《It Sucks Being a Side Character》Chapter 5
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Chapter 5
I am but a fool.
After a week of no progress had passed, we decided to split into groups to further the investigation. But what good would that do us? Diran and I are the only ones with anything resembling a brain, and now that we are in two separate groups, I’ll have to do everything. I was paired up with Roku, while Diran was with Shai and Useless.
“Man, I’ve got nothing.” I remarked.
“This is pointless, normally they come to us.” Roku said with a sigh.
“I don’t even know where we are anymore! You were supposed to get a map!” I yelled at Roku.
“Not my fault I’m banned from the library!” Roku yelled back.
“It is completely your fault! How did you even get banned!?”
We were sitting on a bench at the edge of the city. Normally criminal organizations live in the slums, so It seemed like this would be a good place to look, but as luck would have it, we found nothing.
“There is one option, one way to find where these guys are......but I’d rather not do it.” I voiced my thoughts out loud.
“Hm? What is it? Why don’t you want to do it?” Roku asked me.
“Because he doesn’t need to be involved in this. I don’t want to disturb him” I replied.
“Oh......Do you mean who I think you mean?” Roku asked with curiosity.
“Yep, it is. I just don’t want to go barging into his home and demand his help. He deserves his retirement.” I said.
“At this point that might be our only choice.” Roku firmly responded.
He may be right; it was the only option I could think of. As much as I didn’t want to do it, it’s the only lead we have.
“Then I guess we’ll have to do it.” I said with a sigh.
We were going to have to request the help of Diran and I’s master. Best case scenario we could find out everything about Koun, worst case scenario they get to him before us. He possesses an ability that could at least yield a lead on what to do next. Normally plot points just fall into our hands. I'm not normally this involved either. It's somewhat refreshing actually. Still, getting him involved will leave a bad taste in my mouth. Metaphorically.
“Alright,” I said, rising up from the bench we were sitting at.
“Let’s head out.”
“Right now, we are still in Central City, but Master lives on the outskirts. We live in Central City, which is the city in the center of the central plateau. The plateaus were built years ago so humanity could live in peace away from the constant struggle for survival down below. It's funny, humanity built these sanctuaries to separate us from the monsters, only for us to become the monsters we needed protection from......Or some deep philosophical meaning along those lines.” I haven't really done much world building up to this point have I?
“Outside of the city there are towns and villages towards the edge of the plateau, which we refer to as the outskirts. My master lived on the outskirts of the outskirts, so it would be a few days' journey to get there, but it shouldn’t be any trouble.”
“Yes, I know all that. I understand how our basic geography works. Why do you have to explain everything?” Roku was annoyed at my exposition.
We found our next plot point, now all we had to do was get there.
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“Not so fast! You boys won’t interfere with my plans any longer!” A mysterious voice said.
Of course. Just as we finally figure out what to do, we get delayed. This’ll probably be just another thug that we’ll be able to defeat in no time. One punch from Roku should do the trick.
“Lee!” My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden shout from Roku.
I looked and immediately noticed that the bench where Roku was sitting was icing over.
Not just the bench, I looked down and noticed my feet were starting to become frozen in ice as well.
“Oh shit!” I shouted.
Thankfully the ice was weak enough for me to move my legs free. I couldn’t say the same for Roku, as his entire backside was iced to the bench.
“Do something!” Roku yelled in a panic.
I pulled out my swords and tried to chop through the ice, it took a few good chops to get his back free. It seems the ice on him was stronger than the ice on me.
“What is this?” Roku asked as he pulled his legs free.
“I don’t know!” The ice had advanced up to my knees in the time it took to free Roku.
“Stay still.” Roku said as he hit me with his palm. The blow knocked me back a few meters, and succeeded in freeing me from the ice.
“Where is this asshole?” Roku said. “We need to kick his ass before this ice gets out of hand.”
This dude appeared barely ten seconds ago and his ability was already proving to be troublesome.
“Oh, you silly boys. Don’t you realize you've already lost? My ability is invincible! You’ll never be able to catch me! Eventually you’ll exhaust yourself and be frozen!” They said with a sassy maniacal laugh.
“That way!” I said, motioning in the direction of the condescending voice.
Roku and I began our pursuit. The ice seemed to be getting stronger. Every time our feet touched the ground the ice would advance almost to our ankles. Was it getting stronger as we got closer?
“Not that way, this way!” The voice said, this time it was to our left.
“Shit!” Roku yelled as he rounded the corner. Suddenly huge shards of ice launched at him. Roku barely dodged by hugging against the wall, but this caused the ice to advance up his back.
“Damn it! He lured us into a trap!” I said, running in to free Roku.
“Don’t!” He angrily shouted as he raised up his one free arm, and with one punch destroyed the wall he was stuck to.
“Now he’s really pissed me off.” Roku said.
The bricks of the building comically still clung to him. He may have destroyed the wall, but the ice still attached the rubble to him. It seems my theory was right. The ice did get stronger the closer we got to him. Earlier the ice would melt right after it was broken, but now it was still strong enough to stick bricks onto Roku.
“We have to be careful; he's leading us into traps. We can’t pursue him recklessly.”
Diran isn’t here to save us if things get shaky. It's a fight of side characters against a henchman, which is the side character of the enemy's side. So theoretically we stand a chance, at least on paper.
“But if we don’t pursue him, we’ll be iced over!” Roku said, his temper clearly rising up.
“The ice gets stronger the closer we get, so he’s most likely staying within a close distance. There’s no need to chase after them.” If pursuing them makes the ability stronger, then just don’t pursue them.
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“Then what do you suggest we do? We are literally incapable of standing here!” He yelled.
He was right, we couldn’t. The longer our feet made contact with the ground, the more the ice would advance.
“That’s it! It's contact! When we make contact with the ground or an object connected to the ground, we start getting iced over!” I said, finally figuring out this guy's annoying ability.
“Really? That's all there is to it? Seems like the fuss was over nothing then.” Roku said as he ran his fingers through his hair, regaining his cool composure. Hah, cool composure.... Because the ice.
“I’ve got this, you just stay back and don’t get iced.” He commanded.
“Alright.” I replied as I began to take my pose.
“Banished Blades, Version Two.” I said as I exhaled the cold air. I stood in my stance as lightning began crackling around me, circulating from my body and through my swords. If it wasn’t for my dingy clothes, I would have pretty cool character design. I'll have to change that in the future.
By using Version Two, I can stay in the air, thus avoiding the activation requirement by not touching the ground. Now I just have to stay back and let Roku do his thing.
“We’ve got your fourth-rate ability all figured out. It’s over!” Roku addressed the unseen enemy. Both hands in his pockets, signifying that he had already secured victory.
Long range battles sometimes prove bothersome for Roku, but now that we understand the enemy's ability, they can either run or face Roku head on. And in close range he's unbeatable.
The enemy's ability relies on us pursuing them in a panic, almost as if it was a race against time. Most people would attribute the ice getting stronger due to the passage of time, which would only heighten their panic. Now that we know we don’t need to pursue them, Roku can just briskly walk in a circle until the enemy runs out of energy. Knowing this, they’ll have to either retreat or face him.
“I'm right over here boys, I see one of you has found a way around it, but I guess we’ll see what tough guy over here has up his sleeve. Or lack thereof.” the enemy said from the building in front of Roku, referring to the sleeveless shirt that he wore. He must be pretty cold right now.
“Still not showing your face? That’ll make it all the more satisfying when I finally break it.” Roku said while advancing towards him.
“You fell for it, fool!” The villain said with a laugh.
“You didn’t notice because of the Ice, but you’re standing in the middle of the freeway!” He said while laughing maniacally.
“What!?” Roku yelled as he turned to look.
A horn blared as a truck came careening around the turn going at least 90 miles per hour. Roku dodged to the side. The ice shifted, following his movement and turning the truck towards him.
The truck collided with him, hitting him head on as it crashed into a building.
“How did that make any sense? Wouldn't he have heard it earlier? And why the hell is there a freeway in the middle of a city like that? No fences, no signs, nothing.” this was very confusing. Normally Roku would have just easily dodged it, or stopped it. The power scaling was a bit weird all of a sudden.
“You bastard. This isn’t over, I’ll kill-” Roku was unable to finish the sentence, as he had become completely Iced over.
“One down. One to go!” The villain said playfully.
“Jesus-Tapdancing-Christ!” I exclaimed. This is bad, things have taken a turn for the worst. Some weird stuff was at play.
Roku was down, it was up to me. How was I going to defeat him? Roku was the main side character, I'm the side character of the side characters. He was the Vegeta and I was the Krillin. I may be able to avoid his attacks, but what good would running do? I can’t leave Roku behind. I need to save him. I don’t think he's dead yet, a major character wouldn’t die like that, but If Roku couldn’t beat him, what can I do?
I landed on a rooftop for a split second, I had a baby of an idea. A tiny little idea was growing in my brain. It was risky and maybe a little stupid, but it was better than nothing. I still had two facets of my skill set I could rely on.
“You’ll pay for that!” I said to the unseen enemy
“Banished Blades Version Two!” I said, mustering up all my energy. I may still have a way to win. It may not be the most honorable, nor the most efficient. But it could be all I have.
“Strategic retreat!” I shouted, As I turned and started flinging myself over the rooftops away from the enemy.
That was it, the thing I was most confident in. Not my intellect, not my strength, and definitely not my charm, but my speed. I could at least rely on that.
“Not so fast, binky boy!” the enemy said.
This enemy is going to be one I remember, not for strength, but for that very weird insult.
“Keep retreating and I kill him.” The villain said
slyly.
She had finally shown herself, and she had a gun to Roku’s frozen head. Normally guns wouldn’t affect us much unless enhanced by someone's ability, but right now he’s defenseless.
She was obviously insane. She dressed like a toddler who was given free rein in a dress up store. She had bleached white frizzy hair, goggles on her forehead, and a long black cape flowing behind her. Her character design was all over the place, but it communicated one thing perfectly. Two words. Filler, Villain.
Everything began to make sense, the weird power scaling, the coming out of nowhere just as we were about to advance the plot. It makes perfect sense, of course we’d fight a filler villain when it’s just us side characters.
This is a good thing, if they’re a filler villain, then we could win.
At my strongest I’m a side character, if I give up the plot won’t save me. I have to use all my strength and skill to be at the level of a side character, but even a side character can beat a filler villain.
My plan had backfired, I had thought that if I had retreated, she would pursue me, thus weakening the ice on Roku allowing him to break out without her knowledge. But clearly that wasn’t the smartest idea I’ve had, as she had countered it with minimal effort.
But she's a filler villain, there has to be a way for me to win.
“Face it, you lose. Hell would freeze over before you beat me!” She said in that condescending tone only arrogant villains have.
“You really thought it would be that easy?”
“What? This is impossible! I-I froze you!” She yelled in shock.
“None of that matters now, as it has frozen over. Hell, that is.”
Roku broke through the ice surrounding him and grabbed her by the neck. He’s used that same one-liner setup like five times now. It’s losing its punch.
“I-Impossible how did you break through it?” She gasped.
“The only breaking that matters is the breaking I'm going to do to you.” He said as he tossed her in the air.
“Die!”
The shock waves from his punch shattered all of the ice coated over the streets, the buildings, all of it. The force of the blow shook the very foundation that all of the buildings stood on. He did not hold back in the slightest despite her being a woman. Instead of focusing his power on multiple attacks, he put it all behind this one punch. He shattered every bone in her body as easily as he shattered the ice, and sent her flying into the very truck that she had tried to crush him with. At least the ending of this fight had some visual flair.
“You’ll need that ice of yours while you're down there, in hell that is.” Roku finished as he turned away.
With that shitty one-liner, the fight was over.
“You’ll wanna put some ice on that.” I said with a slight chuckle as I landed. I never would have anticipated that Roku had a plan, and was only pretending to be incapacitated so she would let her guard down, I guess I really underestimated his skill.
“How did you break out?” I asked as I caught up to him.
“Well, I thought that if I made it look like I was defeated, it would surprise her when I wasn’t.... but that didn’t work ......since I actually was stuck.” He explained.
“What? But then how did you get out?” I asked.
“When she got near me, the ice weakened. So, when she was distracted by you, I broke out, then broke her.” He laughed heartily at his own joke.
“Lucky me.” Roku said with a whistle, oblivious to how close we were to losing.
I guess to keep the ability from affecting her, there must have been a small area around her that was unaffected. So, when she went to threaten Roku, the ability stopped working on him.
“So, it was just a coincidence?” I asked.
Roku didn’t respond, he kept whistling and walking, but I heard his answer loud and clear.
Totally ass pull.
Another fight passed by, and it was another fight of me not contributing in the slightest. The circumstances may have changed a tad bit, but it's still the same routine. Villain shows up, gets beat, I don’t do shit. Except instead of Diran doing his shitty friendship speeches, it's Roku doing his shitty one-liners. So, I guess that’s a step up.
“It’ll be a little while before the next one finds us, so we’ll have at least a little breathing room. There’s no way we’d have nothing happen after a filler fight” I said to Roku while pointing to the foe he just defeated.
“I’ve gotten rusty.” Roku said while clenching his fist, ignoring my previous statements.
“Sure, maybe a little, but you still killed her all the same.” I said, trying to reassure him. His plan may have been stupid, but his strength was still amazing and something he should take pride in.
“No, no. She's still alive.” Roku replied.
“Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me after all that, after your punch shook the buildings, shattered all the ice along with every bone in that filler villain’s body. After you sent her flying into the back of a semi-truck, which broke a hole in said truck, and she’s still alive after all that? You sent a woman's body flying through a wall of steel, and mean to tell me that she's still living?” I said dumbfounded.
“Yeah? Stranger things have happened.”
“You did it! We’re finally free!” people emerged from the buildings around us.
“I can’t believe it; they defeated the ice demon!” An old man proclaimed in joy.
“Freedom will return to the town at last!” another civilian shouted in joy.
“I’m sorry,” A young boy walked up to Roku and grabbed his hand.
“When you first showed up, I said you’d never be able to defeat them! I didn’t have faith and shut you out, I treated you, our heroes, so poorly.” The boy began to tear up.
“...What’s happening?” Roku asked in confusion.
“Thanks to you, I remember the words of my daddy! I’ll have courage, we all will! We’ll never let a tyrant like them take over again!” The boy joyously said while crying.
“We can finally have the festival! I have always dreamed of it and now I can finally see it!” another unimportant child rejoiced.
“They saved my family!” Gary said.
“Lee, I'm confused. What's happening?” Roku asked as the people surrounded him.
“Seems this really as a filler fight, with nothing connecting it to the main plot. Looks like we missed the backstory of the fight though.” I said with a sigh.
“The ice demon has terrorized the town for years, oppressing us and terrorizing us. Anyone who stood up to her was swiftly dealt with, we had no hope. But now she’s been defeated! We’re finally free!” And there's the backstory.
“Now that she’s gone, I can finish the bridge! We’ll be connected to the rest of society once again!” Don’t know where they’d put a bridge, but okay.
I guess it's kind of nice to see a happy ending, especially one we made by our own hands. A happy ending we made on our own.
“I’ll name the bridge in your honor! The Great Diran Bridge.”
“.....”
“He wasn’t even involved this time!!!”
We’ll use my facepalm to segment into our next important plot point.
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