she realized she splashed hot water over me. Tears ran down her face, she was trying to wipe the water with her small trembling hands, and that's when I realized that she was mute.

- Miss Yoona, are you okay? What happened?

Raphael picked the trembling maid by her shoulders and put her away as if she was a standing doll. The maid was scared and confused, she looked at me with her big grey eyes, silently asking me to help her.

- Uhm, miss maid? You can just go, it's alright, I won't tell anyone. This kind but loud sir will help me with the rest.

The maid bowed down at least five times before she dashed out of the room. Both Raphael and I watched her rapid escape when he suddenly grabbed me by my ankles and shouted,

- What is this?! Where the hell have you been?

- Geez, Raphael, why are you overreacting like this? This is the first time I see you so all over the place.

My words seemed to have finally calmed him down a little, the knight scratched his right temple and looked at me with guilty eyes and a rather silly smile.

- The truth is... The knights were playing the drinking game, and I might have lost a couple of rounds.

- Just a couple? I've drunk with you before and have never seen you acting so strangely when you were drunk. Look at you, you cannot even focus your eyes!

Raphael's eyes were sparkling with the drunk glitter, they were wandering all over my face as if trying to escape the eye contact. His ridiculous smile gave him a somewhat kind and relaxed look, indicating that he was having a very good time.

"It's nice to see him having fun, but he will be of no help to me at all!"

- Raphael, we need to get back to our carriage. Come on, let's go.

I put my swollen feet in my shoes and almost cried from pain, at that very moment I would really not mind someone carrying me in their arms once again. Raphael was in no better condition - perhaps a brief moment of relaxation helped the enormous amount of alcohol he had drunk to finally kick in, he was sitting on the floor, hugging my legs and smiling like a happy lunatic.

- Raphael, cut it out, we need to go! We can't let anyone see you like this, it's embarrassing!

- But it's just the two of us here, no one will know! Everyone is drunk anyway!

"This might be true, but I don't know a lot about the banquet etiquette for the chief of the Imperial Knights, can I ask someone to help me carry him to the carriage? No, he is Dorian's knight, if the Empress learns about him being like this, she might use it against him in the future. Ugh, I guess I have no choice."

The path Lilith used to bring me into the sitting room was quite desolate so I figured If I used it again, the chances of encountering someone besides the Imperial Guards at the back entrance, were low. I picked almost unconscious Raphael under his shoulders, put one of his arms around my neck, and started walking.

He was already a big guy, but being that drunk made him so heavy that I felt I might break at any moment. With a lot of effort, sweat, tears, and probably some blood in my shoes, the miracle finally happened and I managed to sneak him into the carriage without attracting any unwanted attention. The short ride back to Dorian's palace did not provide me with a sufficient amount of rest but luckily, upon our arrival, we were greeted by one of the butlers who received the misfortune of bringing Raphael to his bedroom.

When I finally got back to my room, I tossed my dirty shoes away and plopped on the bed, curling into a cozy ball like a little kitten. It was then that I realized I was still wearing Luther's jacket which was soiled with my sweat, mixed with Lilith's and Raphael's perfume.

"I guess it's ruined... I'm not sure if they can clean it as they do it at the dry cleaners... I suppose my dress is ruined too? Never mind, let's just sleep, I'm so tired."

I slept through the next day and woke up at around 5 PM, completely surprised that nobody tried to wake me up. It was already dark outside, and it made me uncomfortable - was there even one time in the past that I had slept like that? I did not know what to do; it was already too late to "start" the day and I felt especially lazy because of that. It did not help that it took me almost two hours to take a bath since the water had to be preheated by the maids, and by the time I was decent enough to step outside my room, it was already dinner time.

My drawing room greeted me with two notes left by Lilith and Raphael. The first note read: "I guess I did overestimate your abilities. I brought you the balm to put on your feet, make sure to use it every day. Let me know when we can meet, I'll be waiting. Your friend Lilith."

"My friend Lilith? Did I make my first female friend?"

I looked at the table again and saw a little paper box that contained a balm of a blueish tint and smelled like mint. I put it aside and opened the note from Raphael: "Dear miss Yoona, I am ashamed and have no words to describe how sorry I am. Please forgive me for everything you had to go through last night because of me. I'll make it up to you however you'd like. Raphael."

Although I felt Raphael's sincere resolve to make it up to me, his note made me laugh with tears.

"God, he DID make me suffer a lot last night, I still feel sore from carrying him all the way to the carriage. What should I do to make him pay for it?"

My train of thought was interrupted by a light knock on the door - it was the maid who brought my dinner.

"Nice timing, I was actually pretty hungry."

Since the rain had stopped a few days ago and there was really nothing else to do, I decided to go for a walk in the garden to clear my head and get my body moving to relieve my sore muscles. The evening air was fresh and crisp, it was definitely colder than Novembers in Korea so I wrapped myself tightly in the warm coat and started walking.

The garden was already occupied by prince Dorian who was brushing his horse, his two dogs running around him, chasing each other.

- Good evening, prince Dorian! Are you going for a ride?

My words caught him by surprise - he dropped the brush to the ground and turned his flustered face towards me.

- Miss Yoona? Why are you here so late?

- I slept through the day so I decided to take a walk and clear my head a bit. I did not expect to see anyone in the garden this late either.

Dorian picked up the brush, looked me up and down and got back to his horse again.

- We should order you more warm clothes, November is almost over and winters here are quite harsh. This coat won't be enough.

Although he was not wrong about the weather, his words right there sounded even colder for some reason. It felt as if he was annoyed to see me, as if I was a bother he wanted to avoid. I found it unusual and it hurt me.

- Uhm... Prince Dorian? Am I bothering you?

He looked at me with a look that was definitely questioning my sanity.

- Of course not! Why would you think that?

- Nevermind... So, are you going for a ride this late? Is not it dangerous?

- The riding path on the palace's territory is well-lit at night so it won't be a problem. I felt restless so you can say that riding my horse helps me clear my head as well.

He said that without looking at me but his voice sounded warmer, almost to the point of being normal. I suddenly realized that I haven't seen my horse since the day of the festival and I did not even know if I still had it. I did not even get the chance to give her a name.

- Prince Dorian, what about my horse?

He finally turned his face and pulled a faint smile on it.

- It's in the stables. Would you like to visit her? She is still nameless, you know.

She was indeed in the stables, among the rest of the horses the prince owned. Her appearance stood out quite a lot - she was the only white horse surrounded by dozens of black beauties, reflecting the light from the lamps as if her coat was sprinkled with a purl powder.

- So... Would you like to go for a ride?

- I'm not sure... I don't think I'm confident enough to ride a horse in the dark, even if the path is lit.

- Don't worry, I'll sit behind you, if anything happens, I'll be able to help you.

Dorian's reply gave me some reassurance. His horse riding skills were impeccable so riding with him supporting me from behind was a very safe option indeed. Moreover, I heard that the horse needed regular exercise in order to stay healthy and constant contact with its owner would make it more relaxed and obedient.

- Alright then, let's go for it, prince Dorian.

When we both got onto the horse, I realized, that it was the first time I was the one taking the lead. While I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, Dorian hugged my waist tightly, pressing his torso against my back; he then leaned forward, placing his face next to mine, our cheeks almost touching, and said in a low voice,

- Go on, lead the way. Unless you want us to just stay like this.

"Wow, since when did he get this confident and cunning?"

I nudged the horse on the side, she let out an annoyed sigh but still started moving obediently. The speed was quite comfortable; the horse was obviously well-trained - it felt like she could read my every move, every thought, predict the direction I wanted to lead her, as if she was trying to make it easy for me, she was in charge. I did not mind that - although the prince holding me was of huge help to my sanity, I could not help but worry; it was no different than trying to ride a bike with someone sitting behind you - I had to balance both of our bodies, keeping us from a dangerous fall.

I was getting tired, hot, the sweat was gliding down my back, my wet forehead felt cold against the wind, and yet it felt invigorating, exciting, thrilling. I tried to speed up, imagining that I was running away from a dangerous beast, or saving the handsome prince from a fire-spitting dragon that was imprisoning him in a high tower. It almost made me laugh.

- Don't rush it, you're already getting tired, it's better to slow down.

I was surprised that Dorian could tell that I was tired, but he was right - I was sweating, my hands were shaking, desperately trying to control my grip, I was breathing irregularly, trying to swallow the air with my mouth, it was quite a workout. I slowed down the horse and turned her around.

- I will bring us back, looks like it was harder than I expected.

All of a sudden Dorian's hug seemed to have become tighter, almost as if he was trying to squeeze me or pull me inside his body.

- Relax your upper body and just lean on me, it will make it easier for you. That's one of the advantages of having somebody behind you on the horse.

I could feel his hot breath tickling my ear, he was leaning close again. Ever since last night, I could tell that something about Dorian changed drastically. He became rather bold, more confident, straightforward. His cute shyness was replaced by indifference, even being in such close contact with each other did not turn him into an awkwardly stiff statue like before, on the contrary, his body felt strong and reliable like it could shield me from any danger in the world.

"Sometimes getting strong physically boosts your confidence to a whole new level. Dorian is definitely getting bigger and stronger, and if you pair it with his amazing swordsmanship skills, no enemy of his will stand a chance. He deserves this change."

We got back to the stables and I was ready to get off the horse, however, the prince did not rush to release his embrace. I placed my hands on top of his and turned my head to the side.

- Uhm, prince Dorian? We have arrived. You can let go of me now.

He did not answer. Instead, he placed his head on my shoulder, his forehead almost touched my lips. I had to turn away. My heartbeat was ringing in my ears, my brain was on fire, but my blood was running cold at the same time. I got scared and confused.

- Prince Dorian, we should go. I don't think this is appropriate.

- I'm tired, can we stay like this for a bit? Do you hate it?

He was murmuring as if he was dazed or half-asleep. The words were jumbling in my boiling head, I was desperately trying to put them together into a meaningful sentence.

No, I did not hate it. His embrace was affectionate and warm, if I was stupid enough, I would have probably hugged him back. True, there were numerous occasions on which I found Dorian attractive but I've never thought that he might like me too.

I did not know much about love; there were people who liked me, even back in the orphanage, but I never had such feelings myself. There were numerous people I felt attracted to, but I could never tell whether I felt something deeper than that. Is it even possible for people, who never received any kind of love, to give love to others? What exactly could I offer to him? He was a prince and I was a nobody. But even that was not my biggest issue. I was sick. I was dying. Nothing good would come out of someone liking a dying person. Dorian has experienced enough misery in life, I did not want to be one of the reasons he suffers, I had to stop it before it was too late.

- Miss Yoona, I can hear your brain working.

He smirked and loosened his grip, straightening his upper body. I pulled my hands away, lowered my head, and tried to compose myself.

- Prince Dorian, please... let go of me.

My cold words must have hit him hard, he opened his arms so fast as if he was electrocuted. I used that chance to jump to the ground and take a few steps away from the horse. I did not have the courage to look at Dorian's face; I knew I must have hurt him, I have probably ruined our friendship as well, but I still felt like I did the right thing - it did not matter whether he would treat me like a mere employee, or even a stranger, if that meant I would not hurt him in the future, I was happy with that.

- Prince Dorian, I am quite tired, may I ask you to take care of the horse for me? I will leave first.

I was about to leave when I heard his weak voice again.

- ... Name.

- Pardon?

- You still haven't given her a name.

- ... I don't have one. I can't give her one.

- ... I understand.

I walked so fast, it almost felt like I was trying to escape from a monster or a serial killer. Tears were running down my cheeks but I was afraid to touch them. For the first time since I came here I felt incredibly lonely, incredibly miserable, incredibly devastated; what did I say back then on the bridge? I regretted that I'd never loved before, but I also couldn't love anymore. I was losing things I did not even have in the first place.

"I'm grasping at the rotten end of the rope. The only thing I can do is train people. This is the only thing I can do without hurting anyone. Anyone but myself."